
Horde
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $24.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Nick Jermyn
-
By:
-
Ian Thomas Healy
About this listen
Orcs used to be a fearsome fighting force, and the unleashing of the Horde brought terror to humans, elves, and dwarves time and time again over the centuries. Nowadays, there aren't any more Ultimate Evils, necromancers, or dark wizards left to hire the Horde. Paug Blumpkin is smart for an orc (rather like saying he's smart for a box of hair). He's bored of training with the rest of the Horde for a war that will never come, and he's definitely tired of polishing his helmet. So he decides to set off in search of adventure, bringing along his cheerfully idiotic brother Milph, who has a regular habit of forgetting his pants. When they mug a wizard while he's answering Nature's call, they discover a treasure map (conveniently hidden in his elven pornography), and thus begins their very own Quest Perilous.
There's a powerful magical artifact halfway around the world, and Paug decides he's going to get the Tome of Unknowable Mysteries first. When he learns a celebrated human hero is after the same booty, the race begins. With Milph using the stolen wizard's wand (badly), a barbarian warrior-woman named Petunia bringing the muscle, a lousy gambler named Hodak the Inconsequential (who happens to be 14th in line for the throne), and a halfling thief named Gilpin with a chip on his shoulder, the companions head out into the great untamed wilderness, where death lurks behind every tree (and occasionally is the tree itself).
©2017 Ian Thomas Healy (P)2018 Ian Thomas HealyListeners also enjoyed...
-
The Silmarillion
- By: J. R. R. Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien
- Narrated by: Andy Serkis
- Length: 19 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The tales of The Silmarillion are set in an age when Morgoth, the first Dark Lord, dwelt in Middle-earth, and the High Elves made war upon him for the recovery of the Silmarils, the jewels containing the pure light of Valinor. Included on the recording are several shorter works. The Ainulindalë is a myth of the Creation and in the Valaquenta the nature and powers of each of the gods is described. The Akallabêth recounts the downfall of the great island kingdom of Númenor at the end of the Second Age, and Of the Rings of Power tells of the great events at the end of the Third Age.
-
-
TIPS when reading this book:
- By Anonymous User on 06-29-23
By: J. R. R. Tolkien, and others
-
Andrea Vernon and the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection
- By: Alexander C. Kane
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Andrea Vernon always thought she would spend her life living in Paris writing thought-provoking historical novels all day and sipping wine on the Seine all night. But the reality is she's drowning in debt, has no prospects, and is forced to move back to Queens, where her parents remind her daily that they are very interested in grandchildren. Then, one morning, she is kidnapped, interviewed, and hired as an administrative assistant by the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection. Superheroes for hire, using their powers for good. What could possibly go wrong?
-
-
A Normal Life in an Abnormal World
- By Arthur D. Rich on 08-26-17
-
The Crown Tower (Dramatized Adaptation)
- The Riyria Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Bradley Foster Smith, Chris Genebach, Danny Gavigan, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A warrior with nothing to fight for is paired with a thieving assassin with nothing to lose. Together they must steal a treasure that no one can reach. The Crown Tower is the impregnable remains of the grandest fortress ever built and home to the realm’s most valuable possessions. But it isn’t gold or jewels the old wizard is after, and this prize can only be obtained by the combined talents of two remarkable men. Now if Arcadius can just keep Hadrian and Royce from killing each other, they just might succeed.
-
-
Nope
- By Anonymous User on 10-01-22
-
How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps
- By: Andrew Rowe
- Narrated by: Suzy Jackson, Steve West
- Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For thousands of years, there has been a cycle: a Demon King rises and conquers, and a Hero is reborn a hundred years later to defeat him. Each time, civilizations are ground to dust beneath the Demon King's hordes, but humanity has remained secure in the belief that a Hero of legend will always save them. There's just one slight problem. It's only been 23 years since the Demon King's latest rise, and this time, he's already conquered more than half the world. If humanity simply waits for the Hero's return, there may be no world left for him to save.
-
-
Lisa Simpson explains how she leveled up
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 05-07-20
By: Andrew Rowe
-
The Keeper Chronicles: The Complete Trilogy
- The Keeper Chronicles, Book 1, 2, 3
- By: JA Andrews
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 46 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Mallon the Undying threatened the land years ago, the elves stopped him - and then disappeared. Now Mallon's followers seek to bring him back to finish what he started. Only the Keepers - storytellers, historians, and magic-wielders - are left to stand against them. Alaric, who betrayed everything he believed to save his wife - and still failed. Will, a storyteller who’s convinced his weak magic makes him useless. And Sini, a former slave girl with unimaginable power but no way to wield it.
-
-
it has arrived!
