
What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
An Adoptee's Perspective on Its History, Nuances, and Practices
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed

Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $29.90
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Stacy Gonzalez
About this listen
The White Fragility for transracial adoption - practical tools for nurturing identity, unlearning White saviorism, and fixing the mistakes you don't even know you're making.
If you're the White parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive.
The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
Written by Melissa Guida-Richards - a transracial, transnational, and late-discovery adoptee - this book unpacks the mistakes you don't even know you're making and gives you the real-life tools to be the best parent you can be, to the child you love more than anything.
From original research, personal stories, and interviews with parents and adoptees, you'll learn:
- What parents wish they'd known before they adopted - and what kids wish their adoptive parents had done differently
- What White privilege, White saviorism, and toxic positivity are...and how they show up, even when you don't mean it
- How your child might feel and experience the world differently than you
- All about microaggressions, labeling, and implicit bias
- How to help your child connect with their cultural heritage through language, food, music, and clothing
- The five stages of grief for adoptive parents
- How to start tough conversations, work with defensiveness, and process guilt
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2021 Melissa Guida-Richards and Paula Guida (P)2022 North Atlantic BooksListeners also enjoyed...
-
"You Should Be Grateful"
- Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption
- By: Angela Tucker
- Narrated by: Angela Tucker
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
“Your parents are so amazing for adopting you! You should be grateful that you were adopted.” Angela Tucker is a Black woman, adopted from foster care by white parents. She has heard this microaggression her entire life, usually from well-intentioned strangers who view her adoptive parents as noble saviors. She is grateful for many aspects of her life, but being transracially adopted involves layers of rejection, loss, and complexity that cannot be summed up so easily.
-
-
Eye opening
- By C. Kuhn on 04-05-25
By: Angela Tucker
-
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
- By: Sherrie Eldridge
- Narrated by: Rosemary Benson
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame. With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the 20 complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love.
-
-
The glass is half empty.
- By stephen blackwell on 07-19-24
By: Sherrie Eldridge
-
The Connected Parent
- Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment
- By: Lisa Qualls, Karyn Purvis PhD
- Narrated by: Lisa Qualls
- Length: 4 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned child-development expert Dr. Karyn Purvis gives you practical advice and powerful tools you can use to encourage secure attachment in your family. You will benefit from Karyn’s decades of clinical research and real-world experience. Coauthor Lisa Qualls demonstrates how you can successfully implement these strategies in your home, just as she did in hers. You will learn how to simplify your approach using scripts, nurture your child, combat chronic fear, teach respect, and develop other valuable tools to facilitate a healing connection with your child.
-
-
An holistic approach to relational health
- By K & J on 02-11-23
By: Lisa Qualls, and others
-
The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
- By: Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine
- Narrated by: Anna Crowe
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
-
-
Incredibly helpful
- By Amazon Customer on 08-12-21
By: Karyn B. Purvis, and others
-
The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
- Helping Your Child Grow up Whole
- By: Lori Holden, Crystal Hass
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers listeners the tools and the insight to do just that.
-
-
Who is talking?
- By Robert on 06-26-18
By: Lori Holden, and others
-
The Adoptive Parents' Handbook
- A Guide to Healing Trauma and Thriving with Your Foster or Adopted Child
- By: Barbara Tantrum, Deborah Gray MPA LICSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Janina Edwards
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Children who have been adopted and/or shuttled through the foster-care system experience trauma at a much higher rate than other kids, which can make it difficult for them to trust, relax, regulate their emotions, and connect with their new families. As a parent, learning how to heal attachment trauma, attune to your child's needs, identify triggers, and create felt safety is essential to providing the loving, supportive, and stable home they need to thrive. Written for parents of adopted and foster kids of all ages, this book offers resources for handling common concerns.
-
-
Highly Recommend!!!
