The Session: Family Issues

Psalm 133:1

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!"

Family issues are when an actual or potential conflict between or related to family members becomes a constant source of negative emotions.

• When a family cannot resolve conflicts and and emotional intensity around the relationship becomes overwhelming, it can lead to symptoms of common mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.

What Are Some Symptoms Of Family Issues?

From Pew Research Center

• Anxiety or worry: You may be frequently preoccupied with concerns about your family and struggle to focus on other things. Over an extended period, this can translate into mental health issues.
• Sadness or depression: Feelings of tension, conflict, or disconnection from your family might make you feel sad or hopeless.
• General stress: You may have trouble sleeping or experience physical symptoms including muscle tension, headaches, and digestive troubles, often time due to family worries like financial troubles or other money problems, or the inability to resolve conflicts in your own home.
• Conflicts with other loved ones: If a relationship with one person is upsetting you, you might find that issues also come up with other people you’re close to. For example, tension with a parent might make you more sensitive in your relationship with your partner. Or differences between parenting styles may affect healthy communication within the family as a whole.
• Low self-esteem: Feeling insecure or threatened within a relationship that means a lot to you can make you doubt yourself and your worth. It can lead to feelings of inferiority
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Different Kinds of Conflict

Parent/child conflict:

• Parents often play such a large part in our earliest development, issues between parents and children can be especially emotional and deeply rooted.

Issues with siblings:

• Competition, comparison, different relational styles: all of these (and many other factors) can lead to conflict with siblings.

Communication Issues

• Communication issues: You don’t feel heard; you wonder whether the other person understands you; you struggle to say what you mean. These are all forms of communication issues, a common setback in many family relationships.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Causes of Family Stress, from Better Help

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!" (Psalm 133:1)

Parental relationship problems

• Constant parent fighting causes unnecessary and unproductive tension in children’s lives

Finances

• Job loss, inability to work, uncontrolled spending, gambling problems, or another reason, stress and conflict related to money and bills is common.

Health Conditions

• When one or more family members is experiencing a health challenge—from a chronic physical condition to a mental illness to a disability

Toxic behaviors between family members

• Sometimes, stress or dysfunction in a family can be traced primarily to the toxic behaviors of one member. For example, someone who frequently engages in manipulation tactics, dishonesty, scapegoating, or similar behaviors can be extremely difficult or even dangerous to live with. These can be personality traits or signs of certain personality disorders.

Unaddressed trauma related to family issues

• In most cases, trauma that has not been effectively and healthily recognized, processed, and healed will cause issues in a person’s life in some way. A family unit that experiences trauma together—such as war, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one.

Unhealthy expectations

• Family members who feel pressure to conform to unhealthy and/or impossible standards may experience negative effects as a result. For example, a household where each child is expected to perform perfectly in school, never express negative emotions, or never bring up conflict can eventually cause them to disengage or lash out.

Too much or too little time together

• On the other hand, families that are so busy or live so far apart that they rarely get to spend quality time together could also end up experiencing conflict.

Poor or nonexistent communication

• Healthy, honest, frequent communication is widely considered to be the foundation of healthy relationships of all types. Families without it are likely to experience recurrent conflict as issues that arise may not be properly addressed and members may not feel heard.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: The Middle Child

Mark 10:13–16

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

5 characteristics of a middle child:

· They're peacemakers and pleasers.

· They're competitive.

· They try to fit in.

· They are independent and focus on friendships.

· They act out to get attention

Characteristics of a Middle Child

· Not as family-oriented as their siblings. They may have a stronger sense of not belonging than their siblings do. ...

· Feeling overshadowed. They come to believe that their parents don't care about them. ...

· Mobile. They're often the first sibling to move out of the house. ...

· Not perfectionists. ***DOES THIS MEAN THEY ARE SLOBS?***

Middle Child Personality Traits

The middle child is often a people-pleaser due to the lack of attention they get compared to older siblings and younger siblings.

You may be a people pleaser if:

*You want to avoid conflict. ...

· You fear rejection. ...

· You fear disappointing others. ...

· You want something in return. ...

· You want others to be nice to you. ...

· You want to fit in. ...

· You are easily influenced by others. ...

· You are genuinely compassionate.

What is the psychology behind the middle child?

