Why Have Kids?
A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness
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Narrated by:
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Emily Beresford
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By:
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Jessica Valenti
About this listen
In Why Have Kids?, Valenti explores these controversial questions through on-the-ground reporting, startling new research, and her own unique experiences as a mom. She moves beyond the black and white “mommy wars” over natural parenting, discipline, and work-life balance to explore a more nuanced reality: one filled with ambivalence, joy, guilt, and exhaustion.
Would-be parents must navigate the decision to have children amidst a daunting combination of cultural expectations and hard facts. And new parents find themselves struggling to reconcile their elation with the often exhausting, confusing, and expensive business of child care. When researchers for a 2010 Pew study asked parents why they decided to have their first child, nearly 90 percent answered, for “the joy of having children”. Yet nearly every study in the last 10 years shows a marked decline in the life satisfaction of those with kids. Valenti explores this disconnect between parents’ hopes and the day-to-day reality of raising children - revealing all the ways mothers and fathers are quietly struggling. A must-listen for parents as well as those considering starting a family, Why Have Kids? is an explosive addition to the conversation about modern parenthood.
©2012 Jessica Valenti (P)2012 Brilliance Audio, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Am I the only sane childfree woman in here?
- By J. Malouin on 09-29-15
By: Meghan Daum
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One and Only
- The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One
- By: Lauren Sandler
- Narrated by: Lauren Sandler
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Journalist Lauren Sandler is an only child and the mother of one. After investigating what only children are really like and whether stopping at one child is an answer to reconciling motherhood and modernity, she learned a lot about herself - and a lot about our culture's assumptions. In this heartfelt work, Sandler legitimizes a discussion about the larger societal costs of having more than one.
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Data Driven
- By Meghan B on 01-11-22
By: Lauren Sandler
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The Wife Drought
- By: Annabel Crabb
- Narrated by: Annabel Crabb
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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'I need a wife'. It's a common joke among women juggling work and family, but it's no joke. Having a spouse who takes care of things at home is a godsend on the domestic front and an asset on the work front and is an advantage enjoyed by vastly more men than women. Full of candid and funny stories from politics and the media, The Wife Drought shares intriguing research about the attitudes pulsing beneath the surface of egalitarian Australia.
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A read for everyone
- By RubyH on 02-01-24
By: Annabel Crabb
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Getting to 50/50
- How Working Parents Can Have It All by Sharing It All - and Why It’s Good for Your Marriage, Your Career, Your Kids, and You
- By: Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober are professionals, wives, and mothers. They understand the challenges and rewards of two-career households. They also know that families thrive not in spite of working mothers but because of them. You can have a great career, a great marriage, and be a great mother. The key is tapping into your best resource and most powerful ally - the man you married.
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Great overall, but a bit offensive...
- By Tristan Matthews on 01-09-15
By: Sharon Meers, and others
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The Feminine Mistake
- By: Leslie Bennetts
- Narrated by: Leslie Bennetts
- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Abridged
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Women are constantly being told that it's simply too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, Leslie Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. It's time, she says, to get the message across: combining work and family really is the best choice for most women.
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couldn't get into it.
- By diana prince on 09-21-15
By: Leslie Bennetts
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The End of Men
- And the Rise of Women
- By: Hanna Rosin
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Men have been the dominant sex since - well, the dawn of mankind. And yet, as journalist Hanna Rosin discovered, that long-held truth is no longer true. At this unprecedented moment, women are no longer merely gaining on men; they have pulled decisively ahead by almost every measure. Already "the end of men" - the phrase Rosin coined - has entered the lexicon as indelibly as Simone de Beauvoir’s "second sex", Betty Friedan’s "feminine mystique", Susan Faludi’s "backlash", and Naomi Wolf’s "beauty myth" have.
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Great book, don't care for the reader's style
- By Darren on 12-05-12
By: Hanna Rosin
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The Feminine Mystique
- By: Betty Friedan
- Narrated by: Parker Posey
- Length: 15 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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The book that changed the consciousness of a country - and the world. Landmark, groundbreaking, classic - these adjectives barely describe the earthshaking and long-lasting effects of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that defined "the problem that has no name", that launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, and has been awakening women and men with its insights into social relations, which still remain fresh, ever since.
