500 Dates
Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars
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Narrated by:
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Tom Parks
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By:
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Mark Miller
About this listen
Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than 500 first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of 55 humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates.
Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this audiobook are:
- How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ("Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pickor spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music.")
- Miller's realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates' previous relationship behavior. ("At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.")
- Miller's misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99 store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ("I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you'll need MasterCard.")
- Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man's brain. ("Cerebellum. Responsible for coordinating movement and maintaining balance. Used primarily when a man has had eight beers and is endeavoring to make his way to the bathroom without tripping over the dog and pulling the fish tank over on top of them.")
- How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's holiday party only to find his date and his ex-wife bonding like high school girlfriends.
- And more.
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- From Dating to 'I Do': Secret Strategies from One of America’s Top Dating Coaches
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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She used to make the same mistakes we've all made with men - until she realized that the winning formula to attracting the right guy lay in skills she already had. As a successful saleswoman, Jess has practiced the techniques in promoting a product, finding the right approach, making the pitch, and closing deal after deal. Once she started to apply these same techniques to the dating scene, her love life made a complete 180, and she found herself with more interested men than she knew what to do with.
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great book
- By Barbara on 04-24-13
By: Jess McCann
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing)
- How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It
- By: Andrea Syrtash
- Narrated by: Andrea Syrtash
- Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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A relationship expert and dating columnist shares her counterintuitive approach to lasting love: encouraging women to date their "non-types". After years of dating, many women fall into relationship ruts. As serial daters, they are attracted to the same type of man time and again. Clearly something's not working. But the problem is not that he's just not that into them - the reality is he's just not their type.
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Amazing Insight
- By Maria M on 02-10-19
By: Andrea Syrtash
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Love, InshAllah
- The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women
- By: Ayesha Mattu, Nura Maznavi
- Narrated by: Lameece Issaq, Piper Goodeve, Lauren Fortgang, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Romance, dating, sex and - Muslim women? In this groundbreaking collection, 25 American Muslim writers sweep aside stereotypes to share their search for love openly for the first time, showing just how varied the search for love can be - from singles' events and online dating, to college flirtations and arranged marriages, all with a uniquely Muslim twist. These compelling stories of love and romance create an irresistible balance of heart-warming and tantalizing, always revealing and deeply relatable.
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Sex, Love, & Feminism, in the Muslim Women's World
- By Susie on 03-06-13
By: Ayesha Mattu, and others
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The Longest Date
- Life as a Wife
- By: Cindy Chupack
- Narrated by: Cindy Chupack, Ian Wallach
- Length: 4 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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After having endured enough emotional wreckage in her search for true love to fill a book ( The New York Times bestseller The Between Boyfriends Book), two magazine columns, and five seasons of scripts for Sex and the City, Cindy Chupack finally, mercifully, at the age of thirty-nine, met the Perfect Man. The perfect companion for anyone navigating a marriage (or even just contemplating one), The Longest Date marks the welcome return of one of our most gifted and captivating comic writers.
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Meh...
- By Jessica K. on 11-07-18
By: Cindy Chupack
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Modern Romance
- An Investigation
- By: Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg
- Narrated by: Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?
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Entertaining and informative
- By ty on 08-23-15
By: Aziz Ansari, and others
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Happy Wives Club
- One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage
- By: Fawn Weaver
- Narrated by: Fawn Weaver
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Everywhere she looked, Fawn Weaver saw negative portrayals of marriage dominating the airwaves and dooming everyone to failure. Looking at Keith, the love of her life, she knew that wasn't true. Happy Wives Club is Fawn's journey across the world to meet her friends and discover what makes their marriages great. Join her on this exciting, exotic trip across six continents and through more than 18 cities.
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beautiful
- By Amazon Customer on 07-13-18
By: Fawn Weaver
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Unhooked
- How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
- By: Laura Sessions Stepp
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Here's an eye-opening examination of the "hookup" culture, seen through the experiences of high-school- and college-age women who confront the hard lessons of dating, love, and sex. Stepp follows three groups of young women and comes away with some disturbing insights. Relationships and romance are seen as messy and time-consuming, and love is postponed or, worse, seen as impossible. Many young women can't handle this, and they're being battered physically and emotionally by the new dating landscape.
