
Andrea Vernon and the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection
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Narrated by:
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Bahni Turpin
About this listen
Think superheroes are tough? Try having one for a boss, or co-worker. That’s the predicament Andrea Vernon finds herself in as the heroine of Alexander C. Kane’s debut audiobook. Drowning in debt, and forced to move back into her parents’ Queens apartment, Andrea starts looking for a job. Luckily for her, she finds herself recruited—well, really kidnapped—by the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection (C.U.P.), an organization that deploys superheroes. Suddenly Andrea must contend with co-workers who can shoot lightning from their fingertips, face the imminent destruction of humanity, and juggle a fledgling romance with a giant lumberjack. It’s all in a day’s work for the would-be novelist turned superstar secretary.
Audible Hall of Fame narrator Bahni Turpin is perfectly cast as a normal person finding herself in abnormal circumstances. Turpin brings to life an entire cast of quirky characters, along with their heroically funny antics in the cubicle next door. If you’ve ever wondered what a genetically altered rhinoceros sounds like, or needed to take a break from your own office drudgery, this is the comedy for you.
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Our favorite moments from Andrea Vernon

About the Creator

About the Performer
Bahni Turpin is a Los Angeles-based actress with many television and film credits in addition to being an award winning narrator. She is honored to have been awarded an Audie for Best Female Narrator, 2015, Audible Narrator of the Year, 2016, and American Library Association’s Voice of Choice for 2017. In 2018, Bahni won best female narration again, and was also inducted into the Audible Hall of Fame. She is a two-time Odyssey Award winner, and was also named as one of Audiophile's Golden Voices for 2019.
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Story
It’s the $10 million heist you’ve never heard of. In a matter of months, dozens of truckloads disappeared from American highways. But what were they carrying? Nuts. Marc Fennell takes you into a rabbit hole of crime syndicates, stolen identities and private investigators that will change the way you think about food forever. Eighty per cent of the world’s almonds are grown in the heart of California, but this journey will take you to Italy, the Spanish coast, deep under the earth and even into space.
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Could have been interesting if...
- By M Ren on 06-09-20
By: Marc Fennell
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Inside Jobs
- Tales from a Time of Quarantine
- By: Ben H. Winters
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Kevin T. Collins, Ellen Archer
- Length: 2 hrs and 32 mins
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Three offbeat stories of crime and conundrum, set in the present moment, from the New York Times best-selling, Edgar Award-winning author of Underground Airlines and The Last Policeman.
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Modern fun.
- By Jesse on 05-02-20
By: Ben H. Winters
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Tin Man
- Galaxy's Edge, Book 0.5
- By: Jason Anspach, Nick Cole
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In the wilds of a jungle planet, the Legion fights in brutal combat as Republic marines fly their SLICS from one tragedy to the next. H292, a repurposed warbot, shows the heart of a hero as he wades into the battle not to destroy - but to save.
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So cool
- By Chris on 02-01-20
By: Jason Anspach, and others
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Exit Interview with My Grandmother
- On 76th Between Columbus and Amsterdam, a Ninety-Two Year Old Woman Is Reading Sally Rooney
- By: Lily Meyersohn
- Narrated by: Lily Meyersohn
- Length: 2 hrs and 35 mins
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At once profoundly personal and far-reaching, Exit Interview with My Grandmother serves as a meditation on the beginning of a young woman’s life and the series of questions that arise from examining love, loss, family, memory, and death. Moving between cities and centuries, Meyersohn probes her family's Jewish history and her grandparents' relationships in part to decipher her own young queer relationships, but also to examine how we ought to behave in the face of a world riddled with uncertainty and doubt.
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blaaaaah.
- By Annie on 05-03-20
By: Lily Meyersohn
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How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps
- By: Andrew Rowe
- Narrated by: Suzy Jackson, Steve West
- Length: 5 hrs and 28 mins
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For thousands of years, there has been a cycle: a Demon King rises and conquers, and a Hero is reborn a hundred years later to defeat him. Each time, civilizations are ground to dust beneath the Demon King's hordes, but humanity has remained secure in the belief that a Hero of legend will always save them. There's just one slight problem. It's only been 23 years since the Demon King's latest rise, and this time, he's already conquered more than half the world. If humanity simply waits for the Hero's return, there may be no world left for him to save.