- By Alexandra Borman on 11-16-21
By: Barbara Tantrum, and others
-
"You Should Be Grateful"
- Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption
- By: Angela Tucker
- Narrated by: Angela Tucker
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
“Your parents are so amazing for adopting you! You should be grateful that you were adopted.” Angela Tucker is a Black woman, adopted from foster care by white parents. She has heard this microaggression her entire life, usually from well-intentioned strangers who view her adoptive parents as noble saviors. She is grateful for many aspects of her life, but being transracially adopted involves layers of rejection, loss, and complexity that cannot be summed up so easily.
-
-
Eye opening
- By C. Kuhn on 04-05-25
By: Angela Tucker
-
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
- By: Sherrie Eldridge
- Narrated by: Rosemary Benson
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame. With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the 20 complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love.
-
-
The glass is half empty.
- By stephen blackwell on 07-19-24
By: Sherrie Eldridge
-
The Connected Parent
- Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment
- By: Lisa Qualls, Karyn Purvis PhD
- Narrated by: Lisa Qualls
- Length: 4 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned child-development expert Dr. Karyn Purvis gives you practical advice and powerful tools you can use to encourage secure attachment in your family. You will benefit from Karyn’s decades of clinical research and real-world experience. Coauthor Lisa Qualls demonstrates how you can successfully implement these strategies in your home, just as she did in hers. You will learn how to simplify your approach using scripts, nurture your child, combat chronic fear, teach respect, and develop other valuable tools to facilitate a healing connection with your child.
-
-
An holistic approach to relational health
- By K & J on 02-11-23
By: Lisa Qualls, and others
-
The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
- By: Karyn B. Purvis, David R. Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine
- Narrated by: Anna Crowe
- Length: 6 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
-
-
Incredibly helpful
- By Amazon Customer on 08-12-21
By: Karyn B. Purvis, and others
-
The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption
- Helping Your Child Grow up Whole
- By: Lori Holden, Crystal Hass
- Narrated by: Meredith Mitchell
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers listeners the tools and the insight to do just that.
-
-
Who is talking?
- By Robert on 06-26-18
By: Lori Holden, and others
-
The Adoptive Parents' Handbook
- A Guide to Healing Trauma and Thriving with Your Foster or Adopted Child
- By: Barbara Tantrum, Deborah Gray MPA LICSW - foreword
- Narrated by: Janina Edwards
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Children who have been adopted and/or shuttled through the foster-care system experience trauma at a much higher rate than other kids, which can make it difficult for them to trust, relax, regulate their emotions, and connect with their new families. As a parent, learning how to heal attachment trauma, attune to your child's needs, identify triggers, and create felt safety is essential to providing the loving, supportive, and stable home they need to thrive. Written for parents of adopted and foster kids of all ages, this book offers resources for handling common concerns.
-
-
Highly Recommend!!!
- By Alexandra Borman on 11-16-21
By: Barbara Tantrum, and others
-
Raising Multiracial Children
- Tools for Nurturing Identity in a Racialized World
- By: Farzana Nayani, Dr. Paul Spickard - foreword, Dr. Velina Hasu Houston - foreword
- Narrated by: Janina Edwards
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Raising Multiracial Children gives caregivers the tools for exploring race with their children, offering practical guidance on how to initiate conversations; consciously foster racial identity development; discuss issues like microaggressions, intersectionality, and privilege; and intentionally cultivate a sense of belonging.
-
-
must have for mixed people
- By ilario on 07-08-24
By: Farzana Nayani, and others
-
Growing Up Black in White
- By: Kevin D. Hofmann
- Narrated by: Kevin D. Hofmann
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Growing Up Black in White by Kevin D. Hofmann is a moving and sometimes humorous look into the life of one man with a fascinating past. Born into the racially-charged Detroit of 1967 to a White mother and a Black father, the author was placed into foster care and then adopted by a White minister and his wife, the parents of three biological children. Hofmann’s memoir reveals the racial tensions, the difficulties of feeling neither Black nor White, his family’s loving support, and his struggles to define and embrace his own identity as he grew to be a man.
-
-
Very helpful and meaningful book
- By Paul B. on 08-02-20
By: Kevin D. Hofmann
-
Surviving the White Gaze
- A Memoir
- By: Rebecca Carroll
- Narrated by: Rebecca Carroll
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older. Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem.
