The Sex Talk You Never Got
Reclaiming the Heart of Masculine Sexuality
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Narrated by:
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Sam Jolman
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John Eldredge
About this listen
Read by the author.
Men today are starved for sexual formation. They've been failed by parents, churches, and culture alike, leading to widespread shame, confusion, and brokenness in the area of sexuality. In The Sex Talk You Never Got, therapist Sam Jolman helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows listeners how to celebrate--instead of struggle against--the gift of sexual desire.
In our sex-saturated world, it might seem surprising that men need more talk about sex. But the reality is that sexuality is one of the most neglected aspects of men's lives. From the woefully inadequate sex talks many young men receive from parents (little more than an anatomy lesson or a purity lecture, if anything at all) to cultural messages that unhelpfully weave both shame and permissiveness into men's understanding of their own sexuality and masculinity, too many boys and men experience sexual desire as an area of struggle, confusion, and brokenness.
But it doesn't need to be this way. God made men to be moved, to live with wonder and awe--and sexual desire must be formed within the context of that design. Sam Jolman, a professional therapist who specializes in men's issues and sexual trauma recovery, shows men the way out of the wilds of sexual struggle.
This timely and incisive book will help listeners:
- learn about the vital link between sexual desire and their identity as worshipers;
- regain a wild and vigorous sexuality within the context of God's design;
- understand how purity culture has needlessly put men in a conflict-ridden relationship with their sexuality;
- see sexual purity not as the goal but as the preparation for becoming fully alive to beauty, awe, and worship; and
- discover how to trade shame and confusion for a sexuality that's filled with innocence and wonder.
In the Bible, Jesus' greatest kindness was often offered to those suffering sexual harm and brokenness. He offers this same kindness today. He does not want men to repent of their sexual desire. Rather, through reconnecting sexuality with innocence and awe, God opens the door for men to experience the wild joy of desire, rightly ordered toward worship and God's good purposes for their life.
©2024 Sam Jolman (P)2024 Thomas NelsonListeners also enjoyed...
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You may know Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat from Paranormal Activity, the 2007 found-footage horror film that launched a blockbuster franchise. Now, inspired by the fictional haunting that brought them together, the friends and former co-stars are examining real-life stories of demonic possession, tracing the phenomenon from its earliest known accounts to its modern-day headlines.
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Great stories, great hosts!
- By AmandaJM on 08-02-24
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Super Attractor
- Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
- By: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready to turn what you want into the life that you live? The number-one New York Times best-selling author of The Universe Has Your Back shows you how. In Super Attractor, Gabrielle Bernstein lays out the essential methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. This book is a journey of remembering where your true power lies. You'll learn how to co-create the life you want. You'll accept that life can flow, that attracting is fun, and that you don't have to work so hard to get what you want.
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Not a huge fan
- By Pamela H on 09-30-19
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Medieval Myths & Mysteries
- By: Dorsey Armstrong, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Dorsey Armstrong
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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The 10 enlightening (and often humorous) lectures of Medieval Myths and Mysteries will show you how far from the “dark” times of legend these centuries were. Uncover the facts about the Knights Templar. Reveal the truth behind the tales of legendary creatures like the Questing Beast and the unicorn. Trace the events of the Black Death and the ways it altered the world in its wake, and much more. With Professor Armstrong, you will dig deep into the ways that later generations reshaped the narrative of the medieval years and perpetuated the myths.
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Interesting, but centered on Britain
- By Ximena on 04-10-20
By: Dorsey Armstrong, and others
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader
- By: Neville Goddard
- Narrated by: Barry J. Peterson
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader, Includes all 10 of Neville Goddard's Spiritual Classics: At Your Command, Awakened Imagination & the Search, Feeling is the Secret, Freedom For All, Out of This World, Prayer, The Art of Believing, Seedtime and Harvest, The Law and The Promise, The Power of Awareness, and Your Faith Is Your Fortune. If you are familiar with the great American mystic, this will be a goldmine of wisdom in one book. If you are new to his work, you are in for a spiritual journey.
