A Dude's Guide to Baby Size
What to Expect and How to Prep for Dads-to-Be
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Narrated by:
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Taylor Calmus
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By:
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Taylor Calmus
About this listen
The viral video star behind Dude Dad offers a humorous and heartfelt guide to helping expectant fathers survive and thrive during the wild ride that is 40 weeks of pregnancy.
Numerous apps and books exist to help expectant parents understand their baby’s development by comparing their unborn child to a raspberry or a stalk of broccoli, but Taylor Calmus takes issue with that. First off, your baby is not some wimpy little vegetable. Your baby is like a hardcore little lug nut who is straight-up growing organs on a weekly basis. Second, how big is a stalk of broccoli? And what the heck even is a kumquat? Clearly this situation calls for a better approach. Enter . . . A Dude’s Guide to Baby Size.
- At week nine, your little shredder resembles the circumference of a guitar pick.
- At week 24, your budding jalapeño is the size of some concession-stand nachos.
- By week 34, your little lopper is now the size of a 16-inch largemouth bass that weighs four to five pounds!
This book is full of fun facts about your growing baby, advice on how to help Mom-to-be, as well as ideas and encouragement for you on your journey from Dude to Dude Dad.
Buckle up for a wild ride full of maternity metaphors, gnarly playlists for all the special occasions, new parenting tales, dos and don’ts for expecting dads, and even an entire chapter dedicated to beef brisket!
©2022 Taylor Calmus (P)2022 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"As a dad, I find the biggest gift another dad can give me is their honesty. The assignment of caring for another human being can be insanely daunting, and knowing that other dads, like Taylor, are dealing with the same stuff and able to encourage and joke about it is all I want to hear.” (Tony Hale, actor and comedian)
“Your partner is pregnant? This book will guide you through the dos and don’ts, which will really cut down the number of times you hear, ‘Remember when I was pregnant and you thought it was a good idea to…?’ A Dude’s Guide to Baby Size will give you the perspective of a dad who’s been there, done that—and his wife still loves him. Through his down-to-earth tone filled with humor, great anecdotes, and heartfelt advice, Taylor Calmus will help you make the most of what’s guaranteed to be the most crazy, nerve-racking, and beautiful adventure of your entire life.” (Kristina Kuzmič, speaker and author of Hold On, But Don’t Hold Still)
“This is the book I needed 15 years ago. New parenthood books scared the crap out of me, but Taylor’s book gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling and helps me realize everything will be okay. It makes me want to have another baby, except there’s nothing in the book about how to reverse a vasectomy.” (Penn Holderness, chief creative officer of Holderness Family Productions and coauthor of Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?)
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You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
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I Heart My Little A-Holes
- A Bunch of Holy-Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting
- By: Karen Alpert
- Narrated by: Karen Alpert
- Length: 3 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Popular blogger Karen Alpert shares her hysterical take on the many "joys" of parenting - I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you'll wish you were wearing a diaper.
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Hilarious
- By Stephanie on 04-29-14
By: Karen Alpert
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My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper
- A Guide to the Less Than Perfect Life
- By: Gabrielle Reece, Karen Karbo
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Reece, Karen Karbo
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Much has happened to Gabrielle Reece since her 1997 best seller Big Girl in the Middle. She’s still gorgeous, still 6’3”, and a dominant force on and off the beach, but in the last 15 years, she’s settled down with world-class surfer Laird Hamilton and raised three stunning blonde girls. Her life might seem like a fairy tale from afar, but four years after her picture-perfect Hawaiian marriage to Laird, Gabrielle filed for divorce. In the end, the couple worked it out, but My Foot Is Too Big for the Glass Slipper tells the unvarnished and often hilarious tale of the turbulent ups and downs that beset every wife and mother - even the women like Gabrielle who seem to have it all.
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Much more relevant than I imagined
- By Bookish420 on 04-24-13
By: Gabrielle Reece, and others
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Don't Lick the Minivan
- And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids
- By: Leanne Shirtliffe
- Narrated by: Trudie Kessler
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia's sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
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I Guess You Had to Be There?
- By Sara on 09-08-14
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Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!
- How to Get (Both of You) Through the Next 9 Months
- By: John Pfeiffer
- Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain
- Length: 4 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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There are approximately 3,712 ways for a guy to look stupid during pregnancy-this book's here to help you avoid all (most) of them. And here's your first hint: Focus on what you can be doing for her rather than what's happening to her. She's pregnant. She knows that. You know that. And her one 152 baby books tell her exactly what she can expect. Your job is to learn what you can do between the stick turning blue and the drive to the delivery room to make the next nine months go as smoothly as possible.
