Heads in Beds
A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality
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Narrated by:
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Jacob Tomsky
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By:
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Jacob Tomsky
About this listen
In the tradition of Kitchen Confidential and Waiter Rant, a rollicking, eye-opening, fantastically indiscreet memoir of a life spent (and misspent) in the hotel industry.
Jacob Tomsky has worked in hotels for more than a decade, doing everything from valet parking to manning the front desk. He's checked you in, checked you out, separated your white panties from the white bed sheets, parked your car, tasted your room service, cleaned your toilet, denied you a late check out, given you a wake-up call, eaten M&Ms out of your mini-bar, laughed at your jokes, and taken your money. And in Heads in Beds, he pulls back the curtain on the hospitality business, revealing the crazy yet compelling reality of an industry we think we know. It is an incredibly funny, authentic, and irreverent chronicle of the highs and lows of hotel life and boy, is there a market for it: in 2010, the American lodging industry generated $127.7 billion in revenue. Prepare to be amused, shocked, and amazed as he spills the unwritten code of the bellhops, the antics that go on the valet parking garage, and the housekeeping department's dirty little secrets.
Prepare to be moved, too, by his insightful honesty about the profession; employees are often poorly paid and frequently abused. However, Heads in Beds is more than just a memoir. Jake explains the secrets of the industry, offering easy and legal ways to get what you need from your hotel without any hassle - from scoring late check-ins and upgrades to getting that pay-per-view charge knocked off your bill. This book will give you the knowledge you need to get the very best service from any hotel or property, from any business that makes its money from putting heads in beds. Or, at the very least, it will keep the bellhops from taking your luggage into the camera-free back office and stomping the crap out of it.
©2012 Jacob Tomsky (P)2012 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Marshall Karp is an acclaimed playwright known for his witty sense of humor and crackling dialogue. His debut novel The Rabbit Factory stars the irreverent LAPD detective duo of Mike Lomax and Terry Biggs. Dean Lamaar is the architect of an entertainment empire and the creator of iconic characters like Rambunctious Rabbit and McGreedy the Moose.
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Bizarre but engaging mystery.1st-rate performance.
- By MidwestGeek on 12-19-12
By: Marshall Karp
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Single State of Mind
- By: Andi Dorfman
- Narrated by: Andi Dorfman
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Andi Dorfman, breakout star of ABC's The Bachelorette and New York Times best-selling author of It's Not Okay, returns with this new collection of her adventures as a still-single gal surviving and thriving in New York City.
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Shallow
- By c63989 on 01-10-18
By: Andi Dorfman
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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This Could Hurt
- A Novel
- By: Jillian Medoff
- Narrated by: Andrea Gallo, Nick Podehl, Saskia Maarleveld, and others
- Length: 12 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Rosa Guerrero beat the odds as she rose to the top of the corporate world. An attractive woman of a certain age, the longtime chief of human resources at Ellery Consumer Research is still a formidable presence, even if her most vital days are behind her. A leader who wields power with grace and discretion, she has earned the devotion and loyalty of her staff. No one admires Rosa more than her doting lieutenant Leo Smalls, a benefits vice president whose whole world is Ellery.
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Awesome!
- By Donna D. Lewis on 02-05-18
By: Jillian Medoff
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What Doesn't Kill You
- By: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Narrated by: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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What Doesn't Kill You is the story of how Thomasina Hodges, a.k.a. Tee, loses her job and finds herself. Tee's evolution after her sudden and unexpected outplacement, is loosely based on the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, relinquishing, readjusting, and reinvesting. For Tee, losing her job is like a death, but with time, and some bumps, bruises and a new attitude, she comes out on the other side, having reassessed what's important in her life.
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Excellent story
- By Doris Greene on 04-11-24
By: Virginia DeBerry, and others
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So Close
- By: Emma McLaughlin
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Amanda Beth Luker has spent her whole life desperately looking for someone who can show her the way out of her trailer park Florida town. And then, finally, help arrives - in the form of Tom Davis, a successful lawyer with political aspirations who grew up just a few towns over from Amanda. But it's his wife, Lindsay, who really captures Amanda's imagination. Strong, smart, and determined, she gives Amanda something she's never had: a role model.
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I've never been so mad at a book before.
- By Stacie on 06-15-16
By: Emma McLaughlin
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Gutshot Straight
- By: Lou Berney
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini
- Length: 9 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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When Charles "Shake" Bouchon, professional wheel man, walks out of prison after a three-year stretch for grand theft auto, he's got only two problems: he's too nice a guy for the life he's led and not nice enough for any other. So he says yes when he's asked to run a simple errand for his former boss and lover, Alexandra Ilandryan, the formidable pakhan of the Armenian mob in Los Angeles.
