Showing results by author "Steven Doornbos" in All Categories

In a quiet neighborhood where pizza deliveries are as normal as forgotten homework, twelve-year-old Max Murdock discovers something no kid ever expects—a mysterious, glowing pizza box that follows him home. But this is no ordinary takeout. Inside the box lies a swirling portal to a vast and wildly unpredictable universe made entirely of living toppings, sauce-powered machines, and crust-based civilizations. Joined by his hilarious best friend Logan, a fearless classmate named GraceMarie, and the cryptic clues left by a banished flavor genius, Max is recruited into Za & Beyond—an ancient...

The Sun is not alone. Tucked just behind our blazing celestial star, hidden perfectly from Earth’s view, orbits a second sun—smaller, darker, and teeming with secrets that could unravel the fabric of our understanding. When 12-year-old Orion "Ori" Keller intercepts a mysterious radio signal while helping his father repair a homemade solar observatory, he unknowingly unlocks a dormant force. Suddenly, he’s pulled into a spiraling chain of cosmic conspiracies, secret government missions, ancient prophecies, and interstellar truths that humankind was never meant to know. Now, Ori must ...

What happens when a clever, rule-bending, meatloaf-loving pup decides to keep a daily journal of his misadventures? You get Confessions of a Naughty Dog—a hilarious, heart-tugging, and occasionally slobber-covered memoir told entirely from the paws of Nugget, a stubborn pit bull with a nose for trouble and a heart of gold. From epic escapes under the fence to surprise garden stakeouts, Nugget’s “letters to Dogery” capture a year’s worth of laugh-out-loud antics, wild backyard operations, and a noble quest for snacks, justice, and maybe—just maybe—graduating obedience school. ...

Let’s be honest: dating after divorce can feel like rebooting an outdated computer—slow, frustrating, and filled with unexpected pop-ups from the past. But here’s the good news: you’re not starting from scratch. You’re starting from experience. This book isn’t a shallow guide full of pick-up lines or macho nonsense. It’s a real, grown-man roadmap for navigating the dating world with clarity, confidence, and a sense of humor. Whether you’ve been out of the game for five years or fifteen, Rebooted will walk you through every stage—from that first hesitant swipe to building a...

Let's be honest: Life did not come with a user's manual. Sure you probably got the basics growing up - don't touch hot stoves, tie your shoes, say "please" even when you want to scream. But no one sat you down and explained the truly weird, invisible stuff - like how to exit a conversation without sounding rude, why everyone suddenly becomes a weatherman when small talk runs dry, or how to understand what "let's do lunch sometime" actually means. This book is all about all that and more. It is a tour through the stuff you weren't taught - but were expected to just "get" somewhere alone the ...

Pain Point Marketing: How to Fix Your Business Marketing Pain Points One at a Time is not just another marketing book filled with jargon and recycled advice. It’s a practical, punchy, and occasionally hilarious guide for business owners who are tired of spinning their wheels and ready to solve the real problems holding their success hostage. If you've ever found yourself shouting into the void, wondering why your “best idea yet” didn’t convert, or spending nights staring at a blank screen instead of customers’ orders, you’re in the right place. This book shows you how to think ...

In The Everlight Chronicles, follow Calvin, an unstoppable 11-year-old dynamo, and his steadfast friend Maya on an epic journey through enchanted forests, ancient mysteries, and otherworldly realms. Armed with courage, wit, and three powerful stones, they face trials of shadow and light, unlocking secrets that bind the past, present, and future. This captivating adventure weaves suspense, friendship, and magic into a tale designed to inspire readers of all ages with a 5th-grade reading level. Join Calvin and Maya as they become guardians of a new dawn, proving that even the smallest hearts ...

Over the centuries mankind has had to depend on wild game to feed their families. Even today there are hundreds of thousands of hunters, both male and female, that depend on wild game to supplement their menus throughout the year. Within the following pages you’ll discover some of the time-tested recipes that have been used to prepare wild game. These recipes are still excellent ways to prepare your fresh kills and I suggest that you at least give some of them a try the next time you wild game available. Most of these recipes assume that you already know how to skin and clean the meat ...

What if procrastination wasn’t a problem—but a hidden strength? In this eye-opening, laugh-out-loud, and refreshingly honest deep dive, Steven Doornbos invites you on a journey through the surprisingly brilliant, misunderstood world of delay. From the neuroscience of hesitation to the emotional truth behind avoidance, The Procrastinator’s Edge is a bold celebration of the thinkers, dreamers, and slow-starters we’ve been unfairly labeling for too long. With warmth, humor, and depth, this book transforms procrastination from a dirty word into a dazzling art form—and shows you how to...

Welcome to the weirdest school year of Hector P. Blart’s life. One minute he’s just a regular 11-year-old trying to survive spelling tests and mystery meat lunches. The next? He’s dodging cursed homework assignments, haunted lockers, and a ghost substitute teacher who hasn’t checked out since the ‘90s. Oh, and let’s not forget Slime—the bookworm who’s literally a worm and may or may not eat overdue library cards. This is a suspense-packed, laugh-out-loud adventure perfect for boys (and brave girls) ages 9–12—or anyone with a 5th-grade reading comprehension level who ...

