Letters from a Christmas Elf: Unexpected Humor for Any Season
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Narrated by:
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Peter Borys
About this listen
One of Santa’s trusty elves is assigned to report on the Johnstons. He follows the lives of Kirsten & Kurt and their eight children, along with a few cats, and a dog. The family has gotten older, but wisdom still eludes them as they continue to find new ways to get laughed at without even trying. These letters tell the truth most sane people won’t admit - the naughty, the nice, and the nonsense. Does this family deserve anything from Santa? You decide.
Letters from a Christmas Elf: Unexpected Humor for Any Season is 25+ years of real Christmas letters chronicling the witless antics of an ordinary family - resulting in extraordinary humor.
The Elf shares the following insights:
If You Let Your Kids Talk to Strangers, You Will Be Sorry
Kirsten had all five kids at Walmart. They came across a friendly man in one of the aisles and Ellis (three) gave him a cheerful “Hi!” The man responded in kind, then Ellis really charmed him with, “You poop in your pants.” By this time Kirsten was frantically trying to leave the aisle. As they “raced” away, Ellis repeatedly yelled with increasing volume, “You poop in your pants!” This behavior guaranteed Ellis the presidency of K.A.R.P. (Kids Against Relaxed Parents).
Fashion Advice from Your Teen Isn’t a Guarantee You Won’t Look Like a Fool
Kurt asked for Anna’s (12) advice about a new pair of sunglasses. A few weeks after the purchase, Kurt determined the glasses were unisex at best. He complained to Anna. She replied, “You brought me three pairs of women’s sunglasses and I chose the pair that looked best on you.”
How an Older Sister Can Torment Her Little Brother (Without Touching Him)
One day Maren (16) was babysitting. She had a Sonic drink that she shared with Hyrum (six). With anguished tears, she told him the drink was only for girls and he was going to die. Skeptical, but worried, Hyrum said, “I’m going to ask Mommy when she gets home.” “You’ll be dead by then,” came Maren’s loving reply.
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- By: Leanne Shirtliffe
- Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
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I Guess You Had to Be There?
- By Sara on 09-08-14
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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The Journal of Best Practices
- A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
- By: David Finch
- Narrated by: David Finch
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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At some point in nearly every marriage, a wife finds herself asking, "What is wrong with my husband?!" In David Finch's case, this turns out to be an apt question. Five years after he married Kristen, the love of his life, they learn that he has Asperger syndrome. The diagnosis explains David's ever-growing list of quirks and compulsions, his lifelong propensity to quack and otherwise melt down in social exchanges, and his clinical-strength inflexibility. But it doesn't make him any easier to live with.
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I wish I had read this many years ago
- By Patrick on 05-02-12
By: David Finch
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Parenting Your Powerful Child
- Bringing an End to the Everyday Battles
- By: Dr. Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Maurice England
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Don’t let those cherubic faces fool you. Your smart kids have an agenda - and they’re workin’ ya. Powerful kids don’t just happen. They’re created, and their power comes in different packages. Whether loud and temperamental, quiet and sensitive, or stubborn and manipulative, powerful children can make living with them a challenge. But it doesn’t have to be that way. In Parenting Your Powerful Child, New York Times best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical action plan to redirect your child’s power surges into positive traits that will prepare your child for a successful, happy, and productive adult life.
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A MUST read for every parent
- By Elena F. Novak on 11-17-13
By: Dr. Kevin Leman
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First Things First
- The Rules of Being a Warner
- By: Kurt Warner, Brenda Warner, Jennifer Schuchmann - contributor
- Narrated by: Todd Busteed, Rebecca Gallagher, Abigail Seward
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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First Things First is an honest, insightful, and entertaining look at life inside the Warner household. Kurt and Brenda speak candidly about their marriage, the values they are working to instill in their kids, things they've done right, mistakes they've made, the importance of giving back, and the legacy they hope to leave behind.
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A must read!!
- By Amazon Customer on 04-18-18
By: Kurt Warner, and others
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Cleaning House
- A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement
- By: Kay Willis Wyma
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Do your kids think that clean, folded clothes magically appear in their drawers? Do they roll their eyes when you suggest they clean the bathroom? Do you think it's your job to pave their road to success? As parents, so often we hover, race in to save, and do everything we can for our kids - unintentionally reinforcing their belief that the world revolves around them. When Kay Wyma realized that an attitude of entitlement had crept into her home, this mother of five got some attitude of her own.
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Yes, yes, YES!!
