The Power of Showing Up
How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired
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Narrated by:
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Daniel J. Siegel MD
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Tina Payne Bryson PhD
About this listen
Parenting isn’t easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now, the best-selling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood.
"There is parenting magic in this book." (Michael Thompson, PhD, co-author of the New York Times best-selling classic Raising Cain)
One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out - in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships - is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as best-selling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And it’s simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a child’s healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four S's:
- Safe: We can’t always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change.
- Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions - both positive and negative - and strive to attune to what’s happening in his mind beneath his behavior.
- Soothed: Soothing isn’t about providing a life of ease; it’s about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that you’ll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that he’ll never have to suffer alone.
- Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up - when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive!
Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, and tips for honoring the Four S’s effectively in all kinds of situations - when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we don’t show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that it’s never too late to mend broken trust, this audiobook is a powerful guide to cultivating your child’s healthy emotional landscape.
This audiobook includes a downloadable PDF of the Refrigerator Sheet, a summary of the Four S’s to remember in forming secure attachments.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2020 Daniel J. Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson (P)2020 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spun a miracle - The Power of Showing Up is the ultimate guide to family reconnection. Clear, profound, and charmingly-illustrated, it unravels the challenges of modern parenting and reveals the simple truths about what children really need from the adults in their lives." (Wendy Mogel, PhD, New York Times best-selling author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus)
"Parenting at this moment in time and at today’s pace feels hard. But that makes it all that much more important that we try to simplify the process of parenting and not put quite so much pressure on our own parenting shoulders. The Power of Showing Up will help you do just that. Siegel and Payne Bryson are master teachers when it comes to helping parents react and respond to kids in ways that communicate 'I hear you.' They articulate and quantify how to make your parenting easier - and better!" (Christine Carter, PhD, author of Raising Happiness)
"Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have written their best book yet - and that is saying a lot. They have distilled their parenting wisdom - based on neuroscience research and a deep empathy for children’s needs - into a profound concept: showing up. It is one of those great ideas that seems so obvious - but only after someone has shown it to you and spelled it out clearly. Best of all, Siegel and Payne Bryson 'show up' for the reader of this book. They know parents, know their fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams, and they provide an accessible path to seeing and soothing children and providing them with safety and security." (Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting)
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In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents.
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Asinine
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Being There
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Compassionate and balanced, and focusing on the emotional health and well-being of children as well as that of the mothers who care for them, this book shows mothers and fathers how to give their children the best chance for developing into healthy and loving adults.
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Highly Recommended
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By: Erica Komisar, and others
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When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder
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Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
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Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
- By Sarah M. on 05-21-24
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Highly Intuitive People
- 7 Right-Brain Traits to Change the Lives of Intuitive-Sensitive People
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Do you struggle with small talk and prefer deep conversation? Are you extremely sensitive to other people's moods? Are you exhausted after being in busy places? If you've answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you may be a Highly Intuitive Person: someone who is especially sensitive to the energy of others. Highly Intuitive People, also known as Intuitive-Sensitives, are a refined group of sensitive people who are said to make up 15-20 per cent of the population.
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Wow!
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By: Heidi Sawyer
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Already Free
- Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation
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- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Freedom from unnecessary suffering is the goal of both Buddhism and modern psychotherapy, yet each approaches this intention from a very different perspective. "Buddhist practice helps us awaken to a well-being that is independent of our circumstances," explains Bruce Tift, "while Western psychotherapy helps us bring our disowned experience into awareness in order to live in a more skillful and satisfying way."
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Extraordinary
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By: Bruce Tift MA
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Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together
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- Narrated by: Tiffany Morgan
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Parenting a child with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is difficult, stressful, and often overwhelming. Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder is the first child psychology book that sets you up for success by recognizing that taking care of your child starts with taking care of yourself.
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Need more specifics
- By Lee on 05-14-24
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Putting Children First
- Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
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- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
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As Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can positively alter the immediate and long-term effects of divorce on their children. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's emotional health, resilience, and ability to lead satisfying lives. Over the past three decades, Pedro-Carroll has worked with families in transition, conducted research, and developed and directed award- winning, court-endorsed programs that have helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath.
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PERFECT RESOURCE FOR SEPARATED/DIVORCED
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
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Overall
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Story
When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
- By: Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine
- Narrated by: Anna Crowe
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
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Incredibly helpful
- By Amazon Customer on 08-12-21
By: Karyn B. Purvis, and others
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Positive Parenting
- An Essential Guide
- By: Rebecca Eanes
- Narrated by: Callie Beaulieu
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Popular parenting blogger Rebecca Eanes shares her hard-won wisdom for overcoming limiting thought patterns and recognizing emotional triggers, as well as advice for connecting with kids at each stage, from infancy to adolescence. This heartfelt, insightful advice comes not from an "expert," but from a learning, evolving parent.