Since they are given some level of independence, they can end up developing initiative and creativity. Researchers found that middle children also become more sociable and outgoing since they learn to assert themselves and speak their mind. They also have a chance of being as well-adjusted as their siblings.

Middle children are more independent as they gain confidence. Middle children typically have more freedom and less pressure growing up. Sometimes they can even get away with more things as a kid.

What Is Middle-Child Syndrome?

Many experts who study personality believe that your family’s birth order plays a role in your development. They see "middle-child syndrome" as the idea that if you're neither the oldest child nor the youngest, you get less attention from your parents and feel “caught in the middle”.‌

As a result, you may take on certain personality traits that are different from those of your older and younger siblings.

***THIS MAKES SENSE. YOU WANT TO FIND A WAY TO BE NOTICED***

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: The Five Cylinder Intimacy Engine of Marriage & Goal Setting in Marriage

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The Five Cylinder Intimacy Engine explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

5. Recreational

· Hobbies

· Sports

4. Mental

· Planning, Discussing politics

3. Emotional

· Experiencing Their Emotions

2. Physical

· Bedroom Olympics

1. Spiritual

Smart Goals (Being Proactive and Intentional)

1. Specific

2. Measurable

3. Action

4. Revise

5. Time

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session-Loneliness

Psalm 68:5-6 ~ “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

God is always present and provides comfort; Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," emphasizing God's closeness to those who are hurting; and Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," offering solace and a place of refuge in Jesus.

Key themes from these verses include:

• God's constant presence: Regardless of your circumstances, God is always with you and will never leave you alone.
• God's love and care: He deeply cares about your pain and desires to comfort you.
• Finding strength in God: Even when feeling lonely, you can find strength and hope in your relationship with God.

Other verses to encourage you:

• Hebrews 13:5: "He promised never to leave us"
• Psalm 121:4: "He neither slumbers nor sleeps"

Other ways to combat loneliness:

• Connect with other Christians
• Believe that God can use your loneliness to bring you closer to him.

Overcoming The Pain Of Loneliness, from Tracy Miles

Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress.” Psalm 25:16 (NLT)

If you’re feeling lonely, plan a time to get away and recover.

(Scott question: By yourself? Which seems counterproductive to being lonely… or with family or a group?)

This can be Christian camp or retreat center or a plan or program that a church puts together to help a person when they have depleted their resources.

A new environment gives a person a chance to focus more on their walk with Jesus.

Key mental health problems associated with loneliness:

• Depression:Loneliness is a major risk factor for developing or exacerbating depressive symptoms.
• Anxiety:Studies show a strong association between loneliness and increased anxiety levels.
• Suicidal ideation:Individuals experiencing significant loneliness may be more likely to consider or attempt suicide.
• Low self-esteem:A lack of social connection can negatively impact self-worth and confidence.
• Stress and poor coping mechanisms:Loneliness can lead to difficulties managing stress and unhealthy coping behaviors.

Key physical health problems associated with loneliness:

• Cardiovascular disease:Research indicates a link between loneliness and higher risk of heart disease and stroke due to potential impacts on blood pressure and inflammation.
• Impaired immune function:Studies suggest social isolation can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness.
• Cognitive decline:Loneliness is associated with an increased risk of developing dementia and cognitive impairment, particularly in older adults.
• Poor sleep quality:Difficulty sleeping and disrupted sleep patterns are often reported by lonely individuals.
• Unhealthy lifestyle behaviors:Loneliness can contribute to poor dietary choices, lack of physical activity, and increased subs

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session-Trust & Honesty in a Relationship

From Bellevue Christian Counseling

(John 8:31-32) “To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Today there is so much to be said about relationships being trust worthy. Often times if a relationship fails, it is often the inability to trust again that ends a relationship. That is the case because of how fragile trust is in a relationship.

It gives others a reasonable basis on which they can safely share their hearts and make commitments with me.

Relationships hinge on truth and trust. Being vulnerable makes a person more likely to be hurt. Once hurt sets in trusting that it won’t happen again is very sketchy. Lost is the heart felt communication that can grow a relationship.

Trust And Marriage

In marriage it is vital to be trusted. If a wife is untrustworthy because of things she said that weren’t true, trust will be difficult. It is also true that if a wife is doing things that breaks a promise or fails to do things that were promised trust will be broken.