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A fun spirited, yet lacking book for the everyman
- By Frank on 12-10-13
By: John Pfeiffer
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I Just Want You to Know
- Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family
- By: Kate Gosselin
- Narrated by: Kate Gosselin
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Just Want You to Know, New York Times best-selling author Kate Gosselin continues her story of faith and family, picking up where her first book, Multiple Blessings, ended. Using excerpts and written prayers from her actual journal, Kate offers an intimate look at the heart of a mother during the three years her family transitioned from obscurity into television fame.
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This was a good book
- By lisa m schumann on 01-03-22
By: Kate Gosselin
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We're Pregnant!
- The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook: Everything You Need to Know for Your Partner & Baby
- By: Adrian Kulp
- Narrated by: Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 4 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Being a great first-time dad doesn’t mean being perfect. It means having the tools you need to be a supportive partner during and after pregnancy - which is exactly what We’re Pregnant! The First-Time Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook is all about. From heartburn and headaches to birth and breastfeeding, We’re Pregnant! features practical, action-oriented pregnancy advice from the author of the Dad or Alive blog, Adrian Kulp, a (once clueless) dad who’s been there and done that - three times, in fact!
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Are you a horrible person trying to have a baby?
- By Chris on 01-19-23
By: Adrian Kulp
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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The Book of Help
- A Memoir in Remedies
- By: Megan Griswold
- Narrated by: Megan Griswold
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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A hilarious and heartbreaking memoir-in-remedies by a self-described "professional soul-searcher" that details a journey of self-discovery through more than 160 tonics, seminars, regimens, and transformative therapies. With a voice that is at once intimate and hilarious, Megan captures the openness and honesty necessary for people to take a new path in life. Listeners will open the audiobook with curiosity about all the different healing therapies that Megan tries, but leave with a new understanding of themselves.
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Mr. Toad's Wild Ride has some serious competition!
- By Elisa R. Goodman on 02-15-19
By: Megan Griswold
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What a Difference a Mom Makes
- The Indelible Imprint a Mom Leaves on Her Son's Life
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Dean Gallagher
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Boys will be boys - always. And no one has a more powerful impact on them than you, Mom. Surprise! Your boy wants to please you, and he cares deeply about what you think. Those driving needs will stay with him throughout his lifetime. That gives you, Mom, a lot of influence over your son. You can set him up for success in life. In What a Difference a Mom Makes, the New York Times best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman reveals how you can make a positive imprint on your son - from the moment you first hold him in your arms until the moment he leaves for college. And the best news? It's never too late to start.
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Overall some solid advice - would recommend to new moms of boys
- By Tania on 04-12-20
By: Kevin Leman
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50 Things to Do Before You Deliver
- The First-Time Mom's Pregnancy Guide for Your Baby, Your Body, and Your Sanity
- By: Jill Krause
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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First-time moms have plenty to be grateful for - and plenty to worry about. Centered on what’s most important to expecting moms, 50 Things to Do Before You Deliver narrows the vast field of pregnancy advice to 50 specific, proactive steps for confidence and peace of mind before baby arrives. Unlike other pregnancy books for first-time moms, this book includes only what is necessary and helpful and leaves out the rest.
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Not practical
- By Sarah Feehily on 08-26-20
By: Jill Krause
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In the Water They Can't See You Cry
- A Memoir
- By: Amanda Beard, Rebecca Paley
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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At the tender age of 14, Amanda Beard walked onto the pool deck at the Atlanta Olympics carrying her teddy bear, Harold, and left with two silvers and a gold medal. She competed in three more Olympic games, winning a total of seven medals, and enjoyed a lucrative modeling career on the side. At one point, she was the most downloaded female athlete on the Internet. Yet despite her astonishing career and sex-symbol status, Amanda felt unworthy of all her success. Unaware that she was suffering from clinical depression, she hid the pain beneath a megawatt smile.
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I applaud Amanda - but her editor's were lame
- By Heather on 03-10-15
By: Amanda Beard, and others
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Idiots
- Marriage, Motherhood, Milk & Mistakes
- By: Laura Clery
- Narrated by: Laura Clery
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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A fresh, hilarious, and relatable collection of essays about everything from motherhood and marriage to sobriety and work-life balance (or imbalance) from the nationally bestselling author of the “honest, complicated” (SheKnows) Idiot.
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Tears and laughs!!
- By Anonymous User on 04-07-22
By: Laura Clery
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The Very Worst Missionary
- A Memoir or Whatever
- By: Jamie Wright
- Narrated by: Madeleine Lambert
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.
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Didn’t like the book
- By Jonathan on 04-17-20
By: Jamie Wright
What listeners say about A Dude's Guide to Baby Size
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 06-01-22
Perfect Listen
Amazing listen! DudeDad really made me feel better about our upcoming little one! Great role model for us everyday guys.
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- Caleb
- 02-18-24
Relatable and hilarious
The book is relatable in many ways and the humor injected within is Dude Dad perfection. Definitely worth a listen.
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