
Never Enough
When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It
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Narrated by:
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Jennifer Breheny Wallace
About this listen
AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
The definitive book on the rise of “toxic achievement culture” overtaking our kids' and parents' lives, and a new framework for fighting back
In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them?
In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large.
Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.
Packed with memorable stories and offering a powerful toolkit for positive change, Never Enough offers an urgent, humane view of the crisis plaguing today’s teens and a practical framework for how to help.
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Critic reviews
“This deeply reported book is a wake up call for all of us. Skyrocketing expectations and the unrelenting grind to achieve are doing immeasurable damage to an entire generation -- but as Jennifer Wallace persuasively argues, it doesn't have to be this way.” –Katie Couric
“Recently a sixteen-year old high school student asked me, “Is achievement the same as success?” I wish I could have handed her this book. Because if achievement is all you’re chasing, it will never be enough—but if you matter to your friends, family, and community, you’ll always feel like a success. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a much-needed perspective on why mattering matters most.” –Angela Duckworth, New York Times bestselling author of Grit
“In Never Enough Jennifer Wallace takes up one of the toughest questions in all of parenting - How do we give kids every opportunity without asking too much of them? - and delivers clear, compassionate, actionable answers. Never Enough is more than a wise and practical parenting book - it’s a pathbreaking introduction to one of the most powerful ways to protect our children’s mental health: mattering.” –Lisa Damour, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled and Under Pressure
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- Narrated by: Frank Bruni
- Length: 5 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Over the last few decades, Americans have turned college admissions into a terrifying and occasionally devastating process, preceded by test prep, tutors, all sorts of stratagems, all kinds of rankings, and a conviction among too many young people that their futures will be determined and their worth established by which schools say yes and which say no.
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A relatable and relevant book for our time
- By M_BTV on 05-18-15
By: Frank Bruni
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The Perfection Trap
- Embracing the Power of Good Enough
- By: Thomas Curran
- Narrated by: Sid Sagar
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Today, burnout and depression are at record levels, driven by a combination of intense workplace competition, oppressively ubiquitous social media encouraging comparisons with others, the quest for elite credentials, and helicopter parenting. Society continually broadcasts the need to want more, and to be perfect. Gathering a wide range of contemporary evidence, Curran calls for both introspection and broader, societal change. He shows what we can do as individuals to resist the modern-day pressure to be perfect, and in so doing, win for ourselves a more purposeful and contented life.
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The Answers I Didn’t Know I Needed
- By John on 08-14-23
By: Thomas Curran
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The Art of Being Brilliant
- Transform Your Life by Doing What Works For You
- By: Andy Cope, Andy Whittaker
- Narrated by: Glen McCready
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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A pep talk in your pocket, this short audiobook will fill you to the brim with happiness, positivity, well-being and, most importantly, success! Andy Cope and Andy Whittaker are experts in the art of happiness and positive psychology and The Art of Being Brilliant is crammed full of good advice, instructive case studies, inspiring quotes, some funny stuff and important questions to make you think about your work, relationships, and life.
By: Andy Cope, and others
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The New Rules of Work
- The Modern Playbook for Navigating Your Career
- By: Alexandra Cavoulacos, Kathryn Minshew
- Narrated by: Alexandra Cavoulacos, Kathryn Minshew
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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The world of work has changed. People in previous generations tended to pick one professional path and stick to it. Switching companies every few years wasn't the norm, and changing careers was even rarer. Today's career trajectories aren't so scripted and linear. Technology has given rise to new positions that never before existed, which means we are choosing from a much broader set of career options - and have even more opportunities to find work that lights us up.
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great book for recent grads, not for pros
- By Jared Gardner on 11-01-17
By: Alexandra Cavoulacos, and others
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How Come That Idiot's Rich and I'm Not?
- By: Robert Shemin
- Narrated by: Robert Shemin
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In How Come That Idiot's Rich and I'm Not? best-selling author Robert Shemin reveals for the first time the inner-circle secrets of the mega-wealthy. Have you ever wondered why some people attract wealth while others stay financially trapped and in debt? The key is wealth-friendly, upside-down thinking. Stick with all the old moneymaking rules and stay broke. Break them and get rich. This is the audiobook that shows you how.
