The Werewolf's Guide to Life
A Manual for the Newly Bitten
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About this listen
Have you been attacked by a wolf-like creature in the last 30 days? Was it after the sun had set and under a full moon? If you answered, "yes" to both these questions, there's a very good chance that you were bitten by a werewolf. You now have less than a month before the full moon returns and with it your first transformation into a savage, bloodthirsty beast.
Survival is an option, but first, know this:
- Werewolves are real.
- The majority of lycanthropes who do not have access to this book die during or shortly after their first transformations, generally due to heart failure, gunshot wounds, exposure, drowning, or suicide.
- Hollywood horror movies are NOT to be used as guides to living as a werewolf. Their goal is not to educate, but to entertain. As a result, they are largely ignorant of the realities of the condition.
- Ignorance creates monsters; lycanthropy does not.
- You are not a monster.
The Werewolf's Guide to Life cuts through the fiction and guides you through your first transformation and beyond, offering indispensable advice on how to tell if you're really a werewolf, post-attack etiquette, breaking the news to your spouse, avoiding government abduction, and how to not just survive, but thrive. You cannot afford to not read this book. Your very life depends on it.
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John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it. He's obsessed with serial killers, but really doesn't want to become one. So for his own sake, and the safety of those around him, he lives by rigid rules he's written for himself, practicing normal life as if it were a private religion that could save him from damnation. Dead bodies are normal to John. They don't demand or expect the empathy he's unable to offer. Perhaps that's what gives him the objectivity to recognize that there's something different about the body the police have just found behind the Wash-n-Dry Laundromat - and to appreciate what that difference means.
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WRONG CATEGORY - THIS IS NOT A MYSTERY
- By guy on 02-27-19
By: Dan Wells
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Pit Bull
- The Battle over an American Icon
- By: Bronwen Dickey
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 11 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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When Bronwen Dickey brought her new dog home, she saw no traces of the infamous viciousness in her affectionate, timid pit bull. Which made her wonder: How had the breed - beloved by Teddy Roosevelt, Helen Keller, and TV's Little Rascals - come to be known as a brutal fighter? Her search for answers takes her from 19th-century New York City dogfighting pits - the cruelty of which drew the attention of the recently formed ASPCA - to early 20th-century movie sets where pit bulls cavorted with Fatty Arbuckle and Buster Keaton.
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It Is a Racist or Class Thing
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 09-17-17
By: Bronwen Dickey
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Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys
- By: Dave Barry
- Narrated by: John Ritter
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Abridged
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The American guy is not to be confused with a husband, father, hunk, or intellectual, says guy expert Dave Barry. Published just in time (the American guy faces extinction due to feminism, the men's movement, and stricter sanitation laws), this guide gives women helpful advice for understanding Him (or It) and offers men useful tips on remembering the names of their children and other dilemmas of life.
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I laughed all the way through
- By Alan Rither on 08-10-04
By: Dave Barry
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The Chick and the Dead
- Life and Death Behind Mortuary Doors
- By: Carla Valentine
- Narrated by: Beverley A. Crick
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Using the most common postmortem process as the backbone of the narrative, The Chick and the Dead takes the listener through the process of an autopsy while also describing the history and changing cultures of our relationship with the dead. The book is full of vivid insight into what happens to our bodies in the end. Each chapter considers an aspect of an autopsy alongside an aspect of Carla's own life and work and touches on some of the more controversial aspects of our feelings toward death.
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Dull
- By Leah on 08-19-17
By: Carla Valentine
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Beasts
- What Animals Can Teach Us About the Origins of Good Evil
- By: Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson
- Narrated by: Edoardo Ballerini
- Length: 5 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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There are two supreme predators on the planet with the most complex brains in nature: humans and orcas. In the 20th century alone, one of these animals killed 200 million members of its own species, the other killed none. Jeffrey Masson’s fascinating new book begins here: There is something different about us. In Beasts he demonstrates that the violence we perceive in the "wild" is mostly a matter of projection. We link the basest human behavior to animals, to "beasts" ("he behaved no better than a beast"), and claim the high ground for our species.
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This one is a MUST!!! Thought provoking....
- By kristen on 03-10-14
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The Secret History of Kindness
- Learning from How Dogs Learn
- By: Melissa Holbrook Pierson
- Narrated by: Ann Osmond
- Length: 10 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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An intimate, surprising look at man's best friend and what the leading philosophies of dog training teach us about ourselves. Years back, Melissa Holbrook Pierson brought home a border collie named Mercy, without a clue of how to get her to behave. Stunned after hiring a trainer whose immediate rapport with Mercy seemed magical, Pierson began delving into the techniques of positive reinforcement.