- By Rachel Maize on 06-19-12
By: Kay Willis Wyma
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I Just Want You to Know
- Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family
- By: Kate Gosselin
- Narrated by: Kate Gosselin
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Just Want You to Know, New York Times best-selling author Kate Gosselin continues her story of faith and family, picking up where her first book, Multiple Blessings, ended. Using excerpts and written prayers from her actual journal, Kate offers an intimate look at the heart of a mother during the three years her family transitioned from obscurity into television fame.
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This was a good book
- By lisa m schumann on 01-03-22
By: Kate Gosselin
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Laughing Without an Accent
- Adventures of an Iranian American, at Home and Abroad
- By: Firoozeh Dumas
- Narrated by: Firoozeh Dumas
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In the best-selling memoir Funny in Farsi, Firoozeh Dumas recounted her adventures growing up Iranian American in Southern California. Now she again mines her rich Persian heritage in Laughing Without an Accent, sharing stories both tender and humorous on being a citizen of the world, on her well-meaning family, and on amusing cultural conundrums, all told with insights into the universality of the human condition. (Hint: It may have to do with brushing and flossing daily.)
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Sigh
- By Sara on 01-29-14
By: Firoozeh Dumas
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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Tango: My Childhood, Backwards and in High Heels
- By: Justin Vivian Bond
- Narrated by: Justin Vivian Bond
- Length: 2 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Recently hailed as "the greatest cabaret artist of [V's] generation" in The New Yorker, Mx. Justin Vivian Bond makes a brilliant literary debut with this staggeringly candid and hilarious novella-length memoir. With a recent diagnosis of attention deficit disorder, and news that V's first lover from childhood has been imprisoned for impersonating an undercover police officer, Bond recalls in vivid detail coming of age as a trans kid. Always haunted by the knowledge of being "different," Bond was further confused when the bully next door wanted to meet secretly. Their trysts went on for years, and made Bond acutely aware of sexual power and vulnerability. With inimitable style, Bond raises issues about LGBTQ adolescence, homophobia, parenting, and sexuality, while being utterly entertaining.
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Justin Vivian Bond Knocks It Out of the Park
- By Susie on 01-15-14
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My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper
- A Guide to the Less Than Perfect Life
- By: Gabrielle Reece, Karen Karbo
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Reece, Karen Karbo
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Much has happened to Gabrielle Reece since her 1997 best seller Big Girl in the Middle. She’s still gorgeous, still 6’3”, and a dominant force on and off the beach, but in the last 15 years, she’s settled down with world-class surfer Laird Hamilton and raised three stunning blonde girls. Her life might seem like a fairy tale from afar, but four years after her picture-perfect Hawaiian marriage to Laird, Gabrielle filed for divorce. In the end, the couple worked it out, but My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper tells the unvarnished and often hilarious tale of the turbulent ups and downs that beset every wife and mother - even the women like Gabrielle who seem to have it all.
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Much more relevant than I imagined
- By Bookish420 on 04-24-13
By: Gabrielle Reece, and others
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Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul
- Stories of Changes, Choices, and Growing Up for Kids Ages 9-13
- By: Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen, and others
- Narrated by: Mark Victor Hansen, Patty Hansen, Irene Dunlap
- Length: 1 hr and 13 mins
- Abridged
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Our preteen years, ages nine to 13, can present some of the most difficult times in our young lives, a period of tremendous physical and emotional change. We're eager to leave the "kid" stage, yet we're uncertain about what adolescence will bring; we start hearing the familiar refrain "wait until you're older" far too often. Chicken Soup for the Preteen Soul is a companion guide for these transitional years.
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Great for children!
- By T Renaud on 01-04-15
By: Jack Canfield, and others
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The Very Worst Missionary
- A Memoir or Whatever
- By: Jamie Wright
- Narrated by: Madeleine Lambert
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.
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Didn’t like the book
- By Jonathan on 04-17-20
By: Jamie Wright
What listeners say about Letters from a Christmas Elf: Unexpected Humor for Any Season
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kurt Johnston
- 04-06-19
Great Humor and Fantastic Narration
Okay, I’m a little biased when I say the humor is great - so take that for what it’s worth. I am an Eagle Scout, so that should mean something! But I’m being completely objective when I say Peter Borys’ performance as narrator is outstanding! I loved working with Kirsten to write this book and I have loved reading it. But my absolute favorite way to experience this book is to listen to the audio version by Peter. He’s absolutely fantastic! Sample it and hear for yourself!
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