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Hidden Gem
- By TrauntsiePants on 05-22-18
By: Neville Goddard
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The Sophia Code
- A Living Transmission from the Sophia Dragon Tribe
- By: Kaia Ra
- Narrated by: Kaia Ra
- Length: 15 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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A declaration of your sovereign divinity, The Sophia Code is a visionary, sacred text for the Divine Feminine Christ movement sweeping the planet now. This book is a living transmission encoded with direct revelations to activate your important role as a revolutionary wayshower for humanity's awakening.
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It’s not the complete book.
- By Kevin Swanstrom on 12-02-18
By: Kaia Ra
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Buddhism for Beginners
- By: Thubten Chodron, His Holiness the Dalai Lama - foreword
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 4 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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This user’s guide to Buddhist basics takes the most commonly asked questions - beginning with “What is the essence of the Buddha’s teachings?” - and provides simple answers in plain English. Thubten Chodron’s responses to the questions that always seem to arise among people approaching Buddhism make this an exceptionally complete and accessible introduction - as well as a manual for living a more peaceful, mindful, and satisfying Life.
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Amazing introduction to Buddhism
- By chad d on 07-02-15
By: Thubten Chodron, and others
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great reading
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Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has dreams, big dreams: dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty.
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Join the conversation as a father and son talk about pursuing beauty, dealing with money, getting married, chasing dreams, knowing something real with God, and how to find a life you can call your own. Killing Lions is more than fatherly advice. It is an invitation into a journey: either to be the son who receives fathering or the father who learns what must be spoken. Most important, these conversations speak to a searching generation: "You are not alone. Its not all up to you. You are going to find your way."
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Good for my soul
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Becoming a King
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Morgan Snyder’s Becoming a King unabashedly speaks directly to men, teaching them the life-changing truth about the power that God intends for them to responsibly step into for his kingdom, while also giving women an honest peek behind the curtain into the lives and hearts of the men they know and love.
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Results From 2 Months of Reading
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In Non-Toxic Masculinity, Zachary Wagner tells men, "If you are in Christ, this is your problem—and you should be part of the solution." Reflecting on his own coming of age in the purity culture movement and ongoing recovery from sexual shame, Wagner confronts harmful teaching from the American church that has distorted desire, sex, relationships, and responsibility. For those—both men and women—who feel disillusioned and adrift, this book offers a renewed vision for Christian male sexuality founded in empathy and selflessness.
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The author's empathy is empowering to the faith based abused women.
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Fathered by God
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John Eldredge calls men back to a simple and reassuring truth: God is our father. In life's trials and triumphs, God is initiating boys and men through the stages of manhood from beloved son to cowboy to warrior to lover to king to sage. Fathered by God maps out the path of manhood - not more rules, not another list of principles, not formulas, but a sure path men have followed for centuries before us.
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great reading
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Join the conversation as a father and son talk about pursuing beauty, dealing with money, getting married, chasing dreams, knowing something real with God, and how to find a life you can call your own. Killing Lions is more than fatherly advice. It is an invitation into a journey: either to be the son who receives fathering or the father who learns what must be spoken. Most important, these conversations speak to a searching generation: "You are not alone. Its not all up to you. You are going to find your way."
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Perfect for Dads of Young Men
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Resilient
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The Sexually Healthy Man
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I grew up in the Southern Baptist church of the '90s during the height of the True Love Waits movement, accompanied by Joshua Harris’ best seller, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. If you don’t know what I am referring to, consider yourself blessed. Many of the ideas perpetuated by this culture were infused with fear and shame, offering no practical help or guidance in equipping young people to become healthy sexual human beings.
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The fact that even people who seem perfect have a past.
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The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex
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A candid companion to the best-selling guide for women, The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex gives you suggestions for a fulfilling sex life for both you and your wife, whether you're just starting out or simply want to make your sex life what you've always hoped it would be and aren't sure how to get there.
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Religion-based.
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Get Your Life Back
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In Get Your Life Back, New York Times best-selling author John Eldredge provides a practical, simple, and refreshing guide to taking your life back. By practicing a few wonderfully simple practices - or what John calls “graces” - you can begin to recover your soul, disentangle from the tragedies of this broken world, and discover the restorative power of beauty.