- By Bigt983 on 09-08-20
By: JA Andrews
-
Theft of Swords
- Riyria Revelations, Volume 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 22 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Acclaimed author Michael J. Sullivan created instant best sellers with his spellbinding Riyria Revelations series. This first volume introduces Royce Melborn and Hadrian Blackwater, two enterprising thieves who end up running for their lives when they’re framed for the death of the king. Trapped in a conspiracy bigger than they can imagine, their only hope is unraveling an ancient mystery - before it’s too late.
-
-
Two books in one - keep listening!!
- By Magpie on 08-21-12
-
The Silmarillion
- By: J. R. R. Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien
- Narrated by: Andy Serkis
- Length: 19 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The tales of The Silmarillion are set in an age when Morgoth, the first Dark Lord, dwelt in Middle-earth, and the High Elves made war upon him for the recovery of the Silmarils, the jewels containing the pure light of Valinor. Included on the recording are several shorter works. The Ainulindalë is a myth of the Creation and in the Valaquenta the nature and powers of each of the gods is described. The Akallabêth recounts the downfall of the great island kingdom of Númenor at the end of the Second Age, and Of the Rings of Power tells of the great events at the end of the Third Age.
-
-
TIPS when reading this book:
- By Anonymous User on 06-29-23
By: J. R. R. Tolkien, and others
-
Andrea Vernon and the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection
- By: Alexander C. Kane
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Andrea Vernon always thought she would spend her life living in Paris writing thought-provoking historical novels all day and sipping wine on the Seine all night. But the reality is she's drowning in debt, has no prospects, and is forced to move back to Queens, where her parents remind her daily that they are very interested in grandchildren. Then, one morning, she is kidnapped, interviewed, and hired as an administrative assistant by the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection. Superheroes for hire, using their powers for good. What could possibly go wrong?
-
-
A Normal Life in an Abnormal World
- By Arthur D. Rich on 08-26-17
-
The Crown Tower (Dramatized Adaptation)
- The Riyria Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Bradley Foster Smith, Chris Genebach, Danny Gavigan, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A warrior with nothing to fight for is paired with a thieving assassin with nothing to lose. Together they must steal a treasure that no one can reach. The Crown Tower is the impregnable remains of the grandest fortress ever built and home to the realm’s most valuable possessions. But it isn’t gold or jewels the old wizard is after, and this prize can only be obtained by the combined talents of two remarkable men. Now if Arcadius can just keep Hadrian and Royce from killing each other, they just might succeed.
-
-
Nope
- By Anonymous User on 10-01-22
-
How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps
- By: Andrew Rowe
- Narrated by: Suzy Jackson, Steve West
- Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For thousands of years, there has been a cycle: a Demon King rises and conquers, and a Hero is reborn a hundred years later to defeat him. Each time, civilizations are ground to dust beneath the Demon King's hordes, but humanity has remained secure in the belief that a Hero of legend will always save them. There's just one slight problem. It's only been 23 years since the Demon King's latest rise, and this time, he's already conquered more than half the world. If humanity simply waits for the Hero's return, there may be no world left for him to save.
-
-
Lisa Simpson explains how she leveled up
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 05-07-20
By: Andrew Rowe
-
The Keeper Chronicles: The Complete Trilogy
- The Keeper Chronicles, Book 1, 2, 3
- By: JA Andrews
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 46 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Mallon the Undying threatened the land years ago, the elves stopped him - and then disappeared. Now Mallon's followers seek to bring him back to finish what he started. Only the Keepers - storytellers, historians, and magic-wielders - are left to stand against them. Alaric, who betrayed everything he believed to save his wife - and still failed. Will, a storyteller who’s convinced his weak magic makes him useless. And Sini, a former slave girl with unimaginable power but no way to wield it.
-
-
it has arrived!
- By Bigt983 on 09-08-20
By: JA Andrews
-
Theft of Swords
- Riyria Revelations, Volume 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 22 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Acclaimed author Michael J. Sullivan created instant best sellers with his spellbinding Riyria Revelations series. This first volume introduces Royce Melborn and Hadrian Blackwater, two enterprising thieves who end up running for their lives when they’re framed for the death of the king. Trapped in a conspiracy bigger than they can imagine, their only hope is unraveling an ancient mystery - before it’s too late.
-
-
Two books in one - keep listening!!
- By Magpie on 08-21-12
-
Caverns and Creatures: Volume I (Books 1-4)
- By: Robert Bevan
- Narrated by: Jonathan Sleep
- Length: 32 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.
-
-
A great listen, but don't listen while in public!