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A whole lotta fun.
- By Richard Delman on 04-12-12
By: Lou Berney
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Sucker Bet
- By: James Swain
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 8 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Tony Valentine is a retired Atlantic City cop and a master hunter of casino cheats, or "grifters." He has the talent to spot cheats over a casino's surveillance cameras from the moment they come off the street and begin to take a part in the action. Valentine IDs his prey and moves in for the kill.
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Interesting and entertaining
- By James on 06-11-04
By: James Swain
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
What listeners say about Heads in Beds
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Mom3
- 01-11-19
Funny, light read!
Very enlightening, funny book! Really enjoyed this. He’s got a funny take on the business and while I won’t be saving hundreds at a hotel anytime soon, it was interesting to hear some tricks and tips to use for my next stays! Recommend for an easy read!
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- JACK
- 02-25-13
Hotels - The Real Story
What made the experience of listening to Heads in Beds the most enjoyable?
Its just darn funny.
What other book might you compare Heads in Beds to and why?
A behind the scenes look.
Which character – as performed by Jacob Tomsky – was your favorite?
Tommy - the writer and narrator
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
I have done many of the things observed in the book. So embarrassing.
Any additional comments?
A fun read
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- Samuel
- 01-11-15
From one hotelier to another.
Jacob Tomsky nails this book on the head when it comes to the day to day hustle of hospitality. I laughed and shook my head the whole time.
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- TV Lover
- 02-12-13
What I should have expected
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
Not a whole lot of surprises in the hotel business. There are a few tips on things you can do to improve your stay at a hotel, mostly, tip the hell out of everyone. And some obvious reasons not to piss off people who work at hotels. There was a story that tied it all together, but it was pretty redundant and not that interesting.
How would you have changed the story to make it more enjoyable?
Not sure a non-fiction book about working in the hotel industry could be made to seem much better
Have you listened to any of Jacob Tomsky’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
None.
Did Heads in Beds inspire you to do anything?
Tip more at hotels - although I'm not sure it helps. I think that the people this book will likely help more than anyone will be hotel employees who may get a few more tips from readers who buy into any truth to the book.
Any additional comments?
Kind of a dissappointment. If you read the articles written about this book, you pretty much got all the inside tips you are going to get.
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- Illini House
- 12-22-17
I'll never view another Hotel stay the same!
Really enjoyed listening to this book! Narrated by the author really gave it a personal and authentic touch. Highly recommended!
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- MJoyceD
- 07-20-15
Great Road trip audiobook
The narration is so fun, and it kept us laughing and awake for a very long road trip.
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- PA Person
- 06-21-19
Hope The Author Is Still In Anger Management!
I enjoyed the first three quarters of the book until the author turned into a complainer and began to rationalize every poor decision he made. The tips he gave on how to navigate a luxury hotel are interesting. The stories about his hotel coworkers were good. His narration was excellent - especially when he read the words spoken by some of his friends.
The book fell apart when the author began to feel entitled to do whatever he pleased simply because he had worked at one place for a long time and felt that he could do no wrong. In his mind, he had a reason for every reaction he had to a hotel guest. Most of his reasons were because he was grumpy, or tired, or sick of the job. This only makes him sound like a spoiled child.
In the appendix he lists things hotel guests should never say. The list is ridiculous because it was made by him, using only his lens for viewing the world, and applies only to hotel guests in the queue at his desk. Don't call him by name simply because he's wearing a name tag? This is America in the 21st Century and every service person wears a name tag. NOT using a person's name when addressing him/her is rude because it reduces that service person to an object or a robot, rather than a person. The author would do well to either vet his lists with others and gain feedback on his precepts, or to label it correctly as, "Things Never to Say to Jacob Tomsky".
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- Andrew R Clay
- 03-09-16
Useful but prolix
Somewhat sophomoric, however very useful view of how a hotel functions from a mostly front desk perspective. Optimally you would read just the first half and the appendix as the last half seems to be, although at times entertaining, really verbose and mostly filler.
The fact that it is read by the author, Who does a good job, is also a plus.
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- E
- 07-17-19
Stunningly fun to listen to
I listen to maybe one non-fiction a year but the reviews were soooo good I got curious. This was terrific and the author/narrarator was icing on the cake. This guy needs to make this a PodCast. FN hilarious.
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- Elizabeth Ward
- 06-26-22
a fun easy listen
this book is so fun. I like how each chapter is a new role he takes on. the 'reminiscent New Orleans' chapter is my favorite for the loving description. he reads the whole book well. originally I got this book when I was in the hotel industry, but now that I'm not it's just an enjoyable listen with tips I still recommend to people.
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