Hollywood Said No!
Orphaned Film Scripts, Bastard Scenes, and Abandoned Darlings from the Creators of Mr. Show
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About this listen
Mr. Show fans rejoice! After all these years, Bob and David are finally back together with a collection of hilarious, never-before-seen scripts, sketches, and ideas that may have just been too good for Hollywood.
Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, creators of HBO's classic sketch comedy show Mr. Show, present to you this collection of never-before-seen scripts and ideas that Hollywood couldn't find the gumption to green-light. Simply put...Hollywood Said No!
Since Mr. Show closed up shop, Bob and David have kept busy with many projects - acting in fun, successful, movies and TV shows, directing things, and complaining about stuff that didn't turn out well to anyone who would listen, and even alone, in silence, inside their own heads. Hollywood Said No! reveals the full-length, never-before-seen scripts for Bob and David Make a Movie (fleshed out with brand-new storyboards by acclaimed artist Mike Mitchell) and Hooray for America!: a satirical power-house indictment of all that you hold dear.
This tome also includes a bonus section of orphaned sketch ideas from the Mr. Show days and beyond, suitable for performance by church groups that aren't all koo-koo about religion. What you are looking at online, and are about to buy, is chock-full of comic twists, turns, and maybe a few hard truths. We said "maybe," but what we mean was "probably not." Now, for the first time, take a peek at the scripts that didn't get the go-ahead and ponder a world we can only dream about...and beyond!
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your My Library section along with the audio.
©2013 Bob Odenkirk and David Cross (P)2013 Hachette Book GroupListeners also enjoyed...
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Stephen Pearcy was a scrawny, horny, thrill-seeking teenager with an electric guitar who had graduated from backyard parties in San Diego to half-empty dives in Los Angeles before he and his band broke through at Whiskey a Go Go. Cranking out metal just as metal got hot, Ratt was the perfect band at the perfect time, and their hit single "Round and Round" became a top-selling anthem.
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Stephen Pearcy is one sad mf
- By Awkward Frog on 12-28-20
By: Stephen Pearcy, and others
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What's So Funny?
- My Hilarious Life
- By: Tim Conway, Jane Scovell, Carol Burnett - foreword
- Narrated by: Tim Conway, Carol Burnett, Dick Hill, and others
- Length: 8 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Six-time Emmy Award-winning funnyman Tim Conway, best known for his characters on The Carol Burnett Show, offers a straight-shooting and hilarious memoir about his life on stage and off as an actor and comedian. In television history, few entertainers have captured as many hearts and made as many people laugh as Tim Conway. There's nothing in the world that Tim Conway would rather do than entertain - and in his first-ever memoir, What's So Funny?, that's exactly what he does.
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Not narrated by Tim
- By Bob Murdock on 05-05-14
By: Tim Conway, and others
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The Filthy Truth
- By: Andrew Dice Clay, David Ritz
- Narrated by: Bruce Rubenstein
- Length: 8 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In this unapologetic and uncensored autobiography, Andrew Dice Clay is ready to set the record straight. He was the eighties’ answer to Lenny Bruce, with material that stretched the boundaries of decency and good taste to their breaking point, and in turn became the most vilified stand-up comic of all time.
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The Diceman Returns!
- By Steven D. Sorrell on 03-26-15
By: Andrew Dice Clay, and others
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Art in America
- By: Ron McLarty
- Narrated by: Ron McLarty
- Length: 14 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Art in America tells the story of unknown writer Steven Kearney, an aging man whose lifelong commitment to his art finally brings him to homelessness in NYC. Then miraculously he receives an invitation to become playwright in residence of a troubled Rocky Mountain town.
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Another great tale from Ron McLarty
- By TypicalConsumer on 08-18-09
By: Ron McLarty
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Waste of Space
- By: Gina Damico
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg, Maxwell Glick
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Cram 10 hormonal teens into a spaceship and blast off: that's the premise for the ill-conceived reality show Waste of Space. The kids who are cast know everything about drama - and nothing about the fact that the production is fake. Hidden in a desert warehouse, their spaceship replica is equipped with state-of-the-art special effects dreamed up by the scientists partnering with the shady cable network airing the show.
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#CatchPhraseForever
- By Diane S. on 07-28-17
By: Gina Damico
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Just a Guy
- Notes from a Blue Collar Life
- By: Bill Engvall, Alan Eisenstock
- Narrated by: Bill Engvall
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Blue Collar Comedy star Bill Engvall is just a guy. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it; he was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: a person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. Just a Guy chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
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The Man Behind The Signs
- By Christopher on 12-07-07
By: Bill Engvall, and others
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The Cake and the Rain
- A Memoir
- By: Jimmy Webb
- Narrated by: Jimmy Webb
- Length: 12 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Jimmy Webb's words have been sung to his music by a rich and deep roster of pop artists, including Glen Campbell, Art Garfunkel, Frank Sinatra, Donna Summer, and Linda Ronstadt. He's the only artist ever to win Grammy Awards for music, lyrics, and orchestration, and his chart-topping career has, so far, lasted 50 years, most recently with a Kanye West rap hit and a new classical nocturne. Now Webb delivers a snapshot of his life from 1955 to 1970, from the proverbial humble beginnings into a moneyed and manic international world of beautiful women, drugs, cars, and planes.
