Sticks and Stones
Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy
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Narrated by:
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Rebecca Lowman
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By:
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Emily Bazelon
About this listen
NATIONAL BESTSELLER
Being a teenager has never been easy, but in recent years, with the rise of the Internet and social media, it has become exponentially more challenging. Bullying, once thought of as the province of queen bees and goons, has taken on new, complex, and insidious forms, as parents and educators know all too well. No writer is better poised to explore this territory than Emily Bazelon, who has established herself as a leading voice on the social and legal aspects of teenage drama. In Sticks and Stones, she brings readers on a deeply researched, clear-eyed journey into the ever-shifting landscape of teenage meanness and its sometimes devastating consequences. The result is an indispensable book that takes us from school cafeterias to courtrooms to the offices of Facebook, the website where so much teenage life, good and bad, now unfolds.
Along the way, Bazelon defines what bullying is and, just as important, what it is not. She explores when intervention is essential and when kids should be given the freedom to fend for themselves. She also dispels persistent myths: that girls bully more than boys, that online and in-person bullying are entirely distinct, that bullying is a common cause of suicide, and that harsh criminal penalties are an effective deterrent. Above all, she believes that to deal with the problem, we must first understand it.
Blending keen journalistic and narrative skills, Bazelon explores different facets of bullying through the stories of three young people who found themselves caught in the thick of it. Thirteen-year-old Monique endured months of harassment and exclusion before her mother finally pulled her out of school. Jacob was threatened and physically attacked over his sexuality in eighth grade—and then sued to protect himself and change the culture of his school. Flannery was one of six teens who faced criminal charges after a fellow student’s suicide was blamed on bullying and made international headlines. With grace and authority, Bazelon chronicles how these kids’ predicaments escalated, to no one’s benefit, into community-wide wars. Cutting through the noise, misinformation, and sensationalism, she takes us into schools that have succeeded in reducing bullying and examines their successful strategies. The result is a groundbreaking book that will help parents, educators, and teens themselves better understand what kids are going through today and what can be done to help them through it.
Praise for Sticks and Stones
“Intelligent, rigorous . . . [Emily Bazelon] is a compassionate champion for justice in the domain of childhood’s essential unfairness.”—Andrew Solomon, The New York Times Book Review
“[Bazelon] does not stint on the psychological literature, but the result never feels dense with studies; it’s immersive storytelling with a sturdy base of science underneath, and draws its authority and power from both.”—New York
“A humane and closely reported exploration of the way that hurtful power relationships play out in the contemporary public-school setting . . . As a parent herself, [Bazelon] brings clear, kind analysis to complex and upsetting circumstances.”—The Wall Street Journal
“Bullying isn’t new. But our attempts to respond to it are, as Bazelon explains in her richly detailed, thought-provoking book. . . . Comprehensive in her reporting and balanced in her conclusions, Bazelon extracts from these stories useful lessons for young people, parents and principals alike.”—The Washington Post
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Critic reviews
“Thoughtful and moving, incisive and provocative, Sticks and Stones is essential reading for any educator trying to negotiate the minefield of bullying. Packed with valuable advice, the book brings a welcome dose of sanity to an often overheated national discussion.” (Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed)
“Beautifully written and tenaciously reported, Sticks and Stones is a serious, important book that reads like a page-turner. Emily Bazelon is a gifted writer, and this powerful work is sure to place childhood bullying at the heart of the national conversation - right where it belongs.” (Susan Cain, author of Quiet)
“Emily Bazelon is doing the most honest, hard-hitting investigative work on bullying in America today. Sticks and Stones is a page-turner, combining compelling personal stories, rigorous reporting and practical advice for parents and educators. Read it: It’s essential.” (Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out)
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If it weren't for the 57 bus, Sasha and Richard never would have met. Both were high school students from Oakland, California, one of the most diverse cities in the country, but they inhabited different worlds. Sasha, a white teen, lived in the middle-class foothills and attended a small private school. Richard, a black teen, lived in the crime-plagued flatlands and attended a large public one. Each day, their paths overlapped for a mere eight minutes. But, one afternoon, on the bus ride home from school, a single reckless act left Sasha severely burned.
