Why Are We Yelling?
The Art of Productive Disagreement
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Narrated by:
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Buster Benson
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By:
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Buster Benson
About this listen
Have you ever walked away from an argument and suddenly thought of all the brilliant things you wish you'd said? Do you avoid certain family members and colleagues because of bitter, festering tension that you can't figure out how to address?
Now, finally, there's a solution: a new framework that frees you from the trap of unproductive conflict and pointless arguing forever.
If the threat of raised voices, emotional outbursts, and public discord makes you want to hide under the conference room table, you're not alone. Conflict, or the fear of it, can be exhausting. But as this powerful book argues, conflict doesn't have to be unpleasant. In fact, properly channeled, conflict can be the most valuable tool we have at our disposal for deepening relationships, solving problems, and coming up with new ideas.
As the mastermind behind some of the highest-performing teams at Amazon, Twitter, and Slack, Buster Benson spent decades facilitating hard conversations in stressful environments. In this book, Buster reveals the psychological underpinnings of awkward, unproductive conflict and the critical habits anyone can learn to avoid it. Armed with a deeper understanding of how arguments, you'll be able to:
- Remain confident when you're put on the spot
- Diffuse tense moments with a few strategic questions
- Facilitate creative solutions even when your team has radically different perspectives
Why Are We Yelling? will shatter your assumptions about what makes arguments productive. You'll find yourself having fewer repetitive, predictable fights once you're empowered to identify your biases, listen with an open mind, and communicate well.
©2019 Buster Benson (P)2019 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"This is a life-changing book. Read it three times and then give a copy to anyone you care about. It will make things better." (Seth Godin, author of This Is Marketing)
“This clever, empowering book shows how conflict can be a source of growth, intrigue, and joy. Buster Benson unveils a new framework for arguing that helps you understand your biases and show other people theirs in a non-confrontational way. This is the perfect book at the perfect time to bring some sanity back into disagreements.” (Annie Duke, author of Thinking in Bets)
"Buster Benson turns everything you know about arguing on its head. Before reading this book, I never thought I’d be looking forward to my next disagreement. Productive disagreeing is the most underrated life skill you can build." (Ev Williams, CEO of Medium, partner at Obvious Ventures, cofounder of Twitter)
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When we align with circumstance, circumstance aligns with us. Using a cutting-edge scientific theory of synchronicity, Sky Nelson-Isaacs presents a model for living "in the flow" - a state of optimal functioning, creative thinking, and seemingly effortless productivity. Nelson-Isaacs explains how our choices create meaning, translating current and original ideas from theoretical physics and quantum mechanics into accessible, actionable steps that we can all take to live lives in better alignment with who we are and who we want to be.
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Excellent Narration, Heady Concept
- By Geoff Bowman on 08-11-20
By: Sky Nelson-Isaacs, and others
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What If?
- 10th Anniversary Edition: Short Stories to Spark Inclusion & Diversity Dialogue
- By: Steve L. Robbins PhD
- Narrated by: David Shih
- Length: 6 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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This 10th anniversary edition of the beloved classic features 10 new stories written by Dr. Robbins that help listeners gain deeper insight into the role our brains play in shaping our thoughts and actions, and what we can do to be more curious and open-minded in our diverse world. Based on his study of the fields of behavioral science and cognitive neuroscience, Robbins explores unconscious bias in many of its forms, including availability bias, confirmation bias, anchoring bias, and others.
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Learning more
- By Michael T Snowden on 05-01-20
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The Negotiator in You: In Life
- Tips to Help You Get the Most of Every Interaction
- By: Joshua N. Weiss
- Narrated by: Joshua N. Weiss
- Length: 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Negotiation is a skill people need to use every day. In this audio exclusive, learn the negotiation skills required to navigate difficult situations that arise in everyday life. From buying a car to purchasing a home, one needs to know how to effectively negotiate, especially when the other party is a seasoned professional. Harvard professor Joshua N. Weiss, PhD, gives us to tools to negotiate when we have a major stake in the game or when we're perceived as the "weak consumer."
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Quick but insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 12-26-23
By: Joshua N. Weiss
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Questions Are the Answer
- A Breakthrough Approach to Your Most Vexing Problems at Work and in Life
- By: Hal Gregersen
- Narrated by: Rick Adamson
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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For innovation and leadership guru Hal Gregersen, the power of questions has always been clear - but it took some years for the follow-on question to hit him: If so much depends on fresh questions, shouldn’t we know more about how to arrive at them? That sent him on a research quest ultimately including more than 200 interviews with creative thinkers. Questions Are the Answer delivers the insights Gregersen gained about the conditions that give rise to catalytic questions - and breakthrough insights - and how anyone can create them.
