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What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
- An Adoptee's Perspective on Its History, Nuances, and Practices
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
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Publisher's summary
The White Fragility for transracial adoption - practical tools for nurturing identity, unlearning White saviorism, and fixing the mistakes you don't even know you're making.
If you're the White parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive.
The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
Written by Melissa Guida-Richards - a transracial, transnational, and late-discovery adoptee - this book unpacks the mistakes you don't even know you're making and gives you the real-life tools to be the best parent you can be, to the child you love more than anything.
From original research, personal stories, and interviews with parents and adoptees, you'll learn:
- What parents wish they'd known before they adopted - and what kids wish their adoptive parents had done differently
- What White privilege, White saviorism, and toxic positivity are...and how they show up, even when you don't mean it
- How your child might feel and experience the world differently than you
- All about microaggressions, labeling, and implicit bias
- How to help your child connect with their cultural heritage through language, food, music, and clothing
- The five stages of grief for adoptive parents
- How to start tough conversations, work with defensiveness, and process guilt
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
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Critic reviews
"A powerful, worthwhile addition to the growing body of work on race and parenting."—Publishers Weekly, starred review
“Melissa Guida-Richards lays bare a painful truth: That loss is central to adoption. For those who are adopted transracially and transnationally, the disappearance of culture, familiarity, and language carry added complexity. With grace and sensitivity, Guida-Richards offers clear, insightful guidance for adoptive parents to help their sons and daughters navigate the isolation, racism, and longing they inevitably feel.”—Gabrielle Glaser, author of American Baby
“Melissa Guida-Richards offers a generous summary of the multifaceted and often-controversial practice of transracial adoption. Part confession, part guide, and part intellectual invitation, Guida-Richards offers expertise with patience and wit. This is a book of experiential knowledge from a transracially adopted person who has thought deeply about the subject. A book that is a true gift to those with enough courage to face it and themselves.”—Jenny Heijun Wills, author of Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related.
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Gone are the days when socially conscious parents felt comfortable teaching their children to merely tolerate others. Instead, they are looking for a way to authentically embrace the fullness of their diverse communities. A Place to Belong offers a path forward for families to honor their cultural heritage and champion diversity in the context of daily family life.
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must read for everyone
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PERFECT RESOURCE FOR SEPARATED/DIVORCED
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Great information. Not the best narrator.
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A Thorough and Well-Researched Book on The "Mom Predicament"
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Coming out as an atheist is a powerful, liberating act. It makes life better for you, for other atheists, and for the world. But telling people you're an atheist can be risky. What are the best ways to do it? And how can we help each other take this step? In this compassionate, friendly, down-to-earth how-to guide, popular author of Why Are You Atheists So Angry? 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless and blogger Greta Christina, offers concrete strategies and guiding philosophies for coming out as an atheist.
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All the Motivation You'll Need
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In this provocative new book, psychologist and social commentator Dr. Jean Twenge documents the self-focus of what she calls "Generation Me" - people born in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s. Dr. Twenge explores why her generation is tolerant, confident, open-minded, and ambitious but also cynical, depressed, lonely, and anxious. Dr. Twenge reveals how profoundly different today's young adults are - and makes controversial predictions about what the future holds for them and society as a whole.
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I mostly agree
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Required Reading
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From birth, when babies' fingers instinctively cling to those of adults, their bodies and brains seek an intimate connection - a bond made possible by empathy, the remarkable ability to love and to share the feelings of others. In this unforgettable book, award-winning science journalist Maia Szalavitz and renowned child psychiatrist Bruce D. Perry explain how empathy develops, why it is essential both to human happiness and for a functional society, and how it is threatened in a modern world.
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Born for Love is a Rallying Call for Caring and Cry for Help
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Compassionate and balanced, and focusing on the emotional health and well-being of children as well as that of the mothers who care for them, this book shows mothers and fathers how to give their children the best chance for developing into healthy and loving adults.
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Highly Recommended
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We’ve all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a failed friendship can make your life miserable, threaten your success at work or school, and even undermine your romantic relationships. Finally there is help. In When Friendship Hurts, Jan Yager, recognized internationally as a leading expert on friendship, explores what causes friendships to falter and explains how to mend them - or end them.
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Boring and patronizing
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Making the Case
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After an 11-year-old Kimberly Guilfoyle lost her mother to leukemia, her dad wanted her to become as resilient as she could be. He wisely taught her to build a solid case for the things she wanted. Creating a strong logical argument was the best way to ensure that she could always meet her needs. That childhood lesson led her to become the fearless advocate and quick-thinking spitfire she is today.
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If you're 20 and need advice...
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
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When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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What listeners say about What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 11-27-23
How I can relate to my Asian adopted daughters life
Nothing. I need a hard copy of the book to highlight and re-read. It is a terrific tool for adoptive parents
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- berry bomb
- 07-13-22
Great for adoptive families
I really enjoyed this book, & there is great value in hearing adoptee voices for adoptive parents, but I didn’t agree that adoption is a form of human trafficking, comparing it to true human trafficking is offensive. I felt she added a lot of her own personal political views & bias opinion at times, over facts.
