We're so inconsistent with the podcast and it would be super easy to just feel bad about it and beat ourselves up. But no - we will just keep swimming :). We tend to attach emotions to things and we end up stressed out because of it. It's not that we want to detach - that can be just as bad. Instead, let's work on the art of "non-attachment," including to our inconsistent podcast recording. 

For homework, try to notice the moments when you find yourself attaching to something you see, hear, read, etc.  Or perhaps avoidance/detachment is your thing? Either way, try and notice when it's happening and instead of reacting, take a deep breath. See what happens.

We're all creatures of comfort. But is that pursuit of things that make us comfortable actually hurting us and leading to more discomfort in the end? Magda and Tracy explore their relationship with their habits, such as drinking alcohol. At what point does it go from being delicious and satisfying to harmful and overindulgent? Why don't we stick to doing things that are in our best interest and instead treat ourselves - and our bodies - poorly in the name of "comfort?" 

Some food for thought for our listeners: 

When it comes to things that you do "to give you comfort," what are your intentions? What is the goal? What are the boundaries you're willing to put on those experiences? For example, if it's wine that gives you comfort, at what point is that achieved? How many glasses serves you well vs how many are to your detriment? 

Whatever is the thing you do / eat / drink, etc., would you do this to your best friend? If not, what is driving you to cross your own boundaries? 

What do you think? 

Please rate and review us. We welcome your feedback as to how we can improve this podcast to make it more useful and enjoyable. 

Find us on  Instagram: 

Talking to Myself - https://www.instagram.com/talkingtomyselfpod
Magda - https://www.instagram.com/magdamakesit
Tracy - https://www.instagram.com/switchism
Coacharya - https://www.instagram.com/coacharya

Show Notes

Byron Katie's worksheet for self-coaching:  https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

00:00 - Intro + What is invalidation?
05:45 - How did the topic of invalidation come up?
08:00 - The dark cloud of invalidation and what it feels like
09:30 - Thinking of the worst-case scenario - is it preparedness or is it a self-defeating
12:50 - Reframing dark thoughts into questions and try to answer them as objectively as possible.
15:55 - Invalidation of the feelings of invalidation, self-compassion, and invalidating others
18:13 - Magda shares a real-time example of a trigger during this conversation and examines it with Tracy as an opportunity to grow and feel good in her own skin.
21:51 - The opportunity presented by invalidation
23:00 - Invalidation doesn't serve us. What happens if we don't get over it?
26:10 - How to unstick yourself, and the first self-reflection question.
27:38 - Tracy and Magda's answers to the question
33:02 - Compliments
33:55 - Self-reflection questions

How you can validate us - please like, subscribe, leave a review for us on whichever platform you're listening to this podcast. It helps us feel validated by you and helps us be seen by more people.

Self-Reflections
1. When there's a sense of invalidation, what is it that I'm feeling invalidated about and where is this coming from?
2. What is it that I need to give myself right now?
3. No one can reject you unless you're rejecting yourself. Are you rejecting yourself?
4. Have a conversation with someone who is a good listener or self-journal about the issue to bring it out of your head so that you can look at it with objectivity.

What happens when we experience stress over a long period of time? We snap, either physically or mentally or emotionally.  

When the pressure cooker allows release, it results in a delicious dish. If the pressure isn't released on time, it'll burn you.

In this deeply personal and relatable conversation, Tracy shares a recent "snappening" experience with her family and Magda realizes that everything she does needs to feel as though she is doing things that are good for others or are productive.

Self-Coaching Prompts:

1. When you are on the verge of snapping, try to take a pause and determine what is going on in your body.  

2. Figure out which emotions you are feeling and what is the need behind them.

3. Try to reflect without self-blame and judgment - focus on the facts.  

4. What are you moving forward with and what is the learning and growth taking place?

5. What's one thing that you can do simply for yourself?

For the past 18 months, we have been spending a lot more time in our homes than usual. As we work from home, live at home and play at home, the separation between various aspects of our lives has blurred.  

Is that a good thing or is that a bad thing? What is work-life balance, and should we be going for work-integration instead?

Topics include:

- The difficulty faced by some to detach themselves from work

- How stress can manifest physically and mentally

- The importance of setting boundaries

- Integration and separation

- Disconnecting from work after "working hours"

- Our personal non-negotiables

Self Coaching Questions

1. How do I schedule my time, and is it working for me?

2. Have I identified goals that are important to me and my well-being? How can I incorporate them into my daily, weekly, and monthly schedule?

