Did you know that the remora fish will try to swim up a whale shark's butt when they poop? The crew of Twig didn't. It turns out there was an awful lot the family of five didn’t know when they decided to move aboard and set off for adventure on the high seas.

After decades of dreaming, and planning, the explorers finally sailed off into the sunset. Yes, they found the palm trees and coconuts they had longed for, but they also glimpsed the other side of paradise. They ran from waterspouts, dodged hurricanes, got (sort of) robbed by pirates, and played chicken with naval warships. They found themselves making emergency calls to the Coast Guard in the dead of night and learning the exact purpose of a nut jiggler during a late-night beach bonfire.

Join as the inevitable is pondered after a meal of coffee and chili on a night watch in “What if I have to go poo?”. Commiserate the anxiety of the hurricane season and practice dodging rogue unmanned boats during a midnight tropical storm. Laugh at the captain’s intimate misfortunes with marine toilets, sense what a pirate smells like, and discover how not to get crabs in this page-turning journey of the East Coast. You are invited to follow along with the frustration and joy of a life newly discovered afloat a 46-foot catamaran.

Remember: If everything had gone exactly as planned….it wouldn’t have been much of an adventure.

Chapter listing

Part 1: Damn you Lisa

1. Cocktails and Dreams
2. The hand of God
3. Down to the Banana Republics
4. Panama vs Twig
5. Christmas Blows
6. Georgia on my mind
7. Love and a sailboat

Part 2: Afloat

1. All Aboard!
2. There’s Vodka in the Boy’s Bathroom
3. Afloat
4. Hazmat
5. Things that go bump in the night
6. Don’t Ignore the Bright Red Light
7. Caulk the Wagon
8. Perfect Strangers

Part 3: The Bahamas

1. 42 Flushes
2. The Nut Jiggler
3. Watch your six
4. You smell like a pirate
5. I wet the bed
6. Twist and Spout
7. Weather or not

Part 4: The East Coast

1. What if I have to go Poo?
2. Dr Jekyll’s Island
3. You say Savannah, I say Banana
4. Pepperoni is not a fruit
5. House of Warship
6. Feeling Crabby
7. Tot
8. There’s Always Room For Jello
9. Oh Ophelia

Part 5: Due South

1. Boat Chill Factor
2. I lack depth
3. Wednesday
4. Anchor(s) Away
5. Cinderella Lost Her Slipper
6. Suck it Murphy
7. And Then We Hit a Rock
8. What the Fog?!

Epilogue

1. There’s no place like home
2. Come Monday (Tribute to Jimmy Buffett)

Glossary of Ridiculous Nautical Jargon