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An Unusual True-Crime Event...Beautifully Written.
- By Mary Burnight on 02-21-18
By: Dashka Slater
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The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans
- How to Decode Their Behavior, Develop Unshakable Trust, and Raise a Respectable Adult
- By: Josh Shipp
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Written in Shipp's playfully authoritative, no-nonsense voice, The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans tells his story and unpacks practical strategies that can make a difference. Ultimately, it's not about shortcuts or magic words - as Shipp reminds us, it's about investing in kids and giving them the love, time, and support they need to thrive. And that means every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.
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Read it....then read it again!
- By R. Eichelberger on 11-07-17
By: Josh Shipp
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Have a New Teenager by Friday
- From Mouthy and Moody to Respectful and Responsible in 5 Days
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Kirby Heybourne
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Congratulations! You have a teenager in your home. Life will never quite be the same again (of course, you already know that). But it can be better than you’ve ever dreamed. In fact, you’re just five days away from your teenager asking, “What can I do to help?” Guaranteed! With his signature wit and commonsense psychology, internationally recognized family expert and New York Times best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman will help you. your teenager’s life. With Dr. Leman’s instinct and insight, plus an index with gutsy advice on 75 hot-button issues that keep parents up at night.
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Listen with a Critical Mind
- By Stephanie on 03-25-13
By: Kevin Leman
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It's Not About the Truth
- The Duke Lacrosse Case and the Lives It Shattered
- By: Don Yaeger, Mike Pressler
- Narrated by: Dick Hill
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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What began as an off-campus team party with two hired strippers accelerated into a rape investigation - one that exposed prosecutorial misconduct, shoddy police work, an administration's rush to judgment, and the media's disregard for the facts. In It's Not About the Truth, Mike Pressler, the former Duke University lacrosse team's coach, and best-selling author Don Yaeger expose vivid details, including the day Pressler was fired.
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Highly Recommended
- By Dave on 08-08-07
By: Don Yaeger, and others
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Crazy-Stressed
- Saving Today's Overwhelmed Teens with Love, Laughter, and the Science of Resilience
- By: Dr. Michael J. Bradley
- Narrated by: Chris Kayser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Peel back the cheerful façade that parents present, and you'll find that many are worried about their teens. Mood swings, impulsiveness, poor judgment, and other problems peak in these years. Add stressors such as screen addiction, cyberbullying, increasing academic demands, and time-consuming athletic commitments...and it's no surprise that today's teenagers rank as the most anxious in 50 years.
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The title got me hooked
- By Robin Pinto on 03-31-18
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It's OK to Go up the Slide
- Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids
- By: Heather Shumaker
- Narrated by: Laurel Lefkow
- Length: 9 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Heather Shumaker has sparked much discussion with her "renegade rules for raising competent and compassionate kids". In this follow-up book, she takes on new hot-button issues like banning homework, technology use, and skipping kindergarten. Shumaker offers broader guidance on how parents can control their own anger and move from an overscheduled life to one of more free play.
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Amazing resource for parents and teachers
- By Ahmed on 05-11-16
By: Heather Shumaker
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Radical
- Fighting to Put Students First
- By: Michelle Rhee
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir, part manifesto, Radical is this fearless advocate's incisive, intensely personal call-to-arms. Rhee combines the story of her own extraordinary experience with dozens of compelling examples from schools she's worked in and studied-from students from unspeakable home lives who have thrived in the classroom to teachers whose radical methods have produced unprecedented leaps in achievement. Radical chronicles Rhee's awakening to the potential of every child, her rage at the special interests blocking badly-needed change, and her recognition that it will take a grassroots movement to create outstanding public schools.
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Good read after seeing Waiting for Superman
- By Marie on 04-10-13
By: Michelle Rhee
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Girls Like Us
- Fighting for a World Where Girls Are Not for Sale, an Activist Finds Her Calling and Heals Herself
- By: Rachel Lloyd
- Narrated by: Rachel Lloyd
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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During her teens, Rachel Lloyd ended up a victim of commercial sexual exploitation. With time, through incredible resilience, and with the help of a local church community, she finally broke free of her pimp and her past and devoted herself to helping other young girls escape "the life". In Girls Like Us, Lloyd reveals the dark world of commercial sex trafficking in cinematic detail and tells the story of her groundbreaking nonprofit organization: GEMS.
