Seriously...I'm Kidding
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Narrated by:
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Ellen DeGeneres
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By:
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Ellen DeGeneres
About this listen
With the winning, upbeat candor that has made her show on of the most popular and honored daytime shows on the air, beloved talk show host and comedian Ellen DeGeneres shares her views on life, love, and American Idol.
"I've experienced a whole lot the last few years and I have a lot to share. So I hope that you'll take a moment to sit back, relax and enjoy the words I've put together for you in this book. I think you'll find I've left no stone unturned, no door unopened, no window unbroken, no rug unvacuumed, no ivories untickled. What I'm saying is, let us begin, shall we?"
Seriously...I'm Kidding is a lively, hilarious, and often sweetly poignant look at the life of the much-loved entertainer as she opens up about her personal life, her talk show, and more.
Praise for Seriously...I'm Kidding
"DeGeneres's amiably oddball riffs on everything from kale to catwalks to Jesus will make fans smile." (People)
"Whatever the topic, DeGeneres's compulsively readable style will appeal to fans old and new." (Publishers Weekly)
"Fans will not be disappointed...[DeGeneres's] trademark wit and openness shine through and through." (Kirkus)
©2011 Ellen DeGeneres (P)2011 HachetteListeners also enjoyed...
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#IMomSoHard
- By: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Narrated by: Kristin Hensley, Jen Smedley
- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
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I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
By: Louie Anderson
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If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother
- By: Julia Sweeney
- Narrated by: Julia Sweeney
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Since her time on Saturday Night Live, where she created the infamous androgynous character "Pat", Julia Sweeney has gone on to establish herself as a witty, captivating performer of one-woman shows, like God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God. She gave a TED talk sharing how she explained the birds and the bees to her eight-year-old daughter, Mulan, which ignited an incredible response. Now, when it comes to talking about motherhood, people want to hear what Julia has to say.
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I Love Julia Sweeney
- By Lisa on 04-05-13
By: Julia Sweeney
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What Doesn't Kill You
- By: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Narrated by: Virginia DeBerry, Donna Grant
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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What Doesn't Kill You is the story of how Thomasina Hodges, a.k.a. Tee, loses her job and finds herself. Tee's evolution after her sudden and unexpected outplacement, is loosely based on the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, relinquishing, readjusting, and reinvesting. For Tee, losing her job is like a death, but with time, and some bumps, bruises and a new attitude, she comes out on the other side, having reassessed what's important in her life.
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Excellent story
- By Doris Greene on 04-11-24
By: Virginia DeBerry, and others
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Throw Out Fifty Things
- Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life
- By: Gail Blanke
- Narrated by: Gail Blanke
- Length: 3 hrs and 35 mins
- Abridged
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Throw Out Fifty Things is truly an eye-opener. According to Blanke, our lives are so filled with junk from the past—from dried up tubes of crazy glue to old grudges—that's it's a wonder we can get up in the morning, never mind go to work, care for our children and parents, and just put one foot in front of the other. Blanke wants to start a movement of people across America throwing out 50 things (magazines count as one!) that will help liberate us from the stuff—both physical and mental—that clutters our lives.
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So useful, listened to it a 2nd time right away.
- By Zeus on 02-02-10
By: Gail Blanke
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A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
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Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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The Funny Thing Is...
- By: Ellen DeGeneres
- Narrated by: Ellen DeGeneres
- Length: 3 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 best selling My Point...and I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this audiobook.
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starts out hilarious
- By Victoria on 11-12-03
By: Ellen DeGeneres
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The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
- By: Amy Schumer
- Narrated by: Amy Schumer
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh. Down to earth and relatable, frank and unapologetic, Amy Schumer is one of us: She relies on her sister for advice, still hangs out with her high school pals, and continues to navigate the ever-changing boundaries in love, work, and life.
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mind numbing
- By katrina on 09-17-16
By: Amy Schumer
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Girl Walks into a Bar...
- Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
- By: Rachel Dratch
- Narrated by: Rachel Dratch
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
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Flowing comedic reality
- By Steve on 05-01-12
By: Rachel Dratch
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Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
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Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Enough Already
- Learning to Love the Way I Am Today
- By: Valerie Bertinelli
- Narrated by: Valerie Bertinelli
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Behind the curtain of her happy on-screen persona, Valerie Bertinelli’s life has been no easy ride, especially when it comes to her own self-image and self-worth. She waged a war against herself for years, learning to equate her value to her appearance as a child star on One Day at a Time and punishing herself in order to fit into the unachievable Hollywood mold. She struggled to make her marriage to Eddie Van Halen—the true love of her life—work, despite all the rifts the rock-star lifestyle created between them.
