Once upon a Time, Bitches
Design Your Fairytale Life, Control Your Destiny, and Become the Hero in Your Story
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Narrated by:
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Branden LaNette
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By:
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Branden LaNette
About this listen
Hi, I’m Branden. That is me on the cover. Yes, I have a boy’s name, a mom bod, and the tattoos are not photoshopped.
Once upon a time, I realized we all have a story, we all have a struggle, and happiness is relative. I am not cynical or hardened, I am just stating the facts.
Here’s the deal:
- Prince Charming doesn’t exist.
- Fairy godmother is drunk.
- Glass slippers don't come with two-day Prime shipping from Amazon.
There is no magic fairy tale, but if you work at it enough, you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happy ending. The best part is, in life, you can continue to make edits until that shit reads exactly how you want it to.
You may not agree with everything I say in this book, but the most important takeaway is that you have to be your own f--king hero. No more damsel locked in a tower, bullshit. That ends now.
Join me as I take you through my seven magical maxims for creating a fairy tale life. I know what you are thinking: Branden, no one gets a fairy tale life. Can you stop being so damn cynical for two seconds and just go with this?
Is it possible to design a fairy tale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? I believe you can, and that’s why, I wrote this book. I am going to make you a little uncomfortable. Back out now, if you aren't ready.
Shit is about to get real bitches...
Now, scroll up, hit the "buy now" button, pour a glass of wine, and start listening!
©2019 Branden LaNette (P)2019 Branden LaNetteListeners also enjoyed...
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Great Info, Poor Performance
- By Kris McPeak on 04-23-18
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I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck
- An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life
- By: John Kim
- Narrated by: John Kim
- Length: 5 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, Kim delivers the dos and don’ts for stepping up and into manhood, which he defines by transparency and strength of character, not six-pack abs or a corner office. With his signature no-nonsense approach that will make you laugh and think, Kim takes you on a rugged, rough-and-tumble road trip of self-exploration and discovery, sharing his wisdom and insights.
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Some wisdom, some common knowledge.
- By Rick on 02-21-19
By: John Kim
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Letters to a Young Sister
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Winner of two NAACP awards for his writing, bestselling author Hill Harper is an acclaimed actor known for his role on CSI: NY. A Brown University and Harvard Law School alum, Harper is also a passionate public servant. In this book he offers comforting advice for today's youth through his own wisdom as well as that of such luminaries as Michelle Obama and Angela Bassett.
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Keep writing young brother.
- By Charles Henderson on 03-02-10
By: Harper Hill
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Mastering Your Mean Girl
- The No-BS Guide to Silencing Your Inner Critic and Becoming Wildly Wealthy, Fabulously Healthy, and Bursting with Love
- By: Melissa Ambrosini
- Narrated by: Melissa Ambrosini
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready to live your dream life? You know that sneaky voice inside your head telling you that you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, whatever enough? That's your Mean Girl. And she's doing her best to keep you stuck in Fear Town, too scared to go after the life you always imagined. But enough's enough! Melissa Ambrosini has made a life beyond her wildest dreams, all by mastering her Mean Girl, busting through limiting beliefs and karate-chopping through the fears that held her hostage for years.
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Sadly, couldn't even get through the first half...
- By shannon on 07-19-16
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Gratitude and Trust
- Six Affirmations That Will Change Your Life
- By: Paul Williams, Tracey Jackson
- Narrated by: Paul Williams, Tracey Jackson
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Paul Williams is an alcoholic. Tracey Jackson is not. But together, these two close friends have written Gratitude and Trust, a book designed to apply the principles of the recovery movement to the countless people who are not addicts but nevertheless need effective help with their difficulties and pain. Williams, the award-winning songwriter, actor, and performer, has embraced a traditional alcoholism recovery plan for more than two decades of sobriety.
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Just what I needed!
- By Cheryl on 02-18-15
By: Paul Williams, and others
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How to Be Fine
- What We Learned by Living by the Rules of 50 Self-Help Books
- By: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Narrated by: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In each episode of their podcast By the Book, Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer take a deep dive into a different self-help book, following its specific instructions, rules, and advice to the letter. From diet and productivity to decorating to social interactions, they try it all, record themselves along the way, then share what they’ve learned with their devoted and growing audience of fans who tune in.
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Disappointed
- By doughswan on 10-23-20
By: Jolenta Greenberg, and others
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Slay Like a Mother
- How to Destroy What's Holding You Back So You Can Live the Life You Want
- By: Katherine Wintsch
- Narrated by: Katherine Wintsch
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In this emotionally charged how-to guide, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll discover eye-opening lessons about: The mask you're wearing. The one you hide behind when you say everything is "just fine" when it's not. Your unrealistic expectations. The goal-setting tactics you're deploying to get ahead could be what's holding you back. The difference between struggling and suffering. Being a mother is a struggle - it always has been - but your suffering is optional.
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Great for dads too!