- By Jonathan on 06-26-19
By: Robert Bevan
-
Kings of the Wyld
- By: Nicholas Eames
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 17 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A retired group of legendary mercenaries get the band back together for one last impossible mission in this award-winning debut epic fantasy. Clay Cooper and his band were once the best of the best, the most feared and renowned crew of mercenaries this side of the Heartwyld. Their glory days long past, the mercs have grown apart and grown old, fat, drunk, or a combination of the three. Then an ex-bandmate turns up at Clay's door with a plea for help - the kind of mission that only the very brave or the very stupid would sign up for. It's time to get the band back together.
-
-
Locke Lamora Meets the Blues Brothers
- By Matthew on 03-07-17
By: Nicholas Eames
-
The Very First Damned Thing
- An Author-Read Audio Exclusive
- By: Jodi Taylor
- Narrated by: Jodi Taylor
- Length: 2 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jodi Taylor reads the long-awaited prequel in her Chronicles of St Mary’s series, as Dr Bairstow struggles to set up St Mary’s as we know it in a world still scarred by the ravages of civil war. Ever wondered how it all began? It’s two years since the final victory at the Battersea Barricades. The fighting might be finished, but for Dr Bairstow, just now setting up St Mary's, the struggle is only beginning. How will he assemble his team? From where will his funding come?
-
-
Wait for it on Kindle. Not the best on audio
- By Sheryl on 11-05-15
By: Jodi Taylor
-
Second Hand Curses
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Marc Vietor, Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When your fairy godmother threatens to enslave you with a curse - when a malevolent piper solves your rat problem but steals your children - when you seek revenge on the prince who turned you into a frog - who can you turn to in your hour of need? The band of scoundrels known far and wide as the Bastard Champions - the swashbuckling trio who travel a world of legend, seeking adventure and righting wrongs - as long as there's enough gold to be earned.
-
-
Second Hand Curses is First Rate Storytelling!
- By Tony E. on 11-22-17
By: Drew Hayes
-
The Case of the Damaged Detective
- 5-Minute Sherlock, Book 1
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Carol Monda
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A dance club full of bodies. Cause of death - a mystery. The lone survivor - a man, raving like a lunatic, wearing only a deerstalker hat. Now, the man who calls himself Sherman Holmes is being studied like a lab rat by a top-secret government agency. How is it he can be barely clinging to reality one minute - yet be a seeming genius the next? Within his brain might just be the greatest scientific breakthrough of the millennium, if anyone can figure out how to access it. Enter the agent code named Watson.
-
-
I wish I could chain Drew to a desk and make him write for me 24/7... j/k... kind of...
- By Joseph Gray on 06-16-19
By: Drew Hayes
-
The Cycle of Arawn
- The Complete Trilogy
- By: Edward W. Robertson
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 65 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The White Tree (book one): In Mallon the dark magic of the nether has been banned for centuries. Its users have been driven out or killed. Its secrets lost. But the holy book of the nethermancers has just been found by a boy named Dante. As he works to unlock the book's power, he's attacked in the street. The nethermancers aren't gone—and they want their book back. Caught between death cultists and the law, Dante fights for his life, aided by his growing skills and a brash bodyguard named Blays.
-
-
In Response to the Criticism from Other Reviewers
- By Jonah on 06-11-17
-
The Amulet of Samarkand: The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Stroud
- Narrated by: Simon Jones
- Length: 13 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Nathaniel is eleven-years-old and a magician's apprentice, learning the traditional art of magic. All is well until he has a life-changing encounter with Simon Lovelace, a magician of unrivaled ruthlessness and ambition. When Lovelace brutally humiliates Nathaniel in public, Nathaniel decides to speed up his education, teaching himself spells far beyond his years. With revenge on his mind, he masters one of the toughest spells of all and summons Bartimaeus, a five-thousand-year-old djinni, to assist him.
-
-
A real treat
- By Eric Shields on 02-08-08
By: Jonathan Stroud
-
The Red Sea
- The Cycle of Galand, Book 1
- By: Edward W. Robertson
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 16 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Dante Galand was just a boy, his father, Larsin, sailed away to make his fortune. And never returned. Since then, Dante has become a great sorcerer. A ruler. A destroyer of kings. And he's just learned that his father is living on a forbidden island at the edge of the known world. Where he's dying of a mysterious plague. In the company of his friend, the swordsman Blays, Dante travels to the island. There, his magic can do nothing for his father.
-
-
Fantastic Sequel to The Cycle of Arawn!
- By CaptainKhaotik on 02-28-16
-
Web of Eyes
- By: Rhett C. Bruno, Jaime Castle
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 11 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When a piece of the crown prince's soul is stolen by a traitorous warlock, disgraced knight Torsten Unger makes it his sworn duty to get it back and save the last hope for the kingdom. But he can't do it alone. Self-proclaimed "World's Greatest Thief" Whitney Fierstown sits in the castle dungeon, destined for the gallows until Torsten offers this choice: rot and die in a dank cell or join him on a dangerous expedition to put his skills to good use and earn his freedom.
