Never Have I Ever
My Life (So Far) Without a Date
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Narrated by:
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Sarah Franco
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By:
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Katie Heaney
About this listen
"I've been single for my entire life. Not one boyfriend. Not one short-term dating situation. Not one person with whom I regularly hung out and kissed on the face." So begins Katie Heaney's memoir of her years spent looking for love, but never quite finding it. By age 25, equipped with a college degree, a load of friends, and a happy family life, she still has never had a boyfriend...and she's barely even been on a second date.
Throughout this laugh-out-loud funny book, you will meet Katie's loyal group of girlfriends, including flirtatious and outgoing Rylee, the wild child to Katie's shrinking violet, as well as a whole roster of Katie's ill-fated crushes. And you will get to know Katie herself - a smart, modern heroine relaying truths about everything from the subtleties of a Facebook message exchange to the fact that "Everybody who works in a coffee shop is at least a little bit hot." Funny, relatable, and inspiring, this is a memoir for anyone who has ever struggled to find love, but has also had a lot of fun in the process.
©2014 Katie Heaney (P)2014 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Laugh Out Loud with an A+ Narrator
- By Chocolate Chip Stamper on 10-24-12
By: Tommy Greenwald
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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The Secret Side of Empty
- By: Maria E. Andreu
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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What's it like to be undocumented? High school senior M.T. knows all too well. With graduation and an uncertain future looming, she must figure out how to grow up in the only country she's ever called home... a country in which she's "illegal". M.T. was born in Argentina and brought to America as a baby without any official papers. And as questions of college, work, and the future arise, M.T. will have to decide what exactly she wants for herself, knowing someone she loves will unavoidably pay the price for it.
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Heavy topics handled well but just fell short 4 me
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-30-17
By: Maria E. Andreu
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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My Awesome-Awful Popularity Plan
- By: Seth Rudetsky
- Narrated by: Seth Rudetsky, Andrea Burns, Paul Castree, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Justin has two goals for sophomore year: to date Chuck, the hottest boy in school, and to become the king of Cool U, the table in the cafeteria where the "in" crowd sits. Unfortunately, he has the wrong look (short, plump, Brillo-pad curls), he has the wrong interests (Broadway, chorus violin), and he has the wrong friends (Spencer, into Eastern religions, and Mary Ann, who doesn't shave her armpits). And Chuck? Well, he's not gay; he's dating Becky, a girl in chorus with whom Justin is friendly.
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Outstanding
- By matt on 04-28-12
By: Seth Rudetsky
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants?
- By: Sarah Colonna
- Narrated by: Sarah Colonna
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants? is a laugh-out-loud trip around America (and Mexico!) with Sarah as she braves crying in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos, and single-shaming resorts. From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart - not to mention your pants.
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clearance shelf material
- By lisa martinez on 04-28-15
By: Sarah Colonna
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Geography Club
- By: Brent Hartinger
- Narrated by: Josh Hurley
- Length: 5 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Russel Middlebrook is convinced he's the only gay kid at Goodkind High School. Then his online gay chat buddy turns out to be none other than Kevin, the popular but closeted star of the school's baseball team. Soon Russel meets other gay students, too. There's his best friend Min, who reveals that she is bisexual, and her soccer-playing girlfriend Terese. Then there's Terese's politically active friend, Ike. But how can kids this diverse get together without drawing attention to themselves?
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Great narration and timely topic
- By mindnbody on 03-01-14
By: Brent Hartinger
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32 Candles
- A Novel
- By: Ernessa T. Carter
- Narrated by: Adenrele Ojo
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Davie—an ugly duckling growing up in small-town Mississippi—is positive her life couldn’t be any worse. She has the meanest mother in the South, possibly the world, and on top of that, she’s pretty sure she’s ugly. Just when she’s resigned herself to her fate, she sees a movie that will change her life— Sixteen Candles. But in her case, life doesn’t imitate art.