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Added politics opinion not relevant to story. Wish I could get credit for. Did not chose this for a political opinion.
- By jaci o on 01-18-22
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The Funny Thing Is...
- By: Ellen DeGeneres
- Narrated by: Ellen DeGeneres
- Length: 3 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 best selling My Point...and I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this audiobook.
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starts out hilarious
- By Victoria on 11-12-03
By: Ellen DeGeneres
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The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
- By: Amy Schumer
- Narrated by: Amy Schumer
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh. Down to earth and relatable, frank and unapologetic, Amy Schumer is one of us: She relies on her sister for advice, still hangs out with her high school pals, and continues to navigate the ever-changing boundaries in love, work, and life.
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mind numbing
- By katrina on 09-17-16
By: Amy Schumer
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Girl Walks into a Bar...
- Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle
- By: Rachel Dratch
- Narrated by: Rachel Dratch
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
-
-
Flowing comedic reality
- By Steve on 05-01-12
By: Rachel Dratch
-
Bossypants
- By: Tina Fey
- Narrated by: Tina Fey
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Before Liz Lemon, before Weekend Update, before Sarah Palin, Tina Fey was just a young girl with a dream: A recurring stress dream that she was being chased through a local airport by her middle-school gym teacher. She also had a dream that one day she would be a comedian on TV. She has seen both these dreams come true. At last, Tina Fey's story can be told. From her youthful days as a vicious nerd to her tour of duty on Saturday Night Live. Tina Fey reveals all, and proves what we've always suspected: You're no one until someone calls you bossy.
-
-
Tina Fey broke my new SUV
- By Warren on 04-07-11
By: Tina Fey
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
-
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Enough Already
- Learning to Love the Way I Am Today
- By: Valerie Bertinelli
- Narrated by: Valerie Bertinelli
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Behind the curtain of her happy on-screen persona, Valerie Bertinelli’s life has been no easy ride, especially when it comes to her own self-image and self-worth. She waged a war against herself for years, learning to equate her value to her appearance as a child star on One Day at a Time and punishing herself in order to fit into the unachievable Hollywood mold. She struggled to make her marriage to Eddie Van Halen—the true love of her life—work, despite all the rifts the rock-star lifestyle created between them.
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Added politics opinion not relevant to story. Wish I could get credit for. Did not chose this for a political opinion.
- By jaci o on 01-18-22
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Dad Is Fat
- By: Jim Gaffigan
- Narrated by: Jim Gaffigan
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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In Dad is Fat, stand-up comedian Jim Gaffigan, who’s best known for his legendary riffs on Hot Pockets, bacon, manatees, and McDonald's, expresses all the joys and horrors of life with five young children - everything from cousins ("celebrities for little kids") to toddlers’ communication skills ("they always sound like they have traveled by horseback for hours to deliver important news"), to the eating habits of four-year-olds ("there is no difference between a four-year-old eating a taco and throwing a taco on the floor").
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Good for Gaffigan fans - better for expecting dads
- By Sean on 05-17-13
By: Jim Gaffigan
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Goldie
- A Lotus Grows in the Mud
- By: Goldie Hawn
- Narrated by: Goldie Hawn
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Goldie Hawn's life is an ongoing tableau of stories, and she has a born knack for telling them. In this candid and insightful book, Goldie invites us to join her in a look back at the people, places, and events that have touched her. It is the spiritual journey of a heart in search of enlightenment.
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This is no dumb blonde!
- By C. on 08-04-05
By: Goldie Hawn
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If You Ask Me
- (And of Course You Won't)
- By: Betty White
- Narrated by: Betty White
- Length: 2 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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It-girl Betty White delivers a hilarious, slyly profound take on love, life, celebrity, and everything in between. Drawing from a lifetime of lessons learned, seven-time Emmy winner Betty White's wit and wisdom take center stage as she tackles topics like friendship, romantic love, aging, television, fans, love for animals, and the brave new world of celebrity. If You Ask Me mixes her thoughtful observations with humorous stories from a seven- decade career in Hollywood. Longtime fans and new fans alike will relish Betty's candid take on everything....
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I'd ask Betty!
- By Lizz on 11-30-11
By: Betty White
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Little Ellen
- By: Ellen DeGeneres
- Narrated by: Barrie Kreinik
- Length: 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Before she was an award-winning actor and talk show host, Ellen DeGeneres was a little girl in New Orleans. Get to know Little Ellen and the wonderful world she sees in this book of friendship and groovy moves, perfect for kids with big imaginations and even bigger hearts! This joyful book promotes empathy and social-emotional learning, with an inclusive voice that encourages kids to be themselves.