- By Earl Cox on 06-20-19
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The Dark Side of the Light Chasers
- By: Debbie Ford
- Narrated by: Debbie Ford
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Debbie Ford explains that the dark side of our personality should not be hidden. By denying our dark side, we reject aspects of our true natures rather than giving ourselves the freedom to live authentically. Here she shows that it is possible to acknowledge and accept our so-called weaknesses, proving that these qualities may be hidden strengths. Full of illuminating stories and practical exercises, Debbie Ford shows us how to reconcile our darker impulses and find the gifts they offer.
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Great book and I would combine it with others
- By Jes_074 on 05-01-17
By: Debbie Ford
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Seven Deadly Sins
- Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.
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Glad I didn't read this before buying concert tix
- By S. Adams on 07-23-19
By: Corey Taylor
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Bad Advice
- How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit
- By: Dr. Venus Nicolino
- Narrated by: Dr. Venus Nicolino
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In Bad Advice, relationship expert Dr. Venus Nicolino - aka Dr. V - takes a blowtorch to the shrink-wrapped “feel good” BS that passes for self-help these days. Smart and irreverent, Dr. V fuses the brains and insight of a nerdy PhD with the heart of a doting Italian mother and the artful profanity of a Philly trucker. Dr. V’s signature combination of humor, hard science, and heart make Bad Advice an iconoclastic course correction like no other. Bad Advice is a fiercely sharp wake-up call that tackles some of self-help’s most damaging truisms.
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Not my cup of tea.
- By ocean22 on 05-18-19
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Everything Happens for a Reason
- Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives
- By: Mira Kirshenbaum
- Narrated by: Kitty Hendrix
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In each of our lives we are faced with events that seem inexplicable, unjust, even cruel - events that can shatter our perception of the world, our understanding of ourselves, and our faith in a higher power. Friends and family members often offer comfort with "Everything happens for a reason" - a simple, common phrase with an unbearably elusive meaning. In Everything Happens for a Reason, psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum helps us understand the principles behind this frequently used phrase and provides us with tools to grasp its true meaning.
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Excellent!!!! Listened to it 3X
- By TTR on 06-19-24
By: Mira Kirshenbaum
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Abundance Unleashed
- By: Christian Mickelsen
- Narrated by: Christian Mickelsen
- Length: 3 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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From a child on welfare to a self-made multimillionaire, CEO of Future Force, Inc., personal coach, and spiritual healer, Christian Mickelsen is on a mission to awaken humanity to the oceans of abundance of money, love, health, happiness, and success that lie within each of us. External forces such as society, the economy, and politics are nothing compared to the internal forces of our own fears, doubts, and limited thinking.
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One of the few "Self Help" books....
- By TheBests on 09-14-17
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Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting, Expanded Study Edition
- The Astonishing Power of Feelings
- By: Lynn Grabhorn
- Narrated by: Susan Hanfield
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Have you ever been so wrapped up in day-to-day life that you stop paying attention to how you're feeling? Something goes wrong, and you blame other people. The key to getting back on the right track is simple: Focus inward on what it would feel like to have it all go right. And it will. Lynn Grabhorn reveals how to invite the positive to you by focusing on what you want. She tells you that all it takes is a few bursts of pure intense concentration. Allow yourself to start believing in what you can accomplish instead of what you can't.
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Magical Thinking / Annoying Narration
- By Kate on 07-15-22
By: Lynn Grabhorn
What listeners say about Once upon a Time, Bitches
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ryan
- 04-28-21
Incredible everytime I read it!
This is a powerful book that I share with everyone joining my team! The book itself is incredible but to listening to Branden read the book really makes the book come alive.
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- Debbie L. Pilorget
- 01-01-21
Highly Recommend!
Ready for some real talk? Ready to get off your ass and DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE? Then this book is for you!
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- kimberly hess
- 01-16-20
You have the power!
Perfect read for a delayed flight. Happiness & joy - you have to make a choice.
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- Brandy Rayburn
- 12-05-19
Sit Down and Listen, WITH YOUR HEART
I couldn't put this audible down. I thought this would be my morning book for at least a week, but Branden's words were too good to put on pause. She has a compassion in her writing that I've never experienced. I could tell that every word, every inflection was intentional. She has a heart of gold and it shows in this book. Thank you Branden for sharing your story and inspiring me. The universe doesn't do things to us, it does things for us!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Carrie Gregory
- 05-24-20
a friend telling you what you need to hear
I've read the book but it's different to hear someone read it. it's like a good friend telling you what you need.
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- Leonard C Johnson II
- 03-17-22
What an Incredible and Powerful Woman!
I am blown away by the life experience, level of love, and openness of this author. What a real and very refreshing breathing breath of fresh air. This book gives me hope that there are beautiful and courageous women out there who aren’t fake and truly have a heart of GOLD. I’m actually in awe of how you could have gone through all of this and still have such an incredible attitude and seek to give more to humanity.
Thank you, Branden!
You are a RocKStar!
Leo
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- Connie Banks
- 01-19-20
great book
this is one of the most honest books I have listened to.
Love it from beginning to the end.
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- Rita
- 07-14-20
Too many F words
The book warned about strong language, so I knew about it. But oh boy there were just too many swearing to give this book 5 stars. A great story and loved it otherwise. Still the language was just too much, when almost every sentence has an F word in it.
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