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How To Survive a Horror Movie
- All the Skills to Dodge the Kills
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
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Publisher's summary
Seth Grahame-Smith delivers the definitive, essential guide to making it through a horror movie in one piece. As hilarious as it is useful (if you’re trapped in a scary flick, that is), How to Survive a Horror Movie covers all the bases. Trapped in a haunted house? Check. Stalked by an evil doll? Check. Wandering aimlessly through the remains of the old world as a plague of zombies sweeps over the planet? Check. Grahame-Smith's delightfully gruesome guide is just the thing for horror buffs and anyone who has ever watched a scary movie.
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- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-12-17
By: T. A. Pratt
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Still Alive: Series Box Set, Books 1-4
- By: Javan Bonds
- Narrated by: S.W. Salzman
- Length: 23 hrs and 33 mins
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Mo Collins, the reluctant hero, has sailed around the country on board the replica pirate ship, the Viva Ancora, and now he finds himself only miles from his childhood home. But now the world has gone to hell. Hordes of naked, blue, biting zombies have flooded the now dead Alabama lake town. Mo and his only surviving shipmate, Crow, spend their days fishing and their nights watching the monsters roam, seeking untainted flesh and leaving a disgusting mess in their wake.
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super hilarious
- By B Deyon on 12-19-19
By: Javan Bonds
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Seven Deadly Sins
- Settling the Argument Between Born Bad and Damaged Good
- By: Corey Taylor
- Narrated by: Corey Taylor
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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For the first time, Slipknot and Stone Sour frontman Corey Taylor speaks directly to his fans and shares his worldview about life as a sinner. And Taylor knows how to sin. As a small-town hero in the early '90s, he threw himself into a fierce-drinking, drug-abusing, hard-loving, live-for-the-moment life. Soon Taylor's music exploded, and he found himself rich, wanted, and on the road. His new and ever-more-extreme lifestyle had an unexpected effect, however; for the first time, he began to actively think about what it meant to sin.
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Glad I didn't read this before buying concert tix
- By S. Adams on 07-23-19
By: Corey Taylor
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The Zombies of Lake Woebegotten
- By: Harrison Geillor
- Narrated by: Phil Gigante
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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The town of Lake Woebegotton, MN is a small town, filled with ordinary (yet above average) people, leading ordinary lives. Ordinary, that is, until the dead start coming back to life, with the intent to feast upon the living! Now this small town of above average citizens must overcome their petty rivalries and hidden secrets in order to survive an onslaught of the dead.
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Why is no one making a movie out of this?
- By Cidney on 10-07-11
By: Harrison Geillor
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I Am Not a Serial Killer
- John Cleaver, Book 1
- By: Dan Wells
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
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John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it. He's obsessed with serial killers, but really doesn't want to become one. So for his own sake, and the safety of those around him, he lives by rigid rules he's written for himself, practicing normal life as if it were a private religion that could save him from damnation. Dead bodies are normal to John. They don't demand or expect the empathy he's unable to offer. Perhaps that's what gives him the objectivity to recognize that there's something different about the body the police have just found behind the Wash-n-Dry Laundromat - and to appreciate what that difference means.
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WRONG CATEGORY - THIS IS NOT A MYSTERY
- By guy on 02-27-19
By: Dan Wells
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The Postmortal
- A Novel
- By: Drew Magary
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
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In a world where an anti-aging cure is available worldwide, immortality comes with its own unique problems. John Farrell is about to get "The Cure". Old age can never kill him now. The only problem is, everything else still can.
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Interesting concept but bleak and wearing
- By Amazon Customer on 05-15-12
By: Drew Magary
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The Wide, Carnivorous Sky and Other Monstrous Geographies
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- Narrated by: Eric Martin
- Length: 12 hrs and 41 mins
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John Langan has, in the last few years, established himself as one of the leading voices in contemporary horror literature. Gifted with a supple and mellifluous prose style, an imagination that can conjure up clutching terrors with seeming effortlessness, and a thorough knowledge of the rich heritage of weird fiction, Langan has already garnered his share of accolades. This new collection includes nine of his substantial stories.
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Forgot the Horror
- By Dylan on 10-04-18
By: John Langan
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Waiting for Snow in Havana
- Confessions of a Cuban Boy
- By: Carlos Eire
- Narrated by: David Drummond
- Length: 16 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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A childhood in a privileged household in 1950s Havana was joyous and cruel, like any other - but with certain differences. The neighbor's monkey was liable to escape and run across your roof. Surfing was conducted by driving cars across the breakwater. Lizards and firecrackers made frequent contact. Carlos Eire's childhood was a little different from most. His father was convinced he had been Louis XVI in a past life. At school, classmates were attended by chauffeurs and bodyguards. Then, in January 1959, the world changed....
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Poorly chosen narrator
- By LS on 02-10-16
By: Carlos Eire
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Blood Oranges
- A Siobhan Quinn Novel
- By: Kathleen Tierney
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
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My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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Great Narration, Subpar Book
- By Mel Thomas on 12-17-14
By: Kathleen Tierney
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Nightlife
- By: Rob Thurman
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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In New York, there's a troll under the Brooklyn Bridge, a boggle in Central Park, and a beautiful vampire in a penthouse on the Upper East Side. Of course, most humans are oblivious to this, but Cal Leandros is only half-human. His father's dark lineage is the stuff of nightmares - and he and his entire otherworldly race are after Cal.