-
-
A Fantasy Version of 48 Hours
- By John Kang on 12-24-18
By: Rhett C. Bruno, and others
-
Prince of Fools
- The Red Queen's War, Book 1
- By: Mark Lawrence
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 14 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Red Queen is old but the kings of the Broken Empire dread her like no other. For all her reign, she has fought the long war, contested in secret, against the powers that stand behind nations, for higher stakes than land or gold. Her greatest weapon is The Silent Sister - unseen by most and unspoken of by all. The Red Queen's grandson, Prince Jalan Kendeth - drinker, gambler, seducer of women - is one who can see The Silent Sister.
-
-
A fantasy odd couple caught up in a bigger game
- By Lore on 04-10-16
By: Mark Lawrence
-
Stuff and Nonsense
- Threadbare, Book 1
- By: Andrew Seiple
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 10 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Meet Threadbare. He is 12 inches tall, full of fluff, and really, really bad at being a hero. Magically animated and discarded by his maker as a failed experiment, he is saved by a little girl. But she's got problems of her own, and he might not be able to help her. Fortunately for the little golem, he's quick to find allies, learn skills, gain levels, and survive horrible predicaments. Which is good, because his creator has a whole lot of enemies …
-
-
An amazing tale you can't help but love
- By LITRPG Audiobook Reviews on 08-29-18
By: Andrew Seiple
-
Dragon Blood - Omnibus
- By: Lindsay Buroker
- Narrated by: Caitlin Davies
- Length: 27 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A thousand years have passed since a dragon has been seen in the world. Science and technology have replaced magic, which has dwindled until it has become little more than an element of myth and legend. There are those who still have dragon blood flowing through their veins, distant descendants of the mighty creatures of old. These rare humans have the power to cast magic, the power to heal, and the power to craft alchemical weapons capable of starting wars...or ending them.
-
-
A YA romance story with a little magic thrown in.
- By Patrick Jaynes on 06-11-17
By: Lindsay Buroker
I received this book free in exchange for a honest review
Morality rating- This book abounds with Sex, and Sexually both explicit and implied, along with violence, language, and bathroom humor.
Tolkien Rolled Over
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Loved the old D&D feel of the story.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
"Bears..."
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This book was given to me for free at my request and I provided this voluntary review.
Fun
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
So much so that I had to rewind to get back to where I fell asleep listening. Narrator was the perfect choice to perform this story.
This audio was given to me free, and I voluntarily gave this review.
Hoping there's more
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
The narration was amazing with so many different voices.
The story was so much fun and full of lots of unexpected turns. Never before had I wanted to consider cheering for the Orcs and now I want more, much much more. This book is fantastic!
So much FUN!!!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I'm glad to have been wrong. Horde was actually a lot of fun. The adventure itself was engaging, the characters were amusing, and the jokes were, though admittedly pretty dumb, still pretty hilarious. I feel like the book successfully grabbed me and my standards and dragged us both down in the mud to meet it. I came out a bit messy, a bit humbled, and chuckling like a fool.
I did have some issues with a few choices the author made - like Elvish just being French - but it didn't come up often enough to really grate on my nerves. All in all, I had a great time.
I'm not sure I'd pick up Ian Thomas Healy's usual stuff (again, not my cup of tea), but I'd absolutely be down for another fantasy romp. I'd even want to get in on doing the cover illustration for one.
Unexpectedly and Surprisingly Enjoyable
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Listener received this title free
The performer did an incredible job as well- each character with their own recognizable voice and manner that really added another layer to the experience. I can’t wait to hear more of Ian’s work- especially the delightful fantasy he is so gifted with.
A ribald and rollicking good time!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
It is a well written story about two orcs who are brothers. One brother, Paug, is considered smart and can read. The other brother, Milph, is not. One night Paug decides to set out on an adventure and Milph decides to tag along. At the beginning of their travels, the orc brothers come upon a wizard and while the wizard is going to the bathroom, they rob him of his wand, money and a map. They then meet Hodak the Inconsequential, who helps them understand that the map is a treasure map. So, they gather a few more companions and all set out to follow the map.
This was a well paced and written light-hearted fantasy adventure with characters who were interesting, likeable, humorous and a bit obsessed with "pleasures of the flesh." I really enjoyed it but my only complaint - the ending. It seemed a bit sudden and wrapped everything up in a bow. It is a complete story [no cliffhanger] but, there could easily be a sequel as these characters deal with the aftermath of their adventure.
The narrator, Nick Jermyn, did a good job voicing all the different characters - monsters, humans, elves, orcs, dwarves, etc. He enhanced the fun adventorous world in which all of these characters live.
Enjoyable Fantasy Adventure
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Very fun book
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.