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Horde
- Narrated by: Nick Jermyn
- Length: 14 hrs and 41 mins
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Publisher's summary
Orcs used to be a fearsome fighting force, and the unleashing of the Horde brought terror to humans, elves, and dwarves time and time again over the centuries. Nowadays, there aren't any more Ultimate Evils, necromancers, or dark wizards left to hire the Horde. Paug Blumpkin is smart for an orc (rather like saying he's smart for a box of hair). He's bored of training with the rest of the Horde for a war that will never come, and he's definitely tired of polishing his helmet. So he decides to set off in search of adventure, bringing along his cheerfully idiotic brother Milph, who has a regular habit of forgetting his pants. When they mug a wizard while he's answering Nature's call, they discover a treasure map (conveniently hidden in his elven pornography), and thus begins their very own Quest Perilous.
There's a powerful magical artifact halfway around the world, and Paug decides he's going to get the Tome of Unknowable Mysteries first. When he learns a celebrated human hero is after the same booty, the race begins. With Milph using the stolen wizard's wand (badly), a barbarian warrior-woman named Petunia bringing the muscle, a lousy gambler named Hodak the Inconsequential (who happens to be 14th in line for the throne), and a halfling thief named Gilpin with a chip on his shoulder, the companions head out into the great untamed wilderness, where death lurks behind every tree (and occasionally is the tree itself).
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- Unabridged
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Meet Karn. He is destined to take over the family farm in Norrøngard. His only problem? He'd rather be playing the board game Thrones and Bones. Enter Thianna. Half human, half frost giantess. She's too tall to blend in with other humans but too short to be taken seriously as a giant. When family intrigues force Karn and Thianna to flee into the wilderness, they have to keep their sense of humor and their wits about them. But survival can be challenging when you're being chased by a 1,500-year-old dragon, an evil uncle, wyverns, and an assortment of trolls and giants.
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Good story
- By Erza on 12-14-22
By: Lou Anders
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Ink Mage
- A Fire Beneath the Skin, Book 1
- By: Victor Gischler
- Narrated by: Fiona Hardingham
- Length: 11 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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In the first installment of the A Fire Beneath the Skin trilogy, the city of Klaar has never fallen. No enemy has ever made it across the Long Bridge or penetrated the city's mighty walls. Even when a powerful invading army shows up at the gates, the duke and his daughter, Rina Veraiin, are certain that it poses little threat. But they are cruelly betrayed from within and, in a horrific spasm of violence, the city is brought to its knees.
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mixed feelings
- By Elvira on 10-28-15
By: Victor Gischler
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The Doom Brigade
- Dragonlance: Kang's Regiment, Book 1
- By: Margaret Weis, Don Perrin
- Narrated by: Nick Sullivan
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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War can get a fellow killed. The fearless draconians of the War of the Lance have retired from the field of battle to a pleasant valley in the Kharolis Mountains. Well, it would be pleasant, if it weren't for some dwarves, whose irritating feuding prevents the draconians from realizing their greatest hope - the ability to continue their doomed race. When the dwarves discover a map leading to a fortune buried in the dwarven kingdom of Thorbardin, the draconians are swept up in a feverish race for treasure.
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Great story and great narrator!
- By Amazon Customer on 08-31-17
By: Margaret Weis, and others
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Caverns and Creatures: Volume I (Books 1-4)
- By: Robert Bevan
- Narrated by: Jonathan Sleep
- Length: 32 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.
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A great listen, but don't listen while in public!
- By Jonathan on 06-26-19
By: Robert Bevan
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The Sword of Summer
- Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, Book One
- By: Rick Riordan
- Narrated by: Christopher Guetig
- Length: 15 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Magnus Chase has always been a troubled kid. Since his mother's mysterious death, he's lived alone on the streets of Boston, surviving by his wits, keeping one step ahead of the police and the truant officers. One day, he's tracked down by an uncle he barely knows - a man his mother claimed was dangerous. Uncle Randolph tells him an impossible secret: Magnus is the son of a Norse god. The Viking myths are true. The gods of Asgard are preparing for war. Trolls, giants and worse monsters are stirring for doomsday.
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First I was disappointed, then I was angry
- By Jeanie on 10-08-15
By: Rick Riordan
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Water Keep
- Farworld, Volume 1
- By: J. Scott Savage
- Narrated by: Mark Wright
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Even though thirteen-year-old Marcus Kanenas is confined to a wheelchair, he sees himself as a survivor and a dreamer. In fact, his favorite dream is of a world far away, a world where magic is as common as air, where animals tell jokes, and where trees beg people to pick their fruit. He even has a name for this place - Farworld. When Marcus magically travels to Farworld, he meets Kyja, a girl without magic in a world where spells, charms, and potions are everywhere.