-
-
Outstanding
- By Steve Shirley on 02-08-21
By: Rebecca Carroll
-
Invisible Boy
- A Memoir of Self-Discovery
- By: Harrison Mooney
- Narrated by: Harrison Mooney
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A powerful, experiential journey from white cult to Black consciousness: Harrison Mooney’s riveting story of self-discovery lifts the curtain on the trauma of transracial adoption and the internalized antiblackness at the heart of the white evangelical Christian movement.
-
-
Making the unconscious conscious
- By Emma Stevens/Linda Campbell Pevac on 08-31-24
By: Harrison Mooney
-
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?
- And Other Conversations About Race
- By: Beverly Daniel Tatum
- Narrated by: Beverly Daniel Tatum
- Length: 13 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The classic, New York Times best-selling book on the psychology of racism that shows us how to talk about race in America. Walk into any racially mixed high school and you will see Black, White, and Latino youth clustered in their own groups. Is this self-segregation a problem to address or a coping strategy? How can we get past our reluctance to discuss racial issues? This fully revised edition is essential listening for anyone seeking to understand dynamics of race and racial inequality in America.
-
-
Key Takeaway: Everything is White People's Fault
- By David Larson on 09-07-17
-
Ward of the State
- A Memoir of Foster Care
- By: Karlos Dillard
- Narrated by: Karlos Dillard
- Length: 4 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ward of the State: A Memoir of Foster Care tells what happened to a little Black boy from the inner city of Detroit. This is the story of Karlos Dillard, who was severely neglected by his mother, who often left him and his siblings at home alone for weeks to fend for themselves. Enduring severe neglect and abuse, the boy was removed by the State of Michigan and put into foster care. Karlos was removed from his mother's care just to end up in foster homes that treated him worse. Karlos was told he was not loved, he was not wanted, and he was nothing but a ward of the state.
-
-
I am angry
- By david a pledger on 12-20-21
By: Karlos Dillard
-
Parenting Children of Trauma
- The Foster-Adoption Guide to Understanding Attachment Disorder
- By: Marcy Pusey
- Narrated by: Dana DiAngelo
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Many foster and adoptive parents are raising children with complex emotional trauma, desperate for answers to heal their families. Caught off guard, these families find themselves with shattered dreams, shattered homes, and shattered hearts, with nowhere to turn for answers. Extended family members, friends, and the greater community don't understand the challenges and can, sometimes, add to the problems these families face, prolonging the healing process for all.
-
-
religious and designed to terrify
- By heather frady on 04-01-23
By: Marcy Pusey
-
The Girls Who Went Away
- The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
- By: Ann Fessler
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade.
-
-
Sad but True ... and Helpful
- By Kim Kavanagh on 01-05-17
By: Ann Fessler
-
It Takes More Than Love
- A Christian Guide to Navigating the Complexities of Cross-Cultural Adoption
- By: Brittany Salmon
- Narrated by: Carrie Farris
- Length: 4 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Being an adoptive parent is hard enough. But when your family is multiracial, things get even trickier. Parenting transracially doesn’t come naturally nor does it just happen with time. Love is essential, yet by itself, love isn’t enough. Cross-cultural parenting also takes intentionality, listening, learning, growing, repenting, changing...then starting all over and doing it again. It’s hard work! And yet, when an adoptive family honors the ethnic heritages of their children, the whole family gets to see the beauty of a gloriously creative God.
-
-
Best adoption book out right now
- By Elizabeth Alignamath on 02-20-23
By: Brittany Salmon
-
Through Adopted Eyes
- A Collection of Memoirs from Adoptees
- By: Elena S. Hall
- Narrated by: Elena S. Hall
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Through Adopted Eyes explores the world of adoption from the viewpoint of adoptees. Russian adoptee Elena S. Hall shares her own story and thoughts on the subject of adoption in addition to interviews from other adoptees of different ages, heritages, and perspectives. Whether you are an adoptive parent, curious about adoption, or an adoptee yourself, this unique collection of memoirs provides real insight into lives directly impacted by adoption.
