The Velvet Rage
Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
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Narrated by:
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Alan Downs Ph. D
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By:
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Alan Downs Ph. D
About this listen
The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.
Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
- By Dew on 12-29-17
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The Emotional Edge
- Discover Your Inner Age, Ignite Your Hidden Strengths, and Reroute Misdirected Fear to Live Your Fullest
- By: Crystal Andrus Morissette
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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The Emotional Edge is an exciting expansion of Crystal's successful brand - she has tackled weight management, confidence building, and spiritual growth; now she combines all that and more into her most powerful program yet. The Emotional Edge is a guide for letting go of the past and embracing a more empowered future. This audiobook is spiritual self-help designed to teach listeners how to overcome behavioral ruts and engage the world from a happier, more empowered place.
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the world needs more of this.
- By Amber Jessop on 11-25-17
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
- Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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The Men on My Couch
- True Stories of Sex, Love, and Psychotherapy
- By: Brandy Engler, David Rensin
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes - and most of all, love.
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Not what you'd expect
- By J Lee on 03-26-13
By: Brandy Engler, and others
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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Finding Your Own North Star
- Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live
- By: Martha Beck
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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As the creator of Life Designs, Inc., Martha Beck has helped hundreds of clients find their own North Stars and figure out how to fulfill their potential and create joyful lives through her lectures, seminars, and one-on-one counseling. In this book she shares her step-by-step program that will guide you to fulfill your own potential.
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Narration not for me
- By MARYANN ORDONEZ on 10-02-17
By: Martha Beck
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Jump...and Your Life Will Appear
- An Inch-by-Inch Guide to Making a Major Change
- By: Nancy Levin
- Narrated by: Nancy Levin
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you ready to make changes in your life - but feel something is holding you back? Is your soul asking you to take a leap - but you’re too afraid to take it? Are you ready for something new - but aren’t sure where to start? If this sounds like you, this audiobook will give you the courage and faith you need to jump across the threshold from where you are - to where you want to be. Jump...and Your Life Will Appear is a step-by-step guide to clearing the path ahead so you can let go and make the change you need the most.
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Inspiring and motivating!
- By Debra Goro on 08-06-18
By: Nancy Levin
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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Trapped in the Mirror
- Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
- By: Elan Golomb
- Narrated by: Angela Brazil
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways - for example, physical self-loathing that takes the form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Elan Golomb tells us.
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Convoluted
- By Caligirl on 08-25-17
By: Elan Golomb
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Call Me by Your Name first swept across the world in 2007. It is the story of a sudden and powerful romance that blossoms between an adolescent boy and a summer guest at his parents' cliffside mansion on the Italian Riviera. During the restless summer weeks, unrelenting but buried currents of obsession, fascination, and desire intensify their passion as they test the charged ground between them and verge toward the one thing both already fear they may never truly find again: total intimacy.
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Amazing.
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What listeners say about The Velvet Rage
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- Watu Jackson
- 01-27-18
This book is everything.
It should be a required reading for all gay men. I’m listening for a second time in a row!
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-28-17
Incredibly validating
I’ve never encountered such an eloquent and precise articulation of what it’s like to be a gay man. Required reading.
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- Jesse
- 04-01-16
Love Joy Fulfillment.
"Do what will bring you peace." I can't imagine how my life would have changed had I found this book 4 years ago. Please read it and share it.
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- Rainier Elias
- 07-07-15
Sensational
I just finished this and am still letting the information sink in. If you are experiencing challenges in your personal life And you are a gay man with an urban lifestyle (or longing), I think this can be tremendously helpful in gaining perspective. I am currently working on overcoming infidelity and quickly realized by reading this book that some of the reasons my marriage derailed have much to do with a lack of focus on authenticity. I believe the skills chapter is tremendously helpful and will recommend this to all my friends and family. Just excellent.
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- Timothy D. Colvin
- 07-05-18
A must-read for every gay man
Written by a gay psychologist who writes as though you are an intimate friend, he outlines three phases of gay life. His writing helps me understand behaviors I have and thing I need to be cognizant of to be a good life partner and to find contentment in life. I was able to expand my lexicon to be able to talk about difficult concepts and behaviors that I previously didn't have terms for. It's helped my partner and me talk through difficult things. It truly is a must-read for every gay man.
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- VICTOR GERSTEN
- 07-21-17
A must read for a gay man
I felt every other story was talking to me. I feel a better person already
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- Noel Salaices
- 05-10-19
I loved it!
Great book for a lot of men out there! One of the greatest books I’ve ever read/listened to!
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- Hunkey Dory
- 09-22-20
I bought a hard copy after listening to this book
My friend recommended this book to me. I had little expectations about the psych aspects of this book. The revelations that followed from implementing some of the ideas blew me away. I’m recommending this to all my friends to better themselves and their relationships with others.
Thank you Alan
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- Tas
- 04-06-22
Required reading for gay men with one caveat
Likely a cathartic read for any gay man. Despite considering myself to have reached stage three authenticity, the insights into my journey of healing and shared experiences & pain were validating none-the-less. My only critique is the author attributing non-mononormative relationships in gay men to relationship trauma and shame. I suggest he read Sex at Dawn and reconsider this outlook. A gay man can develop healthy secure attachments and loving bonds within polyamoury from a place of security, love, and personal well-being. Still a great book.
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Overall
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- 01-03-22
Phenomenal
Perhaps the most important book I've ever read. Life-changing, honest, and beautifully written. Grateful for this author and his work.
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