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For Such A Time As This
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By: John Eldredge
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Wild at Heart
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God designed men to be dangerous, says John Eldredge. Simply look at the dreams and desires written in the heart of every boy: to be a hero, to be a warrior, to live a life of adventure and risk. Sadly, most men abandon those dreams and desires - aided by a Christianity that feels like nothing more than pressure to be a "nice guy".
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Women need to listen to this too.
- By Jtfloding on 12-05-17
By: John Eldredge
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Captivating
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What Wild at Heart did for men, Captivating is doing for women: setting their hearts free. This groundbreaking audiobook shows listeners the glorious design of women before the fall, describes how the feminine heart can be restored, and casts a vision for the power, freedom, and beauty of a woman released to be all she was meant to be.
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This will change you
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The Art of Bringing Back the Intimacy
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It can be hard when you are the partner with a higher sex drive. You can be left feeling rejected, unattractive, frustrated, and confused–and it’s likely your spouse doesn’t even realize you feel this way. And if you are the partner with the lower drive, you feel guilty, pressured, and frustrated, not sure how to move past this roadblock.
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Enlightening
- By Aries Johnson on 03-31-23
By: Andrew Glover
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Experience Jesus--Really
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New York Times bestselling author John Eldredge reveals the path of the "ordinary mystic," and invites listeners into the refuge of experiencing deep, lasting, real communion with Jesus. Every human yearns to return to Eden, to a state of unbroken communion with the God who created us for adventure and intimacy with him. The mystic is awake to the truth that God is still with us—and we experience the refuge of his powerful, healing presence if we learn to open our hearts to him.
By: John Eldredge
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Redeeming Sex in Marriage
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Has sex been a source of frustration or pain in your marriage? Celebrating God's beautiful purposes for sex, biblical counselor Scott Mehl helps couples to put God-glorifying sexuality into practice.
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The Great Sex Rescue
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Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, The Great Sex Rescue unlocks the secrets to what makes some marriages red hot while others fizzle out. Generations of women have grown up with messages about sex that make them feel dirty, used, or invisible, while men have been sold such a cheapened version of sex, they don't know what they're missing. The Great Sex Rescue hopes to turn all of that around, developing a truly biblical view of sex where mutuality, intimacy, and passion reign.
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Controversial message from questionable material
- By Sarah on 06-30-21
By: Sheila Wray Gregoire, and others
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The Utter Relief of Holiness
- How God's Goodness Frees Us from Everything That Plagues Us
- By: John Eldredge
- Narrated by: John Eldredge
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- Unabridged
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What a relief it would be to be set free from all that plagues us - the inner struggle with anger, or contempt, the habitual sins. Is such an experience possible? John Eldredge believes it is, and in The Utter Relief of Holiness, he shows listeners how they can be that free, through the healing work of Christ in their lives. It begins when we discover what the salvation of Jesus Christ means for our own restoration and find that holiness is an expression of the healing of our humanity.
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Makes great points about sin and holiness
- By Nobody's business on 01-15-14
By: John Eldredge
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She Deserves Better
- Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up
- By: Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, Joanna Sawatsky
- Narrated by: Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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What if the goal of raising a Christian girl was about more than keeping her virginity intact? What if it was about raising a strong, independent young woman who knows who she is, uses her voice, and confidently steps into the life God has for her? From the authors of The Great Sex Rescue comes this evidence-based book grounded on surveys of over 28,000 women to offer moms a fresh, freeing, and biblically grounded message of sexuality and self-worth for their daughters that is less about the don'ts and more about the dos.
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If you are a parent or ministry leader of women or young girls, I plead with you to read this book
- By Kirsten Salgado on 05-08-24
By: Sheila Wray Gregoire, and others
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God, Sex, and Your Marriage
- By: Dr. Juli Slattery
- Narrated by: Dr. Juli Slattery
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Many Christian books talk about sexual issues within broader works on marriage, but few resources comprehensively and biblically guide couples specifically on sexual intimacy. God, Sex, and Your Marriage challenges the common assumptions couples have about sexuality and presents the richer biblical narrative of sex as a metaphor of God’s covenant love. Dr. Juli Slattery applies that biblical framework to the practical challenges in sexual intimacy. Godly sexuality extends far beyond sexual purity and calls us to sexual integrity.
