How Now, Butterfly? Audiobook By Charity Lee, Brian Whitney cover art

How Now, Butterfly?

A Memoir of Murder, Survival, and Transformation

 Preview
LIMITED TIME OFFER

3 months free
Try for $0.00
Offer ends July 31, 2025 at 11:59PM PT.
Pick 1 audiobook a month from our unmatched collection.
Listen all you want to thousands of included audiobooks, Originals, and podcasts.
Access exclusive sales and deals.
Premium Plus auto-renews for $14.95/mo after 3 months. Cancel anytime.

How Now, Butterfly?

By: Charity Lee, Brian Whitney
Narrated by: Larissa Peterson
Try for $0.00

$0.00/mo. after 3 months. Offer ends July 31, 2025 at 11:59PM PT. Cancel anytime.

Buy for $24.95

Buy for $24.95

Confirm purchase
Pay using card ending in
Switch payment method
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use, License, and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.
Cancel

Losing a young daughter to murder is the worst nightmare that a mother could possibly imagine, but what if the killer was her son? Charity Lee was thrust into this unimaginable situation when her 13-year-old son, Paris, murdered her beloved four-year-old daughter, Ella.

Charity goes through intense grief at the loss of her daughter, while at the same time trying to understand why her son would have done something as horrific as this, and how she could have missed the signs that Paris was a true psychopath.

While barely holding herself together throughout her intense grief, Charity is still a mother and feels a need to advocate for her son to receive appropriate treatment while incarcerated, while at the same time trying to ensure he stays in prison so he can never hurt someone again. Charity still loves her son and craves a connection with him despite all he has done. Because of her experiences, she rebuilds her life and starts a non-profit to help other families of victims, as well as offenders.

This book is a meditation on grief, loss, and forgiveness unlike any other. It's also an inspirational story of a true survivor. Well-written and haunting How Now, Butterfly? is a book that no listener will soon forget.

©2020 Charity Lee (P)2020 WildBlue Press Grief & Loss Personal Development Grief Memoir
Engaging Narrative • Raw Emotions • Well-written Memoir
Highly rated for:
All stars
Most relevant  
I know a lot of people don’t care for this book because of the style it’s written in (Charity’s journal entries) but I did not mind that at all. This is her raw emotions/thoughts written in a private journal and shared with us. This was overwhelming at some points and I had to take breaks. She’s sharing her life journey and trying to help others and I think it’s amazing. Rest In Peace Ella. 🕊️

A Heartbreaking But Important Listen

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I felt that the honesty on here was refreshing. No sugar coating here. I feel for what this mother has gone through and I can understand how hard it is to have unconditional love for a child that has done harm. As I am a mother of 4 children. With that being said. I was really engaged through the whole book and, thought it was well written.

Brutal honesty!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.

I couldn't stop listening to this book from beginning to end. Absolutely inspiring! My heart aches for Charity!

Amazing!

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
How could a Mother come to terms with grieving the loss of her young daughters life while also grieving the loss of young sons life.. her daughters murderer. Only a Mother that has had to come to those terms can answer that. Charity exposes raw emotions and truths as she tries to make sense of why her son murdered his sister. You can feel her every emotion deep in your being. The questions that have no real answers, only why? The heartbreak is enormous as she discusses Bella's death and how she had to cope to get herself through it... wondering if she is betraying Bella if she continues to love and support Paris. The internal conflict she battled and overcame in her efforts to heal, transform and go on to help other people is simply amazing. She advocates for her sons mental health and has maintained support and a relationship with him despite knowing what he has done was mean't to hurt her. She speaks openly of her fear of Paris now and forever. Charity also now has a beautiful son she named Phoenix. She also talks openly about Paris' relationship with him. A woman, a daughter and a Mother who shows exceptional courage and faith during the most horrific event of her life. Purple Butterflies.. fly free and in peace sweet baby! Thank you for sharing your journey Charity.. you are a true inspiration!

Amazing, heartbreaking, and impossible to put down

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
very well written book, the pain she has to go through is unspeakable I would say this is a must read/hear

no mother should have to go through this

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I loved it! Thank you Charity Lee for this memoir and creating the ELLA foundation.

