Hold On to Your Kids
Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers
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Narrated by:
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Gabor Maté MD
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Daniel Maté
About this listen
This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time—peers replacing parents in the lives of children—is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.
In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction—for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident—as do the solutions.
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Critic reviews
"Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad." (Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other)
"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously." (Peter A. Levine PhD, international teacher and author of the best-selling books Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever, Guiding Your Child Through Trauma)
"The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative—even inspirational—for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students." (Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals)
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What can parents, mentors, and educators do to shape boys into exceptional men? Michael Gurian, a respected therapist, storyteller, and recognized expert in family systems, explains the basic needs of every boy: a primary and extended family, a relationship with mother, father, and mentors, and support from his community.
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Great Book for Mothers and Fathers
- By Janine on 05-20-09
By: Michael Gurian
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How to Love
- By: Gordon Livingston
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 5 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The internationally best-selling author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, Dr. Gordon Livingston here helps readers discover fulfilling happiness. By recognizing and understanding particular character traits in ourselves and others, we can all learn who best to love - and who best to avoid.
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Honest and right to the point
- By Elisabeth on 02-10-10
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Putting Children First
- Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
- By: JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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As Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can positively alter the immediate and long-term effects of divorce on their children. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's emotional health, resilience, and ability to lead satisfying lives. Over the past three decades, Pedro-Carroll has worked with families in transition, conducted research, and developed and directed award- winning, court-endorsed programs that have helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath.
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PERFECT RESOURCE FOR SEPARATED/DIVORCED
- By Ly on 10-13-16
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Brainstorm
- The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain
- By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
- Narrated by: Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Between the ages of twelve and twenty-four, the brain changes in important and, at times, challenging ways. In Brainstorm, the renowned psychiatrist and bestselling author of Parenting from the Inside Out, The Whole-Brain Child, and Mindsight, Daniel Siegel busts a number of commonly held myths about adolescence — for example, that it is merely a stage of “immaturity” filled with often “crazy” behavior — to reveal how it is in fact a vital time in our lives in terms of charting the course for the adults we ultimately become.
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Narration for kindergarteners...
- By Kalutha on 03-28-14
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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Boundaries with Kids
- How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
- By: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
- Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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What the award-winning, best-selling Boundaries has done for adult relationships, Boundaries with Kids will do for you and your children. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide the help and guidance you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. With wisdom and empathy, they take you through the ins and outs of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives.
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
- By Amanda on 02-12-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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Building Confidence in Your Child
- By: James Dobson
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Proven ways to improve your child's self-esteem. A solid sense of self-worth helps your child make good choices, develop healthy relationships, and work to achieve his or her dreams. But what's the best way to instill self-confidence while still teaching your child to value and care about others? Based on a biblical understanding of human worth, Building Confidence in Your Child teaches you how to parent positively and help your child grow into a secure adult who is poised for success in life.
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Outdated Terms/Assumptions- I'm disappointed
- By Bobye M Ruddell on 02-17-20
By: James Dobson
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
- By: Deborah Reber
- Narrated by: Deborah Reber
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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The Dolphin Way
- A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids - without Turning into a Tiger
- By: Shimi Kang
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The audiobook makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability - is the dolphin way.
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Very easy way to understand complicated subject
- By Nhat on 11-05-18
By: Shimi Kang
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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Relationship Breakthrough
- How to Create Outstanding Relationships in Every Area of Your Life
- By: Cloe Madanes, Anthony Robbins
- Narrated by: Aimee Jolson
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Everyone faces the challenges of making relationships work. Whether with spouses, family members, friends, lovers, or colleagues, relationships have the power to make one feel happy, frustrated, or miserable. In Relationship Breakthrough, Cloe Madanes - an expert in creating healing, empowering relationships - gives listeners vital tools to transform their relationships and their lives. Madanes's cutting-edge methods produce real results and create rewarding, sustainable relationships.
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Disappointed
- By Dee on 01-10-16
By: Cloe Madanes, and others
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The Myth of the Spoiled Child
- Challenging the Conventional Wisdom about Children and Parenting
- By: Alfie Kohn
- Narrated by: Alfie Kohn
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Somehow, deeply conservative assumptions about how children behave and how parents raise them have become the conventional wisdom in our society. It's widely assumed that parents are both permissive and overprotective, unable to set limits and afraid to let their kids fail. We're told that young people receive trophies, praise, and A's too easily, and suffer from inflated self-esteem and insufficient self-discipline. However, complaints about pushover parents and entitled kids are actually decades old and driven, it turns out, by ideology more than evidence.
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good theories, no tangible or practical ideas.
