Parsnips, Buttered
Bamboozle and Boycott Modern Life, One Email at a Time
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Narrated by:
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Joe Lycett
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By:
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Joe Lycett
About this listen
In this book I have attempted to solve each and every one of life's problems. And I have succeeded.
Dear Listener,
Using letters, emails, tweets and telegrams I will show you how the things in your life that make you sad, low or anxious can soon appear trivial, insignificant and like a fish. In short, I will butter your parsnips.
Life is hard. We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed.
While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again.
I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Listener. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners, jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished listening to this book you will have learnt how to:
- Reverse a parking fine
- Manipulate the tabloid press
- Navigate social media
- Respond to hate mail
- Out-weird Internet trolls
- Contest a so-called ripe avocado
- Send the perfect Christmas newsletter
- Defeat ISIS
- Take down multinational companies
AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!
Joe Lycett x
* If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, health care or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.
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With remembrances from J. K. Rowling's editors, agents, publicists, fans, and Rowling herself, Melissa Anelli takes us on a personal journey through every aspect of the Harry Potter phenomenon - from his very first spell to his lasting impact on the way we live and dream.
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Relive the magic!
- By Heather on 03-19-09
By: Melissa Anelli
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A Very British Christmas
- Twelve Days of Discomfort and Joy
- By: Rhodri Marsden
- Narrated by: Rhodri Marsden, Helen Keeley, Paul Tyreman
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Have Yourself a Very British Christmas is a 12-stage sleigh ride through the best, worst, strangest and funniest aspects of the Christmas holiday, with cultural icons saluted, national habits dissected and personal reminiscences from those who've eaten all the mince pies and lived to tell the tale. The essential Christmas stocking filler for every Brit who's ever found themselves on a deflating airbed wedged up against the washing machine in their parents' spare room come Christmas Eve.
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Great Christmas Fun
- By Robin L Childs on 11-13-20
By: Rhodri Marsden
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Little Me
- My Life from A-Z
- By: Matt Lucas
- Narrated by: Matt Lucas
- Length: 9 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Hello there. Welcome to my autobiography. Throughout this audiobook I talk about my life and work, including Little Britain, Come Fly with Me, Bridesmaids, Les Miserables, Alice in Wonderland and, of course, Shooting Stars. The thing is, this is a bit different to most memoirs you may have listened to, because it comes in the form of an A-Z. Anyway, I hope you buy it at least twice. Thank you.
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Food
- By Gavin Brown on 09-26-20
By: Matt Lucas
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The Year of Living Danishly
- Uncovering the Secrets of the World's Happiest Country
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Lucy Price-Lewis
- Length: 9 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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When she was suddenly given the opportunity of a new life in rural Jutland, journalist and archetypal Londoner Helen Russell discovered a startling statistic: the happiest place on earth isn't Disneyland but Denmark, a land often thought of by foreigners as consisting entirely of long, dark winters, cured herring, Lego and pastries. What is the secret to their success? Are happy Danes born or made?
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Interesting content. Unfortunate delivery.
- By Jennifer Soudagar on 11-13-15
By: Helen Russell
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Jeremy Clarkson
- The Biography
- By: Gwen Russell
- Narrated by: Richard Dallyn
- Length: 2 hrs and 9 mins
- Abridged
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An outspoken personality who divides opinion, Jeremy Clarkson has made a successful career out of his love of cars and speed.
Since becoming Top Gear supremo, the programme has become one of the most widely distributed TV shows on the planet. His candid views on practically every subject under the sun have often landed him in hot water. Love him or loathe him, this fascinating biography tells his far-from-over life story.
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Very poor
- By Amadeo on 05-25-12
By: Gwen Russell
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Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster)
- Life Lessons from Dave Barry
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: Dave Barry
- Length: 3 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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An uproariously funny examination of what one generation can teach to another - or not - from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times - best-selling author of You Can Date Boys When You're Forty and Insane City. During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has gained much wisdom* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed), and he is eager to pass it on - to the next generation, the generation after that, and those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience.
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Clever!
- By Sharlotte on 01-31-17
By: Dave Barry
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How It All Began
- By: Penelope Lively
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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When Charlotte Rainsford, a retired schoolteacher, is accosted by a petty thief on a London street, the consequences ripple across the lives of acquaintances and strangers alike. A marriage unravels after an illicit love affair is revealed through an errant cell phone message; a posh yet financially strapped interior designer meets a business partner who might prove too good to be true.
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Wonderful and beautifully written
- By Molly-o on 02-15-12
By: Penelope Lively
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Maeve's Times
- In Her Own Words
- By: Maeve Binchy
- Narrated by: Kate Binchy
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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From the royal wedding to boring airplane companions, Samuel Beckett to Margaret Thatcher, "senior moments" to life as a waitress, Maeve's Times gives us wonderful insight into a changing Ireland as it celebrates the work of one of our best-loved writers in all its diversity - revealing her characteristic directness, laugh-out-loud humor, and unswerving gaze into the true heart of a matter.
