
And Then They Stopped Talking to Me
Making Sense of Middle School
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Narrated by:
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Judith Warner
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By:
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Judith Warner
About this listen
Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle-school trenches, a New York Times best-selling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up.
“As the parent of a middle schooler, I felt as if Judith Warner had peered into my life - and the lives of many of my patients. This is a gift to our kids and their future selves.” (Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)
The French have a name for the uniquely hellish years between elementary school and high school: l’âge ingrat, or "the ugly age". Characterized by a perfect storm of developmental changes - physical, psychological, and social - the middle school years are a time of great distress for children and parents alike, marked by hurt, isolation, exclusion, competition, anxiety, and often outright cruelty. Some of this is inevitable; there are intrinsic challenges to early adolescence. But these years are harder than they need to be, and Judith Warner believes that adults are complicit.
With deep insight and compassion, Warner walks us through a new understanding of the role that middle school plays in all our lives. She argues that today's helicopter parents are overly concerned with status and achievement - in some ways a residual effect of their own middle-school experiences - and that this worsens the self-consciousness, self-absorption, and social "sorting" so typical of early adolescence.
Tracing a century of research on middle childhood and bringing together the voices of social scientists, psychologists, educators, and parents, Warner's book shows how adults can be moral role models for children, making them more empathetic, caring, and resilient. She encourages us to start treating middle schoolers as the complex people they are, holding them to high standards of kindness, and helping them see one another as more than "jocks and mean girls, nerds and sluts".
Part cultural critique and part call to action, this essential book unpacks one of life's most formative periods and shows how we can help our children not only survive it but thrive.
©2020 Judith Warner (P)2020 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"As the parent of a middle schooler, I felt as if Warner had peered into my life - and the lives of many of my patients. With clarity, compassion, and insight, And Then They Stopped Talking to Me brilliantly captures the landscape of kids' experiences today and the psychological, familial, and cultural forces shaping them. Along the way, Warner debunks age-old myths and offers practical guidance that every parent can use. This is a gift to our kids and their future selves." (Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone)
"I don't know a single adult who did not feel alone, insecure, or deeply self-conscious in middle school. Warner puts the pieces of the puzzle together to show us just how not-alone we were - and gives us the knowledge to guide our children through one of the most painful moments of childhood." (Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and Enough As She Is)
"If your child’s middle school journey is unraveling you, Warner’s new book is the one you need to read. She will give you the gift of perspective, along with a personal and scientific understanding of what is happening to your child. I have often advised parents not to allow themselves to be sucked back into middle school when they see their children’s distress or hear their war stories. But I had no guidebook to offer them. Now I do." (Michael G. Thompson, co-author of Raising Cain)
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Story
There's no one-size-fits-all model for the important decisions that can alter the course of a life, an organization, or a civilization. But Farsighted explains how we can approach these choices more effectively and how we can appreciate the subtle intelligence of choices that shaped our broader social history.
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Powerful Book for Business and Personal Decisions
- By Robert Z on 09-30-18
By: Steven Johnson
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Bring Yourself
- How to Harness the Power of Connection to Negotiate Fearlessly
- By: Mori Taheripour
- Narrated by: Mozhan Marnò
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Contrary to conventional wisdom about what makes a good negotiator - namely, being aggressive and unemotional - in Bring Yourself, Taheripour offers a radically different perspective. In her own life, and in her more than 15 years of experience teaching negotiation, she's found that the best negotiators are empathetic, curious, and present. The essence of bargaining isn't the transaction, but the conversation and human connection.
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Great business and personal read
- By michael c rogers jr on 06-11-23
By: Mori Taheripour
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The Lemonade Life
- How to Fuel Success, Create Happiness, and Conquer Anything
- By: Zack Friedman
- Narrated by: Zack Friedman
- Length: 6 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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No matter who you are, where you come from, what you do for a living, or how much money you have, everyone has a shot at greatness. Zack Friedman has inspired millions with his powerful insights, including more than fourteen million who have read his advice in Forbes. In his ground breaking new audiobook, The Lemonade Life, Friedman starts with a fundamental question: What drives success? It's not only hard work, talent, and skill. The most successful people have one thing in common, the power to flip five internal "switches".
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Didn’t care for it
- By Tara777 on 12-07-19
By: Zack Friedman
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Finding the Words
- Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose
- By: Colin Campbell
- Narrated by: Colin Campbell
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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When Colin Campbell’s two teenage children were killed by a drunk driver, Campbell was thrown headlong into a grief so deep he felt he might lose his mind. He found much of the common wisdom about coping with loss—including the ideas that grieving is a private and mysterious process and that the pain is so great that “there are no words”—to be unhelpful. Drawing on what he learned from his own journey, Campbell offers an alternative path for processing pain that is active and vocal and truly honors loved ones lost.
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Can’t keep politics out, waste of a book. Returned
- By Amazon Customer on 09-17-23
By: Colin Campbell
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You Were Not Born to Suffer
- Overcome Fear, Insecurity and Depression and Love Yourself Back to Happiness, Confidence and Peace
- By: Blake Bauer
- Narrated by: Blake Bauer
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Discover why all suffering, illness, and unhappiness are cries from your soul asking you to fulfill your life's purpose, realize your greatest potential, and ultimately love, honor, and value yourself in every moment, situation, and relationship.
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Life changing
- By Empathy on 06-30-18
By: Blake Bauer
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Words Can Change Your Brain
- 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy
- By: Andrew Newberg M.D., Mark Robert Waldman
- Narrated by: Mark Robert Waldman
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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In our default state, our brains constantly get in the way of effective communication. They are lazy, angry, immature, and distracted. They can make a difficult conversation impossible. But Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate Communication that allows two brains to work together as one.
