
Scarred
The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult That Bound My Life
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Narrated by:
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Sarah Edmondson
About this listen
The shocking and subversive memoir of a 12-year-NXIVM-member-turned-whistleblower, and her inspiring true story of abuse, escape, and redemption.
"Master, would you brand me? It would be an honor."
Scarred follows actress Sarah Edmondson's account of her recruitment into the NXIVM cult, founded by Keith Raniere. It narrates in detail the 12 years she spent within the organization, during which she enrolled over 2,000 members, chronicling her breaking point and her harrowing fight to get out, help others, and heal.
- Complete with personal photographs, this tell-all follows Sarah from the moment she takes her first NXIVM seminar, to the invitation she accepts from her best friend, Lauren Salzman, into DOS - a "secret sisterhood" within the cult - to her journey toward becoming a key witness in the federal case against its founders.
- Listeners will learn how cults like NXIVM get started, why people get involved (and stay), and the importance of whistleblowers who bring light to illegal and unethical practices.
- Sarah Edmondson is a Canadian actress and playwright who has starred in the CBS series Salvation and more than 12 films for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. She is featured in the CBC podcast Uncover: Escaping NXIVM and The Vow, the upcoming HBO documentary series on NXIVM.
Scarred isn't just about NXIVM. It is also a story about abuses of power, the role female friendships play in cults, and how sometimes the search to be "better" can override everything else.
- A thrilling listen for fans of true crime and cults, as well as listeners of podcasts like My Favorite Murder and Up and Vanished.
- Great for fans of Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology by Leah Remini, Escape by Carolyn Jessop, Beyond Belief by Jenna Miscavige Hill, and Bad Blood by John Carreyrou.
- Evokes questions about friendship, ethics, good, and evil, making it a perfect selection for book clubs.
Audio edition read by the author.
©2019 Sarah Edmondson and Kristine Gasbarre (P)2019 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Performance
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Trent Preszler thought he was living the life he always wanted, with a job at a winery and a seaside Long Island home, when he was called back to the life he left behind. After years of estrangement, his cancer-stricken father had invited him to South Dakota for Thanksgiving. It would be the last time he saw his father alive. Preszler’s only inheritance was a beat-up wooden toolbox that had belonged to his father, who was a cattle rancher, rodeo champion, and Vietnam War Bronze Star Medal recipient. This family heirloom befuddled Preszler.
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So good
- By Trevor Stanco on 04-28-21
By: Trent Preszler
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This Isn't Going to End Well
- The True Story of a Man I Thought I Knew
- By: Daniel Wallace
- Narrated by: Michael Crouch
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If we’re lucky, we all encounter at least one person whose life elevates and inspires our own. For acclaimed novelist Daniel Wallace, he had one hero and inspiration for so much of what followed: his longtime friend and brother-in-law William Nealy. Seemingly perfect, impossibly cool, William was James Dean, Clint Eastwood, and MacGyver all rolled into one, an acclaimed outdoorsman, a famous cartoonist, an accomplished author, a master of all he undertook, William was the ideal that Daniel sought to emulate.
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Lovely, Deep Hearted True Story
- By DebS on 06-24-23
By: Daniel Wallace
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Still Learning
- A Memoir
- By: India Oxenberg
- Narrated by: India Oxenberg
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Still Learning is India Oxenberg’s intimate, first-person account of how she was lured into and, seven years later, escaped from the NXIVM cult, DOS. As the secret sorority within NXIVM's vast Ponzi network, DOS was created by Keith Raniere and his acolytes to serve as a source of "slaves" to Keith and the other “masters”. Despite the fantastical headlines, the focus of Still Learning reflects what many parents and age peers of India’s will recognize as a far more familiar 20-something conundrum - a new adult trying to discover who she is.
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The best book on Nxivm so far
- By rebekah s. on 11-04-20
By: India Oxenberg
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Out Cold
- A Chilling Descent into the Macabre, Controversial, Lifesaving History of Hypothermia
- By: Phil Jaekl
- Narrated by: Matt Kugler
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In Out Cold, science writer Phil Jaekl chronicles the underappreciated story of human innovation with cold, from Ancient Egypt, where it was used to treat skin irritations, to 18th-century London, where scientists used it in their first explorations of suspended animation. Throughout history, physicians have used cold to innovate life extension, enable distant space missions, and explore consciousness.
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layers of "wows"
- By michele and david on 01-03-25
By: Phil Jaekl
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The Dictatorship of Woke Capital
- How Political Correctness Captured Big Business
- By: Stephen R. Soukup
- Narrated by: Bob Souer
- Length: 6 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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For the better part of a century, the left has been waging a slow, methodical battle for control of the institutions of Western civilization. This book provides a comprehensive overview of the problem and the players involved, both on the aggressive, hard-charging left and in the nascent conservative resistance. Soukup explains what the left is doing and how and why the right must be prepared and willing to fight back to save this critical aspect of American culture from becoming another, more economically powerful version of the “woke” college campus.