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I have been looking for a fix since Brandon Mull
- By james on 12-16-15
By: J. Scott Savage
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Stuff and Nonsense
- Threadbare Series, Volume 1
- By: Andrew Seiple
- Narrated by: Tim Gerard Reynolds
- Length: 10 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet Threadbare. He is 12 inches tall, full of fluff, and really, really bad at being a hero. Magically animated and discarded by his maker as a failed experiment, he is saved by a little girl. But she's got problems of her own, and he might not be able to help her. Fortunately for the little golem, he's quick to find allies, learn skills, gain levels, and survive horrible predicaments. Which is good, because his creator has a whole lot of enemies …
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An amazing tale you can't help but love
- By LITRPG Audiobook Reviews on 08-29-18
By: Andrew Seiple
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Patch 17
- By: G. Akella
- Narrated by: Zach Villa
- Length: 9 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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A new update arrives to the ultra-popular online game, Realm of Arkon. With Patch 17, the level of immersion experienced by players in their gaming capsules has made virtual reality indistinguishable from the real world. But every gamer's dream becomes a nightmare for Roman Kozhevnikov after he gets confined to Arkon against his will. And not just to Arkon, but to its deadliest zone - Demon Grounds. Playing - or rather living - as his character Krian, it's not just about survival for Roman.
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Excellent story, great narrator...except...
- By Fitzwibble on 04-06-17
By: G. Akella
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Eden's Gate: The Reborn
- A LitRPG Adventure, Book 1
- By: Edward Brody
- Narrated by: Pavi Proczko
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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When Gunnar Long is transported into the first fully-immersive virtual MMORPG, he finds himself in a new world filled with magic, mystery, and adventure. No more 9-to-5 job. No more studio apartment. No more reality TV. Finally, he's in a place where he can call home, a place with people he can call friends. But as more people want to trade their real world lives to get inside Eden's Gate, the government of the outside world wants the "game" shut down at all costs.
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Good start
- By Dawn on 04-15-17
By: Edward Brody
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Pathfinder Tales: Liar's Bargain
- A Novel
- By: Tim Pratt
- Narrated by: Steve West
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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For charming con man Rodrick and his talking sword, Hrym, life is all about taking what you can and getting away clean. But when the pair are arrested in the crusader nation of Lastwall, Rodrick faces immediate execution, with Hrym spending the rest of eternity trapped in an enchanted scabbard. Their only hope lies in a secret government program in which captured career criminals are teamed up and sent on suicide missions too sensitive for ordinary soldiers.
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thumbs way up
- By Eladar on 08-26-16
By: Tim Pratt
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Forever Fantasy Online
- Forever Fantasy Online, Book 1
- By: Rachel Aaron, Travis Bach
- Narrated by: Josh Hurley
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the real world, twenty-one-year-old library sciences student Tina Anderson is invisible and under-appreciated, but in the VR-game Forever Fantasy Online she's Roxxy—the respected leader and main tank of a top-tier raiding guild. Her brother, James Anderson, has a similar problem. IRL he’s a college drop-out struggling under debt, but in FFO he's famous—an explorer known all over the world for doing every quest and collecting the rarest items.
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The cover art is great....
- By Johnny Jeppesen on 08-18-18
By: Rachel Aaron, and others
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Shadow Prowler
- Chronicles of Siala, Book 1
- By: Alexey Pehov
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 15 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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An army is gathering; thousands of giants, ogres, and other creatures are joining forces from all across the Desolate Lands, united, for the first time in history, under one, black banner. By the spring, or perhaps sooner, the Nameless One and his forces will be at the walls of the great city of Avendoom.
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This Thief will steal your time away
- By Joshua on 03-29-10
By: Alexey Pehov
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The Sword-Edged Blonde
- By: Alex Bledsoe
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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It should have been a case like any other: a missing princess, a king willing to pay in gold for her return. But before he realizes it, private investigator Eddie LaCrosse, a slightly shopworn sword jockey with a talent for discretion and detection, is swept up in a web of mystery and deceit involving a brutally murdered royal heir, a queen accused of an unspeakable crime, and the tragic past he thought he'd left behind.
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No Redeeming Qualities
- By MightyMite68 on 09-27-20
By: Alex Bledsoe
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The Sleeping Dragon
- Guardians of the Flame, Book 1
- By: Joel Rosenberg
- Narrated by: Keith Silverstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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It began as just another evening of fantasy gaming with James, Karl, Andrea, and the rest ready to assume their various roles as wizard, cleric, warrior, or thief. But sorcerous gamemaster Professor Deighton had something else planned for this unsuspecting group of college students. And the "game" soon became a matter of life and death as the seven adventurers found themselves transported to an alternate world and into the bodies of the actual characters they had been pretending to be....
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A Self Image Cast in Stone Could Shatter
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-19-13
By: Joel Rosenberg
What listeners say about Horde
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kindle Customer
- 10-16-18
Loved the old D&D feel of the story.
agree with everyone else on the laugh and double meaning of the words used through the story.
