Diddly Squat
A Year on the Farm
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Narrated by:
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Jeremy Clarkson
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By:
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Jeremy Clarkson
About this listen
Brought to you by Penguin.
Welcome to Jeremy's farm. It's an idyllic spot, offering picturesque views across the Cotswolds, bustling hedgerows, woodlands and natural springs. Jeremy always liked the idea of being a farmer. But, while he was barrelling around the world having more fun with cars than was entirely reasonable, it seemed obvious that the actual, you know, farming was much better left to someone else.
Then one day he decided he would do the farming himself.
After all, how hard could it be?
Well...
Faced with suffocating red tape, biblical weather, local objections, a global pandemic and his own frankly staggering ignorance of how to 'do farming', Jeremy soon realises that turning the farm around is going to take more than splashing out on a massive tractor.
Fortunately, there's help at hand from a large and (mostly) willing team, including girlfriend Lisa, Kaleb the tractor driver, cheerful Charlie, Ellen the shepherd and Gerald, his head of security and dry stone waller. Between them they enthusiastically cultivate crops, rear livestock and hens, keep bees, bottle spring water and open a farm shop. But profits remain elusive.
And yet, while the farm may be called Diddly Squat for good reason, Jeremy soon begins to understand that it's worth a whole lot more to him than pounds, shillings and pence....
©2021 Jeremy Clarkson (P)2021 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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-
Story
The highlights of my extraordinary journey with Mr Clarkson included pizza with Harry and Wills; dancing with Mick Jagger on the private island of Mustique (Mick had to pull me up after, shamefully, I could not recover from the twist!); and having happy birthday sung to me by Brian Ferry and Richard E. Grant.... Phillipa Sage shares her continuing adventures—the ongoing highs, lows and constant mayhem—she shared for so many years with Clarkson and his fellow presenters, Hammond and May.
By: Phillipa Sage
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Carbolics
- A Personal Motoring Disinfectant
- By: James May
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 3 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In Carbolics the UK's favourite petrol head (after Clarkson and Hammond) James May answers these questions and more. Across 80 essays, James gives his quirky, entertaining take on cars, motorbikes, trucks—and explains why the bicycle might just be the best invention of all.
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Massive fan of May, but this isn't his best
- By Interncat on 08-20-23
By: James May
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Variable Valve Timings
- Memoirs of a Car Tragic
- By: Chris Harris
- Narrated by: Chris Harris
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Chris Harris has driven more cars than most people could ever dream of. His vast knowledge is legendary. He calls it 'unhinged geekery'. But we call it infectious enthusiasm, adrenaline-fueled escapism and peerless journalistic rigour and integrity. And then there are his famous skills at the wheel, from city cars to rally cars, F1 to vintage, not forgetting the Guinness World Record 3.4km sideways in an electric car. And now for the first time, Harris is going all out with that unhinged geekery, and takes us down the road of his life-long adventure with the automobile
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A great look into the history of one of my favorite automobile presenters.
- By RicJ on 12-13-24
By: Chris Harris
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It's a Farming Thing
- By: Kaleb Cooper
- Narrated by: Kaleb Cooper
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Kaleb Cooper - star of hit TV show Clarkson's Farm and Sunday Times bestselling author - has been catapulted into the limelight and his new book, Life According to Kaleb, he shares the highs, lows and unexpected adventures of life at Diddly Squat from wrestling with temperamental tractors to dodging the wrath of cantankerous cows and after all that why he still believes he has the best job in the world.
By: Kaleb Cooper
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The World According to Kaleb
- By: Kaleb Cooper
- Narrated by: Kaleb Cooper
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Clarkson's Farm favourite Kaleb Cooper's worldly wisdom on life's big issues, from the difference between straw and hay to the importance of having a hair perm. In The World According to Kaleb, he shares his thoughts on topics such as capital cities, famous people, hairstyles and why farming is the best job in the world. He even tells us why the chicken crossed the road.
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A charming, quick read.
- By William Turk on 02-12-23
By: Kaleb Cooper
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On the Edge
- By: Richard Hammond
- Narrated by: Richard Hammond, Mindy Hammond
- Length: 3 hrs and 6 mins
- Abridged
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Richard Hammond describes his childhood and adolescence and the emergence of the adrenalin junkie, the first ridiculous stunts on his tricycle, and an increasing and near obsessive attraction to speed and the smell of petrol. He finds an attractive girl, Mindy, who shares his interests and helps him organise his high-speed life.
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A bit disappointing!
- By Cindy on 08-04-12
By: Richard Hammond
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The Wonderful World of Jeremy Clarkson
- By: Phillipa Sage
- Narrated by: Julie Maisey
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The highlights of my extraordinary journey with Mr Clarkson included pizza with Harry and Wills; dancing with Mick Jagger on the private island of Mustique (Mick had to pull me up after, shamefully, I could not recover from the twist!); and having happy birthday sung to me by Brian Ferry and Richard E. Grant.... Phillipa Sage shares her continuing adventures—the ongoing highs, lows and constant mayhem—she shared for so many years with Clarkson and his fellow presenters, Hammond and May.