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Rachel Lloyd is an Amazing Woman
- By joan m. on 01-14-22
By: Rachel Lloyd
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Troublemakers
- Lessons in Freedom from Young Children at School
- By: Carla Shalaby
- Narrated by: Luci Christian Bell
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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In this dazzling debut, Carla Shalaby, a former elementary school teacher, explores the everyday lives of four young "troublemakers", challenging the ways we identify and understand so-called problem children. Time and again, we make seemingly endless efforts to moderate, punish, and even medicate our children, when we should instead be concerned with transforming the very nature of our institutions, systems, and structures, large and small.
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Interesting and disturbing
- By Anonymous User on 07-27-18
By: Carla Shalaby
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Why Meadow Died
- The People and Policies That Created the Parkland Shooter and Endanger America's Students
- By: Andrew Pollack, Max Eden, Hunter Pollack - foreword
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 11 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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The Parkland school shooting was the most avoidable mass murder in American history. And the policies that made it inevitable have spread to your school....
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Stick to the facts
- By Annie B. on 01-16-20
By: Andrew Pollack, and others
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Parkland
- Birth of a Movement
- By: Dave Cullen
- Narrated by: Dave Cullen, Robert Fass
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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On the first anniversary of the events at Parkland, the acclaimed, New York Times best-selling author of Columbine offers an intimate, deeply moving account of the extraordinary teenage survivors who became activists and pushed back against the NRA and feckless Congressional leaders - inspiring millions of Americans to join their grassroots #neveragain movement.
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Political Take on Mass Shootings is Spot on
- By Jeeves on 02-26-19
By: Dave Cullen
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Letters to a Young Teacher
- By: Jonathan Kozol
- Narrated by: David Drummond
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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In these affectionate letters to Francesca, a first-grade teacher at an inner-city school in Boston, Jonathan Kozol vividly describes his repeated visits to her classroom while, under Francesca's likably irreverent questioning, also revealing his own most personal stories of the years that he has spent in public schools.
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A must read for new teachers
- By Santiago on 03-31-10
By: Jonathan Kozol
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How to Be Black
- By: Baratunde Thurston
- Narrated by: Baratunde Thurston
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Beyond memoir, this guidebook offers practical advice on everything from "How to Be the Black Friend" to "How to Be the (Next) Black President" to "How to Celebrate Black History Month". This is a humorous, intelligent, and audacious guide that challenges and satirizes the so-called experts, purists, and racists who purport to speak for all Black people. With honest storytelling and biting wit, Baratunde plots a path not just to blackness, but one open to anyone interested in simply "how to be".
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Funny yet insightful!
- By Theodore on 02-15-12
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Men on Strike
- Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters
- By: Helen Smith PhD
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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American society has become anti-male. Men are sensing the backlash and are responding. They're dropping out of college, leaving the workforce, and avoiding marriage and fatherhood at alarming rates. The trend is so pronounced that a number of books have been written about this man-child phenomenon, concluding that men have taken a vacation from responsibility. But why should men participate in a system that seems to be increasingly stacked against them?
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Finally, someone said it!
- By Stephen Reid Kidd on 11-07-17
By: Helen Smith PhD
What listeners say about Sticks and Stones
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- TheWilcoxFamily
- 10-04-19
Heartbreaking stories
As a teacher and parent of elementary students I found myself nodding my head a lot reading this. The stories of bullying are unbelievable. There is good information shared in this book.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Alysha Reinard
- 02-25-13
A 360 review on bullying
What was the most compelling aspect of this narrative?
The book looks at different aspects of bullying, from the effects on sensitive kids who are relentlessly bullied to the perspective of the kids accused of bullying. There is so much grey area in this topic that's often considered black and white. As a person who was bullied as a kid I found the different perspectives and the discussion of the research on bullying to be very interesting and even empowering. The stories were compelling and interesting and gave me hope and ideas for how to deal with this when my toddlers reach this age.
