The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Dramatized Adaptation)
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By:
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Drew Hayes
About this listen
Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.
One fateful night - different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to “survive”.
Because even after it’s over, life can still be a downright bloody mess!
Performed by Christopher Walker, Nora Achrati, Scott McCormick, Alejandro Ruiz, Bradley Smith, Carolyn Kashner, Ken Jackson, Terence Aselford, Richard Rohan, Rose Elizabeth Supan, Mort Shelby, Colleen Delany, Zeke Alton, Henry Kramer, Nanette Savard, and David Zitney.
©2014 Drew Hayes (P)2020 GraphicAudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Sabina Kane doesn't really fit in. And being an assassin doesn't help matters. But she's never brought her work home. Until now. Sabina's latest mission is uncomfortably complex and threatens the fragile peace between the vampire and mage races. As she scrambles to figure out which side she's on, she uncovers a tangled political web, some nasty facts about her family, and some unexpected new talents. Any of these things could be worryingly life changing, but together they could be lethal.
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One of the Worst Books I've "Read"
- By BestBooksBestPrice on 09-12-12
By: Jaye Wells
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The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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This could have been amazing, went on too long.
- By Justin on 11-22-22
By: John Conroe
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Kitty and The Midnight Hour
- Kitty Norville, Book 1
- By: Carrie Vaughn
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Kitty Norville is a midnight-shift DJ for a Denver radio station---and a werewolf in the closet. Sick of lame song requests, she accidentally starts "The Midnight Hour," a late-night advice show for the supernaturally disadvantaged. After desperate vampires, werewolves, and witches across the country begin calling in to share their woes, her new show is a raging success.
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BILL CLINTON WAS A WEREWOLF
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 09-27-17
By: Carrie Vaughn
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Graveyard Shift
- By: Michael F. Haspil
- Narrated by: Michael Kramer
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Alex Menkaure, former pharaoh and mummy, and his vampire partner, Marcus, born in ancient Rome, are vice cops in a special Miami police unit. They fight to keep the streets safe from criminal vampires, shape-shifters, bootleg blood dealers, and anti-vampire vigilantes. When poisoned artificial blood drives vampires to murder, the city threatens to tear itself apart. Only an unlikely alliance with former opponents can give Alex and Marcus a fighting chance against an ancient vampire conspiracy.
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Vampires and humans living in harmony?
- By Anne on 03-23-18
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Way of the Wolf: Shifter Legacies 1
- By: Mark E. Cooper
- Narrated by: Mikael Naramore
- Length: 18 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Doctor David Lephmann wants nothing more than to learn about and help the less fortunate, and his new post at Mercy Hospital is the perfect place to do both. His mentor is desperate for the help, and welcomes him to a world of nonhuman customs and strange magics. One night after a long day at the hospital, David is confronted by the reality of life among monsters, when he intervenes in a fight he knows nothing about. He takes a side, and his life is changed forever.
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Vamps Wolves and more
- By Pat on 02-01-15
By: Mark E. Cooper
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Blood Song
- Blood Singer, Book 1
- By: Cat Adams
- Narrated by: Arika Escalona
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Bodyguard Celia Graves has definitely accepted her share of weird assignments, both human and supernatural. But her newest job takes the cake. Guarding a prince from terrorists and religious fundamentalists is hard enough, but it seems like the entire supernatural world is after this guy too. When she is betrayed by those she is employed to help, and everything goes horribly wrong, Celia wakes to find herself transformed. Neither human nor vampire, Celia has become an abomination-something that should not exist-and now both human and supernatural alike want her dead.
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Blood Song
- By Andrew on 05-15-12
By: Cat Adams
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Discount Armageddon
- InCryptid, Book 1
- By: Seanan McGuire
- Narrated by: Emily Bauer
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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The Price family has spent generations studying the monsters of the world, working to protect them from humanity - and humanity from them. Enter Verity Price. Despite being trained from birth as a cryptozoologist, she'd rather dance a tango than tangle with a demon, and is spending a year in Manhattan while she pursues her career in professional ballroom dance. Sounds pretty simple, right?