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A landmark book of its time and relevant now
- By Anthony on 01-23-15
By: Betty Friedan
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Beyond the Sling
- A Real-Life Guide to Raising Confident, Loving Children the Attachment Parenting Way
- By: Mayim Bialik
- Narrated by: Emily Durante
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Mayim Bialik was the child star of the popular 1990s TV sitcom Blossom, but she definitely didn't follow the typical child-star trajectory. Instead, Mayim got her Ph.D. in neuroscience from UCLA, married her college sweetheart, and had two kids. Mayim then did what many new moms do - she read a lot of books, talked with other parents, and she soon started questioning a lot of the conventional wisdom she heard about the "right" way to raise a child. That's when she turned to attachment parenting.
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Explains her style without condemning others
- By Mary on 03-28-12
By: Mayim Bialik
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One Child
- The Story of China's Most Radical Experiment
- By: Mei Fong
- Narrated by: Janet Song
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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When Communist Party leaders adopted the one-child policy in 1980, they hoped curbing birthrates would help lift China's poorest and increase the country's global stature. But at what cost? Now, as China closes the book on the policy after more than three decades, it faces a population grown too old and too male, with a vastly diminished supply of young workers. Mei Fong has spent years documenting the policy's repercussions on every sector of Chinese society.
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Best Book Club Discussion Ever!!
- By Rachael W. Schettenhelm on 05-01-17
By: Mei Fong
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The Nordic Theory of Everything
- In Search of a Better Life
- By: Anu Partanen
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Moving to America in 2008, Finnish journalist Anu Partanen quickly went from confident, successful professional to wary, self-doubting mess. She found that navigating the basics of everyday life - from buying a cell phone and filing taxes to education and childcare - was much more complicated and stressful than anything she encountered in her homeland. At first she attributed her crippling anxiety to the difficulty of adapting to a freewheeling new culture. But as she got to know Americans better, she discovered they shared her deep apprehension.
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A non-radical perspective on two societies
- By kwdayboise (Kim Day) on 06-20-17
By: Anu Partanen
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Full Frontal Feminism
- A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters
- By: Jessica Valenti
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Feminism isn't dead. It just isn't very cool anymore. Enter Full Frontal Feminism, a book that embodies the forward-looking messages that author Jessica Valenti propagated as founder of the popular website, Feministing.com. This revised edition includes a new foreword by Valenti, reflecting upon what’s happened in the five years since Full Frontal Feminism was originally published.
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I'd recommend it!
- By Jacqueline Camero on 10-05-16
By: Jessica Valenti
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insightful guide for most important decision
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Everyone should read this
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I'd recommend it!
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Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true - that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off.
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Tough but meaningful
- By FloridaMelissa on 01-04-20
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Double standards are nothing new. Women deal with them every day. Take the common truism that women who sleep around are sluts while men are studs. Why is it that men grow distinguished and sexily gray as they age while women just get saggy and haggard? Have you ever wondered how a young woman is supposed to both virginal and provocatively enticing at the same time?
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A well acted intro to feminist consciousness
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insightful guide for most important decision
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What listeners say about Why Have Kids?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- BowsNSteel
- 05-05-20
It is a good start
It covers very important points on the difficulties of becoming a mother, very eye opening, a good start for anyone looking into the motherhood journey or the childfree life. Even though the information is relevant in my case I was expecting for the author to clearly answered the question it titles. Why to have kids? I don't think she did.
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- Paul
- 02-01-13
This book convinced me to get a vasectomy ASAP
What made the experience of listening to Why Have Kids? the most enjoyable?
I had been thinking about getting a vasectomy, but put it off because I wasn't dating. I recently began dating a 42 year old woman I really like but in order for us to continue seeing other, I must let her know whether I share her dream of being a parent to biological child(ren). This book confirmed my concerns that I will be less happy as a parent.
What about Emily Beresford’s performance did you like?
I like that she occasionally used profanity because I could relate to the author's frustrations.
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9 people found this helpful
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- RM
- 05-26-19
One-sided
Although I do think she makes tons of valid points about the difficulties with having children, she completely skips the benefits and joys. As a mother of three with a wonderful career and marriage, I do think having my children is one of the best choices I’ve ever made and would make again. Most of her complaints are super cirmcumstantial and transient (ex: sleepless nights...only when they are babies!). I enjoyed listening to the issues she brought up and agree that children present challenges, but when I look at my husband and three children, I couldn’t be prouder of how much we have all accomplished as a team- the sacrifice, the love, the acceptance of each other and knowing that in this world we will always have each other. Those things are priceless.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rita Anderson
- 06-26-23
Amazing! Informative - highly recommend
I loved this book! Very well documented and researched. Provides actionable ideas for individuals and governments to support people and families, and really presents an honest view of difficulties of parenting in the US. Normalizes that many people just don’t want to have kids and that’s totally ok, and that research shows childfree people are just as,
and often more so, happy and satisfied than parents.