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It saved my life
- By Samantha khalil on 05-22-17
By: Rebecca Eanes
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The Transgender Teen
- A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens
- By: Stephanie A. Brill, Lisa Kenney
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
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Is it just a phase, a fad, or a real issue with your teen? This comprehensive guidebook explores the unique challenges that thousands of families face every day raising a teenager who may be transgender, gender-variant, or gender-fluid. Covering extensive research and with many personal interviews, as well as years of experience working in the field, the author covers pressing concerns relating to physical and emotional development, social and school pressures, medical options, and family communications.
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Good information at its core
- By Jeff on 05-22-19
By: Stephanie A. Brill, and others
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Perfectly Hidden Depression
- How to Break Free from the Perfectionism That Masks Your Depression
- By: Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD
- Narrated by: Eleanor Caudill
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
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If you were raised to believe that painful emotions are a sign of weakness, or if being vulnerable has always made you feel unsafe, then you may have survived by creating a perfect-looking life - a life where you appear to be successful, engaged, and always there for others. The problem? You're filled with self-criticism and shame, and you can't allow yourself to express fear, anger, loss, or grief. You recognize something is wrong, but you're not sure what exactly - only that you feel trapped and alone. If this sounds like you, you may have perfectly hidden depression (PHD).
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Amazing
- By Kimberly Davis on 10-27-20
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Self-Therapy
- Transform Stuck Parts of Yourself into Inner Resources of Strength, Love, and Freedom
- By: Jay Earley PhD
- Narrated by: Jay Earley PhD
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Psychotherapy works through dialogue between the therapist and client—but what if you could have an effective healing dialogue with yourself? "Because our minds are actually a home to many sub-personalities," Dr. Jay Earley explains, "we have the ability to heal ourselves by engaging directly with the each of our parts." With Self-Therapy, Dr. Earley offers a complete audio training course in a revolutionary therapy called Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful psychological tool for finding freedom from chronic emotional issues such as depression and anxiety, and creating internal harmony where the aspects of your psyche are working together for your well-being.
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More than a book it is a transformational tool.
- By Néstor Etayo on 02-03-15
By: Jay Earley PhD
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I Want This to Work
- An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age
- By: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Earnshaw LMFT CGT
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
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Overall
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Elizabeth Earnshaw is here to help. The renowned Gottman therapist, founder of A Better Life Therapy, and influential Instagram therapist behind @lizlistens has helped to transform countless relationships. With I Want This to Work, she presents for today’s generation the most effective and proven steps for relationship success.
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I want this to work too. Excellent information, excruciating execution
- By Sunny Bettley on 03-17-23
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Getting Past Your Past
- Take Control of Your Life With Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy
- By: Francine Shapiro
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Whether we've experienced small setbacks or major traumas, we are all influenced by memories and experiences we may not remember or don't fully understand. Getting Past Your Past offers practical procedures that demystify the human condition and empower listeners looking to achieve real change. An easy conversational style, humor, and fascinating real life stories make it simple to understand the brain science behind why we get stuck in various ways and what we can about it.
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NOT ENOUGH ON SOLUTIONS
- By MZHOLLAND on 08-20-12
By: Francine Shapiro
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How to Validate People
- Listen and Hear Better to Form Deep Connections Fast (Master Your Communication and Social Skills)
- By: Ian Tuhovsky
- Narrated by: Randy Streu
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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If you want relations that bring joy, fulfilment, and peace into your life. Then you’re looking at the right book. Most people have a hard time nurturing long-term, meaningful relationships. You’re exposed to new people daily at work, at the gym, or even at the supermarket. Despite this, less than one in ten interactions end up flourishing into a friendship.
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Very little how to. Misleading title
- By Amazon Customer on 01-10-24
By: Ian Tuhovsky
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Excellent advice overall
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IntraConnected
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Brilliantly integrated & timely
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Why We Make Mistakes
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- Narrated by: Marc Cashman
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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We forget our passwords. We pay too much to go to the gym. We think we'd be happier if we lived in California (we wouldn't), and we think we should stick with our first answer on tests (we shouldn't). Why do we make mistakes? And could we do a little better? We human beings have design flaws. Our eyes play tricks on us, our stories change in the retelling, and most of us are fairly sure we're way above average.