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Lisa Simpson explains how she leveled up
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 05-07-20
By: Andrew Rowe
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Killer by Nature
- An Audible Original Drama
- By: Jan Smith
- Narrated by: Angela Griffin, Robert James-Collier, Katherine Kelly, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
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What’s in a label? Are we the product of our upbringing or do we have a natural propensity towards good or evil? The eternal question of nature vs nurture is at the centre of Dr Diane Buckley’s world. A talented freelance forensic psychologist who has never quite found the key to engaging with people on a casual level, she is drafted in to examine a grisly murder – a body found in a children’s playground.
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Deleted it halfway through...
- By JS on 02-04-19
By: Jan Smith
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Herbie
- By: Rich Cohen
- Narrated by: Rich Cohen
- Length: 2 hrs and 7 mins
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Every life reaches that crucial intersection, the place where you must choose your fate, or have it chosen for you. For best-selling author Rich Cohen (The Fish That Ate the Whale, The Last Pirate of New York), it came in a writing workshop senior year in college, when, at 17, he had to knuckle under to a ruthless professor or make a righteous, self-defeating stand.
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Foul Language Warning
- By In SLC on 06-14-20
By: Rich Cohen
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Silverswift
- By: Natalie Lloyd
- Narrated by: Holly Palance, Imani Parks
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
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On a dark, wintry day, Eliza Grey receives a mysterious letter from her ailing Nana Mora begging her to come for a visit. This is an easy "Yes". Eliza has always preferred Nana Mora's beach cottage on St. Simons Island to the apartment she and her mom call home in the city. The island is a magical place where stories and legends grow as thick as the Spanish moss dangling in the trees. Now, Nana Mora's eyesight is fading, and there's something she wants to show Eliza before it’s totally gone: a mythical place locals refer to as Sirens Harbor.
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Like the movie Big Fish, but with mermaids
- By Daydree on 07-04-20
By: Natalie Lloyd
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#1 in Customer Service
- The Complete Adventures of Tom Stranger
- By: Larry Correia
- Narrated by: Adam Baldwin, Larry Correia
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
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Whether he’s underwriting for an overlord, or wearing a pocket protector in a pocket universe, Tom Stranger has just one policy: providing Quality Customer Service. No alien menace is too menacing, no galactic rift too rifty for the multiverse’s most-trusted Interdimensional Insurance Agent in these three brand-new adventures and two classic escapades.
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First half good
- By Ben Koch on 01-07-20
By: Larry Correia
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Once More upon a Time
- A Novella
- By: Roshani Chokshi
- Narrated by: Rebecca Gibel, Shiromi Arserio, Vikas Adam
- Length: 3 hrs and 26 mins
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Once upon a time, there was a king and queen in a land called Love's Keep who once loved one another, but alas, no more. Without love, they were doomed to be ousted from their kingdom at the end of a year and a day. A year and a day passed. This is where their story starts. Imelda and Ambrose can't remember why they got married. A year and a day ago, Ambrose consulted a witch, trading their love to save Imelda's life - and they've been stuck with one another ever since.
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Fairy tales of magic apples and horse cloaks
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 06-07-20
By: Roshani Chokshi
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Life Ever After
- By: Carla Grauls
- Narrated by: Raúl Castillo, Nana Mensah, Piper Goodeve
- Length: 1 hr and 28 mins
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Tech City: Society is obsessed with relentless progress and the possibility of eternal life. A woman and a man meet in waiting room, anticipating a procedure that will incorporate the latest science and technology into their minds and bodies, heightening their awareness and increasing their productivity. Years pass, their relationship deepens and fades, and they grow increasingly uncertain where the AI stops and where they begin. A romantic drama exploring the potentiality of transhumanism, Life Ever After is a rich listening experience that is at once naturalistic and poetic.
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Couldn't finish
- By Chad on 01-19-20
By: Carla Grauls
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Sovereign
- By: Jeff Hirsch
- Narrated by: Jesse Einstein
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Micah Cole has been in deep space for three years while his parents chase their obsession with finding intelligence to the far corners of the universe, but Micah dreams of the friends he left behind and counts the days until they return home. When a devastating meteor shower nearly destroys their ship, Micah is separated from his family and stranded on Sovereign, a vast planet of raging rivers, towering forests, and deadly creatures. If Micah ever wants to see his family or his home again, he’ll have to learn to how to survive on a hostile alien world, all alone.
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Exploring strange new worlds
- By Kingsley on 02-01-19
By: Jeff Hirsch
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Press Pause
- A Young Person's Guide to Managing Life's Challenges
- By: Catherine Siphron
- Narrated by: Catherine Siphron
- Length: 2 hrs and 3 mins
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There is a reason guided meditations are so popular in audio - it’s because they really work. Press Pause, brings the guided mindfulness meditation experience in audio to young people. Guided meditations offer many benefits, including the ability to create peace of mind, reduce stress and anxiety, enhance self-awareness, and promote emotional health. In Press Pause, wellness expert Catherine Siphron offers six meditations that address the realities of being a young person in today’s world.
