-
Happy Endings
- The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
- Narrated by: Jim Norton
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
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Publisher's summary
Jim will discuss everything from his affinity for hookers to stalking Black Sabbath and Alan Alda to always getting stuck with the hot girl's fat friend. He will share some of his experiences with Opie and Anthony, including his arrest on the infamous Voyeur Bus (a bus filled with naked girls that drove around Manhattan flashing passers-by). Many more heartwarming stories will be included in what is sure to be the most controversial title of 2007.
In addition to being a regular on the Opie & Anthony Show, Norton sells out comedy shows across the country. He starred on the recent HBO series Lucky Louie and was a regular on Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. He has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, The Late Show with David Letterman, and other national shows.
Norton had this to say about his forthcoming title: "It's ironic that many of the stories revolve around prostitution, because that's where all proceeds from this...will be going. Actually, that's probably more disgusting and creepy than ironic."
Explicit Language Warning: You must be 18 years or older to purchase.
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Story
Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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God-Shaped Hole
- A Novel
- By: Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Narrated by: Rachael Warren
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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I Am Not Myself These Days
- A Memoir
- By: Josh Kilmer-Purcell
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly---a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives.
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depressing
- By Barry Morrison on 08-02-16
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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You're Making Me Hate You
- A Cantankerous Look at the Common Misconception That Humans Have Any Common Sense Left
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of the late, great George Carlin, Corey Taylor, the lead singer of Slipknot and Stone Sour, sounds off in hilarious fashion about the many vagaries of modern life that piss him off. Whether it's people's rude behavior in restaurants and malls, the many indignities of air travel, eye-searingly terrible fashion choices, dangerously clueless drivers, and - most of all - the sorry state of much modern music, Taylor's humor and insight cover civil society's seeming decline.
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New perspective.
- By jeremy on 09-22-15
By: Corey Taylor
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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Hyena
- By: Jude Angelini
- Narrated by: Jude Angelini
- Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Hyena is a collection of autobiographical stories by Jude Angelini, which takes the listener on his journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, deftly moving between his adult life and his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Each story is told with brutal honesty yet maintains a gallows humor that will leave you shaking your head in disbelief.
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Awesome book, would steal it
- By Dylan S on 09-20-17
By: Jude Angelini
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Seduction and Snacks
- By: Tara Sivec
- Narrated by: Romy Nordlinger
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
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3 1/2 stars
- By Vinity on 08-01-13
By: Tara Sivec
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Sex, Drugs, Ratt & Roll
- My Life in Rock
- By: Stephen Pearcy, Sam Benjamin
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Stephen Pearcy was a scrawny, horny, thrill-seeking teenager with an electric guitar who had graduated from backyard parties in San Diego to half-empty dives in Los Angeles before he and his band broke through at Whiskey a Go Go. Cranking out metal just as metal got hot, Ratt was the perfect band at the perfect time, and their hit single "Round and Round" became a top-selling anthem.
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Stephen Pearcy is one sad mf
- By Awkward Frog on 12-28-20
By: Stephen Pearcy, and others
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Private Citizens
- By: Tony Tulathimutte
- Narrated by: Pete Cross
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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The story's four whip-smart narrators - idealistic Cory, Internet-lurking Will, awkward Henrik, and vicious Linda - are torn between fixing the world and cannibalizing it. In boisterous prose that ricochets between humor and pain, the four estranged friends stagger through the Bay Area's maze of tech startups, protestors, gentrifiers, karaoke bars, house parties, and cultish self-help seminars, washing up in each other's lives once again.
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Too dour and cynical.
- By Zanriel on 01-18-17
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
What listeners say about Happy Endings
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Patrick
- 03-17-08
Monster RAIN!!!!!!!!!!
An absolutely magnificent listen. Nothing like hearing the raunchy and cringing stories of Jim Norton read by Yimmy. You will not be disappointed by your purchase of this audio book.
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- Seancfh01
- 11-09-16
I love little Jimmy
vile, offensive, and wonderful. Exactly what I wanted out of this book. Actually LOL'D. Good show sir.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Stephen Osborne
- 01-08-23
Great for a Norton fan
Great for a fan of Jim Norton I highly recommend this audiobook for almost anyone.
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Overall
- Amazon Customer
- 07-20-07
I like this book more than exclamation points!!!!!
This book is so much funnier than the comic strip Howard Huge, that I give it a Big A! James makes it his dooty to make us loff, again and again, so much it gives me the twitchels. E-Rocks! I can't wait to listen to the rest, but the first 7 minutes have been great! If I had a Nicolini for every time I LOL'd, I'd be a fancy man....................... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I can only sum up with one word: Frunkus (which means "Meow" in the ancient Norden dialect).
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- Robert
- 01-17-15
Manboobs is funny.
funny book by a sex addict maniac . one laughs interrupted only by occasional vomiting in the mouth from nightmare -inducing head -shaking stories of sex, farting , whores and other perverse gluttony .
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- Rodney
- 10-26-18
Still great
I bought this book when it first came out and enjoyed, however I hadn't read it since then so I picked it up as an audiobook and it's great, a really fun read. I was worried that it would be the same stories I've heard and while that is true to some extent, it's not nearly as repetitive as I was thinking it would be. If you like Norton, or you're an old O&A fan, you can't go here, you get over 5 hours of entertainment from Jimmy.
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- John
- 10-26-08
Inane babblings of a raunch comic looking for love
I can't believe this guy could even read a book let alone write one, but here it is. Having the author read the book to me was a special experience, especially since I usually listened to it while sitting at my desk at work. Picturing him under the porch performing oral favors for his little friends, when he was younger, made me giggle like a schoolgirl.
From time to time I'd get caught by coworkers actually laughing out loud, or saying something like "I can't believe he said that". If you're expecting it to be funny you'll be severely disappointed. His book is nothing like his stand-up act. His act is actually pretty funny. The book, on the other hand, and especially his reading of it, really made me feel sorry for him.
I hope he finally realizes that he's been looking for love on the wrong side gym floor. It's obvious to probably everyone but him, that he gets much more sexual gratification from the company of men, than anything he gets from the women in his life; and that includes all the professionals he turns to, some of whom are really men dressed as women. (a fact he pretends not to be aware of) He's spent his entire adult life trying to accept his love of penis. Even when he's with a woman, pro or otherwise, he usually has to finish up on his own, because he can't finish unless he's touching one. It's high time he started to enjoy life, and started dancing in the Monster Rain.
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- Harlan
- 12-22-17
creative mastermind
Really funny, this sick little perverts mind goes beyond anything I could imagine, good stories about being a mediocre comic with less interesting friends. A need to spill seed like it's the only thing keeping him alive and the weirdest fantasized exploits EVER satisfying beyond reason. Thanks to lil Jimmy, Ted Sheckler, Earl, Uncle Paul and the rest.
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- trond
- 10-23-16
Funniest book ever
Great book. Must be one of the sickest heads in this world. Laught my as off through the hole story.. Absolutely recommended!!
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Overall
- Eileen
- 11-11-08
Pretty Much What I Expected
The story Jim Norton tells in this book is as I expected, being a listener of Opie & Anthony. Norton does not hide behind anything in this book, his stories are graphic, personal, and filled with a lot of self-deprecation. He's a great narrator, I couldn't imagine anyone else reading his story, and he does a great job presenting the stories. If you are a fan of his stand-up, I recommend the book.
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