
Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing
Essays
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Narrated by:
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Cate Blanchett
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Lauren Hough
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By:
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Lauren Hough
About this listen
A New York Times Best Seller
"A memoir in essays about so many things - growing up in an abusive cult, coming of age as a lesbian in the military, forced out by homophobia, living on the margins as a working class woman and what it’s like to grow into the person you are meant to be. Hough’s writing will break your heart." (Roxane Gay, author of Bad Feminist)
Searing and extremely personal essays, shot through with the darkest elements America can manifest, while discovering light and humor in unexpected corners.
As an adult, Lauren Hough has had many identities: an airman in the US Air Force, a cable guy, a bouncer at a gay club. As a child, however, she had none. Growing up as a member of the infamous cult The Children of God, Hough had her own self robbed from her. The cult took her all over the globe - to Germany, Japan, Texas, Chile - but it wasn't until she finally left for good that Lauren understood she could have a life beyond "The Family".
Along the way, she's loaded up her car and started over, trading one life for the next. She's taken pilgrimages to the sights of her youth, been kept in solitary confinement, dated a lot of women, dabbled in drugs, and eventually found herself as what she always wanted to be: a writer. Here, as she sweeps through the underbelly of America - relying on friends, family, and strangers alike - she begins to excavate a new identity even as her past continues to trail her and color her world, relationships, and perceptions of self.
At once razor-sharp, profoundly brave, and often very, very funny, the essays in Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing interrogate our notions of ecstasy, queerness, and what it means to live freely. Each piece is a reckoning: of survival, identity, and how to reclaim one's past when carving out a future.
A Vintage Original
©2021 Lauren Hough (P)2021 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
One of the Best Books of the Year: NPR, The Philadelphia Inquirer
“Lauren Hough's Leaving Isn't the Hardest Thing is so brilliant, so humane and pissed off and hysterically funny and thought-provoking, and so beautifully written it's hard to describe except to say that it's a book that is going to mean a lot to a lot of people, and it might cause some fights, and you better read it so you can have the pleasure of reading it and the pleasure of talking about it with everyone. She is the kind of extraordinary writer who could make anything interesting; that these essays are about her own astonishing life, written with a clear eye and a sense of humor so quick and black it hurts, and a kind of ruthlessness for herself and others, means it's like no other book anywhere. I loved every sentence.” (Elizabeth McCracken, author of Bowlaway)
“Lauren Hough is the best new voice I’ve read in years: fiercely honest, funny, brazen, and unrepentant. Best of all, the propulsive storytelling of Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is anchored by an unexpected tenderness and vulnerability that will get you by the throat every damn time. Like a petulant cross between David Sedaris and Mary Karr, Hough is the genuine article. Leaving might not be the hardest thing, but leaving this vibrant, heart-wrenching memoir behind is damn near impossible.” (Heather Havrilesky, Ask Polly columnist and author of What If This Were Enough?)
"Lauren Hough’s extraordinary essay collection Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing is as powerful as it is poignant. So many moments in this exceptionally crafted essays brought me to tears and before long I would find myself laughing as Hough wielded her razor sharp wit. This is a memoir in essays about so many things — growing up in an abusive cult, coming of age as a lesbian in the military, forced out by homophobia, living on the margins as a working class woman and what it’s like to grow into the person you are meant to be. Hough’s writing will break your heart.... This is one of those rare books that will instantly become part of the literary canon and the world of letters will be better for it." (Roxane Gay, author of Difficult Women)
Featured Article: The top 100 memoirs of all time
All genres considered, the memoir is among the most difficult and complex for a writer to pull off. After all, giving voice to your own lived experience and recounting deeply painful or uncomfortable memories in a way that still engages and entertains is a remarkable feat. These autobiographies, often narrated by the authors themselves, shine with raw, unfiltered emotion sure to resonate with any listener. But don't just take our word for it—queue up any one of these listens, and you'll hear exactly what we mean.
