"You Should Be Grateful"
Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption
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Narrated by:
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Angela Tucker
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By:
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Angela Tucker
About this listen
An adoption expert and transracial adoptee herself examines the unique perspectives and challenges these adoptees have as they navigate multiple cultures
“Your parents are so amazing for adopting you! You should be grateful that you were adopted.”
Angela Tucker is a Black woman, adopted from foster care by white parents. She has heard this microaggression her entire life, usually from well-intentioned strangers who view her adoptive parents as noble saviors. She is grateful for many aspects of her life, but being transracially adopted involves layers of rejection, loss, and complexity that cannot be summed up so easily.
In “You Should Be Grateful,” Tucker centers the experiences of adoptees to share deeply personal stories, well-researched history, and engrossing anecdotes from mentorship sessions with adopted youth. These perspectives challenge the fairy-tale narrative of adoption, giving way to a fuller story that explores the impacts of racism, classism, family, love, and belonging.
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Critic reviews
“A captivating memoir that also offers an important counterpoint to voyeurism and saviorism in the adoption process.”—Kirkus Reviews
“This deeply personal story is also a passionate call to rethink the way we manage and talk about adoption in America.”—Booklist
“Tucker’s story and the stories of the adoptees she features gives readers access to thoughts adoptees have but might too afraid to tell others or what they talk about amongst themselves.”—International Examiner
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Adam Frankel’s maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust and built new lives, with new names, in Connecticut. Though they tried to leave the horrors of their past behind, the pain they suffered crossed generational lines - a fact most apparent in the mental health of Adam’s mother. When Adam sat down with her to examine their family history in detail, he learned another shocking secret, this time one that unraveled Adam’s entire understanding of who he is.
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Amazing story
- By Alissa on 12-26-19
By: Adam Frankel
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Secrets of the Monarch
- What the Dead Can Teach Us About Living a Better Life
- By: Allison DuBois
- Narrated by: Renee Raudman
- Length: 5 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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If you want to understand life, you must understand death. In Secrets of the Monarch, DuBois shows how communicating with the dead has taught her important lessons about life and how listeners can apply those principles to their own lives.
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Secrets of the Monarch
- By kim on 07-28-11
By: Allison DuBois
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Before and After
- The Incredible Real-Life Stories of Orphans Who Survived the Tennessee Children's Home Society
- By: Judy Christie, Lisa Wingate
- Narrated by: Emily Rankin
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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From the 1920s to 1950, Georgia Tann ran a black-market baby business at the Tennessee Children’s Home Society in Memphis. The publication of Lisa Wingate’s novel Before We Were Yours brought new awareness of Tann’s lucrative career in child trafficking. Adoptees who knew little about their pasts gained insight into the startling facts behind their family histories. Encouraged by their contact with Wingate and award-winning journalist Judy Christie, who documented the stories of 15 adoptees in this book, many determined Tann survivors set out to trace their roots.
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Badly written
- By Stacie on 02-25-20
By: Judy Christie, and others
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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
- By: Sherrie Eldridge
- Narrated by: Rosemary Benson
- Length: 6 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame. With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the 20 complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love.
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The glass is half empty.
- By stephen blackwell on 07-19-24
By: Sherrie Eldridge
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Sit Down to Rise Up
- By: Shelly Tygielski
- Narrated by: Shelly Tygielski
- Length: 7 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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The practice of mindfulness is most often touted for its profound mind, body, and spirit benefits. Shelly Tygielski here shows that mindfulness can also be a powerful tool for spurring transformative collective action. In a winning combination of memoir, manifesto, and how-to, Tygielski shares her evolution from a Jerusalem-born child of traditional Sephardic Orthodox parents to a middle-class American suburban youth who questioned her faith to a young executive in corporate America.
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Relevant and Motivating
- By Shelly G on 07-01-22
By: Shelly Tygielski
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Bringing Up Girls
- Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: James C. Dobson
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
- By honuhunter on 12-06-18
By: James C. Dobson
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Can't Forgive
- My 20-Year Battle with O.J. Simpson
- By: Kim Goldman
- Narrated by: Kim Goldman
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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When Kim Goldman was just 22, her older brother, Ron, was brutally killed by O. J. Simpson. Ron and Kim were very close, and her devastation was compounded by the shocking not guilty verdict that allowed a smirking Simpson to leave as a free man.
