Bless Your Heart
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Stephanie Németh-Parker
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By:
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Lindy Ryan
About this listen
A crackling mystery-horror novel with big-hearted characters and Southern charm with a bite, Bless Your Heart is a gasp-worthy delight from start to finish from debut author Lindy Ryan.
Rise and shine. The Evans women have some undead to kill.
It’s 1999 in Southeast Texas and the Evans women, owners of the only funeral parlor in town, are keeping steady with…normal business. The dead die, you bury them. End of story. That’s how Ducey Evans has done it for the last eighty years, and her progeny—Lenore the experimenter and Grace, Lenore’s soft-hearted daughter, have run Evans Funeral Parlor for the last fifteen years without drama. Ever since That Godawful Mess that left two bodies in the ground and Grace raising her infant daughter Luna, alone.
But when town gossip Mina Jean Murphy’s body is brought in for a regular burial and she rises from the dead instead, it’s clear that the Strigoi—the original vampire—are back. And the Evans women are the ones who need to fight back to protect their town.
As more folks in town turn up dead and Deputy Roger Taylor begins asking way too many questions, Ducey, Lenore, Grace, and now Luna, must take up their blades and figure out who is behind the Strigoi’s return. As the saying goes, what rises up, must go back down. But as unspoken secrets and revelations spill from the past into the present, the Evans family must face that sometimes, the dead aren’t the only things you want to keep buried.
A crackling mystery-horror novel with big-hearted characters and Southern charm with a bite, Bless Your Heart is a gasp-worthy delight from start to finish.
"A gloriously gruesome, compulsively readable debut that is as grizzly as it is clever and heartfelt."—Rachel Harrison
A Macmillan Audio production from Minotaur Books.
©2024 Lindy Ryan (P)2024 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Such a brilliant blend of banter and dread. Authored with the confidence of a storyteller who knows every inch, cadence, and beat of their tale. Instantly cinematic. And if you’re anything like me, you’re going to wish you were part of the Evans family, working at the Evans Funeral Home, just so you can spend more time with these people. Lindy Ryan is on fire with this book.” (Josh Malerman, New York Times bestselling author of Bird Box and Daphne)
"The Evans women have arrived and these Southern belle slayers are carving out a spot in our undead hearts. Lindy Ryan has harnessed the charm and horror of a Romero-helmed Steel Magnolias, equal parts Carson McCullers and Bram Stoker. Bless her heart." (Clay McLeod Chapman, author of Ghost Eaters)
"Lindy Ryan is among the most electrifying voices in the horror genre today. Her writing is devastating, beautiful, and horrifying in all the best ways. With her new novel, she's created a group of characters you won't ever forget set in a world that's sure to get under your skin. Bless Your Heart is everything you could want in a horror novel and more. Highly recommended." (Gwendolyn Kiste, Three-time Bram Stoker Awards®-winning author of The Rust Maidens and Reluctant Immortals)
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Lowen Ashleigh is a struggling writer on the brink of financial ruin when she accepts the job offer of a lifetime. Jeremy Crawford, husband of best-selling author Verity Crawford, has hired Lowen to complete the remaining books in a successful series his injured wife is unable to finish. Lowen arrives at the Crawford home, ready to sort through years of Verity's notes and outlines, hoping to find enough material to get her started. What Lowen doesn't expect to uncover in the chaotic office is an unfinished autobiography Verity never intended for anyone to read.
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intriguing but skip if triggered by child abuse
- By Amazon Customer on 05-16-19
By: Colleen Hoover
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George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
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A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
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7 Hours to Die
- By: James Patterson, Duane Swierczynski
- Narrated by: Sarah Paulson, Patina Miller, Mel Rodriguez, and others
- Length: 2 hrs and 25 mins
- Original Recording
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Kidnappers grabbed Jenna in broad daylight, right in front of her children and their horrified classmates. Her family was issued an insane ransom demand: $25 million in cash and jewels, payable by the end of the school day, otherwise they’ll never see her again. As Jenna’s mother scrambles to gather the money, detectives Mo Butler and George Ortega follow the trail of the kidnappers, which will lead them through a sordid landscape of jealous lovers, broken dreamers, and twisted schemers. But every second counts, and there’s one thing Jenna Wade doesn’t have: very much time.
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This was such a fun Quick listen
- By Mdc on 10-08-24
By: James Patterson, and others
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Dead Med
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Patricia Santomasso, Scott Merriman
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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When Heather McKinley dreamed of becoming a doctor, she imagined curing sick kids and sporting pink stethoscopes. She never anticipated the sleepless nights, grueling exams, and endless labs. And she certainly never knew that her medical school earned the nickname Dead Med thanks to the tragic history of students overdosing on illegal drugs. But Heather would never consider doing anything like that. That is, until her longtime boyfriend dumps her, she finds herself failing anatomy, and her world starts to crumble.
