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  • The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter: Mission #1: Just Try Not to Die

  • Brian Helsing, Book 1
  • By: Gareth K. Pengelly
  • Narrated by: Hannibal Hills
  • Length: 5 hrs and 11 mins
  • 4.3 out of 5 stars (8 ratings)

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The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter: Mission #1: Just Try Not to Die

By: Gareth K. Pengelly
Narrated by: Hannibal Hills
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Publisher's summary

When Helsing XII, the latest in the long and illustrious line of brave demon-hunters dies in combat, no-one would have expected his ring of power to be handed down to an idiot.

Least of all said idiot; Brian Trelawney, the most hapless car salesman in the whole of Cornwall.

With no redeeming features bar his towering height, Brian finds himself thrust into a strange and often terrifying world of vampires, banshees and all other Things That Go Bump In The Night. Trained, after a fashion, by the eccentric Masters, and equipped with strange weapons, Brian is sent into battle as the unwitting savior of mankind.

Accompanied by his friend Neil, a man oddly enough far more appropriate for the role of Helsing, Brian must bumble his way through his first mission; placating a terrifying banshee whose keening wailing is keeping the residents of Bodmin from their beauty sleep.

Warning: This book contains copious harsh language and mind-numbing stupidity, all wrapped up in a crunchy supernatural shell.

©2017 Gareth K Pengelly (P)2023 Roya Wave Media, Inc.
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What listeners say about The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter: Mission #1: Just Try Not to Die

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

You gotta love Brian

I lucked up on the 'Brian' series a couple of years ago and have big a huge fan ever since. If these books don't make you laugh, you have issues. It's not only the humor; Gareth has so many characters working together, it would be easy to get confused but that never happened.
As a rule, I'm pretty firm on my reviews but I can truthfully say these books get a big 5. Now about the narration...
He does a decent job but struggles getting Brian. In fact, most of the characters sound the same: Older and someone you'd meet sitting in the corner of a pub. The listener is relying on the narrator to convey the characters personalities. Heimlich is extremely refined and intelligent; didn't pick up on that in the audio. And Neil does not sound like women would be attracted to him. I am not bashing the narrator. He does a fine job reading the book but acting it, not so much.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
Listener received this title free

Absolute Fun!

I received this book for free and am voluntarily posting this review. Any opinions expressed here in are my own.

The title character is in book is absolutely the last person who anyone would pick to fight any paranormal creatures. Yet, a man who is more comfortable playing Xbox games at home than dealing with people and truly living his life has become the chosen one. This story has many comical moments as Brian grapples to find his way in his new role. Really lighthearted fun and I look forward to the next book in this series.

Hannibal Hills has quickly become one of my favorite narrators. His tongue firmly planted in his cheek as he narrates this one with particular voices for each character and joy in his voice for each strange and funny situation.


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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Listener received this title free

The world’s unlikiest vampire

This was a funny and fun book to listen to!The newest Helsing has no clue what he has got himself into.Narration by Hannibal Hills was excellent! I was given this book free for an honest review.

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Enjoyed this funny, fast-paced tale

A friend recommended this title (she read the book and loved it) and I'm so glad I listened (to her and to the book!). I loved how the characters were brought to life and it was fun without seeming silly. It's hard to add comedy to this genre (generally speaking, books that include demons, vampires, and the whole lot of scary sci-fi creatures) in a way that isn't over the top or eye-rolly, but this author and performer did it well. No eye-rolling here - just a lot of fun!

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
Listener received this title free

This is what I call funny!

Trying to sell a used car to a hot female Brian gets in tangled in a war and wind up being the next vampire Hunter, due to lack of options… Of course. He is handed a ring but will eventually change everything in Brian‘s life from his income to his job which is now the 14th in line of the Helsing vampire hunters. His first battle is going to be up against a banshee and OMG is this book funny. From him arriving at the old vampire lair to learning how to fight to the other characters in the book you will be laughing out loud there is nothing I love better than British comedy and I do believe the author has taken it to the nth degree and made a funny story hilarious. Not to mention the great narrating of Hannibal Hill if you want some LOL moments with great comedic timing and an awesome narrator you’ll definitely enjoy this book. I absolutely 100% did! Please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.

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  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars
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    1 out of 5 stars
Listener received this title free

Not My Kind of Story

Disclaimer: "This Audiobook was given by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost, in exchange for an unbiased honest review."

I always like to preface any reviews I give with this information.
I am a 72 year old female who has been an avid reader since I was around 10 or 11 years old.

I read primarily for pleasure and knowledge. I do a great amount of personal research in areas that interest me.
Writing, Music, Art, Reading, Ancient Civilizations and History, Rocks, Minerals, Crystals, Alternative Spiritual Beliefs, Conspiracy Theories, UFOs, Maps, Pretty much everything interests me.
I read everything I can get my hands on.

I have always been a seeker, and I am the kind of person who needs to have answers. So I read, research, question and learn.

This is the first audiobook I attempted to listen to by this author and it will be the last. Several issues for me. While I am not a prude and am used to hearing, (and saying) swear words, the 2nd word in this book is an F-bomb and is used more than once. The amount of swearing seemed too much.
I listened into Chapter 6 and had to force myself to listen to it that long.

The one thing that kept me listening was the fact that this author has a very cool and clever sense of humor that kept me laughing, but for me it wasn't quite enough to keep listening.

I really enjoy Hannibal Hills voice acting/narrations,( I have several audiobooks he has narrated), but I am not a fan of this one either. I felt like the narration was too over the top, for me personally.
Having said that, I point out that he is the professional, not I.

I think a listening audience of between 15-30 might be a good target audience for this audiobook. It just sadly wasn't something that kept my mind engaged.




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