Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed
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Narrated by:
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Kailaan "The Soliloquy Man" Carter
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By:
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Lance Carbuncle
About this listen
Idjit Galoot has a problem. He escaped from his master's house for a brief romp around town, seeking out easy targets such as bitches in heat, fresh roadkill, and unguarded garbage cans. When he returns to his house, the aged basset hound discovers that his master has packed up their belongings and moved to Florida without him. Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is the story of Idjit Galoot's ne'er-do-well owner and his efforts to work his way back to the dog that he loves. Along the way Idjit's owner encounters Christian terrorists, swamp-dwelling taxidermists, carnies, a b-list poopie-groupie, bluesmen on the run from a trickster deity, and the Florida skunk ape.
©2012 Vicious Galoot Books, Co. (P)2016 Vicious Galoot Books, Co.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Andrew Ranulf Blankenship is a handsome, stylish nonconformist with wry wit, a classic Mustang, and a massive library. He is also a recovering alcoholic and a practicing warlock, able to speak with the dead through film. His house is a maze of sorcerous booby traps and escape tunnels, as yours might be if you were sitting on a treasury of Russian magic stolen from the Soviet Union thirty years ago.
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Finally - Magic / Fantasy Novel for adults.
- By David on 04-23-14
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Coyote Blue
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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With New York Times best-sellers like Bloodsucking Fiends to his credit, Christopher Moore has developed a devoted cult following. Coyote Blue introduces Samuel Hunter, a young man who's running from his past while being tormented by an ancient Crow God with a talent for mischief.
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ehhhh...
- By Michelle on 08-17-09
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The Lesser Dead
- By: Christopher Buehlman
- Narrated by: Christopher Buehlman
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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New York City in 1978 is a dirty, dangerous place to live - and die. Joey Peacock knows this as well as anybody - he has spent the last forty years as an adolescent vampire, perfecting the routine he now enjoys: womanizing in punk clubs and discotheques, feeding by night, and sleeping by day with others of his kind in the macabre labyrinth under the city's sidewalks.
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NICE GUYS NEARLY ALWAYS FINISH LAST
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 05-27-17
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Son of a Trickster
- By: Eden Robinson
- Narrated by: Jason Ryll
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Everyone knows a guy like Jared: the burnout kid in high school who sells weed cookies and has a scary mom who's often wasted and wielding some kind of weapon. Jared does smoke and drink too much, and he does make the best cookies in town, and his mom is a mess, but he's also a kid who has an immense capacity for compassion and an impulse to watch over people more than twice his age, and he can't rely on anyone for consistent love and support, except for his flatulent pit bull, Baby Killer (he calls her Baby) - and now she's dead.
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Not Enough Fantasy. Too much pot.
- By Rena Tarlini on 09-07-19
By: Eden Robinson
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Monument 14
- Monument 14, Book 1
- By: Emmy Laybourne
- Narrated by: Todd Haberkorn
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In Emmy Laybourne’s action-packed debut novel, six high school kids (some popular, some not), two eighth graders (one a tech genius), and six little kids trapped together in a chain superstore build a refuge for themselves inside. While outside, a series of escalating disasters, beginning with a monster hailstorm and ending with a chemical weapons spill, seems to be tearing the world - as they know it - apart.
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Dull
- By Linda B on 10-13-12
By: Emmy Laybourne
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The Death of Cool
- From Teenage Rebellion to the Hangover of Adulthood
- By: Gavin McInnes
- Narrated by: Gavin McInnes
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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The Drop
- By: Dennis Lehane
- Narrated by: Jim Frangione
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Three days after Christmas, a lonely bartender looking for a reason to live rescues an abused puppy from a trash can and meets a damaged woman looking for something to believe in. As their relationship grows, they cross paths with the Chechen mafia; a man grown dangerous with age and thwarted hopes; two hapless stick-up artists; a very curious cop; and the original owner of the puppy, who wants his dog bac.k…
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THAT IS LIFE,
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 12-06-14
By: Dennis Lehane
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Lamentation
- By: Joe Clifford
- Narrated by: Timothy McKean
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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In a frigid New Hampshire winter, Jay Porter is trying to eke out a living and maintain some semblance of a relationship with his former girlfriend and their two-year-old son. When he receives an urgent call that Chris, his drug-addicted brother, is being questioned by the sheriff about his missing junkie business partner, Jay feels obliged to come to his rescue. After Jay negotiates his brother's release from the county jail, Chris disappears into the night.
