The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter: Mission #1: Just Try Not to Die
Brian Helsing, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Hannibal Hills
About this listen
When Helsing XII, the latest in the long and illustrious line of brave demon-hunters dies in combat, no-one would have expected his ring of power to be handed down to an idiot.
Least of all said idiot; Brian Trelawney, the most hapless car salesman in the whole of Cornwall.
With no redeeming features bar his towering height, Brian finds himself thrust into a strange and often terrifying world of vampires, banshees and all other Things That Go Bump In The Night. Trained, after a fashion, by the eccentric Masters, and equipped with strange weapons, Brian is sent into battle as the unwitting savior of mankind.
Accompanied by his friend Neil, a man oddly enough far more appropriate for the role of Helsing, Brian must bumble his way through his first mission; placating a terrifying banshee whose keening wailing is keeping the residents of Bodmin from their beauty sleep.
Warning: This book contains copious harsh language and mind-numbing stupidity, all wrapped up in a crunchy supernatural shell.
©2017 Gareth K Pengelly (P)2023 Roya Wave Media, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Hitman Don Drake owes a gambling debt to a demon. Forced to carry out one more assassination to clear his debt, Don unwittingly kills an innocent child and brings the Furies of Greek myth down upon himself. Rescued by an almost fallen angel called Trixie, Don and his magical accomplice - the Burned Man, an imprisoned archdemon - are forced to deal with Lucifer himself whilst battling a powerful evil magician.
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Excellent story with character development!
- By Ketil on 11-21-16
By: Peter McLean
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Storm Front
- The Dresden Files, Book 1
- By: Jim Butcher
- Narrated by: James Marsters
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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A call from a distraught wife, and another from Lt. Murphy of the Chicago PD Special Investigation Unit makes Harry believe things are looking up, but they are about to get worse, much worse. Someone is harnessing immense supernatural forces to commit a series of grisly murders. Someone has violated the first law of magic: Thou Shalt Not Kill. Tracking that someone takes Harry into the dangerous underbelly of Chicago, from mobsters to vampires....
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Excellent Story, Distracting Sound Engineering
- By Tom on 05-20-10
By: Jim Butcher
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Hero Forged
- Ethereal Earth, Book 1
- By: Josh Erikson
- Narrated by: Josh Erikson
- Length: 14 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Gabriel Delling might call himself a professional con artist, but when walking superstitions start trying to bite his face off, his charm is shockingly unhelpful. It turns out living nightmares almost never appreciate a good joke. Together with a succubus who insists on constantly saving his life, Gabe desperately tries to survive a new reality that suddenly features demons, legends, and a giant locust named Dale - all of whom pretty much hate his guts. And when an ancient horror comes hunting for a spirit locked in his head, Gabe finds himself faced with the excruciating choice between death...or becoming some kind of freaking hero.
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Surprisingly Good
- By Steelgator on 07-21-18
By: Josh Erikson
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The World Walker
- The World Walker Series, Book 1
- By: Ian W. Sainsbury
- Narrated by: Todd Boyce
- Length: 12 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Just outside Los Angeles, a prisoner hidden away for 70 years sits up, gets off the bed and disappears through a solid wall. In Australia, a magician impresses audiences by producing real elephants. Nobody realizes it's not an illusion. Across the world, individuals and organizations with supernatural power suddenly detect the presence of something even they can't understand. At the center of it all, Seb Varden, a 32-year old musician with a secret in his past, slits his wrists, is shot dead and run over on the freeway.
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Good Stuff
- By DobieChuck on 01-15-17
By: Ian W. Sainsbury
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Dawn of Chaos
- Age of Madness - A Kurtherian Gambit Series
- By: Daniel Willcocks, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 7 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Caitlin finally gets the chance to explore what's outside of the walls of the town she's been trapped in and finds vampires, werewolves, and zombie-like creatures.