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A Must Listen (Read)
- By Trial Time Expired on 05-22-21
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Captive
- A Mother's Crusade to Save Her Daughter from a Terrifying Cult
- By: Catherine Oxenberg, Natasha Stoynoff
- Narrated by: Catherine Oxenberg
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In 2011, Catherine joined her daughter, India, at a leadership seminar for a new organization called NXIVM. Her 20-year-old daughter was on the threshold of building a new company, and they both thought this program might help her achieve her dream. But quickly, Catherine saw a sinister side to what appeared to be a self-help organization designed to help its clients become the best versions of themselves. Catherine watched in horror as her daughter fell further and further down the rabbit hole, becoming brainwashed by the organization’s charismatic leader.
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Not as good as a I hoped....
- By Fallon Martin on 11-12-19
By: Catherine Oxenberg, and others
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Long Illness
- A Practical Guide to Surviving, Healing, and Thriving
- By: Meghan Jobson MD PhD, Juliet Morgan MD
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Drs. Meghan Jobson and Juliet Morgan specialize in treating long illness; from their work on the frontlines with long COVID, they know that all long illnesses shares many of the same hallmarks. Using evidence-based integrative medicine, they have put together a program that legitimizes long illness and validates concerns where other physicians often dismiss them. In Long Illness, you’ll find an unparalleled, holistic approach to healing.
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The most singularly amazing & helpful book!
- By view on 04-09-24
By: Meghan Jobson MD PhD, and others
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The Ghost Forest
- Racists, Radicals, and Real Estate in the California Redwoods
- By: Greg King
- Narrated by: Galen Osier
- Length: 17 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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In this gripping historical memoir, journalist and famed redwood activist Greg King examines how investors and a growing U.S. economy drove the timber industry to cut down all but 4 percent of the original two-million-acre redwood ecosystem. King first examined redwood logging in the 1980s—as an award-winning reporter. What he found in the woods convinced him to leap the line of neutrality and become an activist dedicated to saving the very last ancient redwood groves remaining in private hands.
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How the world’s most magnificent forest was destroyed!
- By John on 09-06-23
By: Greg King
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Hell's Princess
- The Mystery of Belle Gunness, Butcher of Men
- By: Harold Schechter
- Narrated by: Malcolm Hillgartner
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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In the pantheon of serial killers, Belle Gunness stands alone. She was the rarest of female psychopaths, a woman who engaged in wholesale slaughter, partly out of greed but mostly for the sheer joy of it. Between 1902 and 1908, she lured a succession of unsuspecting victims to her Indiana “murder farm". Some were hired hands. Others were well-to-do bachelors. All of them vanished without a trace.
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Can a book about a serial killer be entertaining?
- By Lori Hanson on 05-08-18
By: Harold Schechter
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Schopenhauer's Porcupines
- Intimacy and Its Dilemmas: Five Stories of Psychotherapy
- By: Deborah Anna Luepnitz
- Narrated by: Deborah Anna Luepnitz
- Length: 8 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Each generation of therapists can boast of only a few writers like Deborah Luepnitz, whose sympathy and wit shine in her fine, luminous prose. In Schopenhauer's Porcupines, she recounts five true stories from her practice, stories of patients who range from the super-rich to the destitute, who grapple with panic attacks, psychosomatic illness, marital despair, and sexual recklessness. Intimate, original, and triumphantly funny, Schopenhauer's Porcupines goes further than any other book in illuminating "how talking helps".
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Poignant listen
- By Robert B. Davis on 08-23-21
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The Power of the Downstate
- Recharge Your Life Using Your Body's Own Restorative Systems
- By: Sara C. Mednick PhD
- Narrated by: Sara C. Mednick PhD
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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If you’re like most people, the relentless daily grind of go-go-go, do-do-do, can run down your energy and deplete your resources. While most of us find our lives full of “Upstate” moments that rev up our stress engines, it doesn’t have to be this way. World-renowned sleep researcher Sara C. Mednick, PhD, shows us how we can access the most replenishing and repairing aspects of sleep through activities and moments that happen during our day by diving into our “Downstate”.
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Game Changer
- By MES on 01-22-23
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Start by Believing
- Larry Nassar's Crimes, the Institutions that Enabled Him, and the Brave Women Who Stopped a Monster
- By: John Barr, Dan Murphy
- Narrated by: John Barr, Dan Murphy, Chloe Cannon
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, osteopathic physician Larry Nassar built a sterling reputation as the go-to doctor for America's Olympians while treating countless others at his office on Michigan State University's campus. It was largely within the high-pressure world of competitive gymnastics that Nassar exploited young girls, sexually assaulting hundreds of them under the guise of medical treatment. In Start by Believing, John Barr and Dan Murphy confront Nassar's acts, which represent the largest sex abuse scandal to impact the sporting world.
