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The Customer Is Always Wrong
An Unhinged Guide to Everything That Sucks About Work (from an Angry Retail Guy) - The Perfect Funny Christmas Gift for Retail, Service, or Office Workers
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Narrated by:
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Scott Seiss
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By:
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Scott Seiss
About this listen
Read by the author.
Customers want you to magically produce something from the back room. Bosses schedule you on your day off. Corporate policies are mandated that make zero practical sense. Sound familiar?
If you've ever worked in customer service (or any job, really), you know that everyone else—the customer, the boss, the company—is always right, and never the employee. Well, lucky for you, the "Angry Retail Guy" is more furious—and funnier—than ever in this hilariously unhinged guide to all the things we wish we could say out loud at work . . . without getting fired. In The Customer Is Always Wrong, you'll laugh (and maybe cry) at this rant-filled, illustrated attack on all the frustrating things that suck about work.
Expanding on the ire-filled, laugh-out-loud viral videos that have made him a (whispered) workplace name, Scott Seiss joyfully eviscerates not only overbearing customers but every annoying aspect of work like purposeless job interview questions, debatable brand values, and the walking human trainwrecks that are our bosses. Scott guides you all the way from first applying to the job, to inevitably gritting your teeth and smiling on your last day when that one manager you despise says, “Come back and visit us!”
The Customer Is Always Wrong is for anyone who:
- Is tired of their "raise" being as close as scientifically possible to 0 percent
- Wants to tell their boss that not even the self-checkout machines want to work here
- Is prepared to tell the next customer who asks to see the manager that the manager has no idea what's going on either
- Calls in sick whenever their PTO request is denied
- Believes entering a store five minutes before it closes should be illegal
- Explains, on a weekly basis, why someone can't use a coupon that expired 17 years ago
- Is physically repulsed by the phrase, "At this company, we're a family. . . ."
This tongue-in-cheek commiseration for workers will make you laugh out loud at the things that drive you crazy in the workplace. With Scott's signature rants, funny anecdotes, and absurd musings, this book celebrates and empowers underpaid and overworked employees with an uproarious ode to what we really think about our jobs and the customers that come with them (except the ones who listen to this book, of course).
Comics and graphics can be found in the audiobook companion PDF download.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2024 Scott Seiss (P)2024 Harper CelebrateListeners also enjoyed...
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Fans of xkcd ask Munroe a lot of strange questions: What if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at ninety percent the speed of light? How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live? If there was a robot apocalypse, how long would humanity last? What if everyone only had one soulmate? What would happen if the moon went away? In pursuit of answers, Munroe runs computer simulations, pores over stacks of declassified military research memos, solves differential equations, and consults with nuclear reactor operators.
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nothing new
- By James on 12-11-24
By: Randall Munroe
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Tremendous
- The Life of a Comedy Savage
- By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Narrated by: Joey "Coco" Diaz
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Outsider. Misfit. Criminal. Convict. . . . Movie star. Family man. Comedy legend. Joey Diaz has been called every name in the book (and then some). Now, for the first time, he shares the story of his unlikely rise to fame in his own words—with no punches pulled.
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Thank you
- By amanda on 05-04-23
By: Joey "Coco" Diaz
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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Beyond the Hammer
- A Fresh Approach to Leadership, Culture, and Building High Performance Teams
- By: Brian Gottlieb
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini, Brian Gottlieb
- Length: 4 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Employees that don't take ownership of their work. Friction between departments. Inconsistent results. These are the top challenges that face most businesses today. These common issues create high turnover and force managers into crisis mode where they're consumed putting out daily fires. Over time, the very nature of the business changes and a new culture emerges; one shaped by the lowest level of acceptable behavior. Beyond the Hammer approaches these concerns in two highly engaging sections.
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New favorite for leadership and coaching.
- By Ryan Blickley on 02-13-25
By: Brian Gottlieb
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That's Not Right
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Amber is a young videographer who has landed her dream job. She is to produce a web series based on a late-night talk radio show dealing with the unexplained. She is a huge fan of the show, and its host, Jack Owens, who she hopes to help reveal the world’s most cryptic secrets. The first secret she reveals is Jack’s. He doesn’t believe any of this crap. To him, the show is just a cushy job that allows him to support himself and his wife without having to try very hard.
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Sigh...
- By Vicki P. on 12-07-24
By: Scott Meyer
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She's Always Hungry
- Stories
- By: Eliza Clark
- Narrated by: Kevin Shen, Sam Stafford, Natalie Simpson, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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From Eliza Clark, the author of the brilliant novels Boy Parts and Penance and one of Granta’s Best Young British Novelists, comes a fierce, visionary and darkly comic story collection. A woman welcomes a parasite into her body. A teenager longs for perfect skin. A scientist tends to fragile alien flora. A young man takes the night into his own hands. Unsettling, revelatory, and laced with her signature dark humor, Eliza Clark’s debut short story collection plumbs the depths of that most basic human feeling: hunger.
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Eliza Clark’s enchanting narrations.
- By P. Stein on 02-20-25
By: Eliza Clark
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Entrances and Exits
- By: Michael Richards, Jerry Seinfeld - foreword
- Narrated by: Michael Richards
- Length: 15 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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The man who brought the kavorka to the Seinfeld show through one of the most remarkable and beloved television characters ever invented, Kramer, shares the extraordinary life of a comedy genius—the way he came into himself as an artist, the ups and downs as a human being, the road he has traveled in search of understanding.
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Simply amazing.
- By Norman Kent on 06-26-24
By: Michael Richards, and others
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Until Proven Guilty
- J. P. Beaumont Series, Book 1
- By: J. A. Jance
- Narrated by: Gene Engene
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Lurking in the dark corners of J. P. Beaumont's bizarre case was not just a demented mind obsessed with murder, but secrets so deadly that even a street-tough cop could die guessing.