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disappointed
- By me.. on 01-10-23
By: Daniel Willcocks, and others
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Hidden Star
- Stars of Mithra, Book 1
- By: Nora Roberts
- Narrated by: Scott Merriman
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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She couldn't remember a thing, not even who she was. But it was clear Bailey James was in trouble. Big trouble. And she desperately needed private eye Cade Parris to help her find out just what kind. Surely she wasn't a criminal - but then what on earth was she doing with a bag full of cash and a stunning blue diamond as big as a baby's fist?
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Unbelievably unbelievable.
- By Lewca on 03-15-15
By: Nora Roberts
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Hellboy: Odd Jobs
- By: Christopher Golden
- Narrated by: Seth Podowitz
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In 1994, Mike Mignola created one of the most unique and visually arresting comics series to ever see print: Hellboy. Tens of thousands have followed the exploits of the World's Greatest Paranormal Investigator in comics form and in prose. Now, fans of the comic can enjoy the world of Hellboy as seen through the eyes of some of the brightest creative lights in horror and mystery fiction.
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Extra stories for true fans
- By Daniel Wiffen on 07-24-21
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The Missing Boatman
- By: Keith C. Blackmore
- Narrated by: P.J. Ochlan
- Length: 20 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Miracles are happening. Pray to God they stop. In the dead of winter, on a highway in Quebec, a man crashes his car and survives. In New York, a homeless person is run over by a bus and lives. In Tokyo, a teenager jumps off a high rise building and fails in taking her own life. All over the world, miracles like these transpire, and people breathe a sigh of relief. But for the next week, some people will begin to suspect a terrible truth. A handful will even search for it. One man will find it. And in seven days, all hell will break loose.
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I guess RC Bray was busy...
- By N.S. on 10-30-18
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Collecting the Goddess
- By: Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Andrea Emmes
- Length: 17 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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What is a billionaire heiress supposed to do when all of her older siblings take to business like her parents, proving that business is in their blood. But not hers? There are many good choices. Unfortunately, Chloe decided that partying was the right one. Now, to keep her money, she’s required to attend daily meetings with the family psychologist - daily meetings about how she must change her present to change her future.
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ugh
- By Marie on 07-09-20
By: Michael Anderle
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Undercover Magic Vol. 1
- Books 1-3 (The Danger Universe)
- By: Meg Anne
- Narrated by: Shane East, Stella Hunter
- Length: 26 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Lina wants the one thing a ghost can’t have. To be touched. When she’s given the opportunity to rejoin the world of the living and experience exactly that, the muscle-bound immortal warrior with icy blue eyes is just what the doctor ordered.
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Great banter!
- By Miya on 02-05-24
By: Meg Anne
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Ash
- By: Luke Romyn
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 14 hrs and 26 mins
- Original Recording
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A former mercenary turned blind priest, Ash is running from his amoral past - a victim of a power-hungry corporation, Titanus, which used him for mysterious experiments, discarding him when he lost his sight. Through its experimentation, Titanus unwittingly created a dark mirror world called Shade, a place where no human can survive - except for Ash. By opening a rift, Ash can escape into Shade. While attempting to implement a global teleportation system, Titanus makes a grave error and opens several dangerous rifts, which threaten to tear the planet apart.
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Seriously sci-fi
- By The Book Junkie Reads . . . on 12-04-19
By: Luke Romyn
What listeners say about The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter: Mission #1: Just Try Not to Die
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kindle Customer
- 09-26-23
You gotta love Brian
I lucked up on the 'Brian' series a couple of years ago and have big a huge fan ever since. If these books don't make you laugh, you have issues. It's not only the humor; Gareth has so many characters working together, it would be easy to get confused but that never happened.
As a rule, I'm pretty firm on my reviews but I can truthfully say these books get a big 5. Now about the narration...