- By Ben on 05-12-15
By: Alfie Kohn
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The path through trauma is one of the most difficult anyone can tread. With The Healing Trauma Summit, you’ll find that you don’t have to do so alone. Featuring some of the most prominent voices in the field, this audio collection will give you resources and options for the journey out of trauma and toward peace.
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Rich and insightful somatic wisdom
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One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out - in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships - is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as best-selling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence.
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Great Educators
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Great book
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Why We Make Mistakes
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We forget our passwords. We pay too much to go to the gym. We think we'd be happier if we lived in California (we wouldn't), and we think we should stick with our first answer on tests (we shouldn't). Why do we make mistakes? And could we do a little better? We human beings have design flaws. Our eyes play tricks on us, our stories change in the retelling, and most of us are fairly sure we're way above average.
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Not very informative
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Simplicity Parenting
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From internationally renowned family consultant Kim John Payne comes an eloquent guide that seeks to help parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need for their individuality to flourish.
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A worthwhile listen for new parents
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Being There
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Compassionate and balanced, and focusing on the emotional health and well-being of children as well as that of the mothers who care for them, this book shows mothers and fathers how to give their children the best chance for developing into healthy and loving adults.
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Highly Recommended
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By: Erica Komisar, and others
What listeners say about Hold On to Your Kids
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amasong
- 09-17-19
Life-changing
I have my child back. Instead of slammed doors and anger, I now have “please stay” and “can I ask your advice.” Thank you for this permanently life changing book and for helping parents raise loving future parents. Praise built on unconditional love yields permanent bonds with children. This book should be given out to parents upon departure from hospital delivery rooms.
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17 people found this helpful
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- Allison E Gamble
- 11-26-20
Great overall theme, but a little out of touch
Neufeld and Mate’s overall thesis is one that I agree with - as parents our job is to love our children unconditionally, and family relationships should be the number one priority for our children’s well being. Their suggestions for how to maintain and repair relationships with your kids are excellent, and they gave me a new perspective on how I could be a better mom. It’s already made a difference in my relationship with my kids.
The reason I gave this four stars, though, is that some of the examples the authors give of kids that are “too peer oriented” seem out of touch to me. Children will always be interested in new cultural phenomena, whether it’s music, TV, games or art. It’s normal for kids to want to be “more” than their parents are. Of course parents should put limits on exposure to media, but just because your child has tastes or values that are slightly different than yours doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem. It would be easy to enter in a panic based on some of the arguments in this book that describe behaviors ALL kids will exhibit at some point.
Overall, absolutely worth the read, focus on the last few chapters that describe how you can improve your relationship with your kids and be a more loving parent.
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- Alexandra Abaculus
- 02-24-21
A must-read book for parents and not only.
It was a bit depressing to listen through the first half of the book where the degradation of peer-oriented adolescents was described. Otherwise a very important book to listen to anyone who is in contact with kids.
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- DoodleLover
- 01-28-19
A must read
A must read For all parents and educators who work with holders. Profound and insightful.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Samantha Moore
- 06-15-20
So good!!!
So so so good! I can’t wait to implement these ideas in my parenting. Every parent should read this book!
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- lizo
- 03-06-22
Best parenting book
This book is the best parenting book I have ever read. I have 10 children, one that is 18. We recently experienced a very challenging time in our lives and parenting. As I listened, so much of what he said made sense and felt more intuitive. I was still very peer oriented as an adult and did not know the deleterious effects. I have been inspired to be there for my children like never before. I have never experienced this kind of heart change in parenting or seen results so quickly that led to a happier, whole, and healthy family.
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-07-22
One of the best books on parenting tips
Happy to have had the chance to read it! Highly recommend to everyone! Will reread it again sometimes soon!
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- Angelica Alvarez
- 12-13-22
Great book !
This book has so much information for parents and trying to understand the importance of holding on to your kids from a young age.
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- Jen
- 02-13-23
Should be read by all parents and educators
This is a phenomenal work on the role of child-parent attachment in todays peer-centered and digitized world, with practical insights on how to apply the ideas in family and school settings. All parents and educators would benefit from this book. If society at large would implement the authors’ recommendations, our world would be a more peaceful and loving place.
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- SweetJuly
- 07-24-23
This book is a GIFT
My only regret is not finding it sooner. This book spoke to me in every way. I whole heartedly feel the authors have cracked the code. I was able to see parenting in a whole new way. I want to recommend this book to every parent and parent to be, every aunt, uncle, grandparents, teachers, guardians and care takers—EVERY ONE.
As a person who did not have parents, this book helped me understand things about myself as well. It is such a beautiful book.
It’s worth buying and gifting. I will read it again and again.
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