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Calm in the storm
- By Amy M. Buckner on 09-06-19
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The Man on the Mountaintop
- An Audible Original Drama
- By: Susan Trott, Libby Spurrier - adaptor
- Narrated by: Stanley Tucci, Toby Jones, Clare Corbett, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
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The Man on the Mountaintop tells the story of Holy Man Joe, an ageing and unassuming man who lives in a hermitage on top of a mountain. During the summer months, thousands of hopefuls line the path leading to his door, seeking his wisdom. From bombastic, wealthy nobles intent on cheating their way to the top to drunkards who gradually build the physical and mental strength they need to quit their addiction, The Man on the Mountaintop is a rousing tale full of humour, wit and life lessons.
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Great listen!
- By LisaMarie on 01-29-18
By: Susan Trott, and others
Enjoyable and hilarious
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Andrea Vernon is perennially broke, an oft-unemployed European Studies/English double major (minor in Psychology) who has wasted most of her twenties trying to finish her historical retelling of Chancellor Metternich's love life -- while toying with the idea of moving to Haiti to do noble work that will be "celebrated for generations". Or maybe she could do both?
In a moment of aimless desperation she fills out an online job application. The job is Administrative Assistant; the requirements of which are typing skills and the ability to never ask questions. Moments after she hits "send", she is propelled into the world of the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection (CUP) run by the no-nonsense Ms. Persephone Oh.
By the way, the Southern Ms Oh is never without a homespun quip, like, "The U.S. government, bless its heart, couldn't run a candy store in Hungry Town." If Kane ever publishes a collection of her quotes on running a business, I would buy it in a heartbeat.
Kane describes the office world perfectly, that is, if your daily cubicle adventures included managing super hero teams who are on contract to take care of the world's dark forces, such as "invading aliens, crazed millionaires bent on world domination, and mutant armies."
Sure, this is Andrea's story, but it's also the story of every CUP employee on the profit-sharing plan: from super heroes obsessed with their matching 401K contributions, to staffers in mundane departments like Customer Service, Sales & Operations, and Human Resources. All of them try to get out of their CUPnet training sessions (think Salesforce) and sexual harassment awareness workshops just like the rest of us.
Everything is a joy: all the super hero monikers, the character backstories, the schemes of each super hero management company competing for contracts, the lingo of invading aliens... all of it is amazingly fun and lighthearted... and it just sounds so true to human nature that you can't help but laugh out loud.
Bahni Turpin is now my favorite narrator. She does an outstanding job capturing every personality, handling male and female voices perfectly and performing every accent from multiple "New Yawk" -isms to the mythical Pharoah County, Georgia twang of Ms Oh.
If you love humor and science fiction and have sat through more than one Marvel Comic movie, you won't be disappointed in this book.
The love child of Douglas Adams and Stan Lee!
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If your a ninth grader you'll just love it
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Would you listen to Andrea Vernon and the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection again? Why?
Absolutely. The writing and the performance of this book will surely draw me in again. I hope the author and the narrator collaborate more in the future.What did you like best about this story?
The variance of super heroes, their names, and back stories. I don't even like super heroes and I loved this book. Inspector Well Actually..., Kitchen Sink (KITCHEN SINK WILL FIGHT!), Crabbie, and the sexual awakened Rhino were my favorites.What about Bahni Turpin’s performance did you like?
Her range was incredible. Narrators can make or break titles and I can't think of one criticism for her performance. She knocked it out of the park with all of her voicing - from Georgia twang to Aliens to Brooklyn. She could voice a full cast book on her own. She was amazing!Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
The whole book was a great ride. I loved everything from super hero sexual harassment training to the finale.Any additional comments?
Love how it's adult in nature without resorting to swearing on any page. Not that I have anything against swearing, I just feel the author was able to carry a mature story that's accessible to a wider audience without throwing in language that would turn off some.My favorite audiobook this year (and maybe ever)
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the narrator Bahni was fantastic; she fit the character very well and voiced all the other characters superbly. I wish more audible books would employ female narrators instead of resorting to male narrators I hope to listen to more books narrated by Bahni.
Watchmen meets Mad Men.
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A fun read. A great narrator.
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Not as good as the reviews said
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30 Rock meets X-Men
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The plot was interesting enough to have me listen to the end.
Good for a laugh
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Awesome
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