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I love this book!
- By a on 11-21-12
By: Seanan McGuire
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Storm Front
- The Dresden Files, Book 1
- By: Jim Butcher
- Narrated by: James Marsters
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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A call from a distraught wife, and another from Lt. Murphy of the Chicago PD Special Investigation Unit makes Harry believe things are looking up, but they are about to get worse, much worse. Someone is harnessing immense supernatural forces to commit a series of grisly murders. Someone has violated the first law of magic: Thou Shalt Not Kill. Tracking that someone takes Harry into the dangerous underbelly of Chicago, from mobsters to vampires....
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Excellent Story, Distracting Sound Engineering
- By Tom on 05-20-10
By: Jim Butcher
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An Unattractive Vampire
- By: Jim McDoniel
- Narrated by: Drew Campbell
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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After three centuries trapped underground, thousand-year-old Yulric Bile, also known as The Cursed One, The Devil's Apprentice, He Who Worships the Slumbering Horrors, awakens only to find that no one believes he is a vampire. Apparently he's just too ugly. Modern vampires, he soon discovers, are pretty, weak, and, most disturbing of all, good.
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Blood, Guts and lots of laughs!
- By Aaron on 08-27-16
By: Jim McDoniel
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Dead to Me
- Simon Canderous, Book 1
- By: Anton Strout
- Narrated by: David DeVries
- Length: 9 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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A new urban fantasy featuring a man working on the right side of the law - with talents that come from left field. Psychometry - the power to touch an object and divine information about its history - has meant a life of petty crime for Simon Canderous, but now he's gone over to the good side. At New York's underfunded and (mostly) secret Department of Extraordinary Affairs, he's learning about red tape, office politics, and the basics of paranormal investigation. But it's not the paperwork that has him breathless.
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Fun - worth the credit
- By BikeVON on 08-03-12
By: Anton Strout
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Bitten
- The Otherworld Series, Book 1
- By: Kelley Armstrong
- Narrated by: Aasne Vigesaa
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elena Michaels is the world’s only female werewolf. And she’s tired of it. Tired of a life spent hiding and protecting, a life where her most important job is hunting down rogue werewolves. Tired of a world that not only accepts the worst in her–her temper, her violence—but requires it. Worst of all, she realizes she’s growing content with that life, with being that person.
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Definitely written in the 2000s
- By Kathy Kuwano on 07-16-22
By: Kelley Armstrong
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Dark Awakening
- By: Kendra Leigh Castle
- Narrated by: Peter Bradbury
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Acclaimed for her richly imagined paranormal romances, Kendra Leigh Castle begins her Dark Dynasties series with this sizzling tale. Shapeshifting vampire Tynan MacGillivray has been ordered to find a human seer who can give his clan the upper hand in a devastating war. So he tracks down Lily Quinn, and together they discover a new world of danger, sensuality, and powers that cannot be controlled.
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Vampire Shape Shifters? So Unnecessary...
- By Sabrina Smith on 10-31-13
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"My name is Larkspur, and I am an Elemental." My people use the power of the earth to sustain life and defy our enemies. I should be at my father's side as a royal princess. But as a half-breed, bastard child, that isn't going to happen. I've been accused of attacking the queen, my wicked stepmother, and my life is suddenly on the line. I have only two options left to me: banishment, or training to become one of the King's Elite Guards, an Ender. Option one will kill me. Option two is meant to break me, but is the only way to survive.
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When bizarre magical disappearances disrupt shows around the city, Esther receives a mysterious warning not to go on with her off-Broadway show. Desperate to stay on stage rather than resort to waiting tables, Esther turns to her new BFF, Dr. Maximillian Zadok, a 350-year-old mage whose day job is protecting New York from Evil. Determined to get to the bottom of this mystery without losing her job, Esther and Max team up with a conjuring cowboy, a banker with stage aspirations, and a flock of fearless drag queens.
