Showing results by author "Ian Healy" in All Categories

Once, John Irish was a legend in the porn industry, partying with the likes of John Holmes, Peter North, Nina Hartley, and Seka, but now he's on the far side of 50, and Ron Jeremy won't even return his phone calls. Desperate for any kind of paying work, he's sunk to the level of bit roles in grade-Z porn and is even considering applying to work at Wal-Mart, when hot-blooded starlet Mindy Copperhead comes into his life. He quickly discovers she's far more than a simple blowjob artist, but is in fact an advance scout for a distant alien race, sent to Earth to find...him.

Orcs used to be a fearsome fighting force, and the unleashing of the Horde brought terror to humans, elves, and dwarves time and time again over the centuries. Nowadays, there aren't any more Ultimate Evils, necromancers, or dark wizards left to hire the Horde. Paug Blumpkin is smart for an orc (rather like saying he's smart for a box of hair). He's bored of training with the rest of the Horde for a war that will never come, and he's definitely tired of polishing his helmet. So he decides to set off in search of adventure, bringing along his cheerfully idiotic brother Milph, who has a regular habit of forgetting his pants.

You've seen Sharknado. You've watched Ghost Shark. Now, killer sharks take to their highest altitude ever in the audiobook that absolutely no one asked for, but everybody wants to listen to: Space Sharks. That's right. Sharks. In space. What more do you want?

As a new president takes the White House, Just Cause returns to New York City for the first time in eight years, under the command of its newest leader: Mustang Sally. But not everyone is excited about the expansion of Just Cause. Senator Christine Goodwin, slighted by the team's leadership years before, has made it her mission to put all para-humans on a very short leash while, at the same time, creating her own super-powered militia.

When Ava Zhang washes out of Just Cause Chicago, she figures her career as a superhero is over. Then she gets the opportunity to partner with experienced hero Detroit Steel, and the two of them work to halt the distribution of a dangerous new designer drug called Wool. And once again, everything goes wrong. Ava is accidentally dosed with Wool, and her ensuing loss of control results in major damage to an urban farm and sends a young farmer to the hospital with injuries she caused. When she goes to apologize, she discovers she's attracted to him.

Hope was playing five-card draw with undead Elvis when the world ended. Before the world ended, Hope was a down-and-out virgin stripper. Now she's pregnant with a baby prophesied to be the world's salvation. Undead Elvis promises her that Graceland is the only safe place left even though the rest of the world has become sand and ash. Hope must undertake the perilous journey across a broken, unfamiliar landscape to reach it.

Vanitha is the world's greatest parahuman hacker and can physically enter computer systems to control them from the inside. To relax, she's created a Hindu-themed multiplayer online role-playing game called The Path. When a mystery presents itself, she goes to investigate the strange new Malevolence. It kills her. She awakens inside the game as a new character, unable to use her parahuman powers to return to the real world. With no other options, she embarks upon a desperate quest to locate her body, a corpse run that may present her only chance to escape.

When Just Cause hero Orb is murdered using a new kind of nanotechnology, Mustang Sally will stop at nothing to find and bring to justice his killer. Not even her longtime mentor Juice's dismissal from his position as team leader can distract Sally from her mission. A sensational new parahuman named Champion brings old-fashioned morals back to the world, training others to follow in his footsteps and heralding the onset of a new age of heroism. But Champion isn't all that he seems, and there is a sinister side to his organization.

Airship Lies is a steampunk/Western anthology containing five stories from the Age of Wonder, ranging from the Old West to the wilderness beyond the frontier to the very edge of space itself.

Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse. Such is the credo of the modern mercenary in the economic downturn of the late 2040s. Three such antiheroes are brought together by a billionaire for a unique search-and-retrieval mission. If they succeed, they'll walk away free and clear with a big fat payday. But if they fail... Well, things will go badly for them.

