
Firstborn
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Lauren Christensen
About this listen
“An achingly beautiful testament to fierce loss, fierce love and fierce resilience.”—People Magazine
“You will find yourself rationing out pages to spend more time in the glow of Christensen’s luminous prose and inextinguishable love. A triumph.”—Oprah Daily (best new books to read this spring)
A lapidary memoir of losing a child before she can be born, which the author began writing the day she came home from the hospital—an intimate story about our most searing losses and brightest hopes
“Some days I still think this is all just a sad story I’ll tell Simone one day.”
Lauren Christensen is a thirtysomething editor in New York City when she meets her future husband, Gabe, a writer with whom she falls in love right away. Her beloved grandfather is dying, but the young couple is bringing new life into the family: Lauren and Gabe joyfully discover she is pregnant with their daughter, Simone.
As Lauren faces the prospect of becoming a parent, she learns to let go of the fear of abandonment and need for control instilled in her by growing up with a largely absent father and a high-powered mother who was often away on business. Lauren and Gabe are incandescently happy in their exuberant, messy, beautiful shared world. But just weeks after their wedding, they learn that their worst nightmare has come true: Simone is dying in the womb.
In fierce, tender, spellbinding prose, Firstborn brings us to the very heart of the human paradox: How do we live when everyone who makes up our world will someday be gone? And how can we mourn when the cosmic order has been turned upside down—when a child dies before she is born?
As she comes up against the brutal limits of maternal healthcare and the limitlessness of her love for her daughter, Lauren Christensen finds a key, generous and brave, in which to share her loss, a testimony whose diamond-like brilliance refracts a universal light.
©2025 Lauren Christensen (P)2025 Penguin AudioCritic reviews
“There are two fierce, fragile fighters in Firstborn, Lauren Christensen’s touching memoir about the life and death of her tiny daughter, Simone, who was stillborn 22 weeks into Christensen’s pregnancy. The great accomplishment of this book is that I feel I have gotten to know and care for both tenacious people . . . Told with dry, offhand charm . . . there is just love, and the care a mother gives her daughter, no matter what; and finally and always the love this mother, Lauren Christensen, gave her daughter, Simone, in this life and beyond.”—Amy Bloom, The New York Times Book Review
“Masterfully constructed . . . Powerful and beautifully written, Firstborn tells the archetypal story of a journey to the underworld, from which the storyteller emerges to deliver wisdom both profound and painful. How does one go on living after such a calamity? Christensen’s sparkling telling is the ultimate proof of survival: an artful, authentic story forged from the messiness of real life. . . . Told in the fierce, clear voice of someone who has been through death . . . full of love . . . exquisitely sensitive . . . Firstborn is a treasure for readers, as we navigate difficult passages of our own, whatever their nature.”—Kathryn Rhett, The Washington Post
“Some books win our allegiance almost instantly. Such was the case with Lauren Christensen’s radiant, rigorous, heart-rending debut memoir, Firstborn, which engaged me from the opening pages, profoundly moved me, and gave me thoughts too deep for tears . . . She depicts a world of pain and troubles, yet the memoir is suffused with such unwavering love, and characterized by such soulful intelligence and courageous candor, that it feels uplifting in a profoundly well-earned way . . . Like the great romantic poet [Wordsworth], Christensen has both recorded her own loss in its particularity and made it representative of all loss.”—Priscilla Gilman, The Boston Globe
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The rise of China and its great power competition with the U.S. will be one of the defining issues of our generation. But to understand modern China, one has to understand the people who live there–and the way the Chinese state is trying to control them along lines of identity and free expression. In vivid, cinematic detail, Let Only Red Flowers Bloom tells the stories of nearly two dozen people who are pushing back.
By: Emily Feng
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The Eights
- By: Joanna Miller
- Narrated by: Alix Dunmore
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Oxford, 1920. For the first time in its one-thousand-year history, Oxford University officially admits female students. Burning with dreams of equality, four young women move into neighboring rooms in Corridor 8. Beatrice, Dora, Marianne, and Otto—collectively known as The Eights—come from all walks of life, each driven by their own motives, each holding tight to their secrets, and are thrown into an unlikely, unshakable friendship.
