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Regretting Motherhood
- A Study
- Narrated by: Mandy Kaplan
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
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Publisher's summary
Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true - that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a "natural" role for women - for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.
If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.
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Critic reviews
"Donath breaks open what she describes as an 'unspoken taboo,' bringing the notion that women regret becoming mothers into the public discourse with her latest research....The most valuable elements of the book are the different perspectives provided by the interviews, which reflect a striking amount of self-awareness (and, often, suffering) from women who have otherwise largely kept silent." (Publishers Weekly)
"Forthrightly feminist ... Donath's study fills a gap in discussions of women's lives and choices. While it will undoubtedly be a hard pill for many to swallow, it is also a necessary one." (Foreword Reviews)
"Donath carves out a much-needed space for these women to share, in their own words, stories about how they got to where they are, and how they manage now. Mixed in with these interviews is analysis by Donath, who expertly examines and questions the structures of a capitalistic, patriarchal society that not only contributes to women finding themselves in this position, but also prevents them from speaking about it. Many have never heard sentiments like the ones shared by Donath's interviewees - and that needs to change." (BUST Magazine)
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Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers listeners the tools and the insight to do just that.
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Who is talking?
- By Robert on 06-26-18
By: Lori Holden, and others
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
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Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart
- 30 True Things You Need to Know Now
- By: Gordon Livingston
- Narrated by: James Jenner
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
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Full of things we may know but have not articulated to ourselves, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart is a gentle and generous alternative to the trial-and-error learning that makes wisdom such an expensive commodity. For everyone who feels a sense of urgency that the clock ticks and still we aren't the person we'd like to be, it offers solace, guidance, and hope.
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This guy is a straight shooter
- By Julia on 11-13-05
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Bringing Up Girls
- Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
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- Narrated by: James C. Dobson
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
- By honuhunter on 12-06-18
By: James C. Dobson
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Controlling People
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- By: Patricia Evans
- Narrated by: Xe Sands
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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In Controlling People, best-selling author Patricia Evans tackles the "controlling personality" and reveals how and why these people try to run other people's lives. She also explains the compulsion that makes them continue this behavior - even as they alienate others and often lose those they love. Should you ever find yourself in the thrall of someone close to you, Controlling People is here to give you the wisdom, power, and comfort you need to be a stronger, happier, and more independent person.
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EXTRAORDINARY
- By Rob on 02-27-14
By: Patricia Evans
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The Feminine Mystique
- By: Betty Friedan
- Narrated by: Parker Posey
- Length: 15 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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The book that changed the consciousness of a country - and the world. Landmark, groundbreaking, classic - these adjectives barely describe the earthshaking and long-lasting effects of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that defined "the problem that has no name", that launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, and has been awakening women and men with its insights into social relations, which still remain fresh, ever since.
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A landmark book of its time and relevant now
- By Anthony on 01-23-15
By: Betty Friedan
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10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
- By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Narrated by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
- Abridged
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
- By Ali0531 on 07-06-15
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Divorce Poison
- How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing
- By: Dr. Richard A. Warshak
- Narrated by: Daniel Penz
- Length: 14 hrs and 44 mins
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Your ex-spouse is bad-mouthing you to your children, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, your relationship with your children could suffer. This groundbreaking work gives parents powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with their children and provides legal and mental health professionals with practical advice to help their clients and ensure the welfare of children.
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Required Reading
- By Christine Manning on 11-09-15
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
- A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
- By: Patricia Evans
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
- By curious23m on 08-16-15
By: Patricia Evans
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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When Dad Hurts Mom
- Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
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Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother? Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it's physical or "just" emotional abuse, whether it's aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.
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Great information. Not the best narrator.
- By RT on 06-28-19
By: Lundy Bancroft
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Bonds That Make Us Free
- Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves
- By: C. Terry Warner
- Narrated by: C. Terry Warner
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
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Bonds That Make Us Free is a groundbreaking book that suggests the remedy for our troubling emotions by addressing their root causes. You'll learn how, in ways we scarcely suspect, we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others. Even though we fear to admit this, it is good news. If we produce these emotions, it falls within our power to stop them. But we have to understand our part in them far better than we do, and that is what this remarkable book teaches.