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A GLIMPSE THROUGH MAEVE'S LOOKING GLASS
- By jstrfic on 08-08-17
By: Maeve Binchy
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And When She Was Good
- By: Laura Lippman
- Narrated by: Linda Emond
- Length: 9 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Heloise considers it a blessing to be a person who seldom attracts attention. In her suburb, she's just a mom, the young widow with the forgettable job, who somehow never misses a soccer game. In the state capital, she's the redheaded lobbyist with a good cause and a mediocre track record. But in discreet hotel rooms throughout the area, she's the woman of your dreams - if you can afford the hourly fee. For more than a decade, Heloise believed she was safe, managing to keep up this rigidly compartmentalized life. But her secret life is under siege. One county over, another so-called suburban madam has been found dead in her car, an apparent suicide.
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And When She Was Bad...
- By Carole T. on 08-18-12
By: Laura Lippman
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Mystery Man
- By: Colin Bateman
- Narrated by: Stephen Armstrong
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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He’s the Man With No Name and the owner of No Alibis, a mystery bookshop in Belfast. But when a detective agency next door goes bust, the agency’s clients start calling into his shop asking him to solve their cases. It’s not as if there’s any danger involved. It’s an easy way to sell books to his gullible customers and Alison, the beautiful girl in the jewellery shop across the road, will surely be impressed. Except she’s not – because she can see the bigger picture.
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Mystery, humor & literary nuances - GREAT
- By Toby on 09-06-13
By: Colin Bateman
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Rick Mercer Final Report
- By: Rick Mercer
- Narrated by: Rick Mercer
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Rick Mercer can always be relied on to provoke a strong reaction - but what he said one fall day in 2017 truly shocked Canada. In a rant posted on social media, the great Canadian satirist announced loud and clear that the 15th season of the Rick Mercer Report - the nation's best-watched and best-loved comedy show - would be the last. This volume brings together never-before-published rants from the last five seasons of the show, plus a selection of the very best rants from earlier years.
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Mercer Hits It Out Of The Ballpark
- By Wade Lancaster on 11-11-19
By: Rick Mercer
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Flesh Wounds
- By: Richard Glover
- Narrated by: Richard Glover
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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A mother who invented her past, a father who was often absent, a son who wondered if this could really be his family...Richard Glover's favourite dinner-party game is called 'Who's Got the Weirdest Parents?' It's a game he always thinks he'll win. There was his mother, a deluded snob who made up large swathes of her past and who ran away with Richard's English teacher, a Tolkien devotee, nudist and stuffed toy collector.
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Such a Meaningful Reflection
- By Awarenessing on 11-28-15
By: Richard Glover
What listeners say about Parsnips, Buttered
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 08-09-18
Very entertaining!
Anyone who enjoys British humor ought to enjoy Joe’s book. His performance is perfect and makes the book 100 times more enjoyable. If you like light-hearted comedy and some ridiculous ‘one liner’ jokes, you’d probably enjoy this one.
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- IntrepidFraidyCat
- 11-08-22
I Lycett!
Joe Lycett never disappoints. His style of internet trolling is second to none. It's what I like to call "splendid f**kery" and Joe is a master.
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- Glenn Johnson
- 02-07-19
I like Joe Lycett
I think Joe is very funny. I enjoyed the book, but I was sorry that he had no mention of Sarah Millican, when she had such a delightful story about him in her book "How to be Champion" (available on Audible).
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- Lauren
- 11-03-22
Same jokes, but never dull.
I could listen to Joe Lycett talk all day! The narration is top-tier. I would definitely listen to him read other audiobooks. Unfortunately, this book contains the same material as his stand up. There's nothing new. During his stand up, his use of visual aids really elevates the jokes. You don't get to experience them with an audiobook. It was still good, just not what I was expecting.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-29-21
Hilarious
Hilarious, very happy I bought it. I’ll be writing some emails shortly. Thanks Joe Lycett.
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- Amber Caudell
- 03-12-22
Funny!
Joe’s book, like his stand-up…is funny, witty, always a pleasure to listen to, and chock full of life hacks and great ideas!! Hope you are well!
Thanks Joe!
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- Salinger
- 06-29-18
Amazing, truly
I own this book in paperback form as well as audiobook. The fact that Joe Lycett himself reads it makes it hilarious and easy to get into. Joe Lycett is a brilliant British comedian and I hope to see more from him soon. If you like British comedy or just enjoy a guy writing emails to mess with people then this book is for you. Buy it now to listen to!
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- annalie
- 11-09-16
Hilarious
Love being a moron? Joe is your natural leader. Perfect antidote to Trump winning the election
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- Greg
- 04-22-19
LMFAO
This book kept me laughing so hard, I actually had to stop listening to it a work after I choked and spit my coffee at my computer screen, because I laughed so hard. I love Joe Lycett he is the best comedian EVER!!
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- Carolina
- 07-02-17
Repeating but entertaining
Sadly it is mainly a repeating of the jokes from his shows, but he still delivers them in a most entertaining way.
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