Don’t Feed the Trolls
The Antiheroes, Book 2
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Narrated by:
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Roger Clark
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By:
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Jacob Peppers
About this listen
Hero checklist for a long and happy life:
- Step one: Don’t be a hero.
- Step two: If by some horrible miscalculation, a man finds himself a hero, then he should not, under any circumstances, accept a “quest”. Particularly one including magical rings, swords in stones, or any talk of “chosen ones”. Quests, after all, are only death with a lot of walking beforehand.
- Step three: If said hero is so foolish as to actually find himself on a quest, he is advised to run heroically for the nearest exit. He’ll die anyway, but if the gods are kind, he’ll do so with an ale in his hand. P.S. The gods are never kind.
- Step four: If the unfortunate soul is unable to find an exit - or at least one not containing a rampaging troll - he should, by any means necessary, ensure that there are as many people between him and the troll as possible in the hopes that it won’t be hungry by the time it reaches him. P.S. Trolls are always hungry.
- Step five: If all else fails and a hero finds himself confronting a mythical monster or a magic-wielding necromancer, he is to draw his sword. It won’t help, but it will give him something to do while he waits to die.
- Step six: If “death” outcome is unacceptable, see steps one through four.
Dannen Ateran had never gone so far as to write the list out, but he knew it by heart. He ought to, as he had been telling it to himself for years, and he - fool that he was - had been ignoring it for just as long.
So it was that he found himself standing beside Fedder, Mariana, and Tesler, watching as an undead dragon soared toward them.
And if, by some feat of magic or luck - with undead dragons, skill rarely factored into it - they survived, there was only the little issue of a master swordsman and his necromancer brother to worry about, not to mention an undead horde.
Plenty of ways to die, then, if a man liked a little variety with his suffering.
And the week was just getting started.
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What a fantastic tribute to Kloss
- By Evry1sLostButMe on 01-24-17
By: Victor Kloss
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Wytchfire
- The Dragonkin Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Michael Meyerhofer
- Narrated by: Craig Beck
- Length: 11 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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In a land haunted by the legacy of dead dragons, Rowen Locke has been many things: orphan, gravedigger, mercenary. All he ever wanted was to become a Knight of Crane and wield a kingsteel sword against the kind of grown horrors his childhood knows all too well. But that dream crumbled - replaced by a new nightmare. War is overrunning the realms, an unprecedented duel of desire and revenge, steel and sorcery. And for one disgraced man who would be a knight, in a world where no one is blameless, the time has come to decide which side he's on.
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Can't judge a book by it's cover.
- By Fantasy Reader on 08-29-15
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Pathfinder Tales: Shy Knives
- By: Sam Sykes
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Shaia "Shy" Ratani is a clever rogue who makes her living outside of strictly legal methods. While hiding out in the frontier city of Yanmass, she accepts a job solving a nobleman's murder, only to find herself sucked into a plot involving an invading centaur army that could see the whole city burned to the ground. Shy could stop that from happening, but doing so would involve revealing herself to the former friends who now want her dead.
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pretty good
- By chuck on 11-03-16
By: Sam Sykes
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The Infernal City
- Elder Scrolls Series #1
- By: Greg Keyes
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Four decades after the Oblivion Crisis, Tamriel is threatened anew by an ancient and all-consuming evil. It is Umbriel, a floating city that casts a terrifying shadow-for wherever it falls, people die and rise again. And it is in Umbriel's shadow that a great adventure begins and a group of unlikely heroes meet. A legendary prince with a secret. A spy on the trail of a vast conspiracy. A mage obsessed with his desire for revenge. And Annaïg, a young girl in whose hands the fate of Tamriel may rest.
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Umbriel is coming
- By Brenden Zapp on 02-01-13
By: Greg Keyes
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage
- Waldo Rabbit Series, Book 1
- By: Nelson Chereta
- Narrated by: Gary Furlong
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage is the story of a young man named Waldo who grows up in a world where monsters, the undead, and dark magic are part of everyday life. He is forced to go on a journey to prove himself and soon discovers that his beliefs don't fit into the wider world.
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Engaging, but has no ending.
- By Ryan on 07-30-17
By: Nelson Chereta
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Seven Forges
- Seven Forges, Book 1
- By: James A. Moore
- Narrated by: David de Vries
- Length: 10 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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The Seven Forges are a range of impassable mountains, far to the north of the settled lands of Fellein. From time to time explorers venture up beyond the Blasted Lands in search of a way over them and the promise of legendary riches, but without success. Now Captain Merros Dulver has found a path, and encountered, at last, the half-forgotten people who dwell there. And it would appear they were expecting him.
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THE GODS HAD DIFFERENT IDEAS
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 06-03-16
By: James A. Moore
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Abomination
- By: Gary Whitta
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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He is England's greatest knight, the man who saved the life of Alfred the Great and an entire kingdom from a Viking invasion. But when he is called back into service to combat a plague of monstrous beasts known as abominations, he meets a fate worse than death and is condemned to a life of anguish, solitude, and remorse. She is a fierce young warrior, raised among an elite order of knights. Driven by a dark secret from her past, she defies her controlling father and sets out on a dangerous quest.
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cool concept. typical execution.