It is also true if husbands say or does things that are untrustworthy it will be difficult to develop trust.

An Affair’s Impact On Trust

• It devastates trust
• It causes great pain and betrayal leading to feelings of anger, hurt, and disillusionment.
• Rebuilding trust is a long and challenging process that requires open communication, forgiveness, and often professional counseling to navigate the emotional complexities involved.
• Spiritual Struggle Christian’s struggle with feelings of guilt and shame that causes a person to question their own faith in God
• Difficulty forgiving. Even though it is a core Christian value, it is difficult forgiving a spouse.
• Intimacy takes a direct hit.

Rebuilding Trust

• Open and honest communication. The victim should be able to ask any questions concerning details they want!
• Taking Responsibility. The straying party should take responsibility, as difficult it could be.
• Trust builders this includes text and pictures that prove your spouse is where they say they are.

Examples?

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session-Temptation

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Scott’s going to take us down a rabbit hole right out of the gate…Let’s talk about the original temptation…Eve in the garden.

Did God warn Adam and Eve about temptation? He knew the snake was there.

How would Eve have any idea how combat temptation?

And WHY in the world didn’t Adam stop her?

High trait self-control has been traditionally described as a keen ability to resist temptation. The present research suggests that high trait self-control is linked to avoiding, rather than merely resisting, temptation. People high in trait self-control reported engaging in behaviors thought to minimize (or avoid) temptation to a greater extent than people low in trait self-control.

Galatians 5:22

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

James 1:13-14

"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed."

Matthew 26:41

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

James 4:7

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Billy Graham On Temptation

Satan wants us to doubt our salvation to make us ineffective. We must grow in Christ by studying the Word of God. The more we commune with God by reading His Word and spending time in prayer, the less we want of our old ways. The new nature begins to take over by the power of God’s Word that speaks into our hearts and puts our minds on Him and sets our feet on the right path. We must let the Bible become central to life and set our minds on the things of God (see Galatians 6:8); for we cannot grow spiritually strong without His truth.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Living In The Victory Of The Cross

The Holy Spirit raised Jesus from the dead. If the same Holy Spirit lives in you, He will give life to your bodies in the same way. So then, Christian brothers, we are not to do what our sinful old selves want us to do. (Romans 8:11-13)

Living In The Victory Of The Cross Gives Us Confidence In The Battlefield Of The Mind

• The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (II Cor.:10:3-5)

Spiritual Warfare definition Weapons: prayer, Holy Spirit, scripture, hope and faith.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross helps us with guilt and shame

• “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

The Holy Spirit helps with allowing individuals to release the burden of past actions and move forward with a clean conscience. Essentially, the Holy Spirit acts as a guide to acknowledge wrongdoing, seek forgiveness, and experience the peace that comes from being cleansed by God's grace.

Conviction:

• Isaiah 40:29, scripture says “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak”.

The Holy Spirit can bring awareness of sin and its consequences, prompting a person to feel guilt and desire to change their behavior.

Repentance:

• mAnd when he comes, he willnconvict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment John 16:8

Forgiveness:

• Once repentance is genuine, the Holy Spirit assures the believer of God's complete forgiveness, which can alleviate feelings of guilt and shame.

Transformation:

• The Holy Spirit works to transform a person's character over time, enabling them to overcome negative patterns associated with guilt and shame.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross will have a direct impact on our perspective

• The Holy Spirit guides us with truth, revealing God's will, and allowing us to see situations from a divine viewpoint, rather than solely from ou own limited human perspective.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross produces hope

• The Holy Spirit fills believers with strength and wisdom, intercedes for them, and gives spiritual gifts. As He dwells inside each believer, He fulfills various roles and functions. He gives life and hope that makes us new.

When we feel defeated and hopeless to overcome temptation in every day life.

• It is important that we take time to realize that we received the Holy Spirit when Jesus rose again.
• This helps because we can celebrate and call upon the Holy Spirit when temptation sits in. Because the Holy Spirit defeated sin and death, we can call on Him to defeat the enemy.

When we are feeling down and we are being disrespectful to ourselves

• We can call on the Holy Spirit to defeat the enemy and remind me of who I belong to and who I am to the Father.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.