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This Book is Hard to Listen to
- By Robert Alexander on 01-14-21
By: Jimmy Webb
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The Book of Drugs
- A Memoir
- By: Mike Doughty
- Narrated by: Mike Doughty
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Mike Doughty first came to prominence as the leader of the band Soul Coughing then did an abrupt sonic left turn, much to the surprise of his audience, transforming into a solo performer of stark, dusky, but strangely hopeful tunes. He battled addiction, gave up fame when his old band was at the height of its popularity, and drove thousands of miles, alone, across America, with just an acoustic guitar.
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I Got on an Emotional Rollercoaster w. M. Doughty
- By Hilary on 03-02-12
By: Mike Doughty
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All About Me!
- My Remarkable Life in Show Business
- By: Mel Brooks
- Narrated by: Mel Brooks
- Length: 15 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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At 95, the legendary Mel Brooks continues to set the standard for comedy across television, film, and the stage. Now, for the first time, this EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) winner shares his story in his own words.
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Wonderful and nostalgic
- By GAT on 12-07-21
By: Mel Brooks
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One Mississippi
- By: Mark Childress
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 13 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Yankee transplant Daniel Musgrove can't seem to fit in at his Mississippi high school. When he meets fellow outsider Tim Cousins, things look up. But then the two boys' battles with a local bully escalate into a violent act that rocks the town.
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A great listen, if not great literature
- By Bob on 06-13-07
By: Mark Childress
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Primary Colors
- By: Anonymous
- Narrated by: Peter Francis James
- Length: 16 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Primary Colors offers a richly detailed look at life on the political stump. As former congressional aide Henry Burton is dazzled and lured into presidential hopeful Jack Stanton's fledgling campaign, he becomes a cog in Stanton's unstoppable political machine. Burton illuminates, through his actions and observations, the sometimes seamy, sometimes steamy and sometimes surprisingly noble ascent to the presidency.
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N
- By Laurie on 10-15-08
By: Anonymous
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Maybe the Moon
- By: Armistead Maupin
- Narrated by: Armistead Maupin
- Length: 5 hrs and 50 mins
- Abridged
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All of 31 inches tall, Cady is a true survivor in a town where, as she says, "you can die of encouragement". Her early starring role as a lovable elf in an immensely popular American film proved a major disappointment, since moviegoers never saw the face behind the stifling rubber suit she was required to wear. Now, after a decade of hollow promises from the Industry, she is reduced to performing at birthday parties and bat mitzvahs as she waits for the miracle that will finally make her a star.
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short but good
- By Charlene on 08-06-07
By: Armistead Maupin
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Carter's Big Break
- By: Brent Crawford
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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School is finally over, and Will Carter has (barely) survived his freshman year. Unfortunately, he quickly learns that the summer break he’s been craving just might break him. When he and his girlfriend, Abby, part ways, Carter can’t help but think his summer is ruined. Things start to look up after he’s unexpectedly cast in an independent film opposite the world’s biggest tween sensation, Hilary Idaho. With Hollywood knocking on his door, Carter gets a taste of the good life. Suddenly, his small town, friends, and family don’t seem as great as they used to.
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Once again Crawford delivers and it’s Hilarious!
- By Cristy G on 09-19-11
By: Brent Crawford
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Stories I Only Tell My Friends
- An Autobiography
- By: Rob Lowe
- Narrated by: Rob Lowe
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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A teen idol at 15, an international icon and founder of the Brat Pack at 20, and one of Hollywood's top stars to this day, Rob Lowe chronicles his experiences. Never mean-spirited or salacious, Lowe delivers unexpected glimpses into his successes, disappointments, relationships, and one-of-a-kind encounters with people who shaped our world over the last 25 years. These stories are as entertaining as they are unforgettable.
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Great Book and Great Story
- By Natalie J. Belle MD on 04-30-11
By: Rob Lowe
What listeners say about Hollywood Said No!
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- DK
- 12-28-23
Long live Bob & David!
Long live Bob & David! Pure comedic ecstacy. Also Paul F. Tompkins! Long live Paul! and John Ennis! And Mary-lynn Rajuskerbob? Reichkoff? Rajskub! Aukerman was there too..
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- R. MCRACKAN
- 03-19-21
For fans of Mr Show
Do you enjoy the off beat ADHD sometimes smart usually crass humor of Mr. Show which falls somewhere between 'ground breaking' and 'why did I just waste my time'? If so, then this book is for you.
I usually don't bother with the pdf.s that accompany audiobooks but I found it helped here.
