
Outofshapeworthlessloser
A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out
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Narrated by:
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Gracie Gold
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By:
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Gracie Gold
About this listen
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A “piercing account” (The Wall Street Journal) of surviving as a young woman in a society that rewards appearances more than anything and demands perfection at all costs—especially if you’re an Olympic figure skater.
“A riveting memoir, which details her experience with an eating disorder, depression and her high-stakes career.”—People (Best Books to Read in February 2024)
When Gracie Gold stepped onto center stage (or ice, rather) as America’s sweetheart at the 2014 Sochi Olympics, she instantly became the face of America’s most beloved winter sport. Beautiful, blonde, Midwestern, and media-trained, she was suddenly being written up everywhere from The New Yorker to Teen Vogue to People and baking cookies with Taylor Swift.
But little did the public know what Gold was facing when the cameras were off, driven by the self-destructive voice inside that she calls “outofshapeworthlessloser.” In 2017, she entered treatment for what was publicly announced as an eating disorder and anxiety treatment but was, in reality, suicidal ideation. While Gold’s public star was rising, her private life was falling apart: Cracks within her family were widening, her bulimia was getting worse, and she became a survivor of sexual assault. The pressure of training for years with demanding coaches and growing up in a household that accepted nothing less than gold had finally taken its toll.
Now Gold reveals the exclusive and harrowing story of her struggles in and out of the pressure-packed world of elite figure skating: the battles with her family, her coaches, the powers-that-be at her federation, and her deteriorating mental health.
Outofshapeworthlessloser is not only a forceful reckoning from a world-class athlete but also an intimate memoir, told with unflinching honesty and stirring defiance.
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“Stunningly candid . . . The depth and breadth of the problems Gold reveals in the memoir stunned me. And the way she has been putting her life back together continues to impress.” —Phil Hersh
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Rose and Lily Winters are twins, as close as the bond implies; they feel each other’s emotions, taste what the other is feeling. Like most young women, they’ve struggled with their bodies and food since childhood, and high school finds them turning to food - or not - to battle the waves of insecurity and the yearning for popularity. But their connection can be as destructive as it is supportive, a yin to yang. When Rose stops eating, Lily starts - consuming everything Rose won’t or can’t.
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nothing special
- By Drine on 10-11-20
By: Diana Clarke
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On Top of Glass
- My Stories as a Queer Girl in Figure Skating
- By: Karina Manta
- Narrated by: Karina Manta
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Karina Manta has had a busy few years: Not only did she capture the hearts of many with her fan-favorite performance at the US Figure Skating Championships, she also became the first female figure skater on Team USA to come out as queer. Her Modern-Love essay "I Can't Hate My Body if I Love Hers" was published in The New York Times, and then she joined the circus - Cirque du Soleil's on-ice show, AXEL. Karina's memoir covers these experiences and much more.
By: Karina Manta
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thinandbeautiful.com
- By: Liane Shaw
- Narrated by: Miranda Millar
- Length: 6 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Seventeen-year-old Maddie has always felt a hole in her life, but she has finally found a way to fill it with her quest to mold her body into her ideal, thinnest shape. When she comes across the world of “thinspiration” websites, where young people encourage each other in their mission to lose weight, she quickly becomes addicted. Finally, she has found a place where she is understood and where she can belong.
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actually written by an anorexic
- By Dorain Shmlorian on 02-28-24
By: Liane Shaw
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Off Balance
- A Memoir
- By: Dominique Moceanu, Paul Williams, Teri Williams
- Narrated by: Dominique Moceanu
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In this searing and riveting New York Times best seller, Olympic gold medalist Dominique Moceanu reveals the dark underbelly of Olympic gymnastics, the true price of success…and the shocking secret about her past and her family that she only learned years later.
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Heartbreaking and inspiring
- By Leslie on 04-22-16
By: Dominique Moceanu, and others
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Alone
- The Triumph and Tragedy of John Curry
- By: Bill Jones
- Narrated by: Graeme Malcolm
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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One winter's night in 1976, over 20 million people in Britain watched John Curry skate to Olympic glory on an ice rink in Austria. Many millions more watched around the world. Overnight he became one of the most famous men on the planet. He was awarded the OBE. He was chosen as BBC Sports Personality of the Year. Curry had changed ice skating from marginal sport to high art. And yet the man was - and would always remain - an absolute mystery to a world that had been dazzled by his gift.
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So typical of a genius - tragedy and mental illness seem to be a hallmark
- By Deb on 07-10-17
By: Bill Jones
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More than a Number
- By: Tia Souders
- Narrated by: Sarah Brands
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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My sophomore year changed everything. I dropped 40 pounds after a stint in fat camp. Prior to losing weight, most of my time was spent comparing myself to my twin sister and trying to hide my cankles. But losing weight made all things seem possible. Now I'm popular, vying for the hottest guy in school and competing for a prom queen nomination. Finally, I'm getting noticed, and it's all because I dropped the pounds.