1907: A world of steam and steel, of brass and bravery. Spaceships ply the lanes above the Earth, running on coke furnaces and a prayer, while the atomic-powered Circumferential Rail runs the route between Paris, France, and Houston, Texas. Where there is cargo, and passengers of means, pirates soon follow, and this is how Jonathan Orbital, heir to the Circumferential Rail finds himself embroiled in a conspiracy surrounding a kidnapped French woman with a valuable secret.

Seventh-grade Superheroes! It's not easy being a 12-year-old superhero, but the five kids of the neighborhood watch are doing the best they can. La Capitána: super-strong flier. Wheels: brilliant inventor. Hothead: catches on fire. Breezy: controls wind. Rascal: super-skateboarding. From their headquarters built into a repurposed Winnebago, they patrol the streets and alleys of their small hometown and dream of being big time heroes like Mustang Sally and the rest of Just Cause.

Making the Cut is the flagship show on the FoodieTV network, giving recent high school graduates a chance to win a scholarship to a prestigious culinary school. Midori is from San Francisco, and grew up in a family that owns a restaurant. All she ever wanted to do was cook, but in Japanese culture, women are relegated to hostess and management roles. Nicole is from Denver, the child of a broken home who's been forced to grow up way too soon. She's been poor her entire life, and that prize package is impossibly valuable to her. These two girls become friends despite their cultural differences, and together with six more challengers, will be competing in front of the cameras.

A collection of eight tales ranging from horror to superhero, science fiction to postapocalyptic, that examine the darker aspects of the world.

Jay is having a pretty bad day at school. His popular cheerleader girlfriend just dumped him and a jock spilled soda all over his brand new Nikes. So when the God of Rabbits recruits him to save the world from an invasion of interstellar cockroaches, it seems like it might be a pretty cool gig. Unfortunately, in the spectrum of god-like abilities, rabbits rank pretty low, and Jay receives the ability to make snarky wisecracks, jump real high, and...that’s about all.

When a talented new player joins the perennially losing sub-minor-league hockey team the Fighting Aardvarks, it marks the beginning of a winning tradition. But things aren't as they seem, and players begin to change. First-line center Hammie learns the truth: The Aardvarks are becoming vampires, and it's up to him to stop them before the infestation spreads beyond just the team.

40 years ago, Harlan Washington began his one-man war against the superheroes of Just Cause. One day ago, he grudgingly allied with those heroes to defend the Earth from an alien invasion. When he detonated a new kind of bomb to destroy the alien fleet, he was thrown through space and time. Now....He's lost in spacetime, dying, more alone than any human ever has been. He never expected to be rescued.

Man. Lion. Warrior. Enigmatic superhero Lionheart was always cut from a different cloth than his teammates on Just Cause, so when he learns his old kung fu teacher, Master Chou, is dying, he doesn't hesitate to travel halfway around the world to pay his final respects to the man who saved his life, and set him off upon his heroic journey. Upon arrival, he discovers his old master has been murdered, and quickly becomes embroiled in a battle for the honor of his master's Cherrywood School against one of the most dangerous heroin cartels in Hong Kong: the Five Deadly Serpents.

High school reporter Sherri "Bax" Baxter is content being an outsider, with a reputation as a nosy busybody among the students of Jericho High. Instead of friendships, she focuses on objective journalistic integrity, because it will get her out of the dead-end Texas oil town and into a prestigious journalism school, and she's pretty sure she's found her big story. A new girl, Molly, has come to town with a mysterious sideways grin, a bolero hat, a well-loved guitar case, and the musical talent of legendary blues man Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Giele has spent 20 years fighting wars for the King of Aelfland, but when he makes the mistake of falling in love with the Princess of the Realm, he is stripped of his rank, his citizenship, and his name. His face is marked with the slivered moon, forever identifying him as an outcast. No longer will he find a home among his own people. He travels halfway across the world to seek a fresh start among the colonists of the continent of Verigo, but the troubles of a marked man seem to follow him wherever he goes.