I Regret Nothing
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Jen Lancaster
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By:
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Jen Lancaster
About this listen
The New York Times best seller.
New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...
Sure Jen has made mistakes. She spent all her money from a high-paying job on shoes, clothes, and spa treatments. She then carried a Prada bag to the unemployment office. She wrote a whole memoir about dieting...but didn’t lose weight. She embarked on a quest for cultural enlightenment that only cemented her love for John Hughes movies and Kraft American Singles. She tried to embrace everything Martha Stewart, while living with a menagerie of rescue cats and dogs. (Glitter...everywhere).
Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another.
After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day, even if that means having her tattoo removed at one hundred times the cost of putting it on.
From attempting a juice cleanse to studying Italian, from learning to ride a bike to starting a new business, and from sampling pasta in Rome to training for a 5K, Jen is turning a mid-life crisis into a mid-life opportunity, sharing her sometimes bumpy - but always hilarious - attempts to better her life...again.
©2015 Jen Lancaster (P)2015 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
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No real ending
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In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
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Lack of transparency
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self absorbed
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Welcome to the United States of Anxiety
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Overall
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Performance
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-
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Not relatable
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Jeneration X
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- By: Jen Lancaster
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Performance
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Story
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No real ending
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By: Jen Lancaster
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Overall
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Lack of transparency
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By: Britney Spears
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Such a Pretty Fat
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To whom the fat rolls...I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. And I hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter.
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Hilarious Commentary on Weight Loss!
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Pretty in Plaid
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In Pretty in Plaid, Jen Lancaster reveals how she developed the hubris that perpetually gets her into trouble. Using fashion icons of her youth to tell her hilarious and insightful stories, readers will meet the girl she used to be. Jen Lancaster was a badge-hungry Junior Girl Scout with a knack for extortion, an aspiring sorority girl who didn't know her Coach from her Louis Vuitton, and a budding executive who found herself bewildered by her first encounter with a fax machine.
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She Always Makes Me Laugh
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My Fair Lazy
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Readers and listeners have followed Jen Lancaster through job loss, sucky city living, weight loss attempts, and 1980s nostalgia. Now Jen chronicles her efforts to achieve cultural enlightenment, with some hilarious missteps and genuine moments of inspiration along the way. And she does so by any means necessary: reading canonical literature, viewing classic films, attending the opera, researching artisan cheeses, and even enrolling in etiquette classes to improve her social graces.
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Disappointing ... Both Narration and Story
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Leslie F*cking Jones
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Story
Hey you guys, it’s Leslie. I’m excited to share my story with you. Now, I’m gonna be honest: Some of the details might be vague because a b*tch is fifty-five and she’s smoked a ton of weed. But while bits might be a touch hazy, I can promise you the underlying truth is REAL.
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she's the f*cking BEST
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By: Leslie Jones, and others
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The Best of Enemies
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Bridesmaids meets Big Little Lies in a novel told from the alternating perspectives of two women who define the term frenemies - from New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster. Jacqueline Jordan knows conflict. A fearless journalist, she’s spent the past decade embedded in the world’s hot spots, writing about the fall of nations and the rise of despots. But if you were to inquire about who topped Jack’s enemy list, she’d not hesitate to answer: Kitty Carricoe.
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Unexpected pleasure with engaging dialgoue
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By the Numbers
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Overall
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Performance
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Actuary Penny Sinclair has a head for business, and she always makes rational decisions. Knowing that 60 percent of spouses cheat and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, she wasn't too surprised when her husband had an affair. (That he did so with a woman their daughter's age? Well, that part did sting a bit.) She just made sure she got everything in the divorce, including their lovely old Victorian house. And as soon as her younger daughter has her hipster-fabulous wedding in the backyard, she's trading it in for a condo in downtown Chicago....
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Narrator is bland, slow. Story is good.
