Denial
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Suzie Althens
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By:
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Jessica Stern
About this listen
From one of the world’s foremost experts on terrorism and post-traumatic stress disorder, comes an intimate and astonishingly frank examination of her own rape at 15, the life of her rapist, and how both shaped her life and work.
Jessica Stern is one of the world’s foremost experts on terrorism and post-traumatic stress disorder. She has interviewed some of the most feared terrorists in their own camps in Pakistan and Afghanistan. She has worked with the National Security Council and the FBI as an expert on what extreme trauma can do to a person, be they friend or foe. By her own admission, she feels no fear in these terrifying scenarios.
On a fall night in Concord, a quiet Massachusetts suburb, in 1973, Jessica was 15. She and her sister were at doing their homework after ballet class when a serial rapist, Dennis Meggs, entered their bedroom and sexually assaulted the girls for over an hour. When he left them alone, they tried to call for help, but he had cut the phone line. They walked to Friendly’s to call their babysitter from a payphone. She did not believe the girls until she saw them. Their mother was dead, and their father was on a business trip to Europe with his new wife from which he did not return for three days after hearing the news. The girls wrote their statements for the police in their best cursive hand.
Following the example of her family, her father the Holocaust survivor and her abusive grandfather, Jessica denied the pain of her experience. She kept striving to be good. Her academic and writing career took off at a supersonic speed, but her personal life stalled. She miscarried twelve times, and her marriage dissolved once she finally gave birth to a son. Until a friend’s request forced her to sit down with her police file in 2006, she had disassociated from most of the details of the attack and its aftermath.
But, when she did review the file, something clicked in the mind of this world-class social scientist. She had to know the truth and could deny her feelings no longer. She began an investigation, with the help of a devoted police lietenant and her new husband, to find the truth about Dennis Meggs, the town of Concord, her own family, and her own mind. The results are astonishing.
In her own words, “Nabokov once said, “Life is pain,” a riff on the Buddhist notion that to live is to crave and to crave is to feel pain. To live in this world involves pain. Had I not been catapulted, in that one hour, half-way to death, and therefore closer to enlightenment? In death we no longer feel human cravings, no longer feel human pain. I was now half way there. I was prepared to be quiet. I have been quiet, and I have listened all my life. But now, I will finally speak.”
©2010 Jessica Stern (P)2020 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Dr. Helen Morrison has profiled more than 80 serial killers around the world. What she has learned about them will shatter every assumption you've ever had about the most notorious killers known to man.
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Boring reader,boring writing
- By P. Minor on 02-03-08
By: Helen Morrison M.D., and others
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The Mathematician's Shiva
- By: Stuart Rojstaczer
- Narrated by: Angela Brazil, Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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When the greatest female mathematician in history passes away, her son, Alexander "Sasha" Karnokovitch, just wants to mourn his mother in peace. But rumor has it the notoriously eccentric Polish émigré has solved one of the most difficult problems in all of mathematics and has spitefully taken the solution to her grave. A ragtag group of mathematicians from around the world descends upon Rachela's shiva, determined to find the proof or solve it for themselves - even if it means prying up the floorboards for notes.
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Great read
- By Lee Crowe on 07-27-15
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Remembering Satan
- A Tragic Case of Recovered Memory
- By: Lawrence Wright
- Narrated by: Danny Campbell
- Length: 6 hrs and 46 mins
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Story
Remembering Satan is a lucid, measured, yet absolutely riveting inquest into a case that destroyed a family, engulfed a small town, and captivated an America obsessed by rumors of a satanic underground. It follows the increasingly bizarre accusations and confessions, as well as the claims and counterclaims of police, FBI investigators, and mental-health professionals.
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Lawrence Wright missed important details
- By Mark Carras on 06-05-22
By: Lawrence Wright
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The Ungrateful Refugee
- What Immigrants Never Tell You
- By: Dina Nayeri
- Narrated by: Dina Nayeri
- Length: 10 hrs and 33 mins
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Aged eight, Dina Nayeri fled Iran along with her mother and brother and lived in the crumbling shell of an Italian hotel-turned-refugee camp. Eventually, she was granted asylum in America. She settled in Oklahoma, then made her way to Princeton University. In this book, Nayeri weaves together her own vivid story with the stories of other refugees and asylum seekers in recent years, bringing us inside their daily lives and taking us through the different stages of their journeys, from escape to asylum to resettlement.
