Clump
An American Splatire
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Narrated by:
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Jack de Golia
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By:
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S. Redman White
About this listen
Clump is a man with no known name, no known past and, most importantly, no head. The huge, heavily muscled giant lacks any awareness of the world around him but miraculously becomes the most popular entertainer in America.
Clump's medical and media handlers must manage his skyrocketing career as a music video star and create a wholesome, family-friendly public image...while concealing the inconvenient fact that the headless man is homicidally dangerous when touched.
A so-called "splatire" owing to the mix of razor-sharp comedy and graphic violence, Clump's satiric targets include the entertainment industry, medicine, journalism, corporate greed and ineptitude, politics, and a morally vacuous culture that increasingly and enthusiastically embraces the brainless.
Stylistically, Clump is like a head-on collision between Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., and Chuck Palahniuk. It is not for the faint-hearted, the thin-skinned, or the unadventurous, but is an all-you-can stomach buffet for those who like their comedy dark and their social commentary barbed.
©2011 Stephen White (P)2015 Stephen WhiteListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Joel Byram is an everyday 22nd century guy. He spends his days training artificial-intelligence engines to act more human, jamming out to 1980s new wave - an extremely obscure genre - and trying to salvage his deteriorating marriage. Joel is pretty much an everyday guy with everyday problems - until he's accidentally duplicated while teleporting. Now Joel must outsmart the shadowy organization that controls teleportation, outrun the religious sect out to destroy it, and find a way to get back to the woman he loves.
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Great Premise, terrible execution
- By Perfect Tommy on 09-25-17
By: Tal M. Klein
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The Devil in Silver
- By: Victor LaValle
- Narrated by: Victor LaValle
- Length: 13 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Pepper is a rambunctious big man, and, suddenly, the surprised inmate of a budget-strapped mental institution in Queens, New York. He's not mentally ill, but that doesn't seem to matter. On his first night, he's visited by a terrifying creature who nearly kills him before being hustled away by the hospital staff. It's no delusion: The other patients confirm that a hungry devil roams the hallways when the sun goes down. Pepper rallies three other inmates in a plot to fight back: Dorry, an octogenarian schizophrenic; Coffee, an African immigrant with severe OCD; and Loochie, a bipolar teenage girl.
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Not a horror/thriller
- By Matilda Luk on 03-17-18
By: Victor LaValle
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Process of Elimination
- A Thriller
- By: Arthur T. Bradley
- Narrated by: Nick Sullivan
- Length: 12 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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A powerful international organization wants to tip the balance of global power by infiltrating the White House. At the direction of its mastermind, alias Pecos Bill, presidential candidates have become unwitting targets of a world-class sharpshooter. A martial arts expert, a greedy corporate attorney, and a self-proclaimed conspiracy theorist form a shaky alliance initially intent on solving a missing persons case, only to get caught up in a bigger political plot in which they must uncover the assassin’s identity....
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unlistenable
- By itinerant on 11-28-17
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Origin
- A Thriller
- By: J. A. Konrath
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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When linguist Andrew Dennison is yanked from his bed by the Secret Service and taken to a top secret facility in the desert, he has no idea he's been brought there to translate the words of an ancient demon. He joins pretty but cold veterinarian Sun Jones, eccentric molecular biologist Dr. Frank Belgium, and a hodge-podge of religious, military, and science personnel to try and figure out if the creature is, indeed, Satan. But things quickly go bad, and very soon Andy isn't just fighting for his life, but the lives of everyone on earth…
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Making My Beelzebubble Burst
- By Carol on 01-01-14
By: J. A. Konrath
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The Mad Scientist's Guide to World Domination
- Original Short Fiction for the Modern Evil Genius
- By: John Joseph Adams - editor
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki, Mary Robinette Kowal, Justine Eyre
- Length: 15 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Mad scientists have never had it so tough. In super-hero comics, graphic novels, films, TV series, video games, and even works of what may be fiction, they are besieged by those who stand against them, devoid of sympathy for their irrational, megalomaniacal impulses to rule, destroy, or otherwise dominate the world as we know it. It’s just not fair. So those of us who are so twisted and sick that we love mad scientists have created this guide.
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HAND DANCING
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 05-30-15
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The Sisterhood
- By: Michael Palmer
- Narrated by: Renée Raudman
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Inside Boston Doctors Hospital, patients are dying. In the glare of the operating room, they survive the surgeon's knife. But in the dark, hollow silence of the night, they die. Suddenly, inexplicably, horribly. A tough, bright doctor will risk his very life for a dedicated young nurse who unknowingly holds the answers.
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Enjoyable
- By Lia on 01-26-10
By: Michael Palmer
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Nightshades
- A Paranormal Thriller (Nightshades, Book 1)
- By: Melissa F. Olson
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 4 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Alex McKenna is the new Special Agent in Charge of the Chicago office of the Bureau of Preternatural Investigations - the division tasked with investigating crimes involving shades. Or vampires, as they're more widely known. Children have been going missing, and agents are routinely being slaughtered. It's up to McKenna, and some unlikely allies, to get to the bottom of the problem, and find the kids before it's too late.