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Jonathan Thomas Meriweather is a typical college student, interested in girls, music, and an occasional taste of reefer. But when a journey through an interdimensional portal lands him in a world of talking animals and ominous sorcery, he finds he is on a very different trip indeed. Here, when he plays a strange instrument called a duar, peculiar things happen: powerful magic that may be the only way to stop a dark force that threatens his new world — and his old one.
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heavily abridged
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When bizarre magical disappearances disrupt shows around the city, Esther receives a mysterious warning not to go on with her off-Broadway show. Desperate to stay on stage rather than resort to waiting tables, Esther turns to her new BFF, Dr. Maximillian Zadok, a 350-year-old mage whose day job is protecting New York from Evil. Determined to get to the bottom of this mystery without losing her job, Esther and Max team up with a conjuring cowboy, a banker with stage aspirations, and a flock of fearless drag queens.
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Sherlock Holmes is an unparalleled genius who uses the gift of deduction and reason to solve the most vexing of crimes. Warlock Holmes, however, is an idiot. A good man, perhaps; a font of arcane power, certainly. But he’s brilliantly dim. Frankly, he couldn’t deduce his way out of a paper bag. The only things he has really got going for him are the might of a thousand demons and his stalwart flatmate. Thankfully, Dr. Watson is always there to aid him through the treacherous shoals of Victorian propriety...
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Short on Clues--Heavy on Delightful Twists
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Sherlock Holmes is an unparalleled genius. Warlock Holmes is an idiot. A font of arcane power, certainly. But he’s brilliantly dim. Frankly, he couldn’t deduce his way out of a paper bag. The only thing he has really got going for him are the might of a thousand demons and his stalwart companion. Thankfully, Dr. Watson is always there to aid him through the treacherous shoals of Victorian propriety...and save him from a gruesome death every now and again.
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Hilarious and brought me so much joy.
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The Warded Man
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Peter V. Brett has won accolades from critics, fans and fellow authors alike for this riveting debut novel. The Warded Man features a world where demons stalk the night, hunting humans who have long forgotten the magic of their ancestors. But all is not lost, as some hold out hope that a savior will release humanity from the demons' terrifying reign.
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Brilliant
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NPCs
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What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters? In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry.
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Enjoyable if you manage your expectations
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My name is Drew Hayes, and for the past six years I've made my living as a writer. In that time, I've published 20 books, written hundreds of thousands of words, and made countless mistakes - most of which I like to think I've learned from. Underqualified Advice (and Other Amusing Diversions) is my attempt to compile those lessons and share them with others, as well as have some fun along the way. Half of the book is dedicated to detailing specifics about writing, maneuvering the industry, and keeping fiscally afloat in largely unstable waters.
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Enter the Mind of Drew Hayes. The Spiders Need You
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When children go missing, and the Humans have no leads, I'm the one they call. I am their last hope in bringing home the lost ones. I salvage what they cannot. A missing girl and a deadly item belonging to a power-mad demon need to be found before the killing begins. The problem? This is my first salvage. And I have no idea what I'm doing. These were the moments that began to define me, my skills, and my drive to face down the darkest side of the supernatural in order to bring children home. This is where my journey began....
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On a hot summer night in Montauk, the bodies of two local bar patrons are discovered in the dunes, torn to shreds, their identities unrecognizable.... In another part of town, a woman's backyard is invaded by four terrifying creatures that defy any kind of description. What's clear is that they're hostile - and they're ravenous....
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Entertaining creature feature.
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Resurrection Pass
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Some call it a spirit, a demon. Others, an all-consuming force of nature. According to Cree legend, it goes by the name of Wendigo. For a hundred years it has been sleeping. Resting beneath the earth. Buried in a godless no-man’s-land known as Resurrection Pass....
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exciting
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Silver [Dramatized Adaptation]
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Andrew Dare is a werewolf. He’s the enforcer for the Roanoke pack, and responsible for capturing or killing any Were intruders in Roanoke’s territory. But the lone Were he’s tracking doesn’t smell or act like anyone he’s ever encountered. And when he catches her, it doesn’t get any better. She’s beautiful, she’s crazy, and someone has tortured her by injecting silver into her veins. She says her name is Silver, and that she’s lost her wild self and can’t shift any more.