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Amazing story of resilience and compassion
- By PAH on 09-06-19
By: Dina Nayeri
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A Tangled Web
- A Cyberstalker, a Deadly Obsession, and the Twisting Path to Justice
- By: Leslie Rule
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 11 hrs and 4 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It was a bleak November in 2012 when Cari Lea Farver vanished from Omaha, Nebraska. Cari, 37, was a devoted mother, reliable employee, and loyal friend - not the type to shirk responsibilities, abandon her son, and run off on an adventure while her dying father took his last breaths. Yet, the many texts from her phone indicated she had done just that. While Cari's boyfriend, Dave Kroupa, and her supervisor were bewildered by her abrupt disappearance, they accepted the texts at face value. Her mother, Nancy Raney, however, was alarmed and reported Cari missing.
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Unbelievable and impossible but sadly all true.
- By maggie mae on 05-12-20
By: Leslie Rule
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You Can Go Home Now
- A Novel
- By: Michael Elias
- Narrated by: Sophie Amoss
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Nina is a tough Queens detective with a series of cold-case homicides on her desk - men whose widows had the same alibi: They were living in Artemis, a battered women’s shelter, when their husbands were killed. Nina goes undercover into Artemis. Though she is playing the victim, she’s anything but. Nina knows about violence and the bullies who rely on it because she’s experienced it in her own life.
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Excellent Suspense!
- By shelley on 06-30-20
By: Michael Elias
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Angels Burning
- By: Tawni O'Dell
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
On the surface, Chief Dove Carnahan is a true trailblazer who would do anything to protect the rural Pennsylvanian countryside where she has lived all 50 of her years. Traditional and proud of her blue-collar sensibilities, Dove is loved by her community. But beneath her badge lies a dark and self-destructive streak, fed by a secret she has kept since she was 16.
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It was just ok
- By ckal36 on 06-27-23
By: Tawni O'Dell
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Wilde Lake
- A Novel
- By: Laura Lippman
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney, Nicole Poole
- Length: 10 hrs and 53 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Luisa "Lu" Brant is the newly elected - and first female - state's attorney of Howard County, Maryland, a job in which her widower father famously served. Fiercely intelligent and ambitious, she sees an opportunity to make her name by trying a mentally disturbed drifter accused of beating a woman to death in her home. It's not the kind of case that makes headlines, but peaceful Howard County doesn't see many homicides.
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In a word saccharine and boring
- By Rena on 05-12-16
By: Laura Lippman
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Where the Past Begins
- A Writer's Memoir
- By: Amy Tan
- Narrated by: Amy Tan
- Length: 14 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Moving from her childhood in Oakland and growing up with her Chinese parents through her success as a novelist, Amy Tan delves into her creative interests in music, the paralysis of beginning a new project, journal writing, and travelling. Where the Past Begins chronicles the making of a writer. With characteristic humor and poignant observation, Tan weaves a nontraditional introspective narrative that is as complex and vibrant as this beloved American novelist's fiction.
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Narration Issues
- By Sara on 12-14-17
By: Amy Tan
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My Life as a Rat
- A Novel
- By: Joyce Carol Oates
- Narrated by: Sadie Alexandru
- Length: 13 hrs and 2 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
My Life as a Rat follows Violet Rue Kerrigan, a young woman who looks back upon her life in exile from her family following her testimony, at age 12, concerning what she knew to be the racist murder of an African American boy by her older brothers. In a succession of vividly recalled episodes, Violet contemplates the circumstances of her life as the initially beloved youngest child of seven Kerrigan children who inadvertently “informs” on her brothers, setting into motion their arrests and convictions and her own long estrangement.
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Heavy Topics & Satisfying Story
- By Oscar on 06-30-19
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The Lost
- A Search for Six of Six Million
- By: Daniel Mendelsohn
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 22 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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The Lost begins as the story of a boy who grew up in a family haunted by the disappearance of six relatives during the Holocaust - an unmentionable subject that gripped his imagination from earliest childhood. Decades later, spurred by the discovery of a cache of desperate letters written to his grandfather in 1939 and tantalized by fragmentary tales of a terrible betrayal, Daniel Mendelsohn sets out to find the remaining eyewitnesses to his relatives' fates.
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Exquisite Narration, Breathtakingly Heartfelt Book
- By Gillian on 08-14-16
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Secrets and Wives
- The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy
- By: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Narrated by: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Length: 15 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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What do we really know about modern practicing polygamists - not fictional ones like the Henrickson family on HBO’s Big Love? We’ve seen the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the news, the underage brides in pioneer dresses on a Texas ranch. But the FLDS is just one of many groups that have broken with mainstream Mormonism to follow those parts of Joseph Smith’s doctrine disavowed by the LDS Church. Gaining unprecedented access to these communities, journalist Sanjiv Bhattacharya reveals a shadow country....
