In the era of instant parent shaming and viral hot takes, some questions are too dangerous to ask out loud: What’s the proper first aid for my toddler’s vampire bite? What should I do if I take a wrong turn on the way to soccer practice and end up in the Cretaceous Period? How can I fend off Godzilla without disrupting my child’s nap? Fortunately, there’s now a parenting resource that answers those burning questions and many more. Professional comedy writer and amateur father James Breakwell tackles over 90 survival challenges ordinary parents may encounter in everyday life.

There's no wrong way to be a woman. There are countless wrong ways to be a man. James Breakwell should know. He's tried just about all of them. Journalism. Pig ownership. Felony lawn gnome theft. Whatever masculinity is supposed to be, this can't be it. But can you really fail at something no one can quite define? Apparently. Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone's favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man.

Overachieving parents want you to believe the harder you work, the better your kid will turn out. The truth is most kids end up remarkably unremarkable no matter what you do. Amateur parenting expert James Breakwell will teach you to stop worrying and embrace your child's destiny as devastatingly average. To get there, you'll have to overcome your kid, other parents, and yourself, all of whom will push you to do more than is absolutely necessary. Honestly, by reading this far, you're already trying too hard. But don't stop now. You're exactly the kind of person who needs this book.

When the empirical meets the adorable. Babies can be a joy - and hard work. Now they can also be a 50-in-1 science project kit! This fascinating and hands-on guide shows you how to re-create landmark scientific studies on cognitive, motor, language, and behavioral development using your own bundle of joy as the research subject. Simple, engaging, and fun for both baby and parent, each project sheds light on how your baby is acquiring new skills - everything from recognizing faces, voices, and shapes to understanding new words and learning to walk.

The millions of people around the world who loved What If? still have questions, and those questions are getting stranger. Thank goodness xkcd creator Randall Munroe is here to help. Planning to ride a fire pole from the Moon back to Earth? The hardest part is sticking the landing. Hoping to cool the atmosphere by opening everyone’s freezer door at the same time? Maybe it’s time for a brief introduction to thermodynamics. Want to know what would happen if you rode a helicopter blade, made a lava lamp out of lava, or jumped on an erupting geyser? Okay, if you insist.

Inspirational and creativity. That’s what this book is!

When children are late in hitting developmental milestones, parents worry. And no delay causes more parental anxiety than late talking, which is associated in many parents' minds with such serious conditions as autism and severe intellectual disability. In fact, as children's speech expert Stephen Camarata points out in this enlightening book, children are late in beginning to talk for a wide variety of reasons.

How many times have you wanted to achieve something, negotiate better terms, or ask for a promotion and failed miserably? Lack of communication skills is exactly what ruins most people’s lives. If you don’t know how to communicate properly, you are going to have problems both in your intimate and family relationships. You are going to be ineffective at work and in business situations.

In Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?, Doughty blends her mortician’s knowledge of the body and the intriguing history behind common misconceptions about corpses to offer factual, hilarious, and candid answers to 35 distinctive questions posed by her youngest fans. In her inimitable voice, Doughty details lore and science of what happens to, and inside, our bodies after we die. Why do corpses groan? What causes bodies to turn colors during decomposition? And why do hair and nails appear longer after death?

We may not realize it, but children are hyperaware of money. They have scores of questions about its nuances that parents often don't answer, or know how to answer well. But for Ron Lieber, a personal finance columnist and father, good parenting means talking about money with our kids much more often. When parents avoid these conversations, they lose a tremendous opportunity—not just to model important financial behaviors, but also to imprint lessons about what their family cares about most.

Numerous apps and books exist to help expectant parents understand their baby’s development by comparing their unborn child to a raspberry or a stalk of broccoli, but Taylor Calmus takes issue with that. First off, your baby is not some wimpy little vegetable. Your baby is like a hardcore little lug nut who is straight-up growing organs on a weekly basis. Second, how big is a stalk of broccoli? And what the heck even is a kumquat? Clearly this situation calls for a better approach. Enter . . . A Dude’s Guide to Baby Size.