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Excellent debut for promising new series
- By Tracey on 03-28-13
By: Rob Thurman
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Practical Demonkeeping
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
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In Christopher Moore's ingenious debut novel, we meet one of the most memorably mismatched pairs in the annals of literature. The good-looking one is one-hundred-year-old ex-seminarian and "roads" scholar Travis O'Hearn. The green one is Catch, a demon with a nasty habit of eating most of the people he meets.
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I named my cat after the demon Catch
- By colleen on 08-24-11
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For nearly two decades, Jamie Warren has been running from darkness. He's haunted by a traumatic childhood and the guilt at having disappeared from his disabled brother's life. But then a series of unusual events reunites him with his estranged brother and their childhood friends, and none of them can deny the sense of fate that has seemingly drawn them back together. Nor can they deny the memories of that summer, so long ago—the strange magic taught to them by an even stranger man, and the terrible act that has followed them all into adulthood.
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Great Listen
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Sloane Parker is dreading her birthday. She doesn’t need a reminder she’s getting older, or that she’s feeling indifferent about her own life. Her husband surprises her with a birthday-weekend getaway—not with him, but with Sloane’s longtime best friend, troublemaker extraordinaire Naomi. Sloane anticipates a weekend of wine tastings and cozy robes and strategic avoidance of issues she’d rather not confront, like her husband’s repeated infidelity.
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Weak Ending
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Horror Movie
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In June 1993, a group of young guerilla filmmakers spent four weeks making Horror Movie, a notorious, disturbing art-house horror flick. The weird part? Only three of the film’s scenes were ever released to the public, but Horror Movie has nevertheless grown a rabid fanbase. Three decades later, Hollywood is pushing for a big budget reboot. The man who played “The Thin Kid” is the only surviving cast member. He remembers all too well the secrets buried within the original screenplay, the bizarre events of the filming, and the dangerous crossed lines on set that resulted in tragedy.
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My first return to audible
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What listeners say about How To Survive a Horror Movie
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Donna
- 08-04-12
Great Fun :)
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Definitely. Like my headline says, this book is great fun. It would have been great to read anyway, but Johnny Heller's narration was fabulous and made it extra special.
What other book might you compare How To Survive a Horror Movie to and why?
Haven't read or listened to anything like this before...
Have you listened to any of Johnny Heller???s other performances before? How does this one compare?
Not to my knowledge, but I'll be looking for his name in future.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Lots of laughs and smiles here for me. As soon as I finished listening to it I went back and started it again. This will get multiple listens.
Any additional comments?
If you're looking for something fun, this is for you.
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11 people found this helpful
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- JCB
- 10-20-16
Cute idea, good narration
The book overall is well written. Parts of it had me laughing out loud. It's a quick and easy listen. The narrator did a great job.
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-10-18
Essential life saving advice
Listen to this book as often as you need to. Good to keep as reference
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- Amy
- 05-03-23
so deadpan you can commit murder with it
In the same spirit as the Zombie Survival guide,I really had fun with this instant classic. The humor is almost 90s British . The only way it would have been better would be to get Eric Idyl or John Clease to read it...or Stephen King. Clean,dark humor for the genre savvy. This book is a great mix of fun and weird give it a read!
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- Teethnclaws
- 06-18-18
Welcome to the Terror-verse
Welcome to the terror-verse, a place where once you look for the signs and realize you are in the horror movie, there are a few rules to follow that may ensure your survival. If nothing else, you might make it to the sequel. As Grahame-Smith puts it, "I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid."
The book is mostly a comedic guide on how to survive, giving the reader the skills to avoid the kills by using playful suggestions like, "Put the car in D, set the compass to N, and get the F out of there." Avoiding hot girls with enhanced attributes, as they mean certain death. And is riddled with glib banter like, "Some people say, if we split up, we can cover more ground" (yeah) with blood."
If say you are a fan of Cabin in the Woods, where the shroud of horror is peeled away like onion layers and there are playful hints of humor or just a horror movie fan in general, this is the book for you.
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- Bonnie
- 06-04-20
I don't like horror movies but I loved this book!
I laughed myself silly listening to this deconstruction of all horror movie tropes. I am now warned against all the foreshadowing of doom and the stupid decisions that horror movie victims make. More than that, I am thoroughly entertained by the sly, twisted enjoyment the author takes in mayhem. I kept laughing from start to finish, and I don't even like horror movies. But I loved this book, and it's going on my Christmas gift list for all my friends!
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- Natalie
- 11-05-16
laughed out loud
of you ever find your self in a horror movie this book just might save your life
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- avoidthelloyd
- 10-27-16
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I was constantly laughing with this one. So entertaining. I would use a credit on this one. Narration was perfect! The mix sarcasm, irony and serious tones made this really funny. I learned what to do if my corn is overrun with children... hahaha.
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- SAMA
- 12-14-13
Useful to escape demonic alien psychopaths
I was trapped in a horror movie with devil worshipping psychopaths from another dimension who wanted to destroy earth by casting a curse that would kill everybody in seven days. This book worked great!
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19 people found this helpful
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- Kenya
- 05-29-13
In love
If you think you need the book for the one or two visuals don't bother. The visuals in the book are just lacking and the reader trumps them by a mile. He really gets into the character that 'wrote' the book and its just awesome. I think he made the audible.
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11 people found this helpful