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Fun, with enough novelty to be interesting
- By S. Yates on 01-27-18
By: Melissa F. Olson
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Bone Dry
- By: Bette Golden Lamb
- Narrated by: Beth Richmond
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Imagine. You have cancer. You’ve been blasted and wasted with chemotherapy, along with every other poison the doctors could find to kill malignant cells. Most days you’re more dead than alive. Now there is one last chance for survival. Tomorrow you will be infused with your own, treated bone marrow frozen, stored, and safe in one of California’s most prestigious hospitals. Then comes the note: “We have your marrow.... pay or die."
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Not bad, not great, it was OK"
- By Laurie Carroll on 03-13-16
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Silent Treatment
- By: Michael Palmer
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 14 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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In Silent Treatment, best-selling author Dr. Michael Palmer crosses the line between medicine and murder with a heart-pounding thriller guaranteed to satisfy fans of medical suspense.
When his wife mysteriously dies the night before she is scheduled for surgery, Dr. Harry Corbett realizes a killer is moving through the wards of Good Samaritan Hospital - a killer so sophisticated and silent that he can only be a doctor.
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Unnecesary bedroom scene details
- By Marty on 01-31-17
By: Michael Palmer
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Dirty Magic
- By: Jaye Wells
- Narrated by: Morgan Hallett
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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The last thing patrol cop Kate Prospero expected to find on her nightly rounds was a werewolf covered in the blood of his latest victim. But then, she also didn't expect that shooting him would land her in the crosshairs of a Magic Enforcement Agency task force, who wants to know why she killed their lead snitch. The more Prospero learns about the dangerous new potion the MEA is investigating, the more she's convinced that earning a spot on their task force is the career break she's been wanting. But getting the assignment proves much easier than solving the case.
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Not really fantasy at all
- By gregory on 10-23-14
By: Jaye Wells
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Savage News
- By: Jessica Yellin
- Narrated by: Jessica Yellin
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Be noisy. Natalie Savage grew up hearing these words from her father, who admired Walter Cronkite so much he named the family dog after him. Natalie - who spent her 20s missing out on life’s benchmarks - finally sees her efforts pay off when she’s assigned to cover the White House for her network. The problem? The position is only temporary, a test to see if she has what it takes. She has always relied on her grit, her principles and her news sense to gain success. But now her competition is a frat boy who got his big break by eating raw animal parts on a reality show.
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Great insight into newsworld, Just OK novel
- By Zack on 05-10-19
By: Jessica Yellin
What listeners say about Clump
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- LITRPG Audiobook Reviews
- 03-29-18
Clump sat alone in a boggy marsh . . .He's Clump!"
Wow.
There are literally no words.
I mean, I have to write some, so there will be words, but this is hard to discuss in a rational and sane manner.
Um.
Hmmmm.
Ok, this is a tale that was wallowed in weird, smothered in strange, bathed in bizarre, and injected with incredible concepts. You come away feeling like you just read some mind altering lovecraftian text and that your sanity is now in question.
It is my understanding that the author had to write tamer stories than he preferred, and once he was able to do something on his own he just kind of went nuts and did every crazy thing he could think of, and thus Clump was born. It reminds me of how comic book writer Mark Millar felt when he finally got out from under Marvel's thumb and he wrote his comic series, Wanted. He put in every depraved idea he could just because he could. So, in essence, Clump is a diamond that was formed after years of intense heat and pressure. Something that was just bursting to get out.
Lucky for us that is the case. Clump is a fantastically fascinating read, especially for a book whose main character lacks a head. This is most certainly not a book you will ever forget. It is like an ear worm, once you've heard it it will stay with you.
Jack de Golia, who seems to do a one man command performance helps you keep your head on straight. Pun not intended. He really paces the story well, and he rolls out some characters in an unbelievable fashion. I believe he stated that he did 88 total voices for this book, which is one heck of an impressive amount of vocal acrobatics that would cause even Mel Blanc to tremble. Undoubtedly a Gold Medal winner, and probably deserving of a Grammy.
Don't miss out on this book!
Even though I did receive a promo code for this review it in no way influenced my considerations of the material, and in fact, inspired me to be more honest. In fact, getting a code generally makes me harsher as a reviewer as I am more often concerned what someone like Me will decide based on my review.
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- Harold Beaudreau
- 12-28-15
Being There ... on steroids
The book was a fun listen. The narrator was versatile, reminding me a little of Hiaasen's narrator, George Wilson, one of my favorites. The take off on Steinbeck was hilarious, much in the same way the book seemed a take off on Jerzy Kosiński's Being There, with Clump in the Chauncey Gardiner role.
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