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- Length: 9 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Cana, Massachusetts: a utopian vision of 18th-century Puritan New England. To the outside world, Reverend Nathaniel Whitfield and his family stand as godly pillars of their small-town community, drawing Christians from across the New World into their fold. One such Christian, physician Arthur Lyman, discovers in the minister’s words a love so captivating it transcends language. As the bond between these two men grows more and more passionate, their families must contend with a tangled web of secrets, lies, and judgments which threaten to destroy them in this world and the next.
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Couldn't listen to any more preaching!
- By Swellguy22 on 04-20-24
By: Garrard Conley
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Body Grammar
- A Novel
- By: Jules Ohman
- Narrated by: Keylor Leigh
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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By the time Lou turns eighteen, modeling agents across Portland have scouted her for her striking androgynous look. Lou has no interest in fashion or being in the spotlight. She prefers to take photographs, especially of Ivy, her close friend and secret crush. But when a hike ends in a tragic accident, Lou finds herself lost and ridden with guilt. Determined to find a purpose, Lou moves to New York and steps into the dizzying world of international fashion shows, haute couture, and editorial shoots.
By: Jules Ohman
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The Skin and Its Girl
- A Novel
- By: Sarah Cypher
- Narrated by: Victoria Nassif, Haneen Arafat Murphy
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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In a Pacific Northwest hospital far from the Rummani family’s ancestral home in Palestine, the heart of a stillborn baby begins to beat and her skin turns vibrantly, permanently cobalt blue. On the same day, the Rummanis’ centuries-old soap factory in Nablus is destroyed in an air strike. The family matriarch and keeper of their lore, Aunt Nuha, believes that the blue girl embodies their sacred history, harkening back to a time when the Rummanis were among the wealthiest soap-makers and their blue soap was a symbol of a legendary love.
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Engaging story, very well told
- By Moth77 on 05-10-25
By: Sarah Cypher
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Her Majesty's Royal Coven
- A Novel
- By: Juno Dawson
- Narrated by: Aoife McMahon
- Length: 13 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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At the dawn of their adolescence, on the eve of the summer solstice, four young girls—Helena, Leonie, Niamh and Elle—took the oath to join Her Majesty's Royal Coven, established by Queen Elizabeth I as a covert government department. Now, decades later, the witch community is still reeling from a civil war and Helena is the reigning High Priestess of the organization. Yet Helena is the only one of her friend group still enmeshed in the stale bureaucracy of HMRC.
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This is the Queer Fantasy you've been looking for
- By Anonymous User on 04-12-23
By: Juno Dawson
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Disappoint Me
- A Novel
- By: Nicola Dinan
- Narrated by: Martin Sarreal, Mei Mei MacLeod
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Thirty years old with a lifetime of dysphoria and irritating exes rattling around in her head, Max is plagued by a deep dissatisfaction. Shouldn't these be the best years of her life? Why doesn't it feel that way? After taking a spill down the stairs at a New Year’s Eve party, she decides to make some changes. First: a stab at good old-fashioned heteronormativity.
By: Nicola Dinan
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Fundamentally
- A Novel
- By: Nussaibah Younis
- Narrated by: Sarah Slimani
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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When Nadia Amin, a witty and bighearted PhD, publishes an article on deradicalization, everything changes. The United Nations comes calling with an opportunity to put her theory into practice and lead a rehabilitation program for women caught in the crosshairs of harmful ideology. And why not? Abandoned by her mother and devastated by unrequited love, she leaps at the chance.
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Narration was Fantastic
- By Ameera on 05-15-25
By: Nussaibah Younis
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Ordinary Love
- A Novel
- By: Marie Rutkoski
- Narrated by: Rebecca Lowman
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Emily has, by all appearances, a perfect life: a townhouse on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, two healthy children, and a husband who showers her with attention. But the truth is more complicated: Emily’s marriage is in trouble, her relationship with her parents is fraught, and she is still nursing a heartbreak from long ago. When Emily runs into her high school girlfriend at a cocktail party, that heartbreak comes roaring back. But Gen Hall is no longer the lanky, hungry kid with holes in her shoes who Emily loved in her youth.