Welcome to the self-help book for people who’ve tried all the "right" things—and somehow only made things worse. Affirmations? Failed. Gratitude journals? Turned passive-aggressive. Breathwork? You hyperventilated at Panera. If you've ever read a quote like "The universe gives you what you need" and wanted to throw your coffee mug across the room—this book is for you. In this hilariously unhinged, deliciously chaotic guide to inner dysfunction, Steven Doornbos shares 25 gloriously exaggerated “case studies” of modern-day people who followed the positivity path... straight into ...

You know those people who always seem calm, organized, and emotionally stable? Yeah. This book is not about them. Welcome to the unfiltered confessions of someone who has spent a lifetime pretending to be normal—and failing spectacularly. From turning therapy into stand-up comedy, to surviving public meltdowns in Costco, to attempting yoga while emotionally unwell and allergic to spandex, this is your backstage pass to one person’s absurd journey through modern life. Equal parts chaos and charm, this book doesn’t teach you how to fix your life. It just lets you laugh so hard you ...

WHEN I WANT YOUR OPINION, I’LL GIVE IT TO YOU isn’t just a title—it’s a line you’ve probably rehearsed in your head a hundred times and never had the guts to say out loud. Until now. This book is your front-row seat to the drama of modern-day bullying—social, political, professional, and personal. But this isn’t just about high school flashbacks or the mean girl who ran the locker room. Nope. This is about the boss who cancels your promotion but keeps your ideas. The politician who yells “freedom” while silencing dissent. The keyboard warrior with Wi-Fi and a vendetta. The...

Welcome to The House That Hungers—a gothic descent into psychological terror, memory, and the appetite of places that never truly die. This is not your typical haunted house story. The house doesn’t just whisper. It doesn’t just remember. It feeds. Elena Marrow returns to a long-forgotten ancestral estate expecting closure. What she finds instead is a sentient structure that has waited generations to taste her again. Reality bends. Memory bleeds. Doors don’t just open—they bite. And the more she uncovers, the more she realizes: She didn’t come back to explore the house. She came...

They were just your average suburban family... …until one glitchy AI, a burned agency, and a killer cupcake turned their quiet basement into the most dangerous command center on Earth. Meet the Mulraneys: Claire (ex-intelligence analyst turned overachieving mom), Michael (the dad with classified pasts and a pistol in his golf bag), Lacey (their teen daughter who hacks like she breathes), Maggie (the grandmother who knits explosives), and a talking phone named Bertram. Together, they were supposed to stay in hiding after the collapse of the global surveillance AI known as Needlepoint. But ...

Meet Pudge — a floppy-eared, highly trained search-and-rescue beagle with a secret that not even his closest allies fully understand: he’s been through time, he's been through fire, and he’s come back with a mission that only a dog like him could carry. When Calvin Hartwell, a reclusive former cyber-operative, is pulled back into a world he thought he’d left behind, it’s not the agency that comes calling — it’s Pudge. Together, they uncover a conspiracy so deeply buried in the American Southwest that it defies logic, history, and even reality. What begins as a tactical ...

Twelve-year-old Ethan Tiller thought janitor duty was the worst punishment imaginable—until the mop sneezed. Now, armed with nothing but a talking broom, a suspicious badge, and an overworked mentor named Mr. Dregg, Ethan finds himself swept into the underground world of the Secret Society of Middle School Janitors. These aren’t your average custodians—they battle glue monsters, decode encrypted floor wax, and fend off robo-roaches with citrus-based foam grenades. But something darker is bubbling beneath Lincoln Middle School’s shiny floors. Vaults are being breached. Legendary ...

100 Ways to Lose Your Man Card isn’t just a book—it’s a survival guide for the modern man who accidentally said “adorable” in a hardware store and now finds himself in emotional exile. From the first tear shed during a car commercial to the moment you called your bathrobe “cozy-chic,” this book unearths all the hilarious, unspoken violations of the mythical man code—and puts them right where they belong: front and center for everyone to laugh at. Including you. Especially you. You’ll find yourself somewhere in these pages, whether it’s using an umbrella in a light ...

Step into the enchanting world of Calvin, Pudge, and the Shadow Trail, where adventure, mystery, and friendship weave together beneath the canopy of Pine Hollow’s ancient forest. Join Calvin, a resourceful young explorer, his fearless dog Pudge, and their loyal friends as they uncover hidden secrets, solve riddles, and face shadowy threats guarding the heart of the forest. Packed with suspense, humor, and heartwarming moments, this captivating tale invites readers of all ages to discover what it truly means to be a guardian of nature’s magic. Will Calvin and his friends protect the ...

In the heart of the ancient Pine Ridge forest, a young guardian named Calvin is called by a mysterious Midnight Howl—a haunting summons that awakens a destiny beyond his wildest dreams. Bound by an ancient silver locket pulsing with magical power, Calvin joins a secret circle of protectors sworn to defend the forest’s sacred Heart Tree from encroaching darkness. As shadows rise from forgotten realms, threatening to consume all life, Calvin must face ancient evils, unravel cryptic prophecies, and discover the true strength of friendship, courage, and sacrifice. Calvin and the Midnight ...