By: Ellen DeGeneres
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Whiskey in a Teacup
- By: Reese Witherspoon
- Narrated by: Reese Witherspoon
- Length: 2 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Reese Witherspoon’s grandmother Dorothea always said a combination of beauty and strength made Southern women “whiskey in a teacup”. We may be delicate and ornamental on the outside, she said, but inside, we’re strong and fiery. Reese’s Southern heritage informs her whole life, and she loves sharing the joys of Southern living with practically everyone she meets. She takes the South wherever she goes with bluegrass, big holiday parties, and plenty of Dorothea’s fried chicken.
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Lighthearted... yet predictable and clichéd
- By Dr Puff on 10-31-18
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If You Would Have Told Me
- A Memoir
- By: John Stamos
- Narrated by: John Stamos
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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If you would have told a young John Stamos flipping burgers at his dad’s fast-food joint that one day he’d be a household name and that, at the height of his success, he’d be living alone, divorced, with no kids, high on a cocktail of forgetting, he might’ve asked, “You want fries with that?”
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Don't expect Uncle Jesse's autobiography...
- By Song4Ten on 10-24-23
By: John Stamos
What listeners say about Seriously...I'm Kidding
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- R. Strauss
- 12-19-11
Exactly what you would expect from Ellen
Where does Seriously...I'm Kidding rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
This book is light and funny and I couldn't really tell what the story was. Probably because she's a comedian and her point is to be entertaining. Not a serious book. It's perfect if you are looking for a light, easy, quick read that will make you smile.
What about Ellen DeGeneres’s performance did you like?
She's funny! She speaks funny and writes funny. When you get to hear both at once...it's even better!
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Rambling...
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35 people found this helpful
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- T
- 06-04-14
Very Entertaining!
Would you consider the audio edition of Seriously...I'm Kidding to be better than the print version?
Absolutely! Hearing Ellen narrate the book made it so much more entertaining and funny as she has such a unique personality.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Seriously...I'm Kidding?
I don't have a favorite. I liked that she covered so many topics.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
This book made me laugh out loud as I was driving down the road.
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12 people found this helpful
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- Brianna Brown
- 05-09-15
Hilarious, wonderful book!
I just love Ellen. She is warm and caring and so personable. Obviously she is hilariously witty and intelligent and effortlessly beautiful. But what really strikes me is that she is so personable and relatable, and really, truly cares about other people. This book had me laughing out loud so much that I had to replay the chapters several times before I actually heard everything, because I would laugh so hard I couldn't hear the rest of what she said. Highly recommended.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Shubnum
- 02-22-17
meh
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
I love Ellen--I watch her, I follow her on instagram--this book wasn't a book. It was a collection of rambings--like I was listening to Dory tell her life story.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jennifer Nelson
- 04-09-18
Seriously....I Paid For This?
So I really do like Ellen, she is funny and happy and easy to listen to. It is not a bad book. But it should be called, "A Book About Nothing" - and not cost any money to listen to. It is more like a radio show or a pod cast, that should be free. It is a whole book about random (TOTALLY random) musings about sometimes funny stuff. At one point she tells the reader, "I am now going to make funny noises" And she starts to make random, non-nonsensical, sing songy sounds. I thought the whole time how did she think that people should be actually pay hard earned money for this....?
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jessica Stambaugh
- 08-28-18
Amazing
Ellen is amazing her book has made my week so much better and was a feel good book can't wait for her next one
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- Cristi
- 10-29-11
.pdfs?
Great book...although she does mention .pdfs...and there were none attached. Love her book though!
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- Anna D.
- 04-15-18
Funny and uplifting
Classic Ellen comedy. I laughed out loud several times throughout the book. Love her humor.
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- techgirlgeek
- 04-22-16
So much fun
Ellen did an amazing job narrating her own book. I don't think it would have been the same in anyone else's voice.
Although she says almost everything with a dash (at least) of levity, she also has some great messages in this book.
Ellen really is an amazing, kind, strong, smart, and hilarious woman. I will be listening to her other books as well. This book really helped make my commutes and daily walks enjoyable.
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- Michael
- 10-11-15
Very random...
This book was almost too random at times, but I fit made me laugh a lot, which I figure is the point. It is sort of like small segments of her tv show in a book. There are some really good messages in here, funny moments, also some not as funny ones. Overall it was still enjoyable once I got a little use to the style.
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