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Hmm
- By Morgan Meaux on 08-22-24
By: Freida McFadden
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The Ex
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Nicol Zanzarella
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Cassie thinks she has met the perfect man. Joel is sweet, handsome, romantic, and best of all, he’s crazy about Cassie. She thinks she’s found the guy she’ll spend the rest of her life with. Have children with. Grow old with. Yes, she knows about his perfect ex-girlfriend, Francesca. The beautiful, brilliant chef, beloved by all his friends. But she thinks Francesca is out of the picture. She thinks Francesca is gone for good. Think again, Cassie.
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Too bizarre for someone who loves bizarre
- By G. C. Webster on 07-01-22
By: Freida McFadden
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Artemis
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Rosario Dawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Jazz Bashara is a criminal. Well, sort of. Life on Artemis, the first and only city on the moon, is tough if you're not a rich tourist or an eccentric billionaire. So smuggling in the occasional harmless bit of contraband barely counts, right? Not when you've got debts to pay and your job as a porter barely covers the rent. Everything changes when Jazz sees the chance to commit the perfect crime, with a reward too lucrative to turn down.
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A ferrari with no motor
- By will on 11-18-17
By: Andy Weir
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The Married Man
- By: K.L. Slater
- Narrated by: Clare Corbett
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Everyone thinks my husband is dead. Just like we planned. Eleven years ago, my husband disappeared. Eleven long hard years I waited, my heart breaking for our son, who didn’t know his father was coming back. Today, my hands shake as I try to understand what I’ve just learned: my husband has a new wife. This wasn’t part of our plan. Eleven years ago, my husband made a terrible mistake. I sacrificed everything to help him fix it. But now he’s put our son and me in danger again. We had a plan. He broke the rules. But who will pay the price?
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K.L. Slater and Clare Corbett – riveting Tango!
- By Karenique on 11-11-24
By: K.L. Slater
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Too Late
- Definitive Edition
- By: Colleen Hoover
- Narrated by: Ryan Gray, Maxine Mitchell, Joe Arden
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Sloan will go through hell and back for those she loves. And she does so, every single day. Caught up with the alluring Asa Jackson, a notorious drug trafficker, Sloan has finally found a lifeline to cling to, even if it’s meant compromising her morals. She was in dire straits trying to pay for her brother’s care until she met Asa. But as Sloan became emotionally and economically reliant on him, he in turn developed a disturbing obsession with her—one that becomes increasingly dangerous every day.
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Triggering and poor narration
- By Katherine Epperson on 07-11-23
By: Colleen Hoover
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Sir Lawrence Linwood is dead. More accurately, he was murdered—savagely beaten to death in his own study with a mediaeval mace. The murder calls home his three adopted children: Alan, an archeologist; Roger, an engineer; and Caroline, a journalist. But his heirs soon find that his last testament contains a strange proviso—that his estate shall go to the heir who solves his murder.
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Interesting Mystery; nice performance
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Intriguing story that draws you in from the first page.
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In the wake of her son’s sudden death, Margaret Dobrescu struggles to keep it together in the face of her grief…and her guilt. She can’t help but blame herself for Kyle’s own lifelong struggles—namely, the alcoholism that plagued him. But within mere days of his funeral, secrets and suspicions begin to surface, and Margaret’s husband admits that Kyle once confessed to having a daughter. Clinging to the hope that some part of her son is still out there, Margaret embarks on a search to find her rumored granddaughter.
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Depressing
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Molly Sullivan is used to sharing intimate details of her life with millions of followers. A thirty-one-year-old single mom, she has built a career out of fearless posts about parenthood and dating. But when Molly shares a photo of her new fiancé, Scott, she is shocked by his negative reaction. For the sake of their relationship, Molly agrees to remove the post and keep Scott and his ten-year-old daughter out of her social media spotlight. But it’s too late, someone has already recognized him.
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Maddie Baker just wants to make ends meet. She gave up her school librarian career to return to her hometown and take care of her elderly aunt. So when she starts making Uber runs to supplement her barista job, she never dreamt she’d not only drop a man off to his murder but be labeled a person of interest in his death. Detective Noah Langley is looking for a fresh start in a city with a lower crime rate and a fraction of the population of Memphis. It’s just what he needs to recover from a nightmare that left him severely injured and his teenage mentee dead.
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loved meeting these new characters!