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Warning: praises ABA done to autistic people
- By Rosslyn on 03-09-16
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Straight Outta Fangton
- A Comedic Vampire Story
- By: C. T. Phipps
- Narrated by: Cary Hite
- Length: 7 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Peter Stone is a poor, black vampire who is wondering where his nightclub, mansion, and sports car is. Instead, he is working a minimum wage job during the night shift, as being a vampire isn't all that impressive in a world where they've come out to mortals. Exiled from the rich and powerful undead in New Detroit, he is forced to go back when someone dumps a newly-transformed vampire in the bathroom of his gas station's store.
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So funny, you'll die!!!
- By Jason on 09-29-17
By: C. T. Phipps
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The Worm at the Core
- On the Role of Death in Life
- By: Jeff Greenberg, Sheldon Solomon, Tom Pyszczynski
- Narrated by: John Pruden
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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More than 100 years ago, the American philosopher William James wrote that the knowledge that we must die is "the worm at the core" of the human condition - a universally shared fear that informs all our thoughts and actions, from the great art we create to the devastating wars we wage.
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Skeptical at first, but they won me over.
- By Tory Giddens on 06-07-20
By: Jeff Greenberg, and others
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Monster Hunter International
- By: Larry Correia
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 24 hrs
- Unabridged
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Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a 14th story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer. It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit.
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Suprizingly entertaining
- By Konstantin on 02-17-12
By: Larry Correia
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The United States of Absurdity
- Untold Stories from American History
- By: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, Patton Oswalt - foreword
- Narrated by: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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The creators of the podcast The Dollop present profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history.
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Fun With Useless Facts
- By Keith on 05-21-17
By: Dave Anthony, and others
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Beast
- Werewolves, Serial Killers, and Man-Eaters: The Mystery of the Monsters of the Gévaudan
- By: Gustavo Sánchez Romero, S. R. Schwalb
- Narrated by: David de Vries
- Length: 7 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Something unimaginable occurred from 1764 to 1767 in the remote highlands of south-central France. For three years, a real-life monster, or monsters, ravaged the region, slaughtering by some accounts more than 100 people, mostly women and children, and inflicting severe injuries upon many others.
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Repetitive
- By Octavia on 10-24-24
By: Gustavo Sánchez Romero, and others
What listeners say about The Werewolf's Guide to Life
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- JOAQUIN M.
- 08-10-19
excellent source material for ideas for your own
this helped me write my own fiction. I love the idea of werewolves but had no idea how to ground them in reality. this book changed that!
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- Consuelo Robison
- 05-08-24
The humorous advice of the narrator.
I can't really think of anything I disliked about it, but I've been wanting this book for awhile.
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- Vukodlak
- 11-07-24
Not for Vegans
I wish I had this guide before my first change. I mean, my neighbor was a dick, but being eaten alive is no fun. Humorous. Entertaining. And a lot of fun. I particularly enjoyed the chapter on FUR CHASHERS. I know a lot of people online who fall into that category. That's right SKURU, I'm calling you out.
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- Anthony Gonzales
- 06-01-22
definitely a must have
I was skeptical at first, si I tried free sample of book on a whim, and had to have it I’m this modern world it is good to unplug and let a good storyline entertain us , if for nothing more than to hold on to our sanity by listening to the fantastic, I would recommend to anyone who needs a break and a good time
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- Tigress
- 11-17-17
Surprising
Although there was humor it seemed like they were doing a great job of creating a satirical manual for lycanthropy. It was interesting, amusing and a bit terrifying! Makes me take a step back and reanalyze what a monster actually is. Perhaps they don't always have fangs and claws. Definitely not a manual for the world of Mercy Thompson.
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- La Mestiza
- 11-27-18
Outstanding
I will admit to being a sucker for all things werewolf, unless we are talking about the Twilight type of "werewolves", but that's another story, for another day. I enjoyed the seriousness of what could be a very traumatic time in a newly bitten person's life. I found the guide to be pragmatic and resourceful.
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- Marissa F Jones
- 11-05-19
Great book
Gave it 3/5 on the story because it isn’t really a novel. But very creative and adds an interesting perspective to Were lore. Worth the investment
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- J. Swanton
- 08-01-24
Excellent reading
We liked the pleasant voice and perceived earnestness of the reader. He made you believe he believed the story. It was not tongue in cheek or told as a parody.
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- Michelle
- 12-13-11
A totally new look at the werewolf.
This book totally rises above the hollywood werewolf portrayal. Werewolves are not evil killers, but human beings who have a complicated condition to deal with. This is a well-researched, logical, humorous look at the werewolf living and working in today's world. If you are a werewolf, this book will empower you. If you are not, you will learn to empathize with werewolves as never before. This is a must-have for any werewolf fan. Robertson dean does an absolutely awesome job with the narrative too.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Brando
- 05-13-10
The Werewolf's Guide to Life (Unabridged)
This book was great! I really liked how this book brought you inside the mind of a Lycanthrope. For those out there that really appreciate when a writter sticks to the core mythology. This is your book.
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1 person found this helpful