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Love it!
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By: Rhiannon Held
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An Easy Death [Dramatized Adaptation]
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Set in a fractured United States, in the southwestern country now known as Texoma. A world where magic is acknowledged but mistrusted, especially by a young gunslinger named Lizbeth Rose. Battered by a run across the border to Mexico Lizbeth Rose takes a job offer from a pair of Russian wizards to be their local guide and gunnie. For the wizards, Gunnie Rose has already acquired a fearsome reputation and they’re at a desperate crossroad, even if they won’t admit it.
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This is a different spin on the Russian royal family mixed with the Western feel I enjoyed with the Midnight Texas series
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Theft of Swords
- Riyria Revelations, Volume 1
- By: Michael J. Sullivan
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Acclaimed author Michael J. Sullivan created instant best sellers with his spellbinding Riyria Revelations series. This first volume introduces Royce Melborn and Hadrian Blackwater, two enterprising thieves who end up running for their lives when they’re framed for the death of the king. Trapped in a conspiracy bigger than they can imagine, their only hope is unraveling an ancient mystery - before it’s too late.
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Two books in one - keep listening!!
- By Magpie on 08-21-12
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Super Powereds: Year One (3 of 3) [Dramatized Adaptation]
- By: Drew Hayes
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Part 3 of 3: Knowledge is power. That would be the motto of Lander University, had it not been snatched up and used to death by others long before the school was founded. For while Lander offers a full range of courses to nearly all students, it also offers a small number of specialty classes to a very select few. Lander is home to the Hero Certification Program, a curriculum designed to develop student with superhuman capabilities, commonly known as Supers, into official Heroes.
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More please!
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By: Drew Hayes
What listeners say about The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Dramatized Adaptation)
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Performance
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- jess
- 08-04-24
Cute and funny ( dry humor)
I could see this as a tv series. Not my usual listen but I enjoyed it and it kept me entertained. I really liked the full cast and sound effects. Love the different scenarios of trouble Fred finds himself in. I’m definitely listening to the second book.
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- david
- 12-19-24
solid
the full cast preformance was great. the story is episodic but fun fred is abit of a wuss
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- Danny Moody
- 06-20-24
Nice start
Fun book. I usually don’t like books that feel like they are short story compilations. It is pretty well done here. I think it helps that all of the stories are good.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-29-24
LOVE THIS SERIES!
Great lighthearted fantasy series. Fun adventures and lovable characters. The "Graphic Audio" version is absolutely the best!
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- R. MCRACKAN
- 07-22-22
Every inch as good as the original unabridged
After hearing lovely 7 books with the same narrator, it's quite unsettling at first to hear the full cast.
I was disappointed when it first began. What's the point of full cast if it's just one guy monologuing with a few extra sound effects? That gets fixed pretty quickly. This series accumulates characters one at a time and lets you get to know one before meeting another. It doesn't take long before it has rich dialog and it's no longer just Fred's monologue.
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- J. Strain
- 06-24-24
So happy I happened upon this gem of a series!
Absolutely loved the dramatized adaptation of this book! The entire cast is excellent; I could listen to Christopher Walker narrate just about anything. I truly can’t say enough good things about this book, and I’m thrilled there are quite a few more books in the series.
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- Stephan
- 07-02-23
great listen. looking forward to the series
this would make for a great movie or series adaptation. the voice acting in this was superb.
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- Anonymous User
- 07-24-23
Love it
I heard the 2nd book then this. Now I am addicted with this series.
The story is light and fun, while the performances are superb. It really feels like a movie in your mind.
I hope the really make a series or movie from this
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- alan scarlett
- 05-15-24
Love the supernatural.
I love this story I hope there's more they're only seems to be five chapters I love it I want more Fred
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- Chris
- 08-30-24
Humorous Adventures
The title definitely doesn't match the events - which was obvious but also appreciated. The cast does a great job at bringing all the characters to life. I do feel like it was mostly a handful of short stories bunched together in a novel but the storylines were enjoyable.
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