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- Swanner
- 09-13-13
if you like mr show
What did you love best about Hollywood Said No!?
i found the full performance pretty hilarious.
What did you like best about this story?
I understand why these were not made into movies but that just makes the whole thing more ridiculous.
What about David Cross and Bob Odenkirk ’s performance did you like?
the cast are witty as ever, but they left the some of their crackups in the final recording, which i thought was funny.
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1 person found this helpful
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- iGilmore
- 06-10-15
Absolutely terrific
I'm a fan of Mr. Show, but I enjoyed this way more than I thought I would. It's a funny and fun experience and I will listen to it again. I thought the first script was perfect, but I can see why it was unproduced. It kinda reminded me of the Kids in the Hall movie "Brain Candy," which is also a solid work of satire that didn't and doesn't get the recognition it deserves.
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- Tallulah Mae
- 04-15-14
I Miss Mr. Show!
What made the experience of listening to Hollywood Said No! the most enjoyable?
The comedians who read the book and the funny stories.
What did you like best about this story?
The originality and free-form silliness.
What about David Cross and Bob Odenkirk ’s performance did you like?
Their rapport and obvious comfort with the material (since they wrote it).
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
Mistakes of the Ancestors
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1 person found this helpful
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- Robin
- 10-31-15
Laugh out Loud, For Real!
Would you consider the audio edition of Hollywood Said No! to be better than the print version?
I didn't read the print version, but I can't imagine it would be better when you have the actual authors and their friends reading the book.
Who was your favorite character and why?
Bob is so sensible but David spouts the craziest shit! I wonder if they come up with each others jokes and swap...
What does David Cross and Bob Odenkirk bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
They're intentional inflection. Humor is found in the words and the sounds.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I laughed out loud on the bus so many times that I stopped caring if people looked at me!
Any additional comments?
You get a window into a screenplay reading. Is that really how those things go down? I hope so 'cause that shits fun! And Funny!
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- Brien Lee
- 11-19-13
The Mr. Show Crew Redefine the "Audio Book"
What made the experience of listening to Hollywood Said No! the most enjoyable?
This book of scripts and sketches is not read, it's acted. Music, Sound effects, occasional bouts of laughter and ad-libs bring an extra dimension to what is on the written page, and in some cases, enhances our understanding of what the printed page can only hint at. You know these people care... giving their fans extra effort, extra audio layers, and making this "reading" an incomparable event.
Who was your favorite character and why?
There are too many to list, although David as the "President" of the United States is a real standout.
Which scene was your favorite?
During the performance of the first script, narrator Paul F. Tompkins suddenly disappears and is replaced... the clumsy explanation of this brings laughter from the actors and this listener.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
I listened to this in two "sittings"... driving. But only because I had to get out of the car.
Any additional comments?
This Audible edition is well worth it, even if you bought the print edition already. It's like a new episode of Mr. Show, with much of the same cast (in addition to Bob and David, I mean). Highly recommended. I only gave the "story" 4 stars because this book is made up of course of scripts Hollywood rejected. I mean, Hollywood knows what it's doing, right?
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4 people found this helpful
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- Hassan
- 03-14-15
Great performance
The cast knows their craft and are passionate, and I am a fan of their comedic style. It is a fun short listen but I did not laugh out loud. What I enjoyed most was gleaning how a movie script is written differently than a novel.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Dale Joyner
- 04-25-22
Waiting for the script writers, or someone like them
I laughed every now and then. Truthfully, I to would have rejected these scripts, too. Bob and David are funny guys. They write skits better than I could. But…. I have a day job. These skits are like a second rate ‘Firesign Theatre’ show. I’ve met the Firesign Theatre and they are funny, audiences laugh heartily. Bob & David are a poor imitation. I could listen to Firesign albums again and again with out getting tired. When this book ended I was thinking about asking for my money back. Save your’s, fine a used record store and buy ‘Give me immortality or give me death’. One listen and you’ll understand who Bob & David were trying to imitate. They do a much better job when someone else is writing the script.
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- Rodney
- 07-01-15
It's Bob and Dave in Mr Show mode, it's great
I figured I'd add in a good review since most of these reviews are pretty awful and worthless.
The idea of this book is that it's a couple of movie scripts that were never made and then some short skits, that's it - it's not Mr Show, it's nothing behind the scenes, but it's extremely entertaining if you liked Mr Show.
This is absolutely a book that is best in audio format as the audio is fully produced with much of the Mr Show cast, they have sound effects and music - if you've seen enough Mr Show you can easily visualize what is happening in the scenes and they do a really good job of setting scenes and such. The book starts off with two movie scripts in a row which take up roughly 3 hours and 10 mins or so, which is awesome since they're like fully movies, just in audio format. After that you get some new short skits to fill out the rest of the book.
Overall this is an easy recommendation if you just pay attention to what you're getting. If you like Mr Show and you want more of that in a longer form factor and you have the ability to visual things, then you should very much enjoy this.
The voice acting and production is top notch.
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6 people found this helpful