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Pretty interesting.
- By Mottoman on 07-08-09
By: Robert Shemin
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The Things We Left Unsaid
- By: Emma Kennedy
- Narrated by: Emma Kennedy
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Rachel’s relationship with her mother, Eleanor, has always been far from perfect. Eleanor is a renowned artist born from the swinging '60s, and Rachel has forever lived in the shadow of her success. When Rachel is left by her fiancé on the morning of their wedding she has no choice but to move back into her family home and spend an unbearably hot summer with a mother she feels distant from - in the presence of many painful memories. It will take another turn of events before Rachel realises that sometimes the past holds exactly the comfort we need.
By: Emma Kennedy
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The Price You Pay for College
- An Entirely New Roadmap for the Biggest Financial Decision Your Family Will Ever Make
- By: Ron Lieber
- Narrated by: Ron Lieber
- Length: 12 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Sending a teenager to a flagship state university for four years of on-campus living costs more than $100,000 in many parts of the United States. Meanwhile, many families of freshmen attending selective private colleges will spend triple - over $300,000. With the same passion, smarts, and humor that infuse his hugely popular personal finance column, Ron Lieber offers a much-needed roadmap to help families navigate this difficult and often confusing journey.
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College, one of the biggest financial decisions of life for many
- By D L Blanchard on 04-12-21
By: Ron Lieber
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How to Raise Your Own Salary
- By: Napoleon Hill
- Narrated by: Tom Parks, Dan John Miller, Christopher Lane
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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This new edition of How to Raise Your Own Salary is filled with foolproof techniques for acquiring the knowledge and skills for increasing your share of life's riches. The detailed dialog between Andrew Carnegie and Napoleon Hill will mesmerize you with its message.
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Play at 2x or FASTER!!!!!😎
- By Super Learner on 11-14-17
By: Napoleon Hill
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52 Small Changes for the Mind
- Improve Memory - Minimize Stress - Increase Productivity - Boost Happiness
- By: Brett Blumenthal
- Narrated by: Brett Blumenthal
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Small changes work. In this practical book, wellness expert Brett Blumenthal reveals how to hone in on the mind as the foundation of overall health and well-being. She presents one small, achievable change every week - from developing music appreciation to eating brain-boosting foods, practicing mono-tasking, incorporating play, and more. The accumulation of these lifestyle changes ultimately leads to improved memory, less stress, increased productivity, and sustained happiness.
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Enjoyable, and useful
- By Amazon Customer on 01-14-24
By: Brett Blumenthal
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Free Range Kids
- Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry
- By: Lenore Skenazy
- Narrated by: Susan Bennett
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Lenore Skenazy called down a firestorm of controversy when she wrote a newspaper column about letting her nine-year-old ride alone on the New York City subway. In this plainspoken take on modern parenting, Skenazy offers a commonsense approach to letting kids be kids.
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Plenty to think about
- By C on 08-24-10
By: Lenore Skenazy
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Kind Words for Unkind Days
- A Guide to Surviving and Thriving in Difficult Times
- By: Jayne Hardy
- Narrated by: Jayne Hardy
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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The perfect practical pick-me-up for life's tough days, this book is the perfect guide to help you feel happier, healthier and calmer. We all have days where we feel like the world is getting us down. But here's the thing - you're not alone. From helping us see what strong really looks like, to what to do when you have no energy for self-care; Jayne Hardy shows us that even on our most difficult days, a little kindness can go a very long way.
By: Jayne Hardy
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College (Un)Bound
- The Future of Higher Education and What It Means for Students
- By: Jeffrey J. Selingo
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 9 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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What is the value of a college degree? The four-year college experience is as American as apple pie. So is the belief that higher education offers a ticket to a better life. But with student-loan debt surpassing the $1 trillion mark and unemployment of college graduates at historic highs, people are beginning to question that value. In College (Un)Bound, Jeffrey J. Selingo, editor at large of the Chronicle of Higher Education, argues that America’s higher education system is broken.