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From a sex addict: this book changed my heart
- By Amazon Customer on 07-21-22
What listeners say about The Sex Talk You Never Got
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- John Scoggins
- 10-17-24
This book (albeit unfortunately) should be mandatory reading for men for are truly seeking to connect to their spouses.
The stories shared within this book are guaranteed to reach you in some way. I was nearly moved to tears in the later chapters as Sam expressed many of the feelings/emotions I have buried deep down inside and had no idea how to deal with.
This book is a phenomenal resource in this current day and age where father’s are doing a very poor job of educating their sons about their masculinity and sex. I highly recommend listening to this book.
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- Denzel Bridges
- 08-10-24
Absolute, edifying blessing
I found this book in my recommendations when I felt in my heart of hearts that something was off, if not missing. This book helped me explore many of those feelings and I feel my heart beat stronger for it. Will absolutely revisit it real soon! Thank you Sam Jolman and God bless!
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- Lance Sellon
- 11-15-24
Gritty and Healing - Immediately Reading Again
I ignored my cognitive, physiological, and spiritual trauma regarding my masculine sexuality for 30+ years. Jolman invited and lead me into an approachable discussion with myself. Healing enroute.
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- Elisabeth Louise Mizner
- 07-15-24
Very encouraging
Loved his view point on sexuality and all that goes with it. Thanks for writing this book I wished everyone would take the time to listen/read it
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- Anonymous User
- 07-17-24
Solid, Comprehensive, Life-Changing
Sam has written a book that every man, young and old, must read. My hope is for this book to reach men all over the world and create a lasting change toward comprehensive manhood with a healthy and life-giving sense of sensuality and true arousal.
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-23-24
Should be a must read for all engaged men and women
This book so beautifully clears up common misconceptions about sex. It calls men to be more than just lustful ejaculators - it’s a call to truly love in the purest sense of the word. It’s a call to avoid objectifying women and calls out the common church teachings that allow just that. It’s full of both scripture and study references. It’s packed full of deep, thought provoking soul-churning information while still being and easy, conversational read.
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- Sandra
- 06-24-24
A must read!
Sam brings new light and meaning to healthy male sexuality in The Church and beyond. Men have been stunted by The Church’s doomsday messages regarding male sexuality and insatiable lust & desire. These messages often are like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The damaging messages most Christian sex books for men are inundated with, Sam kindly sets right.
With Sam’s careful and thoughtful reintroduction into a man’s true lover heart, he gives hope for present and future generations of men to delve into their stories and reclaim innocence. With this book and hopefully others like it to come, we can begin to turn the tide and see men rise up to what God created them to be in their sexuality.
As a mother of two boys, it has been my heart to relearn what healthy sexuality is for men. My husband and I decided to read this book together and it has been so insightful and stirred up many good conversations. We were the product of purity culture and only in the last few years have figured out that purity culture and all we were taught and read was really at the root of some of our deepest struggles in marriage. We desperately want better for our boys as they grow and become men and know that we cannot pass on what we do not hold ourselves. It is in this process of relearning that Sam’s book came out. What a blessing!
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-22-24
Such a pivotal book, one for the ages!
To say that I loved this book is an understatement. It’s truly one for the ages because it helps us to understand the deepest dive about humanity and the ways we have both desired and hurt our sexual bonds, plus it offers many great tips for those of us raising kids also. Love the concept of many smaller and more grace-filled talks about sex with our kids and teens versus one half-talk that’s awkward and lacking.
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- Terri S.
- 08-08-24
Genuine healing for male masculinity!
Sam is very genuine and very real. Regaining your innocence and awe and virility are things I never thought were possible! But they are! Jesus makes all things new and Sam has helped us men so much further along the journey!
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- Roland D Snider
- 07-01-24
A golden book with a redeeming message
There's three books on sexuality from a Christian perspective that I put at the top of my list of such books, Surfing for God, by Michael Cusick Unwanted by Jay Stringer, and this book by Sam Jolman. Why these three? Because they all address how shame drives our behavior and they all avoid emphasizing tips and techniques to merely stop doing something instead of discovering how God frees a heart that longs to live well. I appreciate men who write from their good heart that God has given them.
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