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Selfish
- By B. A. C. on 04-08-16
By: Kim Goldman
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Pregnant Girl
- A Story of Teen Motherhood, College, and Creating a Better Future for Young Families
- By: Nicole Lynn Lewis
- Narrated by: Nicky Sunshine
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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An activist calls for better support of young families so they can thrive and reflects on her experiences as a Black mother and college student fighting for opportunities for herself and her child. Pregnant Girl presents the possibility of a different future for young mothers - one of success and stability - in the midst of the dismal statistics that dominate the national conversation.
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Political
- By Amazon Customer on 01-16-23
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Transitions of the Heart
- Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
- By: Rachel Pepper - editor
- Narrated by: Elisabeth Rodgers
- Length: 5 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Transitions of the Heart is the first collection to ever invite mothers of transgender and gender variant children of all ages to tell their own stories about their child’s gender transition. Often transitioning socially and emotionally alongside their child but rarely given a voice in the experience, mothers hold the key to familial and societal understanding of gender difference.
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Heartfelt, Well-Written, and Moving
- By Susie on 01-04-13
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Separated @ Birth
- A True Love Story of Twin Sisters Reunited
- By: Anais Bordier, Samantha Futerman
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 8 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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It all began when design student Anaïs Bordier viewed a YouTube video and saw her own face staring back. After some research, Anaïs found that the Los Angeles actress Samantha Futerman was born in a South Korean port city called Busan on November 19, 1987 - the exact same location and day that Anaïs was born. This propelled her to make contact - via Facebook. One message later, both girls wondered: Could they be twins?
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Touching, heartwarming
- By Kelvin L. Reed on 11-01-22
By: Anais Bordier, and others
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Life, I Swear
- Intimate Stories from Black Women on Identity, Healing, and Self-Trust
- By: Chloe Dulce Louvouezo
- Narrated by: Joniece Abbott-Pratt
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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In this stunningly illustrated essay collection inspired by the popular podcast Life, I Swear, prominent Black women reflect on self-love and healing, sharing stories of the trials and tribulations they’ve faced and what has helped them confront pain, heal wounds, and find connection.
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This felt like home
- By nm on 11-16-21
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Identical Strangers
- A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited
- By: Elyse Schein, Paula Bernstein
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo, Effie Johnson
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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This is the astonishing true story of Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein, who shared a personal history for more than three decades - and didn't know it. In her mid-30s, Schein finally decided to call an adoption agency to learn about her biological mother. Not expecting much, she instead got the surprise of her life. Her identical twin sister, Bernstein, lived just minutes away.
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What if you are a twin and don't know it?
- By Joanne on 07-15-08
By: Elyse Schein, and others
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Adoption Unfiltered
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Healing isn't possible, though, without first uncovering the hurts—starting with adoption's central players: adoptees, who are so often in pain, suffering from what the latest brain science validates as the long-term emotional effects of separation trauma. By encouraging others to vulnerably share their stories, the authors discover that adoptees aren't the only ones in the adoption constellation who are hurting. Birth parents regularly shut down after being shut out by adoptive parents.
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A must read / listen for any prospective adoptive parents
- By Mandy G. on 05-08-24
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Relinquished
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A powerful decade-long study of adoption in the age of Roe, revealing the grief of the American mothers for whom the choice to parent was never real.
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Where are the narratives from adopted people?
- By Loren on 12-04-24
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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
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The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame. With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the 20 complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love.
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The glass is half empty.
- By stephen blackwell on 07-19-24
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What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
- An Adoptee's Perspective on Its History, Nuances, and Practices
- By: Melissa Guida-Richards, Paula Guida - foreword
- Narrated by: Stacy Gonzalez
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If you're the White parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive. The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
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This is a rant. Not an informative book.
- By Chris on 07-10-22
By: Melissa Guida-Richards, and others
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The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
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The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
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Incredibly helpful
- By Amazon Customer on 08-12-21
By: Karyn B. Purvis, and others
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You Don't Look Adopted
- By: Anne Heffron
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- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
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Can writing your story save your life? I should have come with a manual. My parents thought they were getting one thing when they adopted me - a baby of their own - when what they got was a human being with a story of her own. As a child, I traded safety for silence. As an adult, I had no idea who I was, why I quit nearly everything I started, why I struggled with things that came more easily to my friends (jobs, relationships, finances, self-esteem), why I seemed hell-bent on throwing myself away.