Overall there is plenty of gems for adoptive families to learn from to better help understand their children, and the struggles their face.
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- Jennifer Lynn Duncan
- 08-31-23
Helpful, Honest, Enlightening
As a potential adoptive parent in the foster care system, this book introduced sound perspectives of both adoptee and adoptive parents’ perspectives. I especially appreciated the list of resources in the last chapter, as we continue the journey.
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- Alicia A.
- 01-11-22
Wonderfully written
I love this book! it gave me a lot of information no other books on transracial adoption have so far. I have always had friends of color and know a lot of this information but I haven't seen it in books about transracial adoption.
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- Breitricks
- 01-17-22
Wish this book was released a decade ago
Melissa lifts the most vulnerable voice on adoption (the adoptee) with compassion. She tells it like it is, and as a transracial adoptive parent it would have been so helpful to have learned all this in advance. This book should be required reading for anyone thinking about adopting!
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- Anonymous User
- 06-08-23
Adoptive parents in SA.
This is an amazing resource for white parents with transracial children. The initial first few chapters came across as the author using the platform to vent. It was also written from an US context. But once you get into the chapters where input and guidance are giving it is really good!
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-04-22
I wanted to like it...
I really wanted to like this book and honestly, there were some incredible points, acknowledged pitfalls, and information. I write this understanding the real possibility of this be weaponized against me...but as much as I tried, I couldn't finish this book. The author has an incredibly hard story which has caused her real, valid trauma for herself. This as a whole, had the potential (which was met to a degree) to give incredible insight. However, it did create space for it to lean heavily towards the author's personal biases. I understand the why behind it...however, it did present a very real obstacle on a subject that was already sensitive. This wasn't the point of no return for me, it just made it a harder read, as I was forced to pickup each statement, trying to understand what was an incredibly valid statement, and what was a personal prejudice of her own. I could have done this, as much of the content on privilege, maintaining culture, the why's behind adoption, internal corruption in the process, and a larger need for birth parent reconciliation were all great topics. However, when abortion is contended as a helpful alternative to adoption...I'm heart broken over this and couldn't continue anymore. I wanted to like it. There ARE valid points within it and valid hurts and experiences that the author has gone through. I was just hoping for a book that would be able to walk through the stumbling blocks and best practices of parenting through adoption, without having to vet many statements made.
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- ActiveListener
- 01-19-23
Good to hear her perspective
With the preface that we are white parents that adopted transracially (expressed no racial preferences or exclusions and were matched transracially) through the foster system 10+ years ago, I am continually looking to be a better, more informed parent. When I read the cover and reviews, I suspected I might not like some of what I was about to hear, but truly wanted to get her perspective.
While I am glad I did as it definitely opened my eyes to a few things, the author was also predictable in her presentation of white adoptive parents. The author clearly has a great deal of trauma and unfortunately I think this is not uncommon among adoptees of any racial family mix - adoption is messy and hard in almost any circumstance for all involved and transracial adoption makes it materially more difficult for everyone. However, I am not sure any adoptive parent could please her no matter what they did or how hard they tried. A partial theme of this book is shaming white parents for both their motivations and actions, placing them in a precarious situation. The scandalous and sensationalized tone is accentuated by the narrator, particularly when describing adoptive parents or racial topics - I found myself part way into the book visualizing the narrator using chastising fingers-in-the-air-quotes every few minutes for dramatic effect.
It is worth noting, the perspective is much more focused on agency facilitated international adoption vs. domestic adoption through the foster system. She describes the entire adoption system as a corrupt business multiple times, even though ~50%+ of the roughly 135,000 adoptions each year in the US are through the Government run foster care system (~40% of those are transracial) at a loss actually funded by the tax payers. It glosses over the painfully persistent realities that there is not a neat 1:1 ratio of parents and children of the same race waiting to be simply matched up and that some groups are chronically over or under represented on all sides of the triad with Government judging the risks of an imperfect match possibly being better than no match at all.
Her political views come out in the book on many non adoption issues. She also appears to have a distain for wealth, but I found it humorous that she wants to get hers and advertised multiple times that she and other adoptees should be paid for simply sharing their perspectives.
Again, I am grateful for her perspective and the courage to lay it out there. I am glad I listened to the book and would recommend the book to current and potential parents with thick skins looking to get a sense for how painful the process can be on the adoptee, but don’t expect to feel good at the end of it. I do think it could keep some families reading it from going down the more challenging path of trans racial adoption and rather opt for a same race adoption or no adoption at all. The problem is what really happens to the roughly quarter of a million non-white children in the US foster system in the mean time?
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- Chris
- 07-10-22
This is a rant. Not an informative book.
I don't know how this book has made it to the top of recommended reading lists for prospective adoptive parents. This book is an angry rant against adoption by someone who cannot be pleased. I know adoption is complicated and not some butterflies and rainbows ideal scenario. But this book is just not helpful. I really cannot understand how so many people have read this and thought it is. The author is very clearly against adoption despite claiming she is not. She is making sweeping assumptions about people who adopt. I am on the third chapter and not wasting my time any longer. I went into it with an open mind, ready to make heart adjustments as needed, but this author did not come at this book in the same way and the entire thing is biased.
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