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All you need is the title
- By Bob Jordy on 01-13-22
By: Hal Gregersen
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How to Spot a Liar
- By: Gregory Hartley, Maryann Karinch
- Narrated by: Gregory Hartley, Maryann Karinch
- Length: 2 hrs and 53 mins
- Abridged
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Have you ever been lied to? Of course you have, whether you knew it or not. Ever caught a spouse, business partner, parent, boss, or child brazenly lying right to your face? What if you could tell someone was lying, just by listening to them, and observing their action and behavior? Here's the first audiobook that gives you the tools to figure out what's really going on.
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Highly educational
- By Lorelei on 12-21-07
By: Gregory Hartley, and others
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Getting to Yes with Yourself
- (And Other Worthy Opponents)
- By: William Ury
- Narrated by: William Ury
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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William Ury, co-author of the classic best seller on negotiation Getting to Yes, has taught tens of thousands of people from all walks of life - managers, salespeople, students, parents, lawyers, and diplomats - how to become better negotiators. Over the years, Ury has discovered that the greatest obstacle to successful agreements and satisfying relationships is not the other side, as difficult as they can be.
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WIN,WIN,WIN!
- By Leslie on 05-09-15
By: William Ury
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Cracking the Code
- By: Thom Hartmann
- Narrated by: Lloyd James
- Length: 6 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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According to Air America radio host Thom Hartmann, the apologists of the Right have become masters of the subtle and largely subconscious aspects of political communication. It's not an escalation in Iraq, it's a surge; it's not the inheritance tax, it's the death tax; it's not drilling for oil, it's exploring for energy.
Conservatives didn't intuit the path to persuasive messaging; they learned these techniques.
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User-friendly course on political communication
- By Danee McFarr on 02-06-09
By: Thom Hartmann
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The Power of Strangers
- The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World
- By: Joe Keohane
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane sets out on a journey to discover what happens when we bridge the distance between us and people we don’t know. He learns that while we’re wired to sometimes fear, distrust, and even hate strangers, people and societies that have learned to connect with strangers benefit immensely.
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Not worth a credit
- By Eringatang on 07-24-21
By: Joe Keohane
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Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition
- A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions
- By: Gregory Koukl, Lee Strobel - foreword
- Narrated by: Gregory Koukl
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In a culture increasingly indifferent or even hostile to Christian truth, followers of Christ need to be equipped to communicate with those who do not speak their language or accept their source of authority. In Tactics, 10th Anniversary Edition, Gregory Koukl demonstrates how to artfully regain control of conversations, keeping them moving forward in constructive ways through thoughtful diplomacy. Step-by-step, you'll learn the tactics of good persuasion and defense, how to identify the tactics of your opponent, and how to build your case, patiently and practically.
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Awesome Book
- By Dee Venable on 12-06-19
By: Gregory Koukl, and others
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Wanting
- The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life
- By: Luke Burgis
- Narrated by: Luke Burgis, Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Gravity affects every aspect of our physical being, but there’s a psychological force just as powerful - yet almost nobody has heard of it. It’s responsible for bringing groups of people together and pulling them apart, making certain goals attractive to some and not to others, and fueling cycles of anxiety and conflict. In Wanting, Luke Burgis draws on the work of French polymath René Girard to bring this hidden force to light and reveals how it shapes our lives and societies.
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One of the most important books you'll ever read
- By chris boutte on 06-14-21
By: Luke Burgis
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The Way of the Heathen
- Practicing Atheism in Everyday Life
- By: Greta Christina
- Narrated by: Greta Christina
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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So you're an atheist. Now what? The way we deal with life - with love and sex, pleasure and death, reality and making stuff up - can change dramatically when we stop believing in gods, souls, and afterlives. When we leave religion - or if we never had it in the first place - where do we go? With her unique blend of compassion and humor, thoughtfulness and snark, Greta Christina most emphatically does not propose a single path to a good atheist life. She offers questions to think about, ideas that may be useful, and encouragement to choose your own way.
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Navigating the world outside of church
- By Scott Bresinger on 01-21-17
By: Greta Christina
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Mindwise
- Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want
- By: Nicholas Epley
- Narrated by: Nicholas Epley
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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You are a mind reader, born with an extraordinary ability to understand what others think, feel, believe, want, and know. It's a sixth sense you use every day, in every personal and professional relationship you have. At its best, this ability allows you to achieve the most important goal in almost any life: connecting, deeply and intimately and honestly, to other human beings. At its worst, it is a source of misunderstanding and unnecessary conflict, leading to damaged relationships and broken dreams. How good are you at knowing the minds of others?