He does a decent job but struggles getting Brian. In fact, most of the characters sound the same: Older and someone you'd meet sitting in the corner of a pub. The listener is relying on the narrator to convey the characters personalities. Heimlich is extremely refined and intelligent; didn't pick up on that in the audio. And Neil does not sound like women would be attracted to him. I am not bashing the narrator. He does a fine job reading the book but acting it, not so much.
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- Laura
- 03-09-23
Absolute Fun!
I received this book for free and am voluntarily posting this review. Any opinions expressed here in are my own.
The title character is in book is absolutely the last person who anyone would pick to fight any paranormal creatures. Yet, a man who is more comfortable playing Xbox games at home than dealing with people and truly living his life has become the chosen one. This story has many comical moments as Brian grapples to find his way in his new role. Really lighthearted fun and I look forward to the next book in this series.
Hannibal Hills has quickly become one of my favorite narrators. His tongue firmly planted in his cheek as he narrates this one with particular voices for each character and joy in his voice for each strange and funny situation.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Deedra
- 11-10-23
The world’s unlikiest vampire
This was a funny and fun book to listen to!The newest Helsing has no clue what he has got himself into.Narration by Hannibal Hills was excellent! I was given this book free for an honest review.
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- Devourer of Books & Carbs
- 03-06-23
Enjoyed this funny, fast-paced tale
A friend recommended this title (she read the book and loved it) and I'm so glad I listened (to her and to the book!). I loved how the characters were brought to life and it was fun without seeming silly. It's hard to add comedy to this genre (generally speaking, books that include demons, vampires, and the whole lot of scary sci-fi creatures) in a way that isn't over the top or eye-rolly, but this author and performer did it well. No eye-rolling here - just a lot of fun!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Janalyn
- 07-29-24
This is what I call funny!
Trying to sell a used car to a hot female Brian gets in tangled in a war and wind up being the next vampire Hunter, due to lack of options… Of course. He is handed a ring but will eventually change everything in Brian‘s life from his income to his job which is now the 14th in line of the Helsing vampire hunters. His first battle is going to be up against a banshee and OMG is this book funny. From him arriving at the old vampire lair to learning how to fight to the other characters in the book you will be laughing out loud there is nothing I love better than British comedy and I do believe the author has taken it to the nth degree and made a funny story hilarious. Not to mention the great narrating of Hannibal Hill if you want some LOL moments with great comedic timing and an awesome narrator you’ll definitely enjoy this book. I absolutely 100% did! Please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.
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- Spiritwalker51
- 03-05-23
Not My Kind of Story
Disclaimer: "This Audiobook was given by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost, in exchange for an unbiased honest review."
I always like to preface any reviews I give with this information.
I am a 72 year old female who has been an avid reader since I was around 10 or 11 years old.
I read primarily for pleasure and knowledge. I do a great amount of personal research in areas that interest me.
Writing, Music, Art, Reading, Ancient Civilizations and History, Rocks, Minerals, Crystals, Alternative Spiritual Beliefs, Conspiracy Theories, UFOs, Maps, Pretty much everything interests me.
I read everything I can get my hands on.
I have always been a seeker, and I am the kind of person who needs to have answers. So I read, research, question and learn.
This is the first audiobook I attempted to listen to by this author and it will be the last. Several issues for me. While I am not a prude and am used to hearing, (and saying) swear words, the 2nd word in this book is an F-bomb and is used more than once. The amount of swearing seemed too much.
I listened into Chapter 6 and had to force myself to listen to it that long.
The one thing that kept me listening was the fact that this author has a very cool and clever sense of humor that kept me laughing, but for me it wasn't quite enough to keep listening.
I really enjoy Hannibal Hills voice acting/narrations,( I have several audiobooks he has narrated), but I am not a fan of this one either. I felt like the narration was too over the top, for me personally.
Having said that, I point out that he is the professional, not I.
I think a listening audience of between 15-30 might be a good target audience for this audiobook. It just sadly wasn't something that kept my mind engaged.
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