3. Do I notice a pattern in what is not getting achieved because I have run out of time? Is time the issue or is there something else to address?

4. What are my non-negotiables?

We all do it, but some of us are better at managing it than others (cough... cough... Magda... cough). Today's episode is all about putting things off. Did you know that procrastination is actually a form of self-harm? We didn't either. And now that we do, we can't unthink it. It's put a whole new light on why we don't do the things that need to get done. 

It all stems from this great New York Times article. In it, the author explores the roots of procrastination and ways to possibly address it. You should read it... later (wink, wink).

Since NYT did our homework for us, we're using the self-coaching prompts that they outlined: 

Cultivate curiosity: If you’re feeling tempted to procrastinate, bring your attention to the sensations arising in your mind and body. What feelings are eliciting your temptation? Where do you feel them in your body? What do they remind you of? What happens to the thought of procrastinating as you observe it? Does it intensify? Dissipate? Cause other emotions to arise? How are the sensations in your body shifting as you continue to rest your awareness on them?

Consider the next action: This is different than the age-old advice to break up a task you’re tempted to avoid into bite-sized chunks. “What’s the next action I’d take on this if I were going to do it, even though I’m not?” Maybe you would open your email. Or perhaps you would put the date at the top of your document. Don’t wait to be in the mood to do a certain task. “Motivation follows action. Get started, and you’ll find your motivation follows."

Make your temptations more inconvenient: It’s still easier to change our circumstances than ourselves... we can take what we know about procrastination and “use it to our advantage” by placing obstacles between ourselves and our temptations to induce a certain degree of frustration or anxiety. If you compulsively check social media, delete those apps from your phone... By doing this, you’re adding friction to the procrastination cycle and making the reward value of your temptation less immediate.

We set out to record an episode on dating, but ended up with an episode on our relationship status with ourselves.  We're both single and while Tracy wants to get back out there, Magda could not care less about having a romantic relationship. We both claim we're in a good place, but are we? 

In this episode, we take a look back at some personal history that influenced our romantic lives in present day. We laugh uncomfortably and take so many pauses that the audio edit looks like a barcode. Why? Because this topic turned out to be way more uncomfortable than either one of us expected.  If you want to see the unedited version, head over to our YouTube channel. 

After you listen to the episode, ask yourself the following questions about your own current status, be it plus one or plus none:

• What is your relationship status with yourself?
• When you visualize the future in the context of romantic relationships, what do you see?
• What space are you looking to fill in your life with a potential relationship?
• Is this the only / best way to fill that space?
• They say that when you fall in love with someone, you’re actually falling in love with a new part of you. What part of you feels like it needs to be loved?

Please connect with us on Instagram and let us know what came up for you in your self-coaching. We'd love to hear from you https://www.instagram.com/talkingtomyselfpod/.

What’s worse: the anticipation, being in a situation or overanalyzing it afterwards? We all react differently to things that give us anxiety. Lately, Zoom has given us its own kind of social anxiety, which sucks since both  of us are on Zoom all the time.

Sometimes because we just have to show up for other people, and sometimes because we genuinely want to get through our "stuff," both of us use self-coaching to talk ourselves off the ledge, so to speak. 

In this episode, we share recent experiences that have freaked us out a bit and how (eventually!) we've managed to get through them. 

But we're not experts. We're just two people who happen to know a bit about coaching and we've applied it to help ourselves. We're here to share so that hopefully you, dear listener, can get some benefit and perhaps start reflecting a bit more yourself. 

This week's reflection for our listeners:

The next time you notice yourself being anxious, stop and ask yourself:

• What am I feeling in my body right now?
• What is it that I'm resisting?
• Do I need to step away or is it OK to proceed?
• Social anxiety can feel like others are judging you, but it’s really you judging yourself. What do you need in that moment to feel accepted by yourself?

And if you can't identify anxiety as it happens, that's OK. Try to think back to a moment when you now realize that anxiety affected you and talk to yourself about the questions above. 

If you want to share any insights from your reflections, please connect with us on Instagram and let us know. We'd love to hear from you.

Find us on  Instagram: 

Talking to Myself - https://www.instagram.com/talkingtomyselfpod
Magda - https://www.instagram.com/magdamakesit
Tracy - https://www.instagram.com/switchism
Coacharya - https://www.instagram.com/coacharya