
Mooses with Bazookas
And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
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Narrated by:
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S. D. Smith
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Rob Riggle
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Joel Clarkson
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Sarah Mackenzie
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Gina Smith
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Andy Harvey
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By:
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S. D. Smith
About this listen
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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- By River Song on 11-09-24
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Green Ember
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Joel Clarkson
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Heather and Picket are extraordinary rabbits with ordinary lives until calamitous events overtake them, spilling them into a cauldron of misadventures. They discover that their own story is bound up in the tumult threatening to overwhelm the wider world.
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Not Just for The Elementary Age Group
- By Chelle on 08-27-15
By: S. D. Smith
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The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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The Lost Key
- Green Ember: Lost Tales, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: S. D. Smith
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Picket, Heather, Jo, and your favorite Green Ember heroes are back for a thrilling new adventure. In the days after their arrival at Halfwind Citadel, the friends are caught up in a desperate fight for the cause when an internal conspiracy threatens to unravel the growing strength of rabbitkind’s resistance.
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Disappointed
- By Jessica on 04-04-25
By: S. D. Smith
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Found Boys
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Andy Harvey
- Length: 1 hr and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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The mission was supposed to be fun—even funny—but things got serious quick. What follows is a daring journey with narrow escapes, attack dogs, deadly fires, and a friendship forged in shared peril. Three friends embark on an intrepid quest to retrieve a priceless treasure guarded by a menacing villain. But this is no fantasy. For Scott and his friends Tommy and Dooley, the danger is all too real. Unlikely heroes will emerge. Enemies will become allies. Powerful truths will be revealed.
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Heart warming story about reconciliation and forgiveness
- By River Song on 11-09-24
By: S. D. Smith
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
-
The Green Ember
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Joel Clarkson
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Heather and Picket are extraordinary rabbits with ordinary lives until calamitous events overtake them, spilling them into a cauldron of misadventures. They discover that their own story is bound up in the tumult threatening to overwhelm the wider world.
-
-
Not Just for The Elementary Age Group
- By Chelle on 08-27-15
By: S. D. Smith
-
The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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The Lost Key
- Green Ember: Lost Tales, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: S. D. Smith
- Length: 2 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Picket, Heather, Jo, and your favorite Green Ember heroes are back for a thrilling new adventure. In the days after their arrival at Halfwind Citadel, the friends are caught up in a desperate fight for the cause when an internal conspiracy threatens to unravel the growing strength of rabbitkind’s resistance.
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Disappointed
- By Jessica on 04-04-25
By: S. D. Smith
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
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The Dragon's Tooth
- Ashtown Burials #1
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: Thomas Vincent Kelly
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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For two years, Cyrus and Antigone Smith have run a sagging roadside motel with their older brother, Daniel. Nothing ever seems to happen. Then a strange old man with bone tattoos arrives, demanding a specific room. Less than 24 hours later, the old man is dead. The motel has burned, and Daniel is missing. And Cyrus and Antigone are kneeling in a crowded hall, swearing an oath to an order of explorers who have long served as caretakers of the world's secrets, keepers of powerful relics from lost civilizations, and jailers to unkillable criminals.
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Great story - great narration
- By Nancy Stubbs on 11-07-11
By: N. D. Wilson
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The Mysterious Howling
- The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place, Book 1
- By: Maryrose Wood
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Of especially naughty children, it is sometimes said: “They must have been raised by wolves.” The Incorrigible children actually were. Discovered in the forests of Ashton Place, the Incorrigibles are no ordinary children: Alexander keeps his siblings in line with gentle nips; Cassiopeia has a bark that is (usually) worse than her bite; and Beowulf is alarmingly adept at chasing squirrels.
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ALL BOOKS ARE JUDGED BY THEIR COVER UNTIL THEY ARE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 02-04-15
By: Maryrose Wood
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes
- The Vanished Kingdom, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Auxier
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes is the utterly beguiling tale of a ten-year-old blind orphan who has been forced into a life of crime. One fateful afternoon, Peter steals a mysterious box that contains three magical pairs of eyes. When he tries the first pair, he is instantly transported to a hidden island where he is presented with a special quest: to travel beyond the known world and rescue a lost kingdom from its treacherous ruler....
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Enjoyable listen but not for the youngest kids
- By Marie on 12-10-15
By: Jonathan Auxier
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Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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Outlaws of Time: The Legend of Sam Miracle
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Sam Miracle's life is made up of dreams - dreams where he's a courageous, legendary hero instead of a foster kid with two bad arms that can barely move. Sometimes these dreams feel so real, they seem like forgotten memories. And sometimes they make him believe that his arms might come alive again. But Sam is about to discover that the world he knows and the world he imagines are separated by only one thing: time. And that separation is only an illusion.