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Until proven guilty
- By Jean on 04-21-11
By: J. A. Jance
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MrBallen Presents: Strange, Dark & Mysterious
- The Graphic Stories
- By: MrBallen
- Narrated by: MrBallen
- Length: 1 hr and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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A vivid, frightening novel collection of nine strange, dark, and mysterious stories, based on true events, from the mind behind the YouTube channel and hit MrBallen Podcast.
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All repeat stories
- By Mandie Palermo on 10-05-24
By: MrBallen
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What This Comedian Said Will Shock You
- By: Bill Maher
- Narrated by: Bill Maher
- Length: 12 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Some of the smartest commentary about what’s happening in America is coming from a comedian—this comedian being Bill Maher. If you want to understand what’s wrong with this country, it turns out that one of the best informed and most thought-provoking analysts is this very funny pothead.
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Great book by Bill Maher
- By michelle nachtigall on 05-22-24
By: Bill Maher
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Good Time Girl
- By: Heather Gay
- Narrated by: Heather Gay
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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With her “thoughtful, smart, and funny” (Kirkus Reviews) writing, Heather recounts the humorous trysts, mishaps, and serendipitous success she’s found as a life-long reveler in all things indulgent. From illicit high school trips to Tijuana and awkward dates set up by her overzealous costars, Good Time Girl is a charming and intimate meditation on community, love, independence, womanhood, and—most importantly—second chances.
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The True storyline
- By Debbie Bird on 01-23-25
By: Heather Gay
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You Can Do It!
- Speak Your Mind, America
- By: Rob Schneider
- Narrated by: Rob Schneider
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Rob Schneider’s childhood in the San Francisco Bay area with parents of mixed-race backgrounds shaped his view of the world: that America afforded the greatest opportunity for peoples from all nations and all faiths. Now, Rob keeps finding himself in controversy in Hollywood for expressing a few commonsense opinions about what woke ideology is doing to our great nation. With humor, Schneider takes on the current neoliberal authoritarians in America and argues we are living under a new kind of tyranny.
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Refreshing
- By Amazon Customer on 09-28-24
By: Rob Schneider
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Big Dumb Eyes
- Stories from a Simpler Mind
- By: Nate Bargatze
- Narrated by: Nate Bargatze
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Nate Bargatze used to be a genius. That is, until the summer after seventh grade when he slipped, fell off a cliff, hit his head on a rock, and “my brain got, like, dented or something.” Before this accident, he dreamed of being “an electric engineer, or a brain doctor, or maybe a math person who does like, math things for a living.” Afterwards, a voice in his head told him, “It’s okay. You’re dumb now. All you got is standup.” But the “math things’ industry’s loss is our gain because Nate went on to become one of today’s top-grossing comedians who breaks both attendance and streaming records.
By: Nate Bargatze
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F*cking History
- 111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
- By: The Captain
- Narrated by: The Captain
- Length: 4 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
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Not what I expected
- By J Lewis on 03-28-21
By: The Captain
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Your Mom's Gonna Love Me
- By: Matt Rife
- Narrated by: Matt Rife
- Length: 5 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Matt Rife is well aware that he’s both the most loved and the most controversial comic in America today. And honestly, he thinks that’s your problem. Matt reveals (without apology, of course) what led him to becoming comedy’s biggest lightning rod before he reached thirty, in a story full of bold and hysterical takes on everything from Justin Bieber tramp stamps and rap battles with ex-cons to Matt’s struggles with depression and his many brushes with failure before finally hitting it big.
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My new favorite autobiography
- By Amazon Customer on 12-10-24
By: Matt Rife
What listeners say about The Customer Is Always Wrong
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- Doug C
- 10-15-24
Whoa. Very funny.
Hey this book is worth it! The comedy is great and on point. The performance is excellent and way better than you’d expect for a first time narrator. I think this book is the perfect palette cleanser after a series.
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- Shannon Grossman
- 10-24-24
HILARIOUS
Omg this is the funniest thing I have ever heard this guy knows the soul of every single person who's ever worked with the public
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- Erica Barr
- 10-19-24
He spoke the truth ,,,,
Nothing at all,,, I’m waiting for the next book. This book was great to listen to and had valid points. Keep doing what your doing because you are funny
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- Anthony
- 12-28-24
Hilarious and definitely accurate
Coming from somebody that has worked in retail and is currently working in hospitality for 5 and half years I’m here to say this book is funny and true what workers in customer service want to actually say to people that have actually said the things Scott mentioned without getting fired at your job. It’s even similar with hospitality and food industry as well dealing with those kinds of issues and people. The customer is always wrong indeed. I recommend it to anyone that works in retail and restaurant to read this if you want to find a book to have good laugh out of it.
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- Brian Aparicio-Rascon
- 01-01-25
So much catharsis
This is everything that every worker has ever wanted to scream into the endless abyss.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-14-24
The accuracy is on point.
If you’ve ever had a job doing anything that involved dealing with a customer, this book is 100% for you.
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- Jason
- 09-13-24
I think retail chains should sell this.
I think everybody that jas ever worked a job can relate to this. These are just extra words to meet the 15-word minimum
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- Alo***
- 11-08-24
How we all really feel
Super funny, expressing how we all really feel lol. Had a great laugh and enjoyed it so much .
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- Anonymous User
- 12-06-24
LMAO
great book great book great book great book great book great book good book good book and awesome audio from Scott
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- Gabe Hoard
- 09-10-24
love it
he's really funny and comforting to listen to and made me laugh a,lot and I can relate to it
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