In this episode of Regulated & Relational, Julie Beem and Ginger Healy discuss the concept of self-compassion, drawing insights from Dr. Kristin Neff's work. Dr. Neff, a researcher in the field, defines self-compassion as treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a close friend. She breaks it into three elements: mindfulness (being aware of struggles), connection (understanding we're not alone in challenges), and kindness to self (responding with warmth instead of self-criticism).

Julie shares her own struggles with self-compassion and how it can be difficult to confront pain, often either ignoring it or fighting it. Self-compassion, according to Dr. Neff, allows people to pause, acknowledge the difficulty, and respond with care.

Dr. Neff emphasizes that self-compassion isn’t just a feel-good idea; it literally rewires the brain by activating the parasympathetic nervous system and increasing emotional regulation. It improves mental and physical health, supports decision-making, reduces stress, and enhances resilience.

Julie and Ginger also provide five practical ways to incorporate more self-compassion into daily life, including mindfulness, self-care, journaling, connection with loved ones, and positive self-talk.

Supporting Resources

Dr. Kristin Neff

https://self-compassion.org/

Dr. Neff’s books

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=dr+kristen+neff&crid=218H6KXMNYTJ&sprefix=dr+kristin+neff%2Caps%2C145&ref=nb_sb_noss_1

Join Ginger and Julie as they wrap up the season by talking about brain lessons.

A little basic brain knowledge can go a long way in understanding behaviors and supporting children in your home or the classroom. Understanding brain development enables us to respond compassionately and helps children—and adults—thrive.

Brains grow from the bottom up and the inside out. Although babies are born with brain structures in place, the development and activation of areas of the brain happen sequentially - from the bottom up and inside out.

Brain development occurs sequentially, from the bottom up and inside out. Neural growth depends on environmental experiences, relationships, and developmental readiness—stages cannot be skipped. Chronic stress and trauma can disrupt this process, wiring the brain to expect stress and react to it intensely. However, due to neuroplasticity, the brain can adapt, heal, and reorganize itself, offering hope for those affected by trauma.

Building resilience involves managing stress through deep breathing, meditation, proper sleep, hydration, nutrition, and healthy relationships. Caregivers play a vital role by offering responsive, nurturing care that supports neural tuning (strengthening) and pruning (removing unused connections). These processes help children learn trust, self-regulation, and efficient learning. Storytelling also fosters brain development by soothing stress responses and enhancing connection.

Supporting Resources

Dr. Wendy Suzuki

https://www.wendysuzuki.com/

Good Anxiety

https://a.co/d/7jsv01N

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett

https://lisafeldmanbarrett.com/

7 ½ lessons on the brain book

https://a.co/d/fq0zTlx

Dr. Bessel Van der kolk -Trauma Research Institute

https://traumaresearchfoundation.org/programs/faculty/bessel-van-der-kolk/

Jessica Sinarski- Light up the Learning Brain

https://a.co/d/fR1gXhb

Join Julie and Ginger as they speak with Dr. Lori Desautels

Dr. Lori Desautels has been an Assistant Professor at Butler University since 2016, teaching undergraduate and graduate programs in the College of Education. The Applied Educational Neuroscience Certification, created by Lori in 2016, is specifically designed to meet the needs of educators, counselors, clinicians, and administrators who work with children and adolescents who have experienced adversity and trauma.

https://revelationsineducation.com/

Lori has written 6 books

https://revelationsineducation.com/the-book/

Register for her symposium here

https://www.butler.edu/education/education-neuroscience-symposium/

Register for her summer cohort certification in educational neuroscience here

https://www.butler.edu/education/graduate-programs/applied-educational-neuroscience/

Dr. Lori will be doing a 3-hour deep dive during our Academy Day/Pre-Con at our Creating Trauma-Sensitive Schools Conference in Feb in Atlanta! Register now!

Here are a couple of favorite takeaways from our episode that Lori beautifully teaches.

“Touchpoints are moments of connection that, when any of us feel heard and seen, just changes our biology. When someone sees, feels, or hears us…wow, that’s a lift. A dopamine hit or a serotonin hit. It feels so nourishing to us. “

“We have this beautiful nervous system, which is the brain and body, in constant communication; there’s this bi-directional highway. Our nervous system’s priority is survival. Anytime we sense or feel something in our environment, relationship, or experience that feels threatening or unsafe, our nervous system goes into a state of protection.”

Join Julie and Ginger as they speak with Anashay Wright, a national award-winning educator, speaker, consultant, and ​​founder of Authentic Disruption and Disruptive Partners, a community-based leadership development program.

https://www.anashaywright.com/

Anashay describes her journey by telling a story of inclusive school leaders who surrounded her family with community resources when they were in need. She says that school and district leaders prioritized people over policy, which led to Anashay falling in love with helping children, and she is now paying it forward.

Here are some great takeaways from Anashay:

The curriculum can’t save you.

Brainwash them into greatness.

