Unconditional Parenting
Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
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Narrated by:
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Alfie Kohn
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By:
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Alfie Kohn
About this listen
One basic need all children have, educator Alfie Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful and largely unknown research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting - including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people.
©2005 Alfie Kohn (P)2016 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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If you sense that your child is seriously troubled, you may feel bewildered, helpless, ineffective. How can you stop your child from throwing away his or her life? How can you avoid thinking that you've failed as a parent? In this newly revised and expanded edition of the classic guide Before It's Too Late, clinical psychologist Stanton E. Samenow explains how to break the useless cycle of blame and take corrective action.
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special education teacher
- By Amazon Customer on 03-02-18
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The New Strong-Willed Child
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: John Fuller
- Length: 6 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Dr. James Dobson has completely rewritten, updated, and expanded his classic best seller The Strong-Willed Child for a new generation of parents and teachers. The New Strong-Willed Child follows on the heels of Dr. Dobson's phenomenal best seller Bringing Up Boys. It offers practical how-to advice on raising difficult-to-handle children and incorporates the latest research with Dr. Dobson's legendary wit and wisdom.
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Answer to my prayers!
- By JG on 03-04-16
By: James C. Dobson
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Boundaries with Kids
- How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children
- By: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
- Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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What the award-winning, best-selling Boundaries has done for adult relationships, Boundaries with Kids will do for you and your children. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide the help and guidance you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. With wisdom and empathy, they take you through the ins and outs of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives.
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
- By Amanda on 02-12-21
By: Henry Cloud, and others
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The Available Parent
- Expert Advice for Raising Successful and Resilient Teens and Tweens
- By: John Duffy
- Narrated by: David Colacci
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micromanage, and underappreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures - he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever....
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Parenting teens can be much less stressful!
- By Kathi on 06-12-14
By: John Duffy
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Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime
- The Best Gift You Can Give Your Kids
- By: Dr. Ray Guarendi
- Narrated by: Dr. Ray Guarendi
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Abridged
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In this popular book, Dr. Ray focuses directly on discipline, answering over 100 of the most common and most frustrating discipline questions parents ask. Sibling quarrels, bedtime issues, temper tantrums, whining, willfulness, school, tattling: If kids do it and parents face it, this book aims to address it—with a healthy dose of humor and down-to-earth practicality.
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Great advice!
- By Christopher on 01-16-12
By: Dr. Ray Guarendi
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
- By: Deborah Reber
- Narrated by: Deborah Reber
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
- Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy
- By: Edward M. Hallowell MD
- Narrated by: Pete Larkin
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Edward M. Hallowell, MD, father of three and a clinical psychiatrist, has thought long and hard about what makes children feel good about themselves and the world they live in. Now, in The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, he shares his findings with all of us who care about children. We don't need statistical studies or complicated expert opinions to raise children. What we do need is love, wonder, and the confidence to trust our instincts.
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Love this book and will be listening again
- By Jenny on 09-15-22
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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Positive Parenting
- An Essential Guide
- By: Rebecca Eanes
- Narrated by: Callie Beaulieu
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Popular parenting blogger Rebecca Eanes shares her hard-won wisdom for overcoming limiting thought patterns and recognizing emotional triggers, as well as advice for connecting with kids at each stage, from infancy to adolescence. This heartfelt, insightful advice comes not from an "expert," but from a learning, evolving parent.
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It saved my life
- By Samantha khalil on 05-22-17
By: Rebecca Eanes
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The Importance of Being Little
- What Preschoolers Really Need from Grownups
- By: Erika Christakis
- Narrated by: Teri Schnaubelt
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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A bold challenge to the conventional wisdom about early childhood, with a pragmatic program to encourage parents and teachers to rethink how and where young children learn best by taking the child's eye view of the learning environment.
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Points out many problems; offers no real solution
- By K. Lynn on 08-06-18
By: Erika Christakis
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Thanks for the Feedback
- The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
- By: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Narrated by: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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The coauthors of the New York Times best-selling Difficult Conversations take on the toughest topic of all: How we see ourselves. Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen have spent the past 15 years working with corporations, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. In Thanks for the Feedback, they explain why receiving feedback is so crucial yet so challenging. They blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice.
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Poor narration ruins yet another good read
- By WordNerd on 08-25-14
By: Sheila Heen, and others
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Raising Happiness
- 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents
- By: Christine Carter
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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An essential guide to raising happy children from author Christine Carter, complete with tips, secrets, and strategies that will set the stage for positive emotions into adolescence and beyond.
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One of the best parenting books I have come across
- By Kristine on 02-05-13
By: Christine Carter
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How to say "play with your kids" for 100 pages
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Toddlers are constantly changing, and they can easily become overwhelmed by it all. When faced with the meltdowns that toddlers are famous for, it can be difficult to know which toddler discipline techniques will best help your child grow into a stronger, kinder person. Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage delivers essential toddler discipline tools for dealing with day-to-day difficulties, and supporting your toddler as they learn the important lessons that will set them up for success.