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- kevin
- 12-18-18
Tolkien Rolled Over
The Horde is a lighthearted fantasy journey that takes a Lord of the Rings-like world and defiles it. And I mean that in the best way possible. Elves are druggies, heroes are self-centered, Orcs are heroes, and everyone needs a bath. Seriously. The whole world smells. While, I found the humor to be only moderately funny, the storyline and character development was surprisingly good. Ian Thomas Healy is an extremely talented storyteller and he seems to be able to write a compelling well-paced tale regardless of the topic. Although the horde was not my favorite read, due mainly to its topic, it confirm for me that Healy’s books are worth my time. Therefore, if you are looking for a goofy fantasy trip, give this one a read.
I received this book free in exchange for a honest review
Morality rating- This book abounds with Sex, and Sexually both explicit and implied, along with violence, language, and bathroom humor.
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- Kindle Customer
- 05-16-20
"Bears..."
Tried really hard to hate this because I myself auditioned to narrate it but ended up loving the whole ride.
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- Joliet Jill
- 12-13-18
Fun
Fun story of mismatched characters. I love fantasy and whimsy, plus I've always had a soft spot for Orcs. I blame that on my D&D character and my young sons love of Azog. When I saw a story of orcs as the heroes I had to try it out. If you like fantasy that does not take itself too seriously, you'll enjoy this book.
This book was given to me for free at my request and I provided this voluntary review.
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- Cindy
- 12-16-18
Hoping there's more
Though not sure at 1st, within a short time I was enjoying this lighthearted, amusing adventure.
So much so that I had to rewind to get back to where I fell asleep listening. Narrator was the perfect choice to perform this story.
This audio was given to me free, and I voluntarily gave this review.
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- Lint
- 02-01-19
So much FUN!!!
I'm going to start with the only problem I had with this story. When the characters went to a new place we got a dump of information describing the place. I would have like seeing the place unfold as the heroes experienced it. not a big deal though.
The narration was amazing with so many different voices.
The story was so much fun and full of lots of unexpected turns. Never before had I wanted to consider cheering for the Orcs and now I want more, much much more. This book is fantastic!
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- Irshad Karim
- 11-24-19
Unexpectedly and Surprisingly Enjoyable
I did some cover work for the author years ago, for one of his superhero fiction novels. Not really my cup of tea, but he was a great client. It took me five years before I decided to pick up one of his books (one more in my realm of interest and in audiobook format, thankfully). It might be a bit rude to say, but I did not expect a lot.
I'm glad to have been wrong. Horde was actually a lot of fun. The adventure itself was engaging, the characters were amusing, and the jokes were, though admittedly pretty dumb, still pretty hilarious. I feel like the book successfully grabbed me and my standards and dragged us both down in the mud to meet it. I came out a bit messy, a bit humbled, and chuckling like a fool.
I did have some issues with a few choices the author made - like Elvish just being French - but it didn't come up often enough to really grate on my nerves. All in all, I had a great time.
I'm not sure I'd pick up Ian Thomas Healy's usual stuff (again, not my cup of tea), but I'd absolutely be down for another fantasy romp. I'd even want to get in on doing the cover illustration for one.
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- Cortnie Dee
- 04-18-24
A ribald and rollicking good time!
I haven’t had this much fun with an audiobook since I’m not sure when! The pacing of the story moves you along nicely through new settings and misadventures, with never a dull moment. This book is rife with the sort of mischievous wit and joy you’d expect to find in the best D&D campaigns among friends. And call me a child, but the raunchy humor had me grinning like an idiot throughout!
The performer did an incredible job as well- each character with their own recognizable voice and manner that really added another layer to the experience. I can’t wait to hear more of Ian’s work- especially the delightful fantasy he is so gifted with.
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- Laura
- 02-16-19
Enjoyable Fantasy Adventure
I received this book for free. I am voluntarily leaving this review and all opinions expressed herein are my own.
It is a well written story about two orcs who are brothers. One brother, Paug, is considered smart and can read. The other brother, Milph, is not. One night Paug decides to set out on an adventure and Milph decides to tag along. At the beginning of their travels, the orc brothers come upon a wizard and while the wizard is going to the bathroom, they rob him of his wand, money and a map. They then meet Hodak the Inconsequential, who helps them understand that the map is a treasure map. So, they gather a few more companions and all set out to follow the map.
This was a well paced and written light-hearted fantasy adventure with characters who were interesting, likeable, humorous and a bit obsessed with "pleasures of the flesh." I really enjoyed it but my only complaint - the ending. It seemed a bit sudden and wrapped everything up in a bow. It is a complete story [no cliffhanger] but, there could easily be a sequel as these characters deal with the aftermath of their adventure.
The narrator, Nick Jermyn, did a good job voicing all the different characters - monsters, humans, elves, orcs, dwarves, etc. He enhanced the fun adventorous world in which all of these characters live.
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- Lee
- 09-28-18
Very fun book
Good characters, fun story, easy to listen to. Very enjoyable with a wonderful mix of humor.
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