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Skinny vs fat
- By Val on 05-28-20
By: Tia Souders
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Perfect
- By: Natasha Friend
- Narrated by: Danielle Ferland
- Length: 4 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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First-time novelist Natasha Friend is a writer with a talent for realistically expressing the fears and uncertainties of today’s adolescents in a good story. Perfect has received the Milkweed Prize for Children’s Literature and is a Book Sense "Winter Picks" selection. This is the moving story of a young girl who develops a dangerous eating disorder while dealing with intense grief.
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passable time passer
- By Merzinator on 09-26-23
By: Natasha Friend
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The Definition of Beautiful
- A Memoir
- By: Charlotte Bellows
- Narrated by: Charlotte Bellows
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Charlotte Bellows wrote The Definition of Beautiful between the ages of 15 and 17, in the wake of lockdown and in recovery from anorexia. In the tradition of Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar and Françoise Sagan in Bonjour Tristesse, Bellows writes with deceptively straightforward urgency, pushing through society's constraints on the bodies and minds of girls and women to offer a story both achingly familiar and devastatingly new.
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Honest, beautiful body of work
- By Andrea Harrington on 10-08-24
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Skinny
- By: lbi Kaslik
- Narrated by: Veronica Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you ever get hungry? Too hungry to eat? Holly's older sister, Giselle, is self-destructing. Haunted by her love-deprived relationship with her late father, this once strong role model and medical student, is gripped by anorexia. Holly, a track star, struggles to keep her own life in balance while coping with the mental and physical deterioration of her beloved sister. Together, they can feel themselves slipping and are holding on for dear life.
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very nice
- By Anonymous User on 02-10-21
By: lbi Kaslik
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Wintergirls
- By: Laurie Halse Anderson
- Narrated by: Phoebe Strole
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Lia and Cassie are best friends, wintergirls frozen in fragile bodies, competitors in a deadly contest to see who can be the thinnest. But then Cassie suffers the ultimate loss - her life - and Lia is left behind, haunted by her friend's memory and racked with guilt for not being able to help save her.
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entertaining
- By Mora Barrientos on 11-03-19
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Finding the Edge
- My Life on the Ice
- By: Karen Chen, Natalie England
- Narrated by: Rachel L. Jacobs
- Length: 3 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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At 17, Karen Chen has already achieved what some girls can only dream of - and it's only the beginning for her. The daughter of Taiwanese immigrants, she began figure skating at five. Ten years and many grueling training sessions later, she won a bronze medal at the 2015 US Championships after sustaining a nearly career-ending ankle fracture a year earlier. In 2017, she became the US National Champion, winning gold twice and receiving the highest score ever recorded for the short program at the US National level.
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Love This Book!!!
- By JS5 on 07-08-24
By: Karen Chen, and others
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Empty
- A Memoir
- By: Susan Burton
- Narrated by: Susan Burton
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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For almost 30 years, Susan Burton hid her obsession with food and the secret life of compulsive eating and starving that dominated her adolescence. This is the relentlessly honest, fiercely intelligent story of living with both anorexia and binge-eating disorder, moving past her shame, and learning to tell her secret.
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Pick another book
- By A. I. Keller on 07-18-20
By: Susan Burton
What listeners say about Outofshapeworthlessloser
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- Eliza
- 02-08-24
Real, Raw, Honest, and Beautiful
The title of my review should speak for itself. Thank you Grace for the opportunity to get to know you and your beautiful journey in this world.
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- Anonymous User
- 02-14-24
Raw honesty
Really no words to describe the gift that GG has given the world. Thank you ❤️
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- Michael
- 02-11-24
A beautiful and brave story!
Moving and inspiring. A very candid and important story. I loved it. Definitely a must for skating fans but anyone would enjoy hearing about this tale of authenticity and loving yourself regardless of yourself.
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- Lauren
- 02-18-24
Best book I read all year
Thank goodness for this honesty. In a world of fake everything, this is exactly what I needed. I literally couldn’t stop reading it. Gave me lots of hope for our future.
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- Diana Roderick
- 02-13-24
The truthfulness and heart to tell her story.
Loved this memoir. It’s very important for people struggling with mental health. No matter what the sport or life situation.
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- Joe Siegel
- 02-10-24
wow
deep, dark, and refreshingly honest dive into not only the culture of figure skating but also mental health. truly a good listen
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- Sweeti2056
- 02-17-24
Striking and honest
Thank you for sharing your story! I could relate to much of your story. I laughed and cried.
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- julia colello
- 02-15-24
Honest and beautifully written
I grew up figure skating and Gracie Gold was my favorite skater to watch. This book was so open an honest not just about her experiences, but about the experiences we all face in the world of ice skating. So my of my lived experiences that I could never put into words, suddenly have a voice. Thank you for writing this amazing book Gracie, and keep doing the great you do on speaking out about mental health in sports and specifically skating.
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- jodiod
- 03-15-24
Extraordinary
Truly great memoir and narration. I’m a 60 yr old ex skater who went thru the mind game and eating disorder as well. Things are the same. The world has changed but not enough. But the act of skating is magical. Thank you Gracie. PS. I saw you at all the Nationals in San Jose.
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- JGomez
- 03-17-24
Favorite Memoir I’ve read!
I’m so proud of Gracie Gold for telling the world her story. I love and appreciate her so much more now. This is an amazing and honest memoir that fans of skating and beyond would benefit greatly from and enjoy.
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