By: Joanna Miller
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Spellbound
- My Life as a Dyslexic Wordsmith
- By: Phil Hanley
- Narrated by: Phil Hanley
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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When Phil Hanley was in first grade, he realized something that would forever set him apart from his peers: he couldn’t read. His teachers were ill-equipped to assist him, and he slipped through the school’s cracks, year by year falling further and further behind his friends. Finally, he was diagnosed with dyslexia, a learning disability that would shape the rest of his life. Unable to pursue college or a traditional job, Phil was thrust into a life defined by unconventional twists. Eventually, he found himself on a stage with a microphone, a spotlight, and five minutes of jokes.
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I love Phil Hanley’s comedy and I hope someone reads this to him!
- By J. Brown on 03-20-25
By: Phil Hanley
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In My Remaining Years
- By: Jean Grae
- Narrated by: Jean Grae
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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In My Remaining Years, by creative juggernaut Jean Grae, debunks the myth that coming-of-age narratives should be reserved for the kids, providing a much-needed rallying cry for those of us still trying to figure it out in our forties. These laugh-out-loud essays cover everything from aging gracefully, what happens when you look for community and almost start a cult, befriending childhood demons, gender fluidity in middle age, the cost of being too fabulous, and the various gymnastics we do to avoid becoming our parents, taking us from her childhood in 1980s NYC to present-day Baltimore.
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Her amazing voice and storytelling ability
- By Roxanne Shante on 03-20-25
By: Jean Grae
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The Trouble of Color
- An American Family Memoir
- By: Martha S. Jones
- Narrated by: Martha S. Jones
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Martha S. Jones grew up feeling her Black identity was obvious to all who saw her. But weeks into college, a Black Studies classmate challenged Jones’s right to speak. Suspicious of the color of her skin and the texture of her hair, he confronted her with a question that inspired a lifetime of introspection: “Who do you think you are?” Now a prizewinning scholar of Black history, Jones delves into her family’s past for answers. In every generation since her great-great-great-grandmother survived enslavement to raise a free family, color determined her ancestors’ lives.
By: Martha S. Jones
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Mel & Sue: Should Know By Now
- By: Mel Giedroyc, Sue Perkins
- Narrated by: Mel Giedroyc, Sue Perkins
- Length: 3 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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We all have things in our life that we should know by now, but don’t. Absences in our knowledge and skillset that are frankly shameful in an adult. Things that would be too embarrassing to ask anyone to explain – except our very best friend. Listen in as Mel and Sue tackle their ignorance head on, asking each other to explain something that they still don’t know - but absolutely, as adults, should - from how to parallel park to fully understanding bread (why has it got all those holes in it? What, honestly, is yeast?).
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Great fun
- By STEPHANIE on 03-29-25
By: Mel Giedroyc, and others
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Killer Potential
- A Novel
- By: Hannah Deitch
- Narrated by: Kristen Sieh, Daru Oda
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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A scholarship kid with straight As and big dreams, Evie Gordon always thought she was special, that she’d be someone. But after graduating from an elite university, she finds herself drowning in debt and working as an SAT tutor for the super-rich of Los Angeles. Everything changes one Sunday, when she arrives for her weekly lesson at the Victors’ Beverly Hills estate and, in lieu of a bored teenager, finds the bloody remains of the parents strewn through their beautiful back garden, and a woman crying for help within a closet.
By: Hannah Deitch
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Red Scare
- Blacklists, McCarthyism and the Making of Modern America
- By: Clay Risen
- Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
- Length: 15 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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An urgent, accessible, and important history, Red Scare reveals an all-too-familiar pattern of illiberal conspiracy-mongering and political and cultural backlash that speaks directly to the antagonism and divisiveness of our contemporary moment. Drawing upon newly declassified documents, journalist Clay Risen recounts how politicians like Joseph McCarthy, with the help of an extended network of other government officials and organizations, systematically ruined thousands of lives in their deluded pursuit of alleged Communist conspiracies.
By: Clay Risen
What listeners say about Firstborn
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ashley M.
- 03-28-25
Beautiful
This is such a heartbreaking story but told so beautifully. I lost my daughter at 16 weeks to trisomy 18 so I felt all these things and sobbed as I relived my story through hers. It makes me know I am not alone in my journey and you aren’t either. ❤️
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- Athena Baschal
- 03-24-25
My Anna
Totally resonated with Lauren's experience as I too lost My Anna at 20 weeks pregnant. Though the circumstances were different, I experienced almost everything she did physically and emotionally. Hearing her voice the book took me right back to when my firstborn Anna was "miscarried" in 1985. Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your story. Brava!
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