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Excellent Listen!
- By Jason on 08-19-15
By: Joe Clifford
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KooKooLand
- A Memoir
- By: Gloria Norris
- Narrated by: Gloria Norris
- Length: 14 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Gloria Norris grew up in the projects of Manchester, New Hampshire, with her parents; her sister, Virginia; and her cat, Sylvester. A snapshot might show a happy young family, but only a dummkopf would buy that. Nine-year-old Gloria is gutsy and wisecracking. Her father, Jimmy, all dazzle and danger, is often on the far side of the law and makes his own rules - which everyone else better follow. Gloria's mom, Shirley, tries not to rock the boat, Virginia unwisely defies Jimmy, and Gloria fashions herself into his sidekick - the son he never had.
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this was so awful I could only listen to a little
- By Wyowoman on 09-14-18
By: Gloria Norris
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The Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death
- By: Charlie Huston
- Narrated by: Richard Powers
- Length: 9 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Webster Fillmore Goodhue has found temporary work as one of the mop-up crew for the Los Angeles County crime division. In other words, he cleans up grisly crime scenes for the cops. When the daughter of a recent Malibu suicide victim asks for his help cleaning up after her brother has gotten into a little trouble, every cell in Web's brain is telling him to turn her down. But she's very attractive, and before he knows it, he's well on his way to getting his face kicked in.
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Funny!
- By Alan on 01-19-09
By: Charlie Huston
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Lawn Boy
- By: Jonathan Evison
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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For Mike Muñoz, a young Chicano living in Washington State, life has been a whole lot of waiting for something to happen. Not too many years out of high school and still doing menial work - and just fired from his latest gig as a lawn boy on a landscaping crew - he knows that he's got to be the one to shake things up if he's ever going to change his life. But how?
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CATEGORY AND SUMMARY MISLEADING
- By Gretchen on 05-01-18
By: Jonathan Evison
What listeners say about Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- ReadingRover
- 05-08-16
Ridiculously funny
More like 3.5 stars
This book was a ridiculously funny adventure about a man who is on a mission to find his beloved dog. On moving day Idjit Galoot goes out galavanting and doesn't return in time to catch the van. This sends his owner on a wild ride all over with the intention of delivering his mother's stuff to the new place all the while in search of his hound. This journey includes dream wanderings, a sale of his soul to a waitress, several near death experiences, fat Elvis, a club foot blues guitarist, bags of frozen poop, taxidermy and many more crazy characters and situations. It often had me laughing out loud. Believe it or not Idjit Galoot is often the voice of reason. Without his advice his owner would not have gotten through most of his life!
Many of the thing thy happen are unbelievable, gross and hysterical but that's what makes this book unique.
I was gifted a copy of this audiobook by the author. This is an unbiased review and all thoughts and opinions are my own.
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- Goreshackle Raijphistte
- 04-22-16
Dang, Dr. Rev!
What made the experience of listening to Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed the most enjoyable?
Kailaan "The Soliloquy Man" Carter's excellent voice work helped bring this insane smattering of wordage to life.
What other book might you compare Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed to and why?
Without going into spoiler territory, I'd call this a very dirty south romp, comparable to Irvine Welsh's Maribou Stork Nightmares. It's weird, wild, hilarious, and sometimes kinda gross.
Which scene was your favorite?
The description of the titular dish made my mouth water and my stomach churn for that fine bucket o' goodness.
If you could take any character from Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed out to dinner, who would it be and why?
I'd probably have a dinner 'n' brew with the blues man. We'd have a buck wild time, peppered with impromptu jams.
Any additional comments?
The Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle has a wonderful style that always brings a smile.
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