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5 people found this helpful
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- BoyNurse
- 02-20-13
An excellent and cogent discussion of the topic.
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes, Emily's insights on the changing impact of bullying on teens in the digital age, where there is no escape from their tormentors, reveal much about the challenges that the current generation of teens and parents are facing.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Sticks and Stones?
Emily's own account of being "fired" by her friends as a teen and how that affected her.
Which scene was your favorite?
When the author confronted Facebook about a page that had been reported to them as abusive but about which they had taken no action.
What’s the most interesting tidbit you’ve picked up from this book?
That the teens that faced criminal charges related to the bullying and subsequent suicide of Phoebe Prince ended up facing very limited legal consequences.
Any additional comments?
An excellent read by an excellent author. 5 Stars.
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16 people found this helpful
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- RAD
- 04-02-13
Case study method reveals missing empathy
I am a fan of Bazelon and Slates "gabfests". Her book is clearly an extension of her diligence and compassion, and the drive to find out why kids bully each other the the point of suicide in some cases. She looks at the standards for managing bullying and clearly has questions (zero tolerance) and hope (methods adapted from a Scandanavian expert). The case studies she uses are told in careful depth, so you understand the source and nuance of the bullied and well as the bullies. The frequent absent grace is empathy, of course, as is demonstrated each episode.
For my taste, I would rather have the thesis and logic presented up front, so I could better understand where the narrative is going. Rather, you have to follow her through each case and understand her conclusion inductively.
I am also acutely aware of how this is framed, as a lawyer would. I think an alternative framing more as a sociologist or anthropologist would. Social dominance is frequent in many species, including our own. Dominance-based aggression is normal in peer groups, particularly adolescents. Normally, things sort themselves out by people forming into groups and the groups lining up on some social hierarchy.The story might be about situations in which the amount of aggression is abnormal or dangerous. People who wish to belong to a group, but no group will have? People who appear to be socially climbing without going through expected loyalty rituals?
It would have been clearer in that frame - to acknowledge that some amount of bullying is part of the norm - like it or not - and that we learn life lessons from it. There is abnormal bullying which leaves permanent scars - how do we predict that and prevent it?
Though I was involved in the book, I did occasionally bark that it would be so much better if I had a roadmap of where this is going, and perhaps a little less inductive framing.
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4 people found this helpful
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- RIReader
- 05-05-20
Real case studies are great starting point for research & analysis.
The author did quite a bit of research & legwork on the topic of bullying/drama. I found the case studies and later follow-up about outcomes helpful in trying to figure out what works and doesn’t, generally, to stop abuse. It seems schools are overburdened, and while policies & procedures need to be in place to deal with school incidents, parents/guardians should be more accountable for their children’s behavior. Overall, the book gives an interesting look at what bullying is and the complicated dynamics surrounding it. The FAQ section at the conclusion is helpful.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Linda
- 11-04-21
Educational and informative re Bullying
This book opened my eyes to how complex the Bullying environment can be towards our kids. Parents, grandparents, and Guardians are the First Defense for our children and our grandchildren. Collectively, we need to embrace and educate ourselves with regards to technology. we leave our children vulnerable when we turn a blind eye two things we don't understand.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Alexander Riegel
- 07-06-21
Dated
Book based on 2009-2011 research, focusing overwhelmingly on Facebook, but only a decade later, teens are generally not on Facebook (except to interact with parents & grandparents). While not useless, much advice is no longer helpful.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Julia
- 02-20-13
Don't discard the bullies, they are children too
Would you try another book from Emily Bazelon and/or Rebecca Lowman?
No. I was listening imagining how this narrative would work if the setting was a home rather than a school -- criminal behavior should not be treated as such inside a school --bullies if caught have aftermaths and hurt too -- what about the anguish of the bully's parent's -- who knows if the anguish and suicide of victims is caused by bullying when the victims are chosen by their vulnerability -- doesn't it make bullying worse when helpless people are selected by bullies?
Any additional comments?
The pain of people targeted by bullying will be made more intense by this book. Bullies and their parents are unlikely to read it. I would have liked to think that we as a society had risen above such thinking.
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3 people found this helpful