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Helped save our marriage.
- By Kevin Gray on 02-15-19
By: C. Terry Warner
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Love Understood
- The Science of Who, How and Why We Love
- By: Laura Mucha
- Narrated by: Laura Mucha
- Length: 10 hrs and 35 mins
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Poets, philosophers and artists have been trying to explain romantic love for centuries, but it remains one of the most complex and intimidating terrains to navigate. Most people are afraid to be open and honest about their relationships...until now. For Love Understood, Laura Mucha has interviewed hundreds of strangers, from the ages of 8 to 95 in more than 40 countries, asking them to share their most personal stories, feelings and insights about love.
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Insightful, informative, and thought provoking
- By James on 03-05-19
By: Laura Mucha
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Not interesting for listeners outside USA
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So When Are You Having Kids? is not your parents’ parenting book, nor is it a how-to for getting pregnant. It’s a nonjudgmental, inclusive guidebook for women, men, gender-nonconforming people, same-sex couples, and prospective single parents who want to make an informed decision regarding if and how they bring children into the world. Combining research with over 100 compelling real-life stories, the resources in this book are as diverse as the generations they’re meant to serve.
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Excellent comprehensive book
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This should be a required reading for entering your 30s
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insightful guide for most important decision
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The Scaffold Effect
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Just as sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building and will come down when the structure grows stable, good parenting provides children with steady and warm emotional nourishment on the path toward independence. Never-ending parental problem-solving and involvement can have the opposite effect, enabling fragility and anxiety over time.
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What listeners say about Regretting Motherhood
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Tal Sharon
- 02-02-21
Fascinating!!
a must read to every women and person, parents, debating or non parents. Absolutely eye opening.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-13-21
Necessary
Work like this is absolutely vital to seeing women as multifaceted people with complex emotions. Boldly and thoughtfully written.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-30-23
outstanding
a thorough, invigorating, empathic research of one of the most tabue topics in our society, I finished it in two days and that doesn't happen often
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- FloridaMelissa
- 01-04-20
Tough but meaningful
The research revealed in this book is eye opening. It gives a voice to women who had children but wished they hadn't. Most of these women love their children, but have found the role more or less miserable.
I walk away with these thoughts ...
Motherhood is overtly and covertly pushed on many women.
Women are not permitted to talk about their feelings of regret after motherhood, or warned, in advance, about the unhappiness, discontent ... that defines motherhood for some.
This mechanism is perpetuated by society to preserve the social order which depends on women having children and serving families selflessly for free.
The answer?
Perhaps, in part, more truth about motherhood sooner, so women have a better understanding of what motherhood can cost, so women can make better choices before becoming pregnant.
More acceptance for child free women, so its a valid choice without penalty.
Much more support for mothers, division of labor with fathers and such.
End goal - More happy, content women. More equitable society. More deeply desired and wanted children.
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9 people found this helpful
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- Roxanne M.
- 02-19-21
Well communicated
Semi easy listen because it's a lot of emotion to take in, but much needed listen for anyone who pressures others to become others, as well as anyone debating motherhood. Good narration.
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- Andrew White
- 03-02-24
Very needed
I've read this twice now, and it's still something that is so well written and needed for every person to know about.
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- CS
- 12-28-18
Eye opener
I hope this study becomes more and more available to young people so that they can make a more informed decision about becoming parents.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Jennifer S Ignacio
- 07-12-19
Juicy topic
Refreshing read! No judgments just factual real women having the courage to say how they feel. Be open minded when reading and listen to others perspective. Love this book!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Samri Bliss
- 10-15-22
It’s not To Be or Not To Be
The question that’s raised is not To Be or Not To Be but rather the cost- benefit analysis of both being a mother and not being a mother.
It’s filled with reviews of “customers” of motherhood.
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- Josie
- 08-06-19
Incredible! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
As a childfree woman who is constantly pressured and badgered to make choices I do not want, I found this book vindicative. Your important work has reaffirmed my own thoughts and decision to stay true to myself. Please continue your work - you are helping women everywhere! To the mothers who participated in this research, thank you from the bottom of my heart. you are the real heroes for speaking your truth.
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8 people found this helpful