A mother's strength and love prevail

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I hadn’t heard about this case before, but I saw Charity being interviewed on YouTube and I decided to give this book a chance. It’s a hard book to listen to in that it speaks in gut wrenching, heartbreakingly raw details about the cold, cruel murder of a four year old child. Charity is, unfortunately the mother of the victim as well as the mother of the killer, which makes things even more horrific for her. Based on her journals this book gives a realistic look at one woman’s struggles to take something unimaginably horrible and make it somehow meaningful. I’m glad I read it.

Charity Lee is the Real Deal

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Absolutely terrible book. I cannot believe I got through the entire miserable experience of listening to it. All Charity does is idealize her daughter and place herself in the victim role, when in reality, she created a monster (Paris). She was a neglectful mother to Paris and created all that hate in him. The fact that she had had another son is awful- all she will do with him is create another monster. Charity and Kyla are truly evil and toxic. If you want to hear a monster throw a pity party for herself, this is the book for you. If not, don’t bother wasting your time on this one.

Terrible Book

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I will start by saying that I am truly sorry that this family went through this horribly traumatic event. I feel like I need to write this, as my dissatisfaction with the book may seem like I am lacking compassion.

However interesting the events of this story may be, so far, the book is one long journal entry of which Charity idealizes the child lost, demonizes the child incarcerated, and victimizes herself. I’m maybe 1/3 through the book and I’m not sure if I will be able to finish it.
There is little information about either child as individual humans, but lots of how her son did this just to hurt Charity. She seems utterly uninterested in what her role could have been. So far she hasn’t acknowledged how she favored her daughter, once her son was born, how it might have been a mistake to take him out of treatment (taken from the documentary), or talk about behavior prior to the murder…other than the frog incident.
And quite honestly, I can’t for the life of me, understand what made this woman think that her readers would care to know about her drunken, sexual escapades with a 22 year old. I want to know how the genius child convinced the babysitter to go home. I want to know if he only had behavioral problems after his sister was born. I’m curious about her alcoholic ex husband’s interactions with Paris. I want to know what her son’s truth is. Charity complained that all her son did was think about himself…as a 13 year old boy, that’s is partly normal (definitely not excusing his behavior). However, this whole book is completely focused on Charity and her belief that this was done to her. She’s 34.

Finally, her journal entries seem inauthentic and at times untrue. The experience she describes about going out for the first time…her so appropriate response, and “integrity” in place.

She explains that she’s medicated, not eating, not sleeping, going to the funeral home to lay with her daughter’s body, yet she has the mental capacity to think about her integrity? It doesn’t make sense.

Very disappointing

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
This is one of the worst books I’ve ever tried to listen to on Audible. Its ten hours long and I returned it after hearing 2 of them.
Charity Lee is a narcissistic asshole who can’t see herself in any light other than victim. Even if her son hadn’t killed her daughter I’d call her a bad mother.

*trigger warning: sexual assault mention*






The exaggeration in this book is egregious and I don’t even believe these are real journal entries. Id put money on the fact that she wrote the book as a hindsight diary. She won’t admit there were any signs leading up to what her son ended up doing (murdering his 4 year old sister, possibly sexually assaulting her- there was semen present). How is that possible? Or did she miss them because she was on another bender? GTFOH.
I had the return this to Jeff Bezos after she said he pulled a knife on two babies (tells this story after saying there were no signs 15 different times over several chapters) and had to go to a childrens mental institution. She REMOVES HIM FROM THE TREATMENT CENTER AND STATES IN THE BOOK NOONE WARNED HER HE COULD BE DANGEROUS AND NO ONE TRIED TO STOP HER!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????!!!!!!!! She is a LIIIAAAARRRRRR and as big a psycho as her son. If that were even remotely true the lawyer she got for her son DAYS AFTER MURDERING HER DAUGHTER would’ve had their ass.
She’s a liar. She’s inconsistent. The book is full of lies. I returned it and highly recommend no one a waste their money or credit. Watch the documentary “The Life I Had” for free on Internet Movie DataBase if you’re super curious about this case like I was. Watch *anything* that doesn’t require her version of events to tell the story.
By the way, from that doc you’ll also learn she’s had a third child AND LETS HER MURDERER SON TALK TO HER NEW TODDLER ON THE PHONE FROM PRISON.
Byeeeee thanks for reading

The narrator was great, the book I was not.

Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
See more reviews