
Mooses with Bazookas
And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
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Narrated by:
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S. D. Smith
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Rob Riggle
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Joel Clarkson
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Sarah Mackenzie
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Gina Smith
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Andy Harvey
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By:
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S. D. Smith
About this listen
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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Story
Eleven-year-old Lydia Green doesn’t want anything to change. She lives happily in Mulberry Glen with her mismatched family of a fairy guardian, a philosopher, and twin troublemakers known as the Zs. But now, rumors swirl about The Darkness, a powerful force that dwells in the forest Tenebrae. Lydia knows The Darkness is nothing to be trifled with, but when a foolish choice by the Zs puts her family in danger, she must leave home and face the strange magical world of The Valleylands.
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Great story!! But chapter 4 and 8 were out of order
- By Jill on 02-12-25
By: Millie Florence
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Lena, the Sea, and Me
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 4 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Trille and Lena may be getting older, but they still find everyday adventure - and trouble - in their coastal village, including sinking every raft they build, getting little sisters stuck up flag poles, and attending those dreaded music lessons. But that’s not all. The arrival of a less-than-encouraging new soccer coach is putting twelve-year-old Lena's goalkeeping career in doubt. And Trille is wondering how to impress the girl who has just joined his class.
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Great story!
- By Caroline Floyd on 02-19-23
By: Maria Parr, and others
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Even though she's only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world's brokenness. She's seen it in her mother's exhaustion, her grandmother's illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm, where her father's secret history embroils her in an epic quest.
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I wanted to enjoy it, but this is a no for me
- By Crystal on 06-07-25
By: Kathryn Butler
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Carry On, Mr. Bowditch
- By: Jean Lee Latham, Jim Weiss
- Narrated by: Jim Weiss
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Winner of the American Library Association's 1956 Newberry Award! Carry On, Mr. Bowditch tells the inspiring, true adventures of Nat Bowditch, a boy during the American Revolution. Nat's passion for learning and his unstoppable spirit lead him from poverty and servitude to triumph and adventure at sea. Ultimately, Nat achieves everlasting fame for revolutionizing navigation, thus streamlining voyages and saving countless lives.
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amazing view of Nats lifr
- By jennifer hilger on 09-06-24
By: Jean Lee Latham, and others
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Sweet Home Alaska
- By: Carole Estby Dagg
- Narrated by: Susan Denaker
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Terpsichore can't wait to follow in Laura Ingalls Wilder's footsteps...now she just has to convince her mom. It's 1934, and times are tough for their family. To make a fresh start, Terpsichore’s father signs up for President Roosevelt's Palmer Colony project, uprooting them from Wisconsin to become pioneers in Alaska. Their new home is a bit of a shock - it's a town still under construction in the middle of the wilderness, where the residents live in tents and share a community outhouse. But Terpsichore’s not about to let first impressions get in the way of this grand adventure.
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Love this Slice of Local History
- By E. J. Hughes on 11-20-21
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Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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The Mysterious Howling
- The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place, Book 1
- By: Maryrose Wood
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 5 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Of especially naughty children, it is sometimes said: “They must have been raised by wolves.” The Incorrigible children actually were. Discovered in the forests of Ashton Place, the Incorrigibles are no ordinary children: Alexander keeps his siblings in line with gentle nips; Cassiopeia has a bark that is (usually) worse than her bite; and Beowulf is alarmingly adept at chasing squirrels.
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ALL BOOKS ARE JUDGED BY THEIR COVER UNTIL THEY ARE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 02-04-15
By: Maryrose Wood
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The Big Sky Mountain Audio Collection
- Big Sky Mountain, The Forest Wolves, The Beach Otters, The Sky Eagles
- By: Alex Milway
- Narrated by: Penelope Rawlins
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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When Rosa wakes one morning to find Grandma Nan missing, she must use all of her survival skills to uncover her grandma's whereabouts. With the help of the mountain community, Rosa's investigation leads her to the very summit of Big Sky Mountain, where a family of eagles are facing huge problems of their own. Through helping the eagles, Rosa realises she really is at home on Big Sky Mountain.
By: Alex Milway
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Mitch and Amy
- By: Beverly Cleary
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney
- Length: 3 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Mitch and Amy both think being twins is fun, but that doesn't stop them from squabbling. Amy is good at reading. Mitch is a math whiz. Amy likes to play pretend. Mitch would rather skateboard. They never want to watch the same television show. And they always try to get the better of each other.
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I 💗 Love It!
- By AMartin on 07-05-20
By: Beverly Cleary
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A Lion to Guard Us
- By: Clyde Robert Bulla
- Narrated by: Justine Eyre
- Length: 1 hr and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Featuring a heroine with faith, courage, and a great deal of grit, this acclaimed historical fiction novel portrays the realities faced by three children hoping to find a new home in an unknown land. Amanda Freebold doesn't know what to do. Her father left three years ago for the new colony of Jamestown in America, thousands of miles away. But now that her mother has died, Amanda is left to take care of her younger brother and sister all alone back in England.
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Don't bother
- By HMRT on 10-19-24
Awesome!
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this play5⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ p.s southy is my favorite part in the book
I'm pretty confident that I like it
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I am going to put this in my memoirs.
So much fun
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Silly. That’s all I can say
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this is a funny book.
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Everything was so funny! When we read this, I could not stop laughing!
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Walle wam doterm
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Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
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Whelp! This was a great book, Lots of laughs!
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I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
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