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Interesting anecdotes but unclear thesis
- By EmilyK on 08-08-15
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Never Enough
- The Neuroscience and Experience of Addiction
- By: Judith Grisel
- Narrated by: Judith Grisel
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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From a renowned behavioral neuroscientist and recovering addict, a rare pause-resisting work of science that draws on personal insights to reveal how drugs work, the dangerous hold they can take on the brain, and the surprising way to combat today's epidemic of addiction. Judith Grisel was a daily drug user and college dropout when she began to consider that her addiction might have a cure, one that she herself could perhaps discover by studying the brain. Now, after 25 years as a neuroscientist, she shares what she and other scientists have learned about addiction.
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The author ruined her own book with her narration
- By Milan on 05-03-19
By: Judith Grisel
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How to Raise an Adult
- Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success
- By: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Narrated by: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Length: 12 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In How to Raise an Adult, Julie Lythcott-Haims draws on research; on conversations with admissions officers, educators, and employers; and on her own insights as a mother and as a student dean to highlight the ways in which overparenting harms children, their stressed-out parents, and society at large.
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Target Audience- Upper-Middle Class
- By Savy shopper on 06-02-16
What listeners say about Never Enough
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- M. Kern
- 08-22-24
The book this generation of parents need for themselves and their kids
As a practicing school psychologist, I can’t save enough positive things about this book. A breath of fresh air for families and permission to do the things that really matter most for their children’s long term happiness
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- ES
- 02-23-24
A book every worried parent needs to read
Can’t say enough about how much this book puts into words - in a wonderful conversational style filled with real people’s stories, expert advice, and research findings - so many of the stressors, worries, and difficulties so many teens and parents are going through right now. From subtle nuances, like when espousing the “growth mindset” can be harmful, to artful reframing and reminders, I enjoyed every single chapter and also thought the author did a wonderful job reading the book, like a helpful and generous friend passing on what she has learned over time. Love the message, love the focus on mattering. Thank you for writing this book.
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- vcapp
- 03-04-24
Great fresh topic to learn about for me
Very interesting and heartbreaking to think about but glad I came across this as my son is still in 9th grade. Really appreciated the piece on mattering and its importance and how to practice it.
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- familyof5
- 08-26-23
Convicting!
Thoughtful convicting research about the pressures our society and we as parents put on our children. A mental health crisis is growing, especially in high school age kids, with all the pressure they feel with social media, grades, club sports, college, etc. Jennifer offers advice on how to make our children know they matter without adding more pressure.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-15-23
Must Read
It’s a must read for parents, young adults and communities. Tell the people you love that you love them.
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- S.E.
- 08-25-23
Outstanding!
Grateful for the thoughtful advice, shared in such an easily consumable way within this book. I’ve taken away so many concepts and ideas that I am excited to implement in my own family. Mattering matters, and it was so nice to hear that portrayed in such thoughtful and inspiring ways!
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- Doris Vega
- 02-21-24
Very helpful
Interesting information about a real issue. Author provides useful suggestions to implement in our day to day lives
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- Jamie Djelosevic
- 05-21-24
Redefining success!
This book has changed my perspective on how I view my children’s daily lives and our interactions together. The book brought so much awareness to how we value achievement and accolades over well being and purpose in life. Success is redefined through the literature and the focus on mental health, purpose, and how we can make the world a better place is a relief! Thank you for writing, this book will remain in my library and I will listen to again when I need reminders what’s really important when raising happy and successful children who live with purpose and intentionality.
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- Pumpkins
- 09-27-23
A must read for parents, teachers, coaches, faculty and educators at elementary schools, high schools and colleges
Jennifer Breheny Wallace sends the message we all need to hear and be reminded of on regular basis. Her brilliantly conceived Mattering Movement is articulated throughout with relevant and poignant examples. This book is a tool on parenting, educating, and friendships. It is about adding value.
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- Bryan Hall
- 03-12-24
Sigh of relief, hope.
Felt like she was talking directly to me with things I was going through as a brand new KG mom, or as that young adult in college.
Great book, All parents should read or listen this book. Glad my SIL recommended it.
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