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the exercises
- By G Powers on 08-27-24
By: Andrew Newberg M.D., and others
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The Lies We Believe
- Renew Your Mind and Transform Your Life
- By: Dr. Chris Thurman
- Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this completely revised and updated edition, psychologist Dr. Chris Thurman guides the listener through the lies we believe about ourselves, relationships, life, men, women, and, most important, God. He then unpacks the 12 essential truths for emotional health and the truth about God - the ultimate source of Truth. This easy-to-follow guide to renewing the mind helps identify problem areas and the midcourse correction needed in how we view ourselves and our world.
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Revision needed better editing
- By KKopp on 02-04-22
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Thirty Million Words
- Building a Child's Brain
- By: Dana Suskind
- Narrated by: Kathleen McInerney
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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The most important thing we can do for our children is to have conversations with them. Parent-child talk is a fundamental, critical factor in building grit, self-control, leadership skills, and generosity. This landmark account of a new scientific perspective by the founder and director of the Thirty Million Words Initiative, Professor Dana Suskind, describes what works and what doesn't. Discover how to create the best "language environments" for children by following the simple structure of the Three Ts: Tune In, Talk More, Take Turns.
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Great start - finished poorly
- By JD on 11-13-15
By: Dana Suskind
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Find Your F*ckyeah
- Stop Censoring Who You Are and Discover What You Really Want
- By: Alexis Rockley
- Narrated by: Alexis Rockley
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Debunking self-sabotaging ideals like "You Are a Living Brand" and "You Have One Calling," Rockley encourages us to discover our real, uncensored selves and find a sense of purpose, even when we don't have all the answers. For those of us tired of feeling the pressure to be better, do more, and work faster - to self-optimize and fall in line - Find Your F*ckyeah teaches us how to find joy where we are right now and to let our genuine self-expression guide us.
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This IS the info you’ve been searching for in every self help book you ever bought.
- By Kelso Jene on 04-06-20
By: Alexis Rockley
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The Power of Wonder
- The Extraordinary Emotion That Will Change the Way You Live, Learn, and Lead
- By: Monica C. Parker
- Narrated by: Monica C. Parker
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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From the first tickle of curiosity to an unexpected shift in how we perceive the world, there isn’t a person who hasn’t experienced wonder, and yet the why and how of this profoundly beneficial emotion is only just beginning to be scientifically examined. This inspiring book from thought leader Monica Parker explores the power of wonder to transform the way we learn, develop new ideas, drive social change, and ultimately become better humans.
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Great storytelling and science
- By Wendy D on 03-05-23
By: Monica C. Parker
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What's Age Got to Do with It?
- Living Your Healthiest and Happiest Life
- By: Robin McGraw
- Narrated by: Robin McGraw, Sherri Berger
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Though it's her husband, Dr. Phil, who has his own nationally-syndicated talk show, Robin McGraw's appearances on the show draw thousands of questions from viewers of all ages who want to know how she looks and feels so fabulous at the age of 55. In What's Age Got to Do with It?, Robin shares her journey, including the ups and downs, and the secrets for staying healthy and in shape. She also provides insider information from a panel of top experts in the areas of fitness, nutrition, skin care, menopause, hair, makeup, and fashion.
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This is a terrible book!
- By Patricia on 02-19-25
By: Robin McGraw
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Self-Reg
- How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
- By: Dr. Stuart Shanker
- Narrated by: Robert Fass
- Length: 9 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Self-Reg is a groundbreaking book that presents an entirely new understanding of your child's emotions and behavior and serves as a practical guide for parents to help their kids engage calmly and successfully in learning and life. Rooted in decades of clinical practice and research by leading child psychologist Dr. Stuart Shanker, Self-Reg realigns the power of the parent-child relationship for positive change.
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Phenomenal
- By W. White on 09-28-16
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Living in Flow
- The Science of Synchronicity and How Your Choices Shape Your World
- By: Sky Nelson-Isaacs, Joseph Jaworski - foreword
- Narrated by: John Mark Bowman
- Length: 8 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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When we align with circumstance, circumstance aligns with us. Using a cutting-edge scientific theory of synchronicity, Sky Nelson-Isaacs presents a model for living "in the flow" - a state of optimal functioning, creative thinking, and seemingly effortless productivity. Nelson-Isaacs explains how our choices create meaning, translating current and original ideas from theoretical physics and quantum mechanics into accessible, actionable steps that we can all take to live lives in better alignment with who we are and who we want to be.
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Excellent Narration, Heady Concept
- By Geoff Bowman on 08-11-20
By: Sky Nelson-Isaacs, and others
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The Power of Bad
- How the Negativity Effect Rules Us and How We Can Rule It
- By: John Tierney, Roy F. Baumeister
- Narrated by: Paul Bellantoni
- Length: 8 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Why are we devastated by a word of criticism even when it’s mixed with lavish praise? Because our brains are wired to focus on the bad. This negativity effect explains things great and small: why countries blunder into disastrous wars, why couples divorce, why people flub job interviews, how schools fail students, why football coaches stupidly punt on fourth down. All day long, the power of bad governs people’s moods, drives marketing campaigns, and dominates news and politics.
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Another outstanding social psychology book!
- By Wayne on 01-06-20
By: John Tierney, and others
What it is… is a well researched and in depth history explaining how our culture has created the preteen. There is a lot of good information here to educate yourself so you can be better prepared when dealing with these years.
But if you want a detailed instruction guide. Look elsewhere
Not a how to guide…
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Only thing I've read that has helped JHS trauma
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An outstanding book that gives cause to reflect.
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Feels like a research paper...
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Not a helpful book
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Pointless: author offers no advice or insight.
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