- By Amazon Customer on 11-22-16
By: Gary Whitta
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The Grim Company
- By: Luke Scull
- Narrated by: Gerard Doyle
- Length: 15 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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The Gods are dead. The Magelord Salazar and his magically enhanced troops, the Augmentors, crush any dissent they find in the minds of the populace. On the other side of the Broken Sea, the White Lady plots the liberation of Dorminia, with her spymistresses, the Pale Women. Demons and abominations plague the Highlands. The world is desperately in need of heroes. But what they get instead are a ragtag band of old warriors, a crippled Halfmage, two orphans and an oddly capable manservant: the Grim Company.
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Pretty bad, but not actively terrible
- By Travis Lamkin on 09-13-15
By: Luke Scull
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The Mirror of Her Dreams
- Volume I of Mordant's Need
- By: Stephen R. Donaldson
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 28 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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The daughter of rich but neglectful parents, Terisa Morgan lives alone in a New York City apartment, a young woman who has grown to doubt her own existence. Surrounded by the flat reassurance of mirrors, she leads an unfulfilled life - until the night a strange man named Geraden comes crashing through one of her mirrors, on a quest to find a champion to save his kingdom of Mordant from a pervasive evil that threatens the land.
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Thank Heavens, It's Finally Over!
- By Benjamin on 07-12-12
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Forsaken Kingdom
- The Last Prince Series, Book 1
- By: J. R. Rasmussen
- Narrated by: Paul Woodson
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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To save his people and the forbidden magic they're sworn to defend, Wardin Rath surrenders his birthright and his past. For seven years, he's held at the court of his deadliest enemy, oblivious to all he's lost. Until one day, the spell that stole his memories begins to crack. On the heels of a harrowing escape, Wardin's quest for answers leads him to the last magistery, where he studied magic as a boy. But he'll find no safe haven there - or anywhere.
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excellent work
- By Kojo Koomson on 06-27-24
By: J. R. Rasmussen
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The Kagonesti
- Dragonlance: Lost Histories, Book 1
- By: Douglas Niles
- Narrated by: Gregory St. John
- Length: 9 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Forests cover Ansalon. Under the legendary Silvanos, the elves of Krynn begin to tame the wilds and raise their crystal cities. But as the Elderwild Kaganos journeys toward a mystical encounter high in the mountains, he knows that, for his tribe, the woodlands must remain their eternal home. As centuries pass and Dragonwars rage, the tribe of Kaganos battles encroaching humans and the minions of the Dark Queen, aided by a potent lgacy guided by revered pathfinders.... Until the wild elves stand upon the brink of the deadliest challenge of all - a challenge that marks a choice between annihilation and survival.
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Solid addition
- By Mr Dangerous on 12-12-22
By: Douglas Niles
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The Briar King
- The Kingdoms of Thorn and Bone, Book 1
- By: Greg Keyes
- Narrated by: Patrick Michael
- Length: 19 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Two thousand years ago, the Born Queen defeated the Skasloi lords, freeing humans from the bitter yoke of slavery. But now monstrous creatures roam the land and destinies become inextricably entangled in a drama of power and seduction. The kings woodsman, a rebellious girl, a young priest, a roguish adventurer, and a young man made suddenly into a knight all face malevolent forces that shake the foundations of the kingdom, even as the Briar King, legendary harbinger of death, awakens from his slumber.
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Good stuff
- By Jake on 06-10-10
By: Greg Keyes
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For the Killing of Kings
- The Ring-Sworn Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Howard Andrew Jones
- Narrated by: Lori Prince
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Their peace was a fragile thing, but it had endured for seven years, mostly because the people of Darassus and the king of the Naor hordes believed his doom was foretold upon the edge of the great sword hung in the hall of champions. Unruly Naor clans might raid across the border, but the king himself would never lead his people to war so long as the blade remained in the hands of his enemies. But when squire Elenai’s aging uncovers evidence that the sword in their hall is a forgery, she’s forced to flee Darassus for her life, her only ally the reckless, disillusioned Kyrkenall.
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Great Story!
- By Aurora McMillian on 05-15-19
What listeners say about Don’t Feed the Trolls
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Dawn Flury
- 07-03-23
A very entertaining listen
I originally purchased this series because Roger Clark is one of my favorite narrators now I'm looking foresees to other titles by this author.
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- Mario
- 05-03-24
Great characters beyond the memes
Fun dialogue between non-classical heroes involved in interesting situations. Some voices bleed together, but not enough to take away from the embodiment of the characters
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- david
- 05-24-24
A perfect listen
A solid story, great character engagement, funny, and well narrated. Great for a drive, or working around the house.
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- Necdoo
- 04-04-22
Funny, realistic take on heroism
Loved it. Danny seems naive but like most people, his brain just needs time to put it together. He is an older depressed, retired hero. Trouble finds him wherever he goes. Lots of laughs and action.
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- Amie
- 09-12-24
This is what a book is supposed to to be!
Fantastic characters, witty conversations & imaginative plot. I didn’t want it to end, and wanting more when it did. I will read all his books.
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- BRR
- 07-29-22
Droll, funny & fixating
This is only one of many Jacob Peppers books. And I have thoroughly enjoyed every one. This one is no exception. I will read the next in the series. I hope you get to read it too.
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- Christi
- 11-01-23
Adorable!
Love the characters and the story. You can only do a quest-to-save-the-world story so many ways, and this one made up for it in the interactions between the characters.
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- 🔥 Phx17 🔥
- 09-22-24
Journey over destination - 🐿️🐿️🐿️
Mindless, ambling adventure works best in smaller chunks.
Focus not on the plot but on the side trips- SQUIRREL!! 🐿️
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1 person found this helpful