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Great stories (+), religious amateur hour (-)
- By Douglas on 09-26-13
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After the Eclipse
- A Mother's Murder, a Daughter's Search
- By: Sarah Perry
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 13 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A fierce memoir of a mother's murder, a daughter's coming-of-age in the wake of immense loss, and her ultimate mission to know the woman who gave her life.
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True crime memoir
- By Julie on 11-03-17
By: Sarah Perry
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Mitka’s Secret
- A True Story of Child Slavery and Surviving the Holocaust
- By: Steven W. Brallier, Joel N. Lohr, Lynn G. Beck
- Narrated by: Trevor Thompson
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This is Mitka’s account of facing the past, confronting his captors, connecting with lost relatives, and finding peace in the rediscovery of his origins. For Mitka, this also meant reclaiming his Jewish heritage - a journey that gave him a new sense of purpose and freedom from the lingering effects of trauma that had filled his life to that point. By the end, Mitka’s Secret is less a story of survival and more one of redemption and transformation - from hidden suffering to abundant joy.
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This should be a movie!!!
- By Amazon Customer on 09-11-21
By: Steven W. Brallier, and others
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After Del Walker fled her small hometown and its cult-like church, she vowed to never return. The man she loved, Lars, left her to marry the local golden girl Eve, and their romance is now the focus of Eve’s viral blog espousing the pastor’s conservative philosophy about women and marriage. But six years later, Lars is suddenly killed, and she’s convinced it couldn’t have been an accident.
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Triggering, But Good.
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The World Deserves My Children
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When Natasha Leggero got pregnant at forty-two after embarking on the grueling IVF process, she was over the moon. But once her feelings of bliss dissipated, she couldn’t help but shake the lingering question: Am I doing this right? And then, Should I be doing this if the world is about to end?
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The Hollywood Con Queen
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Blending years of deep reporting with distinctive, powerful prose, Scott C. Johnson’s unique true crime narrative recounts the tale of the brilliantly cunning imposter who carved a path of financial and emotional destruction across the world. Gifted with a diabolical flair for impersonation, manipulation, and deception, the Con Queen used their skill with accents and deft psychological insight to sweep through the entertainment industry.
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Amazingly intriguing
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What listeners say about Denial
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Gisela Moreira ortt
- 02-15-23
Thank you
I thank the author. Listening about her trauma helped me processing mine. I hope to listen to more audiobooks from survivors and feel more of this connection.
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- Ade
- 07-01-24
Courageous and Relatable
Thank you! this memoir inspired me to be more intentional in allowing myself to remember my own story, ask questions about my history, get help with my trauma-responses, and be brave to tell.
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- Kelly Arora
- 12-09-22
Unbelievable how amazing this book is
Just start listening. You won’t regret it. This production is fantastic. The book is fantastic and Jessica Stern is one of the best story tellers of this generation.
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- Kindle Customer
- 10-11-20
Essential For Understanding the World Right Now
I am a person who has spent years studying my own behaviors and their origins in Hope's of trying to outgrow trauma. Many many times throughout this listen, I was open-mouthed shocked at an insight into my own world as she described hers. The topics of trauma, terror, abuse and their effects are the most important topics in understanding what is unfolding across the globe. Generations of traumatized, abused and terrorized individuals are acting from these experiences, either unaware of or in denial of their existence or effects. I could not recommend this book more strongly, especially for those who have tried or are still trying to understand their own experiences and behaviors.
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- Edmund
- 06-21-24
Best book this year
This is a remarkable story, told eloquently by the author. The most thought provoking book I’ve read this year - have suggested it to friends. Remarkably, despite telling of rape, Nazi treatment of German Jews, prisons and PTSD from combat, the story is gently told with many positive aspects.
The story is also an example of how our memories fail us - even traumatic memories which we believe are unforgettable. Furthermore, Jessica’s story shows there are different ways to process trauma, which are influenced by the trauma of our parents and their defense mechanisms.
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- Jesse
- 02-04-24
Excellent book!
If you have PTSD you need to read this book. This is the first author I’ve ever heard describe my symptoms of feeling drunk and drugged to the point of sleep when having to address my traumas. Very well written with many gripping true stories of survival and the aftermath of pain.
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- Jeannie
- 07-24-22
Brilliant & Heartbreaking.
I will listen to this book again as I found it to be such a clear and honest account of trauma and its aftermath.
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