Whenever Amy McCready mentions the "entitlement epidemic" to a group of parents, she is inevitably met with eye rolls, nodding heads, and loaded comments about affected children. It seems everywhere one looks, there are preschoolers who only behave in the grocery store for a treat, narcissistic teenagers posting selfies across all forms of social media, and adult children living off their parents. Parenting expert Amy McCready reveals in this book that the solution is to help kids develop healthy attitudes in life.

Adam rips parenthood a new one, telling it straight about what adults must do if they don't want to have to support their kids forever. Using his own crappy childhood as a cautionary tale, and touting the pitfalls of the kind of helicopter parenting so pervasive today, Daddy, Stop Talking is the only parenting book you should ever read.

Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as "How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend" and "When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby," as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny audiobook for the sh*tty parent in all of us.

We've all seen the happiness on the face of a child while playing in the school yard. Or the blissful abandon of a golden retriever racing across a lawn. This is the joy of play. By definition, play is purposeless, all-consuming, and fun. But as Dr. Stuart Brown illustrates, play is anything but trivial. It is a biological drive as integral to our health as sleep or nutrition. We are designed by nature to flourish through play.

In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.

In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.

For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.

The American guy is not to be confused with a husband, father, hunk, or intellectual, says guy expert Dave Barry. Published just in time (the American guy faces extinction due to feminism, the men's movement, and stricter sanitation laws), this guide gives women helpful advice for understanding Him (or It) and offers men useful tips on remembering the names of their children and other dilemmas of life.

After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.

Carlos Eire's story of a boyhood uprooted by the Cuban Revolution quickly lures us in, as eleven-year-old Carlos and his older brother Tony touch down in the sun-dappled Miami of 1962 - a place of daunting abundance where his old Cuban self must die to make way for a new, American self waiting to be born. In this enchanting new work, narrated in Eire's inimitable and lyrical voice, young Carlos adjusts to life in his new country.

What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.

Henry Lambert would rather play video games than spend time in the great outdoors - but that doesn't make him a wuss. Skinny nerd? Fine. But wuss is a little harsh. Sadly, his dad doesn't agree. Which is why Henry is being shipped off to Strongwoods Survival Camp. Strongwoods isn't exactly as advertised. It looks like the victim of a zombie apocalypse, the "camp director" is a psycho drill sergeant, and Henry's sure he saw a sign written in blood...

In busy-mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old - you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor").

Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.

Mo Collins, the reluctant hero, has sailed around the country on board the replica pirate ship, the Viva Ancora, and now he finds himself only miles from his childhood home. But now the world has gone to hell. Hordes of naked, blue, biting zombies have flooded the now dead Alabama lake town. Mo and his only surviving shipmate, Crow, spend their days fishing and their nights watching the monsters roam, seeking untainted flesh and leaving a disgusting mess in their wake.

As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.

You're going to wish you never got this audiobook. Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in. Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this book? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.

Much has happened to Gabrielle Reece since her 1997 best seller Big Girl in the Middle. She’s still gorgeous, still 6’3”, and a dominant force on and off the beach, but in the last 15 years, she’s settled down with world-class surfer Laird Hamilton and raised three stunning blonde girls. Her life might seem like a fairy tale from afar, but four years after her picture-perfect Hawaiian marriage to Laird, Gabrielle filed for divorce. In the end, the couple worked it out, but My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper tells the unvarnished and often hilarious tale of the turbulent ups and downs that beset every wife and mother - even the women like Gabrielle who seem to have it all.

Turning 30, artist and speaker Kyle Scheele wanted to do something unusual to mark this milestone. Instead of a birthday bash, he decided to hold a funeral to memorialize the decade of his life that was ending. Building a 16-foot Viking ship out of cardboard, he invited friends to help him set it on fire—a symbolic farewell to his 20s and all the grief, regret, and mistakes that accompanied those years.