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2 High Fives - for Monkey Night
- By Nevada on 10-03-12
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Schadenfreude, a Love Story
- Me, the Germans, and 20 Years of Attempted Transformations, Unfortunate Miscommunications, and Humiliating Situations That Only They Have Words For
- By: Rebecca Schuman
- Narrated by: Christa Lewis
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Schadenfreude is the story of a teenage Jewish intellectual who falls in love - in love with a boy (who breaks her heart), a language (that's nearly impossible to master), a culture (that's nihilistic but punctual), and a landscape (that's breathtaking when there's not a wall in the way). Rebecca is an everyday, misunderstood '90s teenager with a passion for Pearl Jam and Ethan Hawke circa Reality Bites until two men walk into her high school civics class: Dylan Gellner and Franz Kafka, hitching a ride in Dylan's backpack.
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A humorous, delectable read
- By Amazon Customer on 07-13-17
By: Rebecca Schuman
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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Saving Francesca
- By: Melina Marchetta
- Narrated by: Rebecca Macauley
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Francesca is at the beginning of her second term in Year 11 at an all boy's school that has just started accepting girls. She still misses her old friends, and, to make things worse, her mother has had a breakdown and can barely move from her bed.
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4.5 Stars!
- By Trosado on 08-24-20
By: Melina Marchetta
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Exit, Pursued by a Bear
- By: E. K. Johnston
- Narrated by: Jorjeana Marie
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Hermione Winters is captain of her cheerleading team, and in tiny Palermo Heights, this doesn't mean what you think it means. At PHHS, the cheerleaders don't cheer for the sports teams; they are the sports team - the pride and joy of a tiny town. The team's summer training camp is Hermione's last and marks the beginning of the end of...she's not sure what. She does know this season could make her a legend. But during a camp party, someone slips something in her drink. And it all goes black.
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An interesting change in a YA novel
- By Jackson Theofore Keys on 04-05-16
By: E. K. Johnston
What listeners say about Never Have I Ever
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Monet K. St Louis
- 02-06-14
BUT SHE HAS DATED!
Would you try another book from Katie Heaney and/or Sarah Franco?
this whole book was a LIE! i was imagining a 20-something who has never been on a date, never kissed a guy, etc. but NOOOO . she is just a girl that has made out with a number of guys, had several boys interested in her, and she scared them away with her ANOYING-NESS
Would you ever listen to anything by Katie Heaney again?
nope.
How could the performance have been better?
everything was over pronounced - i felt like i was listening to a dictionary reader.
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7 people found this helpful
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- kim
- 01-19-14
Great book but narration was hard to listen to
If you could sum up Never Have I Ever in three words, what would they be?
honest, humorous, self deprecating
What did you like best about this story?
the stories were raw
How did the narrator detract from the book?
so much! i just listened to mindy kalings book that she read herself and was hoping for something similar here but the narrator's voice was just so incredibly hard to listen to, i would recommend others just buy the book
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1 person found this helpful
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- Rebecca Livaudais
- 03-17-14
Curious and engaging
What made the experience of listening to Never Have I Ever the most enjoyable?
It was an entertaining, funny insight into the life and mind of the author
What was one of the most memorable moments of Never Have I Ever?
Loved her description of what middle school is like.
How could the performance have been better?
I wish that the narration would have been less choppy. I looked past the narration because I enjoyed the story. I'm afraid the narration will cause some to stop listening because they can't get past the odd cadence.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
It made be laugh. I'm impressed with the author's candor and willingness to share even, what she feels are the most embarrassing moments of her life
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1 person found this helpful
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- suzanne
- 04-15-15
Funnier and funnier
Her stories about online dating made me laugh out loud in public (having been through the experience myself recently). I thought the narrator was great - a perfect characterization of the author.
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- Raeanne
- 06-08-15
Hilarious and relatable
The story is fantastic and great for people who don't have a lot of luck romantically. Only complaint is that the narrator makes weird inflections that makes her sound robotic.
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- ashley
- 03-07-14
Genuinely Hilarious, Heartfelt, and Awesome
Where does Never Have I Ever rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
Pretty high up. The performance and the writing are so funny and perfect.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Never Have I Ever?
Katie describing her Dream Phone and Online Dating experiences. I laughed and laughed.
What about Sarah Franco’s performance did you like?
She really delivers the funny parts well.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
Awkward has a new face.
Any additional comments?
This book is really like you're catching up with one of your good friends you haven't talked to in a while. Katie's writing is so relatable and real; you can't not love Never Have I Ever.
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1 person found this helpful