
Mooses with Bazookas
And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
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Narrated by:
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S. D. Smith
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Rob Riggle
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Joel Clarkson
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Sarah Mackenzie
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Gina Smith
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Andy Harvey
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By:
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S. D. Smith
About this listen
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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Enjoyable
- By Chris Brenan on 04-02-25
By: Kathryn Butler
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Beyond Mulberry Glen
- By: Millie Florence
- Narrated by: Lyssa Browne
- Length: 6 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Eleven-year-old Lydia Green doesn’t want anything to change. She lives happily in Mulberry Glen with her mismatched family of a fairy guardian, a philosopher, and twin troublemakers known as the Zs. But now, rumors swirl about The Darkness, a powerful force that dwells in the forest Tenebrae. Lydia knows The Darkness is nothing to be trifled with, but when a foolish choice by the Zs puts her family in danger, she must leave home and face the strange magical world of The Valleylands.
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Great story!! But chapter 4 and 8 were out of order
- By Jill on 02-12-25
By: Millie Florence
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The Dragon's Tooth
- Ashtown Burials #1
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: Thomas Vincent Kelly
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
For two years, Cyrus and Antigone Smith have run a sagging roadside motel with their older brother, Daniel. Nothing ever seems to happen. Then a strange old man with bone tattoos arrives, demanding a specific room. Less than 24 hours later, the old man is dead. The motel has burned, and Daniel is missing. And Cyrus and Antigone are kneeling in a crowded hall, swearing an oath to an order of explorers who have long served as caretakers of the world's secrets, keepers of powerful relics from lost civilizations, and jailers to unkillable criminals.
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Great story - great narration
- By Nancy Stubbs on 11-07-11
By: N. D. Wilson
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The Door Before
- 100 Cupboards Prequel
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: Kathleen Gati
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Hyacinth Smith can see things that others miss, stop attack dogs from attacking, and grow trees where no trees have grown before. But she's never had a real home. When her father tells them they've inherited a house from their great-aunt, Hyacinth sees trouble brewing. Their great-aunt has been playing with forces beyond her control, using her lightning-tree forest to create doors to other worlds. When one door opens, two boys tumble through...bringing with them a battle with the undying witch-queen, Nimiane.
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If Siri read you a book
- By Brian K on 06-29-17
By: N. D. Wilson
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The Mysterious Howling
- The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place, Book 1
- By: Maryrose Wood
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Of especially naughty children, it is sometimes said: “They must have been raised by wolves.” The Incorrigible children actually were. Discovered in the forests of Ashton Place, the Incorrigibles are no ordinary children: Alexander keeps his siblings in line with gentle nips; Cassiopeia has a bark that is (usually) worse than her bite; and Beowulf is alarmingly adept at chasing squirrels.
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ALL BOOKS ARE JUDGED BY THEIR COVER UNTIL THEY ARE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 02-04-15
By: Maryrose Wood
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The Saturdays
- By: Elizabeth Enright
- Narrated by: Pamela Dillman
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
The four Melendy children live with their father and Cuffy, their beloved housekeeper, in a worn but comfortable brownstone in New York City. There's thirteen-year-old Mona, who has decided to become an actress; twelve-year-old mischievous Rush; ten-year-old Randy who loves to dance and paint; and thoughtful Oliver, who is just six-years-old.
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Excellent for children and adults
- By Dale on 05-15-04
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The Penderwicks
- A Summer Tale of Four Sisters, Two Rabbits, and a Very Interesting Boy
- By: Jeanne Birdsall
- Narrated by: Susan Denaker
- Length: 6 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This summer the Penderwick sisters have a wonderful surprise: a holiday on the grounds of a beautiful estate called Arundel. Soon they are busy discovering the summertime magic of Arundel's sprawling gardens, treasure-filled attic, tame rabbits, and the cook who makes the best gingerbread in Massachusetts. But the best discovery of all is Jeffrey Tifton, son of Arundel's owner, who quickly proves to be the perfect companion for their adventures.
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Happy Accident
- By Neily on 01-14-13
By: Jeanne Birdsall
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A Ranger's Guide to Glipwood Forest
- The Wingfeather Saga
- By: Andrew Peterson
- Narrated by: Andrew Peterson
- Length: 1 hr and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
A Ranger’s Guide to Glipwood Forest expands the legend and lore of this treacherous land of fatal flora and fanged beasts—and the history of the first adventurers daring enough to brave the forest depths. Through detailed line art, maps, and directions, travelers can safely marvel at the majestic glipwood trees, poke around the (possibly haunted) Anklejelly Cavern, dip their toes into the Mighty River Blapp (if they dare!), and avoid falling off a cliff edge into the Dark Sea of Darkness and being swallowed by a sea dragon.
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Charming and beautiful!
- By Khyber on 05-13-24
By: Andrew Peterson
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While Everyone Is Sleeping
- By: Sarah Mackenzie
- Narrated by: Sarah Mackenzie
- Length: 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Just before morning, a little shrew is awakened by the moon. A mysterious fragrance leads her to a garden of moonflowers, where moths flutter, crickets hum, and frogs and peepers keep the beat. Join Little Shrew’s merry romp in the moonlit garden in this bedtime story for adventurous souls.
By: Sarah Mackenzie
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes
- The Vanished Kingdom, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Auxier
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes is the utterly beguiling tale of a ten-year-old blind orphan who has been forced into a life of crime. One fateful afternoon, Peter steals a mysterious box that contains three magical pairs of eyes. When he tries the first pair, he is instantly transported to a hidden island where he is presented with a special quest: to travel beyond the known world and rescue a lost kingdom from its treacherous ruler....
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Enjoyable listen but not for the youngest kids
- By Marie on 12-10-15
By: Jonathan Auxier
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Happy Little Family
- Fairchild Family Story
- By: Rebecca Caudill
- Narrated by: Mary Sarah
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
It is a good thing that mothers understand what no one else seems to when you are the youngest child in the family, and are finally four years old. Bonnie is more than ready to join her older sisters and brother in the many adventures she sees come their way, whether it be sliding along the ice, searching for arrowheads, or going on that journey of all journeys-across the swinging bridge to school.
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cute and sweet
- By Timothy J Anderegg on 04-15-17
By: Rebecca Caudill
Awesome!
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this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
I'm pretty confident that I like it
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I am going to put this in my memoirs.
So much fun
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Silly. That’s all I can say
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this is a funny book.
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Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
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Whelp! This was a great book, Lots of laughs!
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Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
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Walle wam doterm
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I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
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