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Most nights PI Jack Coffey can be found hanging out in smoky Greenwich Village jazz clubs with well-known mobsters, jazzmen, and hoods. So, when an uptown financier calls him in for a job, it seems like he’s headed for tonier climes. But it turns out the view from Louis Garrett’s lavish penthouse overlooks the same vice-ridden Manhattan streets, which explains why he’s so desperate to find his missing teenage daughter, Lucy.
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A fun and fascinating read
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Little Girl Vanished
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With a friend’s child missing, and the police failing, disgraced ex-detective Harper enlists the aid of a former crime boss to untangle a mystery that strikes too close to home. Disgraced, ex-detective Harper Adams is perfectly content wallowing at rock bottom. She’s lost her job, house, and reputation, and it only gets worse when she’s forced to move back home to Jackson Creek, Arkansas, the one place she swore she’d never return.
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team James forever
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A Witch for Mr. Holiday
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Welcome to Christmas Grove, where holiday magic and matchmaking is in the air. When Rex Holiday walks into the charming town of Christmas Grove, all he plans to do is to spend the season helping out at his buddy’s Christmas tree farm. What he doesn’t expect is for an overzealous matchmaker to slip a love potion into his cider. But the joke’s on the resident matchmaker, because not even a potent love spell can break through the walls he’s built around his heart. But when the girl next door catches his eye, some of his barriers start to crumble.
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Witch for Mr. Holiday NOT A HOLIDAY
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Small Secrets
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Four years in, Stevie and Nate’s true-crime podcast, All the Gory Details, is forced onto hiatus when their conclusions in their first-ever episode, about the unsolved murder of teenager Lauren in their hometown seventeen years ago, are proven wrong. Their mistake ruined a life, and Stevie and Nate are still reeling from the consequences. Still, when a fresh murder frighteningly similar to Lauren’s is brought to their attention, Nate is adamant that they should resurrect the podcast.
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Tone of book is a little too “depressing” or “somber”
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What listeners say about Bless Your Heart
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Heather L.
- 05-27-24
Creepy summer listen. I loved it!
I highly recommend! It’s funny, sassy, a little creepy, with some mystery, and a twist. Too fun!
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- Jane W.
- 08-18-24
Things That Go Bump In the Night
This was a standout comedy horror novel for me and I absolutely adored it, especially the Evans women. Set in a small Texas town, four generations of Evans women help run the funeral parlor from 80-year old Ducey, the steely matriarch, to 15-year old Luna, the youngest Evans just trying to survive high school. Things start to go bump in the night and before we know it people start to turn up, or not turn up, dead all throughout the town. Big moments happen for everyone along with there being consequences to actions taken with everything coming full circle in the end.
Throughout the story we learn a little bit about the big mess that occurred 15 years prior and about how each of these characters think. I especially enjoyed bouncing around between the different viewpoints which I'm not usually a fan of but it was handled so deftly with this novel that I was excited to see what each character was doing or what they were thinking about with the situation.
I've got to say that the narrator, Stephanie Németh-Parker, also really brought it all beautifully together. The way she changed her voice to fit all of the different characters really gave them an extra oomph and even her male intonation wasn't too bad. Highly recommend this book especially if you want your horror southern fried with a dash of hot sauce.
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- L. Garcia
- 05-03-24
Fast read, fun mystery
Good storyline, well developed characters and good twist. Listened to it in three days! Looking forward to the next book.
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- Jamie Toepel
- 05-15-24
Bless y’all’s heart!
What a fantastic debut! This story is unique and feels classic at the same time! 4 generations of Texas women run a small town funeral home, where they “take care of” the restless dead! It made me laugh, it made me cry! Fantastic narration! Highly recommend!
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- Kia
- 05-20-24
Fantastic experience!
Really loved this book, and the production of the audio book was done really well. Highly recommend!
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- jim and lynn wright
- 09-29-24
Excellent Vampire story!
I loved this book from start to finish. The characters are well created and the story was great.
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-30-24
Like true blood meets practical magic
I usually hate fun reads. Like I love a super long heavy plot but this book was just sooooo good. The narrater deserves an award and all the characters were interesting and compelling. I want more
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- M
- 05-19-24
I can't wait for the next one!
This book follows Luna through being a teenager in the 1990s. Her family is a little odd but they stick together and run the town's funeral parlor. I need the next in the series asap.
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- Lisa M.
- 05-27-24
The beginning of a fun saga
Fun story, well written and very well read. I could see every character and look forward to more adventures with these strong, smart and courageous women.
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- DeAnn
- 07-26-24
Hang in there
If you can get past the gory explanations and the first few chapters would be glad you did!
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