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Pronunciation Matters
- By Sara K on 10-28-20
By: John Barr, and others
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Nowhere Girl
- A Memoir of a Fugitive Childhood
- By: Cheryl Diamond
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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By the time she was in her teens, Diamond had lived dozens of lives and lies, but as she grew older, love and trust turned to fear and violence, and her family—the only people she had in the world—began to unravel. She started to realize that her life itself might be a big con, and the people she loved, the most dangerous of all. With no way out and her identity burned so often that she had no proof she even existed, all that was left was a girl from nowhere.
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As Diamond said in an interview, “It is a horrific story at times, but also absolutely magical.”
- By Teela Klekotka on 02-11-23
By: Cheryl Diamond
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The Tender Bar
- A Memoir
- By: J. R. Moehringer
- Narrated by: Adam Grupper, Daniel Thomas May
- Length: 16 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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J.R. Moehringer grew up captivated by a voice. It was the voice of his father, a New York City disc jockey who vanished before J.R. spoke his first word. Sitting on the stoop, pressing an ear to the radio, J.R. would strain to hear in that plummy baritone the secrets of masculinity and identity. Though J.R.'s mother was his world, his rock, he craved something more, something faintly and hauntingly audible only in The Voice.
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I Love this Book
- By Corey on 07-30-21
By: J. R. Moehringer
What listeners say about Scarred
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- Victoria Eriksson
- 05-30-20
5 stars
Wonderful
I read this in the span of a single 24 hr period, couldn't put it down. For anyone who has been part of any sort of destructive cult, or thinks they are part of such a group, you should absolutely read this. It helps clarify exactly what qualifies, how to see red flags clearly.
I have already been healing for about 10 years from a destructive psychotherapy cult, but that made it a more meaningful experience because Sarah helped to usher in an era that involves more justice and understanding than existed in American society and law for people like us than existed when I was leaving my own destructive cult. And for the Keith Renieres of the world, the narcissistic sociopathic leaders of said groups, too.
Thank you
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- Anonymous User
- 07-09-21
Love! Love! Love!
Amazing book! Could not put it down and a must read!!!! Highly recommend this read!
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- Glenn Franco Simmons
- 09-03-21
Sarah, a hero
Your strength saved many, Sarah. May your stepmother's memory be a blessing. Pray for her, as she prays for you. Peace.
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- N. Profit
- 12-23-21
Beautiful & heartfelt
I’ve been saving this for some time. Today, I had the house to myself to clean before the holidays and listened to the WHOLE thing in one go. Sure this is a story about uncovering a destructive cult… but more importantly, this is an amazing journey of a brave, strong woman, reclaiming her life. I teared up at the introduction and all through the acknowledgements! I laughed and I cried. Thank you for sharing your story with the world, Sarah 💗
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- BLShu
- 02-14-23
Thank you for your story
Thank you so much for sharing this story, it was great to learn more specifics of your journey outside of The Vow.
Great performance!
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- Carolina
- 06-19-24
Must read/listen
Sarah’s personal story allows people to learn about the quiet threat of groups like nxivm that hide in plain sight all over the world. This is the beginning of what I hope is a cultural shift toward cult/coercive and high control group awareness
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- Jeffrey Dalziel
- 06-22-21
read by Sara herself!!!
what really amazed me was that Sara narrated her own book, which seems to be pretty rare. I usually struggle to finish books but this one was an exception. Captivating and extremely well told story. I recommend!
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- Candice C
- 07-16-21
Excellent read
Sarah’s voice reading it, takes you right there! I didn’t know much about NXIVM until the docu-series “the vow” came out. This book takes you right into Sarah’s journey in NXIVM. She breaks everything down in detail & gives an in depth look at how indoctrination into NXIVM began unknowingly. She takes you all the way up to the pivotal “lightbulb” moment she has & how she finally was able to break free. Though I knew some of her story, this book lays it all completely out.
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-01-21
Really Appreciate Sarah Edmondson for writing this book
I really enjoyed hearing Sarah’s portrayal of her side of the story of DOS and Nxvim. This story is heartbreaking, riveting and at times excruciating for most of the women on the inside. So i am so happy to hear Sarah push past the pain and embarrassment to be open and honest in order to help herself heal but also help other women get out and empower them to speak up
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- maryann wotton
- 02-27-20
Thank you Sarah for your courage!
Amazing story for any woman who has suffered the trauma of an abusive relationship. She details the slow-building manipulation of this LYING sociopath. As a former domestic violence counselor, I recommend this book HIGHLY for anyone leaving an abusive relationship. It may be triggering, but the author's candid recounting of her experiences will be validating with anyone who has been manipulated to this level. There is hope. You can leave, and you can have a better life. Predators of this type are the worst because they look for good, well-meaning people to exploit and control. You can't imagine anyone being so maniacal until it happens to you or someone you love.
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