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Not very informative
- By Paul on 06-16-11
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The Bottom Line for Baby
- From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Sucking to Tummy Time - What the Science Says
- By: Tina Payne Bryson PhD
- Narrated by: Tina Payne Bryson PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. Bryson boils things down with authority, demystifying the issues in three distinct sections: an objective summary of the schools of thought on the topic, including commonly held pros and cons; a clear and concise primer on "What the Science Says"; and a bottom-line conclusion. When the science doesn't point clearly in one direction, she guides you to assess and apply the information in a way that's consistent with your family's principles and meets your child's unique needs.
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Informative and easy to digest
- By Paperhorn Artist on 12-03-23
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Beyond Behaviors
- Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges
- By: Mona Delahooke PhD
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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In Beyond Behaviors, internationally known pediatric psychologist Dr. Mona Delahooke describes behaviors as the tip of the iceberg, important signals that we should address by seeking to understand a child's individual differences in the context of relational safety. This accessible book offers professionals, educators, and parents tools and techniques to reduce behavioral challenges and promote psychological resilience and satisfying, secure relationships.
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A must read for anyone who works with children.
- By Kay on 08-16-19
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Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
- The Heart of Parenting
- By: John Gottman PhD
- Narrated by: Roy Worley
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on 20 years of research at the University of Washington studying parent-child interactions, award-winning research psychologist John Gottman and his team have developed Emotion Coaching - a technique parents can use to teach their children self-awareness and self-control and to foster good emotional development. This proven technique has demonstrated a positive effect on children's physical health, academic achievement, and emotional well-being.
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My parenting philosophy, in writing!
- By Dave on 03-03-21
By: John Gottman PhD
What listeners say about The Power of Showing Up
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- SemiRetired
- 04-09-21
For the imperfect parent like me
I'm a father of fraternal twin toddlers fumbling my way through evolving personalities, wants and challenges - praying not to screw up. This audiobook is the first I’m hearing from these authors and, aside from Janet Landsbury's No Bad Kids, is thankfully one without over explanations. With so many do's and don'ts to remember, if there’s one thing I can get right from the start, it’s showing up. But it’s much more than that. Wonderful book and now listening to their Yes Brain. Try 1.1x speed.
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- Michelle Anders
- 03-11-21
What I didn’t know
Has opened my eyes and mind to what I didn’t learn or receive in my own childhood.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Brian J Thomason
- 05-05-20
Parenting 102
Taking parenting beyond the surface and into the emotional growth of our children, and ourselves.
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- MarNi
- 12-10-20
Packed with gold nuggets of parenting wisdom.
Packed with gold nuggets of parenting wisdom. A must-read for every parent. As a first-time parent, this was an eye-opener for me. Love the idea of P.E.A.C.E.
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- FANUEL
- 09-26-22
Best parenting book ever!!
From someone who doesn’t have the best childhood experience to draw from… this book was so helpful to find better ways to parent. Great examples and stories that made it easy to digest and practice.
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- Dafna
- 01-14-23
Life changing
For parents of children all ages, seeking to improve their most important relationship. This is solid gold.
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- Mindi Bruder
- 02-06-20
Helpful, but didn’t need to be a book.
The first two chapters of this book made it worth buying. Very insightful and incredibly helpful. However, past chapter two, it feels repetitive of their other books and much to long to be a book. This really could’ve been one excellent podcast and then done. For me, the last few chapters were unnecessary and long-winded. Additionally, the authors did a great job with the narration.
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- Cyphter
- 07-29-22
The manual that should come with every child!
As someone who has devoted many years to child development in various ways and provides therapeutic approaches to aid integration and healing both the self and relationships, I am so very grateful for this book and all the work both authors have invested. The balance this book strikes between encouraging reflective parenting and challenging acculturated habits is, itself, therapeutic and empowering. But, as a relatively new grandmother, I want to personally thank both authors from the bottom of my heart!! It is a wonderful support for us as grandparents to be able to supportively show up for our children as they struggle with the challenges of parenting!!
Years ago, a great teacher of mine told me that my uniqueness was the most precious gift God has or will ever give me. He said that my duty in response to such a gift is to explore it, develop it, and exploit it. These authors seem to have found their unique calling, have honed it remarkably well, and have exploited it for the benefit of all. What is most endearing to me is that by doing so they have inspired the rest of us to do the same.
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- RH
- 01-25-23
Good read
It would be good to have a hard copy because there’s a lot of info. But also a lot of repetition which is great for an audiobook
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- S. Hill
- 10-06-22
Great information
The narration was a little ‘dry’ at times but was still easy to listen to and follow. I liked how it combined information from previous books into one. It helped to clarify.
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