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- M. B. Robinson
- 01-05-17
An Important Book
This is an important read for anyone -- male or female (but especially female) -- considering having children. Valenti doesn't necessarily try to talk people out of having kids, but she presents some statistics that differ greatly from the widespread societal myth that parenthood completes us. She also presents some real solutions for different approaches to parenthood than the current norm that could result in greater happiness and fulfillment for everyone involved.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Steph
- 01-27-14
A well researched book for parents and non parents
The title of this book could lead one to believe that the author was implying having children is a bad thing, but that is not the aim of the book or the author. Jessica Valenti, a new mom and writer, looks at the societal views of why we have kids, what society says a parent should look like, the rights and roles of parents and non parents. It is a captivating book. I am a reader who tends to not stray from fiction frequently but this book was on the list that should be better known and I decided to give it a try. As a result, my opinion is I wholeheartedly agree.
Jessica Valenti states at the beginning of her book that her research and the ideas brought up in the book are controversial and she expects people to have strong reactions to it. She in fact believes they should, not so that they have to agree with her, but that they think about the material and form their own opinions. This sat well with me. Parenting, to have kids, to not have kids, to be a stay at home parent, to be a working parent, how to financially support a child, US business leave policies, and government contraception law all are stratifying choices that can elicit defensive stances. This book breaks down why there is so much defensiveness for any decision and how raising children in todays culture has changed so much. We no longer have children as a labor source for the farm, and we don't view them as mini adults as we once did. Children now are seen as a source of love and completion of self for parents. The book discusses this search for fulfillment, but also how once we view parenting as a job instead of a relationship it is then seen as something that we either pass or fail at. I have only mentioned a few topics discussed.
What I enjoyed so much about this book is that is was well researched and did not include a lot of conjecture. She does relate some of her own stories and personal accounts but I did not find it to be agenda driven except for maybe pushing parents/moms to not be so judgmental of one another. For a topic I thought I had a decent handle on she challenged some of my beliefs and the reasons behind why I thought the way I did.
Emily Beresford narrated it well. At no time did I find myself irritated with her voice, she did not overdramatize the material, and she kept me engaged to the point I was finding excuses to do activities I could continue listening to the book.
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1 person found this helpful
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- dilajt
- 11-02-20
An important book.
I vehemently agree with the author on so many things. I may not be easy read for people who believe children are your most important accomplishment but I'm not one of them even though I'm not child-free.
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- Nadine
- 11-09-13
Useful for Parents, Parents-To-Be, & Non-Parents
What did you love best about Why Have Kids??
As a woman who will one day have kids, I'm very appreciative of this book. I truly enjoy my job and spent years trying to find something substantial that I'd actually want to get an education in. So, I'd hate to think that I have to put my doctorate aside because my future toddler is having a hard time with potty training.
Undoubtedly, my future child will mean the world to me simply because they will be my child, but I now feel and will feel great joy from the career I also have dedicated myself to. Though it's an entirely different types of joy, there's no reason why we can't experience both.
Did Emily Beresford do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?
The narrator did just fine, but she sounded more like she was giving a lecture, and I couldn't help but think that there were parts where Ms. Valenti was attempting to sound sarcastic or even playful which didn't translate with Ms. Beresford's more straightforward tone. Even still, her performance was pleasant and relaxing for a long commute home.
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7 people found this helpful
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- Ryan Andrew Murphy
- 02-24-15
Best book on parenthood I've read
Intelligent and surprisingly funny, Valenti clearly articulates many of the "something's not right here" gut feelings I've had when reading other books on parenting. Highly recommended.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Mina
- 12-23-22
Misleading title reader be aware !
The book is just a collection of facts , most of which everyone knows about how as a parent one will be miserable, especially women. It does not talk *at all* about why have kids despite this!!!! The author did definitely misled the readers/listeners by the title. I feel 8 hours of my life was just wasted to get more anxious!! The only reason I gave it two stars instead of one is the performance of the person narrating the book.
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