By: Phillipa Sage
-
Carbolics
- A Personal Motoring Disinfectant
- By: James May
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 3 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Carbolics the UK's favourite petrol head (after Clarkson and Hammond) James May answers these questions and more. Across 80 essays, James gives his quirky, entertaining take on cars, motorbikes, trucks—and explains why the bicycle might just be the best invention of all.
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Massive fan of May, but this isn't his best
- By Interncat on 08-20-23
By: James May
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Variable Valve Timings
- Memoirs of a Car Tragic
- By: Chris Harris
- Narrated by: Chris Harris
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Chris Harris has driven more cars than most people could ever dream of. His vast knowledge is legendary. He calls it 'unhinged geekery'. But we call it infectious enthusiasm, adrenaline-fueled escapism and peerless journalistic rigour and integrity. And then there are his famous skills at the wheel, from city cars to rally cars, F1 to vintage, not forgetting the Guinness World Record 3.4km sideways in an electric car. And now for the first time, Harris is going all out with that unhinged geekery, and takes us down the road of his life-long adventure with the automobile
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A great look into the history of one of my favorite automobile presenters.
- By RicJ on 12-13-24
By: Chris Harris
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It's a Farming Thing
- By: Kaleb Cooper
- Narrated by: Kaleb Cooper
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Kaleb Cooper - star of hit TV show Clarkson's Farm and Sunday Times bestselling author - has been catapulted into the limelight and his new book, Life According to Kaleb, he shares the highs, lows and unexpected adventures of life at Diddly Squat from wrestling with temperamental tractors to dodging the wrath of cantankerous cows and after all that why he still believes he has the best job in the world.
By: Kaleb Cooper
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Britain According to Kaleb
- The Wonderful World of Country Life
- By: Kaleb Cooper
- Narrated by: Kaleb Cooper
- Length: 2 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In his smash-hit debut The World According to Kaleb, we learnt how Kaleb feels about everything from existentialism to comb-overs, and why he doesn't want to visit the Mediterranean. In this follow-up, Kaleb casts his focus closer to home to examine what people like to get up to in the great outdoors. You'll go gravy wrestling in Lancashire, nettle eating in Somerset, and venture to Hereford for the significant occasion that is Best Dressed Stick.
By: Kaleb Cooper
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And on That Bombshell
- Inside the Madness and Genius of TOP GEAR
- By: Richard Porter
- Narrated by: Richard Porter, Ben Elliot
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For 13 years, 22 series and 175 shows, Richard Porter was script editor of Top Gear, from the first faltering pilot episode in 2002 until the very last show presented by Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May in 2015. Along the way they destroyed cars, sparked diplomatic incidents, set fire to caravans, almost killed one of the presenters, and somehow transformed Top Gear from a shabby BBC Two motoring show into an Emmy-winning, record-breaking, planet-straddling behemoth.
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two pauses
- By Zack on 10-08-16
By: Richard Porter
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How to Land an A330 Airbus
- And Other Vital Skills for the Modern Man
- By: James May
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 2 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Being given yet another pointless 'man manual' that told him 50 ways to tie a bow tie in under 30 seconds made James May certain there was a need for another kind of book. This book, in fact. He reckons there are nine vital things that a chap should be able to do.
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Mostly delightful . . .
- By Katherine on 04-09-12
By: James May
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Jeremy Clarkson
- The Biography
- By: Gwen Russell
- Narrated by: Richard Dallyn
- Length: 2 hrs and 9 mins
- Abridged
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An outspoken personality who divides opinion, Jeremy Clarkson has made a successful career out of his love of cars and speed.
Since becoming Top Gear supremo, the programme has become one of the most widely distributed TV shows on the planet. His candid views on practically every subject under the sun have often landed him in hot water. Love him or loathe him, this fascinating biography tells his far-from-over life story.
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Very poor
- By Amadeo on 05-25-12
By: Gwen Russell
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As You Do
- Adventures With Evel, Oliver, and The Vice-President Of Botswana
- By: Richard Hammond
- Narrated by: Richard Hammond
- Length: 3 hrs and 2 mins
- Abridged
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The wry, honest and often hilarious chronicles of a very brave and clever TV presenter, Arctic Explorer and general drawer of the Short Straw. Moving quickly on from the devastating crash that nearly killed him he ranges widely over his life and times: a visit to Glastonbury with James May reminds of him of his early years of playing in a band and how and why he never quite made it as a rock star.
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I only wish it had been unabridged!
- By Rafael on 11-06-12
By: Richard Hammond
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Car Fever
- The Car Bore's Essential Companion
- By: James May
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 2 hrs and 4 mins
- Abridged
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As well as writing about his first love, cars, James has a go at political correctness, the endless rules and regulations of daily life, the internal combustion engine and traffic wardens. He discusses gastropubs, Jeremy Clarkson, and other trials of modern life. His highly entertaining observations from behind the wheel will have you laughing out loud, whether you share his opinions or not.