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Finally gave up - no real point
- By Thomas on 05-12-14
By: Nicholas Epley
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Buy-In
- Saving Your Good Idea from Getting Shot Down
- By: John P. Kotter, Lorne A. Whitehead
- Narrated by: Tim Wheeler
- Length: 4 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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You believe in a good idea. You know it could make a crucial difference for you, your organization, your community. You present it, hoping for enthusiastic support. Instead, you get confounding questions, inane comments, and verbal bullets. Before you know what’s hit you, your idea is dead, shot down. It doesn’t have to be this way, say John Kotter and Lorne Whitehead. In Buy-In, they reveal how to protect good ideas and win the support needed to deliver valuable results.
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Practical Application
- By Kellie on 05-13-11
By: John P. Kotter, and others
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Redesigning Leadership
- By: John Maeda, Becky Bermont
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl, Kate Rudd
- Length: 2 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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When designer and computer scientist John Maeda was tapped to be president of the celebrated Rhode Island School of Design in 2008, he had to learn how to be a leader quickly. He had to transform himself from a tenured professor - with a love of argument for argument’s sake and the freedom to experiment - into the head of a hierarchical organization. The professor is free to speak his mind against “the man.” The college president is “the man.” Maeda has had to teach himself, through trial and error, about leadership.
By: John Maeda, and others
What listeners say about Why Are We Yelling?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Daniel Obaseyi Buraimo
- 03-11-20
Good read
In arguments... you're trying to realise what you don't know. win or lose doesnt matter
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1 person found this helpful
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- kyle whitt
- 03-08-23
I would argue this should be common sense
I don't think it was a bad book, but as I have always had an open mind to issues, this book wasn't for me. Maybe someone who has a hard time listening to others could benefit from it.
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- Placeholder
- 12-02-20
Already changing my life!
I’ve been struggling at work with a conflict and this book put so many things into perspective and gave me the framework to experiment with my disagreements. Love it get it it’s amazing!!!!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jared Hatteberg
- 01-23-20
Great content - with some clutter
I sense this is a clear passion project for Mr Benson, and I hope this review comes off as constructive. My initial interpretation of the books intention was a business oriented self help arc, and I believe this in reality has a much broader scope. The content is great. There is truly magnificent advice offered in identifying different perspectives, your own biases and triggers, and developing a constructive path through managing both the obvious conflicts in life and the more subtle ones. However, I had two hurdles that made it difficult to really engage with some content. 1) the performance of the audio seemed as if the author was reading his own book. I didn’t get the passion that I am sure he needed in writing it. The passion that he describes in some of his analogies did not come through. Bringing me to the second part 2) the stories and analogies that were used to lead into his core content fluctuated from extreme polarized generalities in one moment (anxiety from death and divorce), and his next piece of content was illustrated by a highly specific personal experience that I had difficulty relating to (2016 election reactions). I highly agree with the outline of Buster’s content and core principles and applaud that. I also hope this review isn’t like ordering a Guinness and then saying I don’t like dark beer. Best wishes Mr Benson.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Ed Barberi
- 02-28-20
Interesting Topic But Unrealistic
I found the book to be just, "okay". I commend the author for trying to tackle a difficult, yet very relevant subject in the modern world. However, I found the book to create more questions for me than practical solutions. An example of this issue is with the author's own personal journey towards better dialogue with varying points of view. The author conducts pot luck dinner discussions around controversial topics, has his guests participate in controlled debates, and seeks to uncover solutions to controversial topics (and does so somewhat successfully). The problem is, this approach is not rooted in reality. There are very serious problems in the world, but I felt that the author assumes that all parties involved in the debate are intelligent, rationale, and good natured people who want to improve humanity. That to me is not reality, though. In my own personal experiences, I have met some very intelligent, but extremely combative and irrational people (and occasionally the opposite). No amount of facts, dialogue, or open communication techniques enable progress. In many cases, it was just healthier to move on.
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13 people found this helpful
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- Matt Welland
- 11-20-21
Required reading. Seriously read this book.
I feel some hope and have a methodology to get conversions going again using the ideas Buster presents. if you dread conversations and encounters there is hope herein.
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- Anonymous User
- 03-15-20
good start but...
The author should have used an editor to sharpen the story after the first good chapters.
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3 people found this helpful
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- A. Yoshida
- 06-13-23
We should seek to understand
There was an interesting example the author used about disagreement. He asked people if they thought a glass of water would go stale after a day. There were people who argued vehemently on both sides (based on what they believed would happen with water in a day). This led me to think about how often people argue rather than seek out information to gain a better understanding of the topic.
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- MARIA VITAL
- 01-08-20
It was ok
I liked how it started, towards the end, it felt like it was bouncing all over the place on different topics. Lost me after chapter 5.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Valerie Queen
- 01-26-22
I hope to see more books from this writer
more books like this are needed in a world where so many conversations become polarized, then arguments.
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