By: Marie Rutkoski
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Girls Girls Girls
- By: Shoshana von Blanckensee
- Narrated by: Rachel F. Hirsch, Shoshana von Blanckensee
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s the summer of ’96 and best friends (and secret girlfriends) Hannah and Sam are driving across the country from Long Beach, New York, to the fabled queer paradise of San Francisco, free from the harsh gazes of their neighbors and the stifling demands of Hannah’s devout Orthodox Jewish mother. In San Francisco, they will finally be together as a real couple, out in the open, around other queer people . . . even if the move means leaving behind Hannah’s beloved Bubbe.
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Sex Cult Nun
- Breaking Away from the Children of God, a Wild, Radical Religious Cult
- By: Faith Jones
- Narrated by: Jaime Lamchick
- Length: 13 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Educated meets The Vow in this story of liberation and self-empowerment - an inspiring and stranger-than-fiction memoir of growing up in and breaking free from the Children of God, an oppressive, extremist religious cult.
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An absolute page-turner
- By Lara on 12-03-21
By: Faith Jones
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Stag Dance
- A Novel & Stories
- By: Torrey Peters
- Narrated by: Lee Osorio, Briggon Snow, Eileen Noonan, and others
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Stag Dance, the titular novel, a group of restless lumberjacks working in an illegal winter logging outfit plan a dance that some of them will volunteer to attend as women. When the broadest, strongest, plainest of the axmen announces his intention to dance as a woman, he finds himself caught in a strange rivalry with a pretty young jack, provoking a cascade of obsession, jealousy, and betrayal that will culminate on the big night in an astonishing vision of gender and transition.
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A Raw Look at the Trans (and Queer) Experience
- By Jessica on 06-10-25
By: Torrey Peters
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Necessary Fiction
- A Novel
- By: Eloghosa Osunde
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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What makes a family? How is it defined and by whom? Is freedom for everyone? In Necessary Fiction, Eloghosa Osunde poses these provocative questions and many more while exploring the paths and dreams, hopes and fears of more than two dozen characters who are staking out lives for themselves in contemporary Nigeria.
By: Eloghosa Osunde
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Tomorrow Will Be Different
- Love, Loss, and the Fight for Trans Equality
- By: Sarah McBride, Joe Biden - foreword
- Narrated by: Sarah McBride
- Length: 9 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Before she became the first transgender person to speak at a national political convention in 2016 at the age of twenty-six, Sarah McBride struggled with the decision to come out—not just to her family but to the students of American University, where she was serving as student body president. She’d known she was a girl from her earliest memories, but it wasn’t until the Facebook post announcing her truth went viral that she realized just how much impact her story could have on the country.
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Amazing Trans story
- By MNB on 02-07-21
By: Sarah McBride, and others
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A Gentleman's Gentleman
- A Novel
- By: TJ Alexander
- Narrated by: Harrison Knights
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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The notoriously eccentric Lord Christopher Eden is a “man of unusual make” and even more unusual habits: he prefers to live far from the prying eyes and ears of the ton, and would rather have the comfortable company of his childhood cook and his aged butler than the swarm of servants and hangers-on befitting a man of his station. But Christopher’s pleasant, if occasionally lonely life is upended when he receives word from his lawyers that, according to his late father’s will, he must find a wife by the end of the Season if he intends to keep his family’s fortune and the Eden estate.
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Beautifully written
- By Beverley on 04-02-25
By: TJ Alexander
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Rainbow Milk
- A Novel
- By: Paul Mendez
- Narrated by: Paul Mendez
- Length: 11 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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In the 1950s, ex-boxer Norman Alonso is a determined and humble Jamaican who has immigrated to Britain with his wife and children to secure a brighter future. Blighted with unexpected illness and racism, Norman and his family are resilient, but are all too aware that their family will need more than just hope to survive in their new country.