- By Dogs & Horses on 07-10-16
By: Jen Lancaster
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Sure, I'll Join Your Cult
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Maria Bamford is a comedian’s comedian (an outsider among outsiders) and has forever fought to find a place to belong. From struggling with an eating disorder as a child of the 1980s, to navigating a career in the arts (and medical debt and psychiatric institutionalization), she has tried just about every method possible to not only be a part of the world, but to want to be a part of it. In Bamford’s “trademark blend of disarming intimacy and dark whimsy” (Publishers Weekly), Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult brings us on a quest to participate in something.
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Hilarious and sincere
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If You Were Here
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The fiction debut of the New York Times best-selling author of My Fair Lazy. Told in the uproariously entertaining voice readers have come to expect from Jen Lancaster, If You Were Here follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) through the alternately frustrating, exciting, terrifying - but always funny - process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John hughes's movies made famous.
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A Jen Lancaster disappointment
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By: Jen Lancaster
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Broken (in the Best Possible Way)
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As Jenny Lawson’s hundreds of thousands of fans know, she suffers from depression. In Broken (in the Best Possible Way), Jenny brings listeners along on her mental and physical health journey, offering heartbreaking and hilarious anecdotes along the way. With people experiencing anxiety and depression now more than ever, Jenny humanizes what we all face in an all-too-real way, reassuring us that we’re not alone and making us laugh while doing it.
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The perfect follow up
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By: Jenny Lawson
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Just Another Missing Person
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Overall
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Twenty-two-year-old Olivia has been missing for one day…and counting. She was last seen on CCTV, entering a dead-end alley. And not coming back out again. Julia, the detective heading up the search for Olivia, thinks she knows what to expect. A desperate family, a ticking clock, and long hours away from her husband and daughter. But she has no idea just how close to home this case is going to get.
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LOVED!
- By Stefanie Jensen on 03-01-24
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Quietly Hostile
- Essays
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Samantha Irby’s career has taken her to new heights. She dodges calls from Hollywood and flop sweats on the red carpet at premieres (well, one premiere). But nothing is ever as it seems online, where she can crop out all the ugly parts. Irby got a lot of weird emails about Carrie Bradshaw, and not only is there diarrhea to avoid, but now—anaphylactic shock. She is turned away from restaurants for being inappropriately dressed and looks for the best ways to cope, i.e., reveling in the offerings of QVC and adopting a deranged pandemic dog.
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Extremely disappointed
- By Diana in Michigan on 07-20-23
By: Samantha Irby
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Bossypants
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Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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Tina Fey broke my new SUV
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Critic reviews
One of Popsugar's Best Books of 2015!
"Hilarious.... Lancaster tackles everything from getting a tattoo removed to running a 5K.... No complaints here." (InStyle)
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- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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More!
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By: Paula Poundstone
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Everything Is Awful
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- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
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By: Matt Bellassai
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Hot Mess
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- Narrated by: Amanda Ronconi
- Length: 13 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Twenty-something Allie Simon is used to playing by the rules - until Chicago's most sought-after, up-and-coming culinary genius, Benji Zane, walks into her world and pulls her into his. The only thing more renowned than Benji's mouthwatering masterpieces and equally luscious good looks? His struggle with addiction and his reckless tendency to live life on the edge, no matter the havoc he wreaks along the way. But loving someone means supporting him no matter what, or so Allie tells herself.
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Just finished...
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By: Emily Belden
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Agorafabulous!
- Dispatches From My Bedroom
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- Narrated by: Sara Benincasa
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
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One of the funniest and most poignant books ever written about a mental illness, Agorafabulous! is a hilarious, raw, and unforgettable account of how a terrified young woman, literally trapped by her own imagination, evolved into a (relatively) high-functioning professional smartass. Down to earth and seriously funny, Benincasa's no-holds-barred revelations offer listeners the politically incorrect hilarity they heartily crave, yet is so often missing from your typical, weepy, and redemptive personal memoir.
