The Velvet Rage
Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World
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Narrated by:
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Alan Downs Ph. D
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By:
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Alan Downs Ph. D
About this listen
The most important issue in a gay man’s life is not “coming out”, but coming to terms with the invalidating past. Despite the progress made in recent years, many gay men still wonder, “Are we better off?” The byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, rejection, and anger - a toxic cocktail that can lead to drug abuse, promiscuity, alcoholism, depression, and suicide.
Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author’s own journey, and the stories of many of his friends and clients, Velvet Rage addresses the myth of gay pride and outlines three stages to emotional well-being for gay men. The revised and expanded edition covers issues related to gay marriage, a broader range of examples that extend beyond middle-class gay men in America, and expansion of the original discussion on living authentically as a gay man.
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
- By Dew on 12-29-17
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The Emotional Edge
- Discover Your Inner Age, Ignite Your Hidden Strengths, and Reroute Misdirected Fear to Live Your Fullest
- By: Crystal Andrus Morissette
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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The Emotional Edge is an exciting expansion of Crystal's successful brand - she has tackled weight management, confidence building, and spiritual growth; now she combines all that and more into her most powerful program yet. The Emotional Edge is a guide for letting go of the past and embracing a more empowered future. This audiobook is spiritual self-help designed to teach listeners how to overcome behavioral ruts and engage the world from a happier, more empowered place.
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the world needs more of this.
- By Amber Jessop on 11-25-17
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Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?
- Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Gary Galone
- Length: 11 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Like a constant friend, this collection of meditations is a source of strength and reassurance designed to speak to women like you, women in relationships with angry and controlling men. It helps you to digest what is happening a piece at a time, so you can gain clarity, safety, and freedom.
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Just what I needed.
- By lori Goodson on 11-07-15
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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The Men on My Couch
- True Stories of Sex, Love, and Psychotherapy
- By: Brandy Engler, David Rensin
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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When Dr. Brandy Engler opened her sex therapy practice for women in Manhattan, she got a big surprise. Most of the calls were from men. They wanted to talk about womanizing, porn addiction, impotence, prostitutes - and most of all, love.
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Not what you'd expect
- By J Lee on 03-26-13
By: Brandy Engler, and others
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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Finding Your Own North Star
- Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live
- By: Martha Beck
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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As the creator of Life Designs, Inc., Martha Beck has helped hundreds of clients find their own North Stars and figure out how to fulfill their potential and create joyful lives through her lectures, seminars, and one-on-one counseling. In this book she shares her step-by-step program that will guide you to fulfill your own potential.
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Narration not for me
- By MARYANN ORDONEZ on 10-02-17
By: Martha Beck
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Jump...and Your Life Will Appear
- An Inch-by-Inch Guide to Making a Major Change
- By: Nancy Levin
- Narrated by: Nancy Levin
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you ready to make changes in your life - but feel something is holding you back? Is your soul asking you to take a leap - but you’re too afraid to take it? Are you ready for something new - but aren’t sure where to start? If this sounds like you, this audiobook will give you the courage and faith you need to jump across the threshold from where you are - to where you want to be. Jump...and Your Life Will Appear is a step-by-step guide to clearing the path ahead so you can let go and make the change you need the most.
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Inspiring and motivating!
- By Debra Goro on 08-06-18
By: Nancy Levin
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Codependent No More
- How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
- By: Melody Beattie
- Narrated by: Melody Beattie
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent—and you may find yourself in this book. With personal reflections, exercises, and instructive stories drawn from Beattie’s own life and the lives of those she’s counseled, Codependent No More helps you break old patterns and maintain healthy boundaries, and offers a clear and achievable path to healing, hope, freedom, and happiness.
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great book with unbearable reader
- By Nielah on 09-01-22
By: Melody Beattie
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Trapped in the Mirror
- Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
- By: Elan Golomb
- Narrated by: Angela Brazil
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways - for example, physical self-loathing that takes the form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Elan Golomb tells us.
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Convoluted
- By Caligirl on 08-25-17
By: Elan Golomb
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What listeners say about The Velvet Rage
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- avery
- 09-05-16
Amazing
This book finally provided me answers to questions I have been asking over a lifetime.
A
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- Dan
- 04-10-17
Life changing
Honestly helped me really cope with my sexuality and improve the relationships in my life.
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-04-19
Powerful...Enlightening...Inspiring
This book was truly amazing! A must read for all who seek truth and purpose
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- Robert in SC
- 07-01-20
Great book.
I’d been told about this book and am thankful I’m going through it. It’s written specifically for gay men. It’s an eye awakening self improvement book by a gay psychotherapist. He covers what he calls the different phases we all go through to hopefully become a healthy authentic man in healthy authentic relationships. It is definitely worth while. I’d definitely encourage others to read or listen as I am.
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- Sasha
- 06-16-20
A Must Read For Every Gay Male!
Life changing, a book that must be read by every gay man upon coming out - this book will give you self insight like nothing ever will.
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- B. Vanderbilt
- 03-27-22
Wonderful Material, Boring Narration
I found the information in Alan Downs’s The Velvet Rage very interesting. And much of what he described about growing up gay in a homophobic society resonated with my own experience. Unfortunately, Downs fell victim to that temptation most sensible authors resist: narrating his own book. Dreadful idea. The author’s relentless monotone made for a rather soporific listen, despite the great content.
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- TheFitnessPenguin
- 05-22-22
Each chapter gets better and more relatable.
When my psychiatrist recommended this book, the title made me roll my eyes as i thought, this is going to be the gayest book i have ever read. I had another book, The Body Keeps Score, to complete before i was going to start this one and i could not have been happier i didnt read them in the opposite order. TBKS was a tough, clinical and emotionally heavy behemoth and i was i need of something relevant and engaging to read next to help balance my mind.
The first few chapters seemed to include descriptions of sex that almost seemed like they were attempting to be erotic instead of informative and i was immediately worried about my mom and sister who were planning to read TVR as well. They ares very liberal but they get awkward at overtly gay sex talk and i didnt want them to have that affecting what they took away from the book. Thankfully the sex talk faded out of focus and what was left was a great balance of clinical information with proven results told through people who all seemed to be just like me in some ways. I am going to re-listen to this again with my husband to see what he takes away from it!
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- Drummond Culture
- 03-29-17
A Full Understanding of My Gay Self
Alan Downs did something that I didn't think was possible in this book. He broke down the struggles of being a gay person in this world and gave us some steps for making the most of the life we have left on this world. If I could I would buy this book for every single gay person on this planet because I believe our community needs this book and all it's advice more than ever right now. It's sad to think there are gays out there that may never hear this wisdom that Alan Downs speaks in this book. I for one will do my best to spread this knowledge as far and wide as I can. Being a YouTuber and public figure myself I plan on telling people about this book as often as I possibly can. He literally answered some of the questions I had no idea how to ask to get the answers.
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Overall
- Emily
- 09-17-18
very knowledgeable-
this is a great book for parents of a gay child to read. I feel so much more knowledgeable now.v
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- Ross
- 02-23-23
Deep, helpful, healing and life-changing
I have read the book and listened to the audiobook of The Velvet Rage quite a few times over the years.
There is so much in this book and it is so deep that different aspects become more available and understandable at different stages of life.
I found the Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) sections extremely helpful and practical.
Very grateful that I found this book. Thank you so much to the Author.
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