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5 ✨
- By Anonymous User on 03-22-24
By: Paul Mendez
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Flirting Lessons
- By: Jasmine Guillory
- Narrated by: Heidi Franklin
- Length: 12 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Avery Jensen is almost thirty, fresh off a breakup, and she’s tired of always being so uptight and well-behaved. She wants to get a hobby, date around (especially women), flirt with everyone she sees, wear something not from the business casual section of her closet—all the fun stuff normal people do in their twenties. One problem: Avery doesn't know where to start. She doesn't have a lot of dating experience, with men or women, and despite being self-assured at work, she doesn't have a lot of confidence when it comes to romance. Enter Taylor Cameron, Napa Valley's biggest flirt.
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Flirting Lessons
- By MLTU on 06-28-25
By: Jasmine Guillory
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Open, Heaven
- A Novel
- By: Seán Hewitt
- Narrated by: Sebastian Croft
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Set in a remote village in the north of England, Open, Heaven unfolds over the course of one year in which two teenage boys meet and transform each other’s lives. James—a sheltered, shy sixteen-year-old—is alone in his newly discovered sexuality, full of an unruly desire but entirely inexperienced. As he is beginning to understand himself and his longings, he also realizes how his feelings threaten to separate him from his family and the rural community he has grown up in. He dreams of another life, fantasizing about what lies beyond the village’s leaf-ribboned boundaries.
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Besutiful Story Read by a Sweet Voice
- By ekell on 06-27-25
By: Seán Hewitt
I fell hard. I’m still in love. I will probably never get over her.
In Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing, Hough writes of her childhood being born into The Children of God cult and being a closeted lesbian as an adult.
This memoir is personal to the marrow. It’s so brutally honest that it seems like Hough doesn’t see the brutality of her childhood. To Hough, it just was her childhood.
My only complaint is that the actress Cate Blanchette read a couple of chapters. That was unneeded and unwanted. I loved listening to Hough narrate. When Hough was narrating her memoir, it felt like I was in a room with Hough sharing a six-pack of beer at the end of a very long day.
This memoir is personal to the marrow.
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difficult but rewarding
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The author takes us on her unique journey through life. A cult, the military, being gay, making friends, a car fire, work experiences. One of the most memorable moments for me was finding out what a girl does when she's broke and mugged.
I laughed, I didn't cry (just kidding, I might have), I felt concern, I felt relief. I enjoyed it. I very much look forward to Lauren Hough's next publication.
What A Trip
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Honest and brilliant
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unpopular opinion
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Wow
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Survivor Story
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Amazing Debut Novel!
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Beautifully done.
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This books has some controversies due to some responses by Hough to her readers. I understand that members of Goodreads are upset with Lauren for some unnecessary verbal assaults on readers who actually liked her book, but that does not diminish that this is an exceptional collection of essays written with a searing honesty from an original and needed voice. I am not surprised that the author insulted her supporters -- this would be typical of the self-sabotaging behavior she describes, something rooted in her very complex upbringing as a gay female raised in the Christian sex cult, The Children of God. Ms. Hough was mistaken to insult her readers but it does not diminish the power of her writing and the extraordinary content of this beautifully written book. It's a portrait of Lauren's bizarre, marginal upbringing and the consequent emotional damage and loneliness that follows in trying to find a better place.
I love books that are confessional and have emotional and factual honesty and in this regard, this book is 1000% successful. I also love books that transport me to different worlds -- inner worlds -- and take me to places I don't know which is the other way this book succeeds. My mind is expanded after getting a look inside that of this author. She also takes on one of my great fascinations: the dynamics of cults and she writes about them as an insider. Her observations on cults and religions aren't likely to sit well with those who belong to one.
I can no longer watch films by Woody Allen, someone I once deeply admired, after learning about his behavior with his own child and other minors. Every time I see a painting by Picasso it's marred for me because of his infamous abusive behavior. Lauren Hough made the mistake of insulting her readers which is hardly the same thing. If she wants to apologize for how she responded, I would welcome that and so would her readers. But knowing what she's been through I do understand why she is the way she is. Her rudeness cannot take away from the quality of these essays.
This is a genuine artist speaking her truth.
Radical Honesty From a True Artist
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