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More Fun than a Good Cry in a Bathroom Stall
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By: Sara Benincasa
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
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By: Bonnie McFarlane
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Gummi Bears Should Not Be Organic
- And Other Opinions I Can't Back Up with Facts
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- Narrated by: Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
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You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
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It Takes Two
- Our Story
- By: Jonathan Scott, Drew Scott
- Narrated by: Drew Scott, Jonathan Scott
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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It Takes Two: Our Story shares never-before-revealed tales of the Scott brothers' childhood and rise to fame - from starting their first business at seven years old and their years modeling and acting to their first house purchase at the impressive young age of 18. They soon found their true passion in life, combining their natural gifts for entertaining with the skills they learned from buying, renovating, and selling homes.
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Not Worth the Time or $2.95
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By: Jonathan Scott, and others
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Cooking as Fast as I Can
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In Cooking as Fast as I Can, Cat Cora reveals, for the first time, coming-of-age experiences from early childhood sexual abuse to the realities of life as a lesbian in the Deep South. She shares how she found her passion in the kitchen and went on to attend the prestigious Culinary Institute of America and apprentice under Michelin-star chefs in France. After her big break as a cohost on the Food Network's Melting Pot, Cat broke barriers by becoming the first-ever female Iron Chef.
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Great listen for a chef
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Why I Hate Green Beans
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If there is one thing Lincee Ray has learned over the years, it's that the majority of women on the planet struggle with insecurities. Our skinny jeans mock us. Our just-trying-to-help mothers are just driving us crazy. Our social media feeds taunt us with everyone else's picture-perfect lives. It's enough to send you on a gummy-bear bender while binge-watching Friends reruns and not showering for a week. Lincee knows. She's been there. Right there, in fact. Gummy bears and all.
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Perfect in every way!
- By Anonymous User on 10-19-22
By: Lincee Ray
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May We Be Forgiven
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- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
By: Dan Bucatinsky
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Property
- Stories Between Two Novellas
- By: Lionel Shriver
- Narrated by: Lionel Shriver
- Length: 14 hrs and 10 mins
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A striking new collection of ten short stories and two novellas that explores the idea of property in every meaning of the word, from the acclaimed New York Times best-selling author of the National Book Award finalist So Much for That and the international best seller We Need to Talk About Kevin.
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Painful and drawn out
- By JR on 06-27-18
By: Lionel Shriver
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Schadenfreude, a Love Story
- Me, the Germans, and 20 Years of Attempted Transformations, Unfortunate Miscommunications, and Humiliating Situations That Only They Have Words For
- By: Rebecca Schuman
- Narrated by: Christa Lewis
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
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Schadenfreude is the story of a teenage Jewish intellectual who falls in love - in love with a boy (who breaks her heart), a language (that's nearly impossible to master), a culture (that's nihilistic but punctual), and a landscape (that's breathtaking when there's not a wall in the way). Rebecca is an everyday, misunderstood '90s teenager with a passion for Pearl Jam and Ethan Hawke circa Reality Bites until two men walk into her high school civics class: Dylan Gellner and Franz Kafka, hitching a ride in Dylan's backpack.
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A humorous, delectable read
- By Amazon Customer on 07-13-17
By: Rebecca Schuman
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SO worth the credit! This book could save lives!
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To whom the fat rolls...I'm tired of books where a self-loathing heroine is teased to the point where she starves herself skinny in hopes of a fabulous new life. And I hate the message that women can't possibly be happy until we all fit into our skinny jeans. I don't find these stories uplifting; they make me want to hug these women and take them out for fizzy champagne drinks and cheesecake and explain to them that until they figure out their insides, their outsides don't matter.
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What listeners say about I Regret Nothing
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- MS Goddess
- 08-12-16
A loooong but funny story!
This was my first introduction to this author. While in the end I enjoyed the book, it took me some time to warm up to it and finish the book. The author during most times would go into explicit details about events which made the story longer than it needed to be. However, there were times when those details were so spot on, you could almost smell/taste it.
I would recommend this book for those looking for a good book to listen to while multitasking.