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Great writing, fun story
- By BC on 07-01-16
By: N. D. Wilson
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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Enjoyable
- By Chris Brenan on 04-02-25
By: Kathryn Butler
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The Beginning
- The Secret of the Hidden Scrolls, Book 1
- By: M. J. Thomas
- Narrated by: Adam Verner
- Length: 1 hr and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
In the first adventure in the series, Peter and Mary find themselves witnesses to the creation of the world just as God is speaking it into existence. Can they unlock the mystery of the scrolls before they get trapped in history forever? Children will discover the answer as the two characters ride rhinos, meet the angel Michael, and talk to a certain snake in the Garden of Eden.
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Kid Approved!
- By ImABeliever on 04-06-19
By: M. J. Thomas
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Mystery in Rocky Mountain National Park
- National Park Mystery Series, Book 1
- By: Aaron Johnson
- Narrated by: Aaron Johnson
- Length: 4 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Before Jake’s grandfather died, he was on the trail of a centuries-old mystery. And he has entrusted that mystery to Jake, leaving behind a set of hidden codes, riddles, maps, and other clues that lead Jake and his friends on a scavenger hunt into the heart of Colorado’s wild and rugged Rocky Mountain National Park.
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My family LOVED this book!
- By Nathan Craig on 12-06-22
By: Aaron Johnson
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Once a Queen
- By: Sarah Arthur
- Narrated by: Shakira Shute, Sarah Arthur
- Length: 11 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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When fourteen-year-old American Eva Joyce unexpectedly finds herself spending the summer at the mysterious manor house of the English grandmother she’s never met, she soon discovers that her family, the manor staff, and even the house itself are hiding secrets.
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Highly recommend!
- By Victoria Still on 08-22-24
By: Sarah Arthur
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A True Home
- Heartwood Hotel, Book 1
- By: Kallie George
- Narrated by: Amy Melissa Bentley
- Length: 2 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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When Mona the Mouse stumbles across the wondrous world of the Heartwood Hotel in the middle of a storm, she desperately hopes they'll let her stay. As it turns out, Mona is precisely the maid they need at the grandest hotel in Fernwood Forest, where animals come from far and wide for safety, luxury, and comfort. But the Heartwood Hotel is not all acorn souffles and soft moss-lined beds. Danger lurks, and as it approaches, Mona finds that this hotel is more than a warm place to spend the night. It might also be a home.
By: Kallie George
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The Misadventured Summer of Tumbleweed Thompson
- Tumbleweed Thompson Adventures, Book 1
- By: Glenn McCarty
- Narrated by: Glenn McCarty
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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For Eugene Appleton, the summer of 1876 in Rattlesnake Junction, Colorado promises to be just as sleepy as the ones before. Eugene's life takes an unexpected turn with the arrival of Tumbleweed Thompson, a gangly, red-haired boy with a knack for spinning yarns and finding trouble. Drawn into Tumbleweed's orbit, Eugene soon finds himself chasing smugglers, firing rifles, and competing for the attention of the lovely Charlotte Scoggins.
By: Glenn McCarty
What listeners say about Mooses with Bazookas
Highly rated for:
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kathryn E.
- 10-08-24
I'm pretty confident that I like it
5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐s my family and me laugh so hard when
this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
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- Meg
- 06-01-24
Awesome!
S.D. Smith has done it again!! It is fabulously funny and I love it!! I was hoping for the next Jack Zulu book to come out next but this one is just as good!
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- Sarah H
- 03-09-24
So much fun
Five stars! One for every kid who laughed the whole time.
I am going to put this in my memoirs.
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- Kristen
- 02-27-24
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
My kids loved Wally Warmbottom and his hilarious letters and play on words. Mooses in Bazookas was silly, funny, and overall entertaining. The only story we didn't care for was the one about the dog and the rocket, because the kids didn't get it, and wished that it was read differently.
Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
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- Kailan Boland
- 05-24-24
Silly. That’s all I can say
I could (and have) listened to this over and over again. I wish I could leave 92545519045291540154901549015401063015945294529469163926 stars.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-24-24
this is a funny book.
Moses with bazooka was my favorite. rocket and Elsie and Rocket on the other hand...
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- J Hill
- 03-21-24
I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
Why should you not read it? Because it has guns and bazookas says Wally Warmbottom, but i disagree,all children should read this book (or books). But you should know something. IT IS SUPER SILLY. I love this book 5 stars. Plus 500 more
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1 person found this helpful
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- Susan M.
- 06-27-24
Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
Infinite stars! S. D. Is so funny and I love how interactive he is with his readers.
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- Amazon Customer
- 01-12-25
Walle wam doterm
I love the way the book was filled with more books and how much of it is funny
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- Luke Murphy
- 02-23-24
How funny this was to my kids and myself
Thank you so much for writing this. We I've been able to gather around this book and laugh. My 6 and 7 year old giggle at the quote "Of course you don't care because all you care about is essential oils" 😆
We will be enjoying this book for years to come
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2 people found this helpful