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Clever and easy plain talk by James
- By Theodore John on 09-15-15
By: James May
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The Reassembler
- By: James May
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 2 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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From the humble garden lawnmower to the ear-splitting electric guitar, James May returns with a typically wacky account of what makes these great machines work, one piece at a time. Reassembly is merely a form of therapy; something that stimulates a part of my brain that is left wanting in my daily life. When I rebuild a bicycle, I reorder my head. So might you....
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I just like hearing this audio book. play it a lot
- By PJC on 08-22-19
By: James May
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The Top Gear Story
- By: Martin Roach
- Narrated by: Jerome Pride
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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This is the full story of the unstoppable rise of Clarkson, Hammond, May and The Stig – and how they have transformed an ordinary programme about cars into one of the most famous and best-loved TV programmes of the 21st century. Reaching a peak in the 1990s thanks to presenter Jeremy Clarkson, the original series then faced the axe in 2001 – but Clarkson and producer Andy Wilman successfully pitched a new format to BBC bosses and Top Gear returned to become the irreverent, funny and often controversial show we now know and love.
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I wish I had bought something else
- By Thomas on 03-12-12
By: Martin Roach
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James May's 20th Century
- By: James May, Phil Dolling
- Narrated by: James May
- Length: 4 hrs and 32 mins
- Abridged
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How much should you pay for a return trip to the moon? How are Winnie the Pooh and the artificial heart related? Did teenagers exist before 1950? If not, who invented them? James May's 20th Century answers all these questions and more.
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brilliant.
- By Chris Thompson on 04-08-19
By: James May, and others
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Aussie Grit
- My Formula One Journey
- By: Mark Webber
- Narrated by: Nicholas Osmond
- Length: 11 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Mark Webber was at the centre of one of the most captivating chapters in the history of Formula One. In 2010, while racing for Red Bull, he and his teammate, Sebastian Vettel, went head to head for the World Championship. There could be only one winner. Since retiring from Formula One, Mark has concentrated on endurance racing, including the legendary Le Mans 24-hour race.
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this story change my perspective of Mark Webber.
- By Neb on 09-01-16
By: Mark Webber
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Off-Road with Clarkson, Hammond & May
- Behind the Scenes of Their "Rock and Roll" World Tour
- By: Phillipa Sage
- Narrated by: Julie Maisey
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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For over 12 years, Phillipa Sage worked alongside Clarkson, Hammond and May as their PA, gofer and fixer, where she saw the boys at their best and, hilariously, at their worst. A closet petrol head, Phillipa started working in the motor industry on live events over 20 years ago and first worked with Jeremy Clarkson and Andy Wilman (formerly Top Gear and now the Grand Tour’s executive producer) in 1997.
By: Phillipa Sage
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Total Competition
- Lessons in Strategy from Formula One
- By: Ross Brawn, Adam Parr
- Narrated by: Adam Parr, Peter Noble
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Total Competition is the most compelling, comprehensive and revealing insight into what it takes to get to the top in Formula One that has ever been published. Across four decades, Ross Brawn was one of the most innovative and successful technical directors and then team principals in Formula One. Leading Benetton, Ferrari, Honda, Brawn and Mercedes, he worked with drivers such as Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton to make them world champions.
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great insight
- By Marsha on 08-20-17
By: Ross Brawn, and others
What listeners say about Diddly Squat
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-15-23
Very Entertaining
If you’ve watched his show, this will be a nice complement. Though it’s only 2.5hr, I wish it could be longer.
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- Travis
- 12-23-23
How hard farming sounds
Farming sounds hard! The book is great fun and I love the soothing voice of Jeremy Clarkson!
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- M. Dickens
- 11-30-21
Absolutely brilliant
If you like Jeremy Clarkson then you will love this. Absolute perfection. Jeremy narrated just like he does on TV. Amusing, educational and interesting. I was very disappointed when I came to the end.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-19-22
Brilliant
Fantastic book, it’s interesting and funny, can’t really go wrong with Clarkson. Good read! Highly recommend.
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- Ben A.
- 11-24-24
Top-notch as always
Three cheers for Jeremy! Excellent reading, excellent content, and his passion for farming and government over each is beyond evident. Love it.
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- Kyle
- 10-14-23
Good Stuff
Hurry up and release more Jeremy this book was an amazing listen. It filled in the blanks of the tv show
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- Joseph Richmond
- 02-02-24
Love that Jeremy narrates the book himself - who doesn’t love his accent !
Can’t wait for more. Its real life struggles with facts. Learning as you go. Fascinating facts that the average person wouldn’t know. I learned so much not only from his show but this as well. The struggle of a farmer just trying to make it plus with his comedic comments make this a great listen !!
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- Anonymous User
- 08-21-24
A damn good book about his foray in to farming.
I loved that his foray in to farming and new found passion for it. Raised the unsung heroes of the British farming industry in to the spotlight and public consideration.
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- Deidre
- 09-26-24
Ahhhh, I love Clarkson
This is a good gap book for the first season of Clarkson's Farm. And with Clarkson, himself, reading it....instant amazing! Hahaha.
If you like the Amazon series you will like this!
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- Kindle Customer
- 11-13-21
Absolutely bloody brilliant 👏🏻
Well done Jezza. Its great to hear you reading it to us. Can't wait for season 2 and the next book👍🏻
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