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- Rdhorton22
- 10-01-15
Everything you've come to expect from Jen!
What did you love best about I Regret Nothing?
I'm a huge Jen Lancaster fan, and "I Regret Nothing" did not disappoint. The first two memoirs will always be my favorite, but "I Regret Nothing" is probably third.
What about Jen Lancaster’s performance did you like?
There were a few points in the story where it stopped sounding like Jen reading her book to me, and started sounding like Jen telling me a story over coffee.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Not really. It's pretty easy to walk away from for a few days and come back to. But it's definitely a book you'll want to finish.
Any additional comments?
I really, really wanted more of those moments where I felt like Jen was telling me a story instead of reading me a book. This is the first time I've listened to one of Jen's books, and I'll probably read hard copies from here on out for that reason. But overall, this book did not disappoint, and had me laughing out loud a few times.
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Overall
- Julie Cohenour
- 05-07-15
Good, not the best
I love Jen's other memoirs. I would put this one way above Jeneration X. I have really loved all of her other memoirs, so I guess I'm only disappointed because it didn't live up to those. I still enjoyed it, and finished it in two days. She says "sidebar" way too much in this book. At first, I thought it was just going to be in the opening chapter, but it was constant sidebaring through the entire book.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Tara
- 07-10-15
I love Jen Lancaster
What made the experience of listening to I Regret Nothing the most enjoyable?
I love her humor. I just love how after all the books we feel so connected with her, her husband, and all her animals.
What did you like best about this story?
She really showed a different side of herself while discussing her facebook critics. Jen is someone I've always thought of as a bad ass. I was heartbroken for her when some lady was rude to her.
Have you listened to any of Jen Lancaster’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Like I said, it shows the down side of fame. I have listened to every one of Jen's books. This was really the first one she showed some of the down sides of being a writer.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
I loved the whole book. It's hard to read any of her books and not enjoy them.
Any additional comments?
With fame, always comes assholes Jen. We love you, and will always read anything you write. You deserve everything you have, and worked like a demon to get it. Never let horrible people take that away from you even for a second! I like you, lost everything in the 2008 bust, and have clawed up from nothing to better than I was (at least mentally) to where I am now. Head up, you're awesome, and you know it. :)
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2 people found this helpful
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- susan
- 05-15-15
I love Jen
Whether you love or hate her politics, you have to love Jen Lancaster's honesty and wit. I cannot think of a better way to spend my commute time.
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- Laura Johnson
- 11-07-20
Totally relateable
I devoured several of her books one after the other a few years ago and found her delightfully funny and sarcastic. This book was definitely not a disappointment. She is totally relatable. Even as an elder millennial I cackle laugh at her way of observing things. I like her stream of consciousness way of writing. When I read your book without audio it’s like I could hear your voice and when I heard you read this I was like yep that’s exactly the way I remember it. I also love that from “Bitter” to “Regret” your personal growth is amazing. From an overweight 34 year old Elder millennial, you speak to my hear and inspire me. Now I need to catch up and read the other books I missed.
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- SandyC
- 03-29-18
Humorous memoir
Nothing earth shattering here but typical of Jen Lancaster’s books-full of a slice of her life that is real situations as seen through the eye of a humorous. It feels like your best friend is traveling with you telling you stories that make you laugh. It’s like comfort food reading in between novels that wrought emotions or are terrible. This is like a fun vacation that helps you see your own situations differently and with humor. I really like this author. She’s just a cool chick. And it was fun to have her along as the narrator.
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- Amazon User
- 05-22-15
Loved it!
Another fabulous and funny memoir by Jen! A great listen and well worth the credit.
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- Allie Larkin
- 07-24-15
Wise, funny, smart, sweet, honest.
And also extremely entertaining. I loved listening to I Regret Nothing, and I'm sorry to see it end.
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1 person found this helpful
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- KV
- 04-22-22
Funny and inspiring
Many laugh out loud moments. The book is relatable, funny, and at times even inspiring and thought provoking.
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