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Courageous and raw
- By Christine Warmus Murphy on 08-30-19
By: Anne Heffron
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Adoption Unfiltered
- Revelations from Adoptees, Birth Parents, Adoptive Parents, and Allies
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Healing isn't possible, though, without first uncovering the hurts—starting with adoption's central players: adoptees, who are so often in pain, suffering from what the latest brain science validates as the long-term emotional effects of separation trauma. By encouraging others to vulnerably share their stories, the authors discover that adoptees aren't the only ones in the adoption constellation who are hurting. Birth parents regularly shut down after being shut out by adoptive parents.
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A must read / listen for any prospective adoptive parents
- By Mandy G. on 05-08-24
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Relinquished
- The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood
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A powerful decade-long study of adoption in the age of Roe, revealing the grief of the American mothers for whom the choice to parent was never real.
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Where are the narratives from adopted people?
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The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame. With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the 20 complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love.
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The glass is half empty.
- By stephen blackwell on 07-19-24
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What White Parents Should Know About Transracial Adoption
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If you're the White parent of a transracially or internationally adopted child, you may have been told that if you try your best and work your hardest, good intentions and a whole lot of love will be enough to give your child the security, attachment, and nurturing family life they need to thrive. The only problem? It's not true. What White Parents Need to Know About Transracial Adoption breaks down the dynamics that frequently fly under the radar of the whitewashed, happily-ever-after adoption stories we hear so often.
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This is a rant. Not an informative book.
- By Chris on 07-10-22
By: Melissa Guida-Richards, and others
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The Connected Child
- Bring Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family
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The adoption of a child is always a joyous moment in the life of a family. Some adoptions, though, present unique challenges. Welcoming these children into your family - and addressing their special needs - requires care, consideration, and compassion.
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Incredibly helpful
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Can writing your story save your life? I should have come with a manual. My parents thought they were getting one thing when they adopted me - a baby of their own - when what they got was a human being with a story of her own. As a child, I traded safety for silence. As an adult, I had no idea who I was, why I quit nearly everything I started, why I struggled with things that came more easily to my friends (jobs, relationships, finances, self-esteem), why I seemed hell-bent on throwing myself away.
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Courageous and raw
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American Baby
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The adoption business was founded on secrecy and lies. American Baby lays out how a lucrative and exploitative industry removed children from their birth mothers and placed them with hopeful families, fabricating stories about infants' origins and destinations, then closing the door firmly between the parties forever. Adoption agencies and other organizations that purported to help pregnant women struck unethical deals with doctors and researchers for pseudoscientific "assessments," and shamed millions of women into surrendering their children.
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I felt the love of my birth mom...
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Torn Apart
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Many believe the child welfare system protects children from abuse. But as Torn Apart uncovers, this system is designed to punish Black families. Drawing on decades of research, legal scholar and sociologist Dorothy Roberts reveals that the child welfare system is better understood as a “family policing system” that collaborates with law enforcement and prisons to oppress Black communities. Child protection investigations ensnare a majority of Black children, putting their families under intense state surveillance and regulation.
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Important to Read. Unfinished Work.
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Who Is a Worthy Mother?
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Nearly every person in the United States is affected by adoption. In the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court's overturning of Roe v. Wade, the renewed debate over women's reproductive rights places an even greater emphasis on adoption. Wellington's timely–and deeply researched–account amplifies previously marginalized voices and exposes the social and racial biases embedded in the United States' adoption industry.
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Surviving the White Gaze
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Rebecca Carroll grew up the only Black person in her rural New Hampshire town. Adopted at birth by artistic parents who believed in peace, love, and zero population growth, her early childhood was loving and idyllic - and yet she couldn’t articulate the deep sense of isolation she increasingly felt as she grew older. Everything changed when she met her birth mother, a young White woman, who consistently undermined Carroll’s sense of her blackness and self-esteem.
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Outstanding
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By: Rebecca Carroll
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It Takes More Than Love
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Being an adoptive parent is hard enough. But when your family is multiracial, things get even trickier. Parenting transracially doesn’t come naturally nor does it just happen with time. Love is essential, yet by itself, love isn’t enough. Cross-cultural parenting also takes intentionality, listening, learning, growing, repenting, changing...then starting all over and doing it again. It’s hard work! And yet, when an adoptive family honors the ethnic heritages of their children, the whole family gets to see the beauty of a gloriously creative God.