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It saved my life
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If I Could Tell You Just One Thing
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Richard Reed built Innocent Drinks from a smoothie stall on a street corner to one of the biggest brands in Britain. He credits his success to four brilliant pieces of advice, each given to him just when he needed them most. Ever since, it has been Richard's habit, whenever he meets somebody he admires, to ask them for their best piece of advice. If they could tell him just one thing, what would it be? Richard has collected pearls of wisdom from some of the most remarkable, inspiring and game-changing people in the world.
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Not a varied field of people
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What listeners say about Unconditional Parenting
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Addicted to Amazon
- 09-23-20
1st half 5 stars | 2nd half is 3 stars
This book is tough to rate.
It’s very well thought out. The author backs up 90% of his claims with studies.
I ended the first half agreeing that unconditional love is better for kids and parents then negative or positive rewards.
Basically intrinsic motivation is better then extrinsic motivation.
The book gives plenty of examples of actions and why they are harmful. Some I can relate to.
Part II was spared to explain what to do. This is where the details where missing. Very light on the details of what parents should be doing. It
Is unfortunate. If the author would have taken his examples in part I and given examples of how to solve them with this method, that would have been great. There were some examples, they need more development.
It’s a great book that I would read again.
Know that you are on your own for developing solutions.
I hope the author does a v2 with more explanation.
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- RS Reviews
- 11-01-18
This book changed my life and it will change yours
If you allow yourself to listen to this book without preconception it will change your life. Thankfully, I stumbled upon this book when my first son was still very young. It confirmed every single thing I kept feeling about how to parent him well. Things that flew in the face of public opinion.
To parent well we must really think about what we want our children to become and do our very best to use that as a compass to navigate the millions of hard moments. There’s a reflex in all of us that wants to respond out of fear and enforce obedience, but if we can’t teusy ourselves and the remarkable humans we are raising, a realizion comes. When we approach parenting from a place of knowing we are raising the most extroudinary humans in existence, that is who they will be come. When we realize just how amazing we are we won’t feel the need to make fear based parenting crackdowns. We will be OK with the unknown because of the larger known truth that we are confident in our love and self awareness of ourselves and those same things that we are imparting to our children.
I will forever be greatful for this life changing book.
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- Maria Ana Carneiro
- 06-07-17
This book changed my whole perspective on life!
I am so grateful for this book. It has changed me from the inside out. It is sophisticated yet effortless because it just makes sense. I want to print these ideas into my everyday life, i want to live and breathe them and hopefully it will make me a happier person as well as those around me, specially my closest family - husband and 4 kids-, but also my extended family.
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- Margaret
- 02-27-20
Insightful, thought provoking
This is the first book I’ve read/listened to by this author and I would listen to another. In fact, I think I’d like the print edition too. This book is very interesting and thought provoking. It helps clarify things from the kids perspective which is sometimes missing in parenting books.
This is the first book I’ve listened to by this author ( he narrates his own book ) and I would listen to another. He narrates the info well and put emphasis in appropriate places- since it is his book - and can help get across ‘the point’. He speaks clearly and precisely.
There is not any swearing.
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and voluntarily left this unbiased review.
Please feel free to comment on whether you found my review helpful.
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- Samantha L.
- 08-20-24
For someone in denial
For authoritarian parents who are stubborn set vs someone who already realizes it’s problematic to parent this way
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- Sandeep S.
- 06-20-20
The best book on parenting I've read
As a mental health professional, you'd think that I would already know much of the information in this book. but this book for me was groundbreaking. While I have had a considerable amount of training on behavioral strategies and a lot of information found in many popular parenting books, this approach to parenting is refreshing and at the same time makes so much sense - as a human being wanting, to take care of, teach, coach, guide, and relate to my kids in a respectful manner. I can't say enough good things about this book. Definitely worth a read.
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3 people found this helpful
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- TheBtmSide
- 06-18-21
Parenting help
This is a must read for all parents. It really changed they way I thing of how I am raising my son. I will be using a lot of this insight.
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- Cliente Amazon
- 08-06-22
mindblowing
this book changed my mind about how to raise children. it changed my mind about how i SEE children. i loved that it was narrated by the author himself. the arguments he presents are very compelling and well explained. loved it. highly recommend.
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- Yendi N. Gomez Bouchot
- 03-03-24
world shattering
as a teenager, this book comforted me during and after fights with my parents. I wish they used these alternatives, and I will re-read this book as a bible when I have my own <3
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- John Erlandsen
- 10-04-24
Thoughtful and engaging
I really liked this book. Makes you think and hopefully makes you more patient with your child and perhaps even other people.
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