Use the community as a connector.

Use tech and AI to educate.

Kids don’t need Saviorism; they need servant leaders.

Kids can read! They read what they want. You can drive solutions with what kids CAN do. If they argue, teach them to argue like an attorney.

Beware of the cycle of impoverished thinking.

Give them the power to express themselves, and then listen to them.

Beware of deficit thinking that shames people.

What are the gifts and talents that you bring into the space?

Let them dream. Lead with what’s possible. It starts with the adult dreaming.

Make their vision your mission.

Lead with radical, disruptive love.

The question isn’t how we protect kids from trauma; it’s how we help them respond to it when they encounter it.

Our favorite quote from Anashay:

When we start to lead with what’s possible and the promise, shift our thinking, and actually believe in ourselves and then in our children, we will disrupt the system. Disruptive Innovation means building something better and ignoring what we currently have. In a classroom, that means if all the other teachers are writing kids up, I’m not going to write kids up. I’m simply gonna ask kids, “What’s wrong, what’s the solution, and how are you feeling?” The big and small moves you make every day when nobody is looking disrupt the system.

Join Julie and Ginger in speaking to Occupational Therapist, Kelly Mahler about Interoception and the body-mind disconnect.

Kelly teaches that as caregivers and educators, we should be curious without expectation of a response from the children we work with.

She also explains that we all have different internal experiences; our first step is to believe others and their experiences.

Kelly tells us that before we start working on helping and healing the body-mind connection, we really need to work towards a place of regulation and help that person feel safe in their body and environment.

Check out her website here:

https://www.kelly-mahler.com/

And her Big Book of Interoception Games (and other resources) here:

https://www.amazon.com/Books-Kelly-Mahler/s?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3AKelly+Mahler

Join Julie and Ginger in speaking to Carey Sipp talking about early childhood intervention.

Carey is a solutions journalist and “Neuro-Nurturing ®” advocate who has written about the science of adverse childhood experiences* (ACEs) for about 15 years. She has also worked in communications for nonprofit organizations and for-profit organizations for some four decades. As a person with the experience of trauma and depression, Sipp’s inherent empathy is reflected in all her work, be it writing, speaking, or advocating. An avid nature photographer, shew also loves taking photographs of children and families. Sipp is thrilled that her children, now “thirty-somethings”, are living their dreams of active outdoor lifestyles and careers in recreation and healthcare in Montana.

Carey refers to the following resources:

PACEs science

Deb McNelis Neuro-Nurturing ®” -https://www.braininsightsonline.com/

“First 60 Days” booklet: Leveraging author’s work and movement could spark revolution to prevent and heal trauma, one precious baby, child, and caregiver at a time.

Carey’s book: https://a.co/d/eyAGX7q

Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey “What happened to you?” https://a.co/d/0HqYxfD

Dr. Christina Bethel

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31498386/

Ed Tronick-The Power of Discord

https://a.co/d/e5KfXUq

https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/exciting-news-paces-connection-is-back

Still face baby experiment video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1Jw0-LExyc

How to raise a Viking

https://a.co/d/1gEhVle

Join Ginger and Julie as they talk to Mathew Portell. Mathew has dedicated a decade and a half to education in his role as a teacher, instructional coach, teacher mentor, and school administrator before joining PACES Connection as the director of communities in March 2022. He spent seven years as principal of Fall-Hamilton Elementary, an internationally recognized innovative model school for trauma-informed practices in Metro Nashville Public Schools. Mathew is now back in the building as a principal and has written a book along with Ingrid Cockrhen, Julie Kirtz, Julie Nicholson, and Tyesha Noise entitled Reducing Stress in Schools.

Check out Mathew’s book: Reducing Stress in Schools: Restoring Connection and Community

Mathew gives the following advice: Don’t get caught up in the job and forget about the work. Get back to the basics and listen for what the fundamental truths are in trauma-informed educational environments.

Mathew tells us that “Kids can’t achieve academics if their social and emotional health needs aren’t met.”

He also says, “We have to base all our decisions on what we say and who we say we are. If we say we are student-focused and adult-supported, then the decision we make has to mirror that. It’s huge when developing a school culture that is looking to reduce stress. You gotta know who you are first, establish your identity as an individual school then document it. Create your core values and then as you make decisions align them with who you say you are.”

Be sure to view the "Every student Known" video.

In this episode Ginger and Julie talk to Dafna Lender who is an international trainer, EMDR therapist, and supervisor for practitioners who work with children and families. She is a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy and Theraplay. Dafna’s expertise is drawn from 25 years working with families with attachment issues in many settings. She is a leader in family therapy from an attachment perspective and is passionate about her work and regularly co-trains with Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine, Ed Tronick, and Dan Hughes. She is the author of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy and Theraplay: The Practitioner’s Guide.

https://www.dafnalender.com/

Listen in as Julie and Ginger talk with Dafna about therapeutic parenting, attachment, and more!