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Essential Reading for Parents
- By Elton on 04-19-07
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Sugarbabe
- The Controversial Real Story of a Woman in Search of a Sugar Daddy
- By: Holly Hill
- Narrated by: Nicole Vilencia
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Holly Hill (pseudonym) gave up her job at the behest of her wealthy boyfriend - and then found herself dumped and penniless. After spending six weeks in bed pining for her lost love, she was encouraged by a friend to be "open-minded" about her career choices - and ended up placing an online ad for a sugar daddy. She received an almost overwhelming response from all sorts of men, but most of them were married men whose wives had lost interest in sex. As Holly interviewed the men and settled on a candidate, she decided to record what happened next.
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If you could read junk food, this would be it.
- By Courtney on 03-09-13
By: Holly Hill
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Was It Something I Said
- The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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It's not unusual for Jess McCann to receive a frantic late-night call from one of her clients, asking for advice while out on a date. And every single girl knows the frustration of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and wishing she could take it back and say something better. Well, now you can get it right the first time around with McCann's indispensable dating survival guide.
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Not as good as "You lost him at hello"
- By Lorenza on 11-23-15
By: Jess McCann
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Tied Up in Knots
- How Getting What They Wanted Has Made Women Miserable
- By: Andrea Tantaros
- Narrated by: Andrea Tantaros
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
- By Kevin on 05-06-16
By: Andrea Tantaros
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The Game of Desire
- 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance - and Getting What You Want
- By: Shannon Boodram
- Narrated by: Shannon Boodram
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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For younger generations, dating is a complicated mystery. Apps like Tinder and Bumble are supposed to foster connection but instead serve as a reminder of how painfully single we are. Certified sexologist and intimacy coach Shan Boodram - the most sought-after sex educator on the internet - is about to change all that. In this essential how-to guide, she addresses the realities of life today - when the rules of love and attraction are fluid - and teaches a group of young women how to become master daters in just 60 days.
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Hey it’s me...you
- By Shan Boody on 09-25-19
By: Shannon Boodram
What listeners say about 500 Dates
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- A
- 04-11-21
I just didn’t feel it.
Most of the jokes and information is old and tired. I didn’t learn any useful information, change my perspective about dating, and I didn’t find anything funny. I am sorry I used a credit for this. You might enjoy this if you are Jewish, a man, and over fifty.
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- Julie K.
- 10-14-21
Enjoyable and hilarious listen!
As a female, I found it very intriguing to hear the male perspective and the hilarious stories!
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- Brandon Yapel
- 07-21-22
Good for a Free Audiobook
The book is a series of essays and anecdotes some that are completely made up for humor and others that are from Mark Miller's personal dating life. He is a middle aged divorced man who goes on a lot of dates.
Overall though I liked the book it humanizes the dating process, many other "dating" books are really how to manipulations but Mark Miller seems to be in a genuine search for a soul mate. I think the Jewish lens he views the world in helps to balance the worldly concerns of sex and money with the spiritual ones of love and friendship; also the humor helps to hold interest and make it fun. Overall worth a listen.
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- Steven Derouin
- 07-17-22
Outdated
This book is from a time before dating apps had algorithms designed to milk money out of men.
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- Kyle Dillon
- 01-06-21
terrible
This has been the worst investment of my life... just terrible. Save your money for something better.
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- Matt Black
- 02-22-21
Don’t spend money on this!
Poorly told make believe stories and imaginings. No good information and all told from a beta male mindset.
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- Joshua
- 08-31-22
Only 500 dates in 15 years, and you didn't learn?
The author's conclusions were completely opposite of female nature. It's very clear to me, and anyone who understands what women want in men, that the author has a problem advertising himself in the sexual marketplace as a wallet. In other words, women see his dating profile and immediately try to extract resources from him, and the dates portrayed are various attempts at these feminine attempts.
Had the author displayed more lifestyle in his dating practices, and not flaunted his affluence, this book wouldn't exist.
Save yourself the trouble of wasting your time with this book by understanding that the women in the author's life tried to use/used him for his resources.
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- K. F. Park
- 04-20-21
great if you need a laugh
oh I don't know where to begin. Absolutely one of the funniest books I've ever listened to. And I can relate with. the epilogues was great especially the one about the woman who stopped the guy made a mint every year and it turned out to be literally. Also people spontaneously bursting into flames during sex.
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