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Best adoption book out right now
- By Elizabeth Alignamath on 02-20-23
By: Brittany Salmon
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Finding Chika
- A Little Girl, an Earthquake, and the Making of a Family
- By: Mitch Albom
- Narrated by: Mitch Albom
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Chika Jeune was born three days before the devastating earthquake that decimated Haiti in 2010. She spent her infancy in a landscape of extreme poverty, and when her mother died giving birth to a baby brother, Chika was brought to The Have Faith Haiti Orphanage that Albom operates in Port Au Prince. With no children of their own, the 40-plus children who live, play, and go to school at the orphanage have become family to Mitch and his wife, Janine. But at age five, Chika is suddenly diagnosed with something a doctor there says "no one in Haiti can help you with."
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BUY READ AND RECOMMEND THIS BOOK
- By The Birds. on 11-05-19
By: Mitch Albom
What listeners say about "You Should Be Grateful"
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anon
- 05-14-23
This incredible book gives voice to the voiceless.
As a transracial adoptee, with a closed adoption, I know too well the journey Angela shared. Truly heartening to hear I’m not alone in my vast emotions for my birth and adopted family.
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- C. Gorman
- 06-29-23
Eye opening
Thank you for this wonderful insight. I am enriched buy your story that I will carry with me.
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- D.B
- 11-11-23
Riveting Autobiography of a Trans Racial Adoptee
Everyone and their grandmother should read this book. A consice yet thoughtful exploration of the stories that connect us all interweaving realities of poverty, disconnection, and the small steps it takes to bring us closer to healing.
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- Kazali
- 01-14-24
You SHOULD read this
Eye opening, heart opening, mind opening look into adoption. Centering the adoptee and birth mother while shining a light on a system that needs recalibrating. Angela’s story and scholarship is a master class in humanity.
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- Myrielle
- 04-23-23
This is a 5 Star Book
Angela has such depth and honesty when speaking about her adoption journey. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience which I am able to utilize as an adoptee and an adoption professional. I thoroughly enjoyed the book and I finished feeling as though I know Angela personally. She also narrated her book which is a huge plus for me. This is a five star read and I look forward to reading more of her books in the future. Assuming she will be writing more.
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- Anonymous User
- 10-10-23
amazing
I shared so many emotions and deep-rooted feelings with this book and the story's author. Thank you for writing this.
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- Emma Stevens/Linda Campbell Pevac
- 11-15-23
Perspective
Please listen to this transracial adoptee! Angela’s lived experience documented in this bold memoir will help bring awareness to the complexities of adoption as well as to the additional struggles a transracial adoptee must learn to navigate.
I’m also an adoptee. There were many similarities of Angela’s story to mine. One being that my birth/first mother was also not forthcoming about the details of my adoption when I met her, nor was she about the identity of my birth father. What I misinterpreted to be her resistance, was actually her unresolved trauma that had “frozen” her in time. She honestly didn’t remember.
Another similarity was Angela’s mention of her closed adoption and how much time she spent in her “ghost kingdom” while growing up, I, too, spent an inordinate amount of time fantasizing about who my mother was—instead of being given the chance to deal with life on life’s terms. To see my birth mother as a real person instead of needing to make up a fantastical one. Angela writes about how the closed adoption system damaged her by denying her access to her medical history, pertinent background information, and to her biological family.
Being a same race adoptee, it was important and enlightening to me to learn of the many additional layers a transracial adoptee must face. Thanks to Angela, I now have a deeper level of understanding.
Emma Stevens aka Linda Campbell Pevac
Author of “A Fire Is Coming” and “The Gathering Place: An Adoptee’s Story”
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- Stacey Duncan
- 05-09-23
A mind opening book
As an adoptive mom of a transracial adoptee, this book gave me so much insight and thought provoking dialog for my family. I believe this will make my daughters life a bit less challenging.
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- Chaching
- 11-11-23
phenomenal.
As a transracial adoptee and an adoptee in reunion in my 20s this is so spot on. So much I found words for and relatable on different levels. So intricately and beautifully written.
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- Tess
- 07-30-23
Unexpectedly Healing
As a transracial adult adoptee, raised without the resources to process my experience, I didn’t know what to expect from this. Not only did I uncover the intricacies and complexities of feelings I never knew how to describe but found new agency to explore my journey. After reading this I found some resources for BIPOC adoptees raised by white families and feel like maybe as a 29 year old, I finally have the chance to meet people like me. Thank you Angela.
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