-
-
Excellent book to hear perspectives from some adoptees
- By Emmie Pippin on 06-22-21
By: Elena S. Hall
-
I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t)
- Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power
- By: Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Based on seven years of ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we're all in this together.
-
-
I'm sure its great if you are a mother ....
- By Leslie A Hill on 08-09-11
By: Brené Brown
-
Foster the Family
- Encouragement, Hope, and Practical Help for the Christian Foster Parent
- By: Jamie C. Finn
- Narrated by: Jamie C. Finn
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
With the compassion and insight of a fellow foster parent, Jamie C. Finn helps you see your struggles through the lens of the gospel, bringing biblical truths to bear on your unique everyday realities. In these short, accessible chapters, you'll find honest, personal stories and practical lessons that provide encouragement and direction from God's word as you walk the journey of foster parenting.
-
-
Wonderful book
- By Cara hughes on 04-01-22
By: Jamie C. Finn
Critic reviews
"A powerful, worthwhile addition to the growing body of work on race and parenting."—Publishers Weekly, starred review
“Melissa Guida-Richards lays bare a painful truth: That loss is central to adoption. For those who are adopted transracially and transnationally, the disappearance of culture, familiarity, and language carry added complexity. With grace and sensitivity, Guida-Richards offers clear, insightful guidance for adoptive parents to help their sons and daughters navigate the isolation, racism, and longing they inevitably feel.”—Gabrielle Glaser, author of American Baby
“Melissa Guida-Richards offers a generous summary of the multifaceted and often-controversial practice of transracial adoption. Part confession, part guide, and part intellectual invitation, Guida-Richards offers expertise with patience and wit. This is a book of experiential knowledge from a transracially adopted person who has thought deeply about the subject. A book that is a true gift to those with enough courage to face it and themselves.”—Jenny Heijun Wills, author of Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related.
How I can relate to my Asian adopted daughters life
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Overall there is plenty of gems for adoptive families to learn from to better help understand their children, and the struggles their face.
Great for adoptive families
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Helpful, Honest, Enlightening
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Wonderfully written
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Wish this book was released a decade ago
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Adoptive parents in SA.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I wanted to like it...
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
While I am glad I did as it definitely opened my eyes to a few things, the author was also predictable in her presentation of white adoptive parents. The author clearly has a great deal of trauma and unfortunately I think this is not uncommon among adoptees of any racial family mix - adoption is messy and hard in almost any circumstance for all involved and transracial adoption makes it materially more difficult for everyone. However, I am not sure any adoptive parent could please her no matter what they did or how hard they tried. A partial theme of this book is shaming white parents for both their motivations and actions, placing them in a precarious situation. The scandalous and sensationalized tone is accentuated by the narrator, particularly when describing adoptive parents or racial topics - I found myself part way into the book visualizing the narrator using chastising fingers-in-the-air-quotes every few minutes for dramatic effect.
It is worth noting, the perspective is much more focused on agency facilitated international adoption vs. domestic adoption through the foster system. She describes the entire adoption system as a corrupt business multiple times, even though ~50%+ of the roughly 135,000 adoptions each year in the US are through the Government run foster care system (~40% of those are transracial) at a loss actually funded by the tax payers. It glosses over the painfully persistent realities that there is not a neat 1:1 ratio of parents and children of the same race waiting to be simply matched up and that some groups are chronically over or under represented on all sides of the triad with Government judging the risks of an imperfect match possibly being better than no match at all.
Her political views come out in the book on many non adoption issues. She also appears to have a distain for wealth, but I found it humorous that she wants to get hers and advertised multiple times that she and other adoptees should be paid for simply sharing their perspectives.
Again, I am grateful for her perspective and the courage to lay it out there. I am glad I listened to the book and would recommend the book to current and potential parents with thick skins looking to get a sense for how painful the process can be on the adoptee, but don’t expect to feel good at the end of it. I do think it could keep some families reading it from going down the more challenging path of trans racial adoption and rather opt for a same race adoption or no adoption at all. The problem is what really happens to the roughly quarter of a million